The *** House

"He told you to let them go?"

I nodded my head. Violet had ventured out of her bedroom. The two of us were sitting in the gazebo outside. I could feel Tate watching us through one of the windows upstairs, but I couldn't actually see him.

"Yeah, he said I would regret it if I let them stay. He was right, but I couldn't see that at the time. Why do you seem so surprised?"

Violet scratched at her wrist, and I saw a mosaic of scars peeking out below her sleeve. "I don't know. I guess he acted that way when we were together; he never talked about my parents one way or the other. I guess it wasn't until after we broke up that he changed his attitude. He didn't want me to be alone."

I pulled my feet up in front of me and rested my chin on my knee. "Nobody's ever alone here. Even if you think you are, there could be someone hiding in the shadows. The only time I feel like I actually have privacy is when I'm up in the attic, because no one other than Tate and Beau are every up there. And Beau never hides. Tate and I promised that we wouldn't hide from each other anymore, either. I kind of got carried away with it when I heard him talking to Constance that day. I don't like her."

"I actually kind of got along with her," Violet shrugged. "She's honest, at least."

"Maybe so," I frowned a little. "I don't know, maybe if I had met her under different circumstances, she wouldn't seem so awful. I guess I just can't get past the way that she and Tate treat one another. If I could talk to my mother, I'd just want her to know that I love her, and that I hope she forgives me for being such a twat all the time in high school."

"When my mom died, I told her that same thing. She said that she already knew. Your mom probably does, too. Beating yourself up about it now won't help anything."

I stared out at the trees behind the house. There was a gentle breeze lifting the leaves and creating a light rustling sound. The late afternoon sun was dipping below the taller branches. The mansion seemed more looming and imposing today than it ever had before, though I knew that the cause was only my longing to get away, if only for a few hours.

"What do you do for fun here?" I asked abruptly. "I usually just find myself staring at the outside world and people watching. I know that one day I'm going to look out and see that all the styles have changed, and the world will have moved on from my way of life. So what do you do to distract yourself?"

Violet leaned back against the railing of the gazebo. "Sometimes I play with my baby brother. Hell, sometimes I even go play with Beau. I just make sure that Tate isn't around when I do. Other than that, I hang around with my parents or read a book or something."

My head snapped up. She had officially caught my attention. "You have books?"

She raised her eyebrows. "Not many, but there are a bunch in the attic I haven't gotten to yet. Apparently Tate read a lot when he was alive."

"I'll have to check that out," I said. "I used to read every night when I couldn't sleep. Now I can't sleep for different reasons, but it's still an issue. I'm pretty sure that it bothers Tate when I'm up half the night."

"Tate can handle a surprising amount of crap. Of course, he usually dishes out a lot more than he deals with. Look, Ainsley, if you really want my opinion on his behaviour with your family yesterday, I would say that he thinks of you as his. When you have no one else to turn to, no family to love, you'll stay that way. But if you had someone around that you would be able to love more than him, you wouldn't be his anymore. Do you get what I'm saying?"

I nodded slowly. "I think so. He doesn't want me to care about anyone else in the house more than I care about him. He wants me to want to spend all of my time with him."

"Exactly. But he doesn't want you to feel like you have to be with him. He makes you feel like it's your own choice. He's really good at reading people and telling them exactly what they want to hear." Violet pushed her blonde hair back from her face. She offered up a small smile. "But it's not like he can create feelings if they aren't there. So yeah, I get that you do really want to be with him."

I let out a grunt-like laugh. "Yeah, but that wouldn't change if my parents were here. I'd still want to be with him."

Violet's smile widened just a bit. "You've met his mother. You have to admit that the guy has an excuse for being a little insecure about himself. She always used to tell Adelaide that she wasn't pretty. All that girl wanted was to be told that she was a pretty girl. So yeah, I understand why Tate has issues. He doesn't really know how to deal with them. Has he scared you yet?"

I felt my eyebrows pull together. "What do you mean? I guess when he yelled at Constance it was kind of unnerving."

"No," Violet shook her head. "I mean actual fear. He gets... weird sometimes. The first time I ever saw Thadeus, Tate lied to me about it and made me feel like I was seeing things. If he hasn't freaked out over something yet, he will."

"Why does everything here have to be so diabolical?" I muttered, staring glumly at the toes of my shoes. "Why can't he just be thinking of the well-being of my family, instead of plotting to keep me all to himself? Why would I ever have to be afraid of him? It just doesn't seem fair."

"Maybe I'm wrong. I haven't spoken to Tate in over three years. It's been long enough that Marcy doesn't even have to tell people that we died here when they look at the house. She only has to tell them about you now. Three years is a really long time. Maybe he's changed more than I give him credit for." Her voice didn't match the optimism of her words, and I knew that she didn't truly believe what she was saying. "Look, if you want to dig at this, you should talk to Chad. He'll tell you a few things that I won't. Otherwise, leave it be. Maybe you're better off never knowing."

I watched in silence as she got to her feet. She gave a small wave of her hand in farewell, then walked calmly up to the house. She entered through the back door, and I stayed where I was. I knew that Tate would find me here. Probably sooner, rather than later. If he had been watching us, and I couldn't really imagine that he wouldn't be, he would know that she left. He would know that I was free to be his again.

I tried to remember which man was named Chad. I knew that it was one of two possibilities, I just couldn't recall which was Chad and which was Patrick. They were known to be together, although they were frequently apart. Tate had explained that they were a couple, but Patrick was no longer in love with Chad. They were doomed to dance around the subject forever. I didn't want that to be me.

"It's kind of impossible not to be her friend, isn't it?"

I didn't jump or yelp, this arrival had been anticipated. I knew that I was slowly beginning to dull to the surprises occurring around me in this house. I looked up calmly, then beckoned for Tate to join me on the bench. "I can understand why you loved her. She's beautiful, and she's intellectual. Plus, it doesn't hurt that she's easy to talk to."

Tate sat down next to me and rested his head lightly on my shoulder. I put my feet back on the ground and wrapped my arms around him. All of the accusations surrounding Tate made no sense to me. Someone this vulnerable and loving could never kill another human being. He was harmless.

"What did you talk about today?" he asked quietly.

I had always been a good liar. There had been countless times in life where an effortless bending of the truth had saved me from punishment. I didn't want to lie to Tate, but I felt like I was protecting him. "We were talking about things that we don't really like to talk about with other people. Mostly, it was about the things that we'll miss because we're here. She told me about her dream wedding, and I told her about the way that I wish I could have become a mom." I carefully pulled my fingers through his wavy blonde hair, and he nuzzled up closer to me.

"You didn't talk about me?"

"She mentioned that you have a lot of books in the attic," I admitted. "I would love to look through them one day. I miss reading."

I could hear the smile in his voice when he spoke. "It's a good way to escape. You can take them any time," he said.

"What else do you do to escape?"

"I still have some music stashed away. It's hard to keep things safe when people are constantly moving in and out. But I managed to hang on to some Nirvana. Cobain was pretty much my hero."

I grinned. "I love Nirvana. And the Foo Fighters are still going strong. They wouldn't have existed without Cobain."

"I don't think I know that band."

I remembered then that Tate had died the very same year that the Foo Fighters were created. He had probably never heard their music. "After Nirvana disbanded, for obvious reasons, Dave Grohl started a new band. I had all of their albums."

"So you liked grunge too, huh?"

"Grunge kind of died in the nineties. But it is one of the few types of music that I still listened to all the time."

Tate sat up straight. He looked me in the eyes, and gently touched my cheek with his knuckles. I let my arms fall from around him, giving him room to move. His black eyes were burning, and I longed to know what made him hurt so often. As I was trying to figure him out yet again, his mind was elsewhere. Tate leaned in and pressed his lips against mine. The kiss was over before I even knew it had started. I blinked a few times in rapid succession.

"What was that for?" I asked.

"I told you before that when you died in those bushes, I didn't want you here. I just want you to know that that's not the case anymore. I want you here. And even if that means that you hang out with Violet sometimes, that's okay. If it makes you happy, that's cool."

I felt myself smile. "As of right now, you're the one that makes me happy."

Tate seemed reassured by my reaction, but I couldn't help but feel perturbed. I had promised Tate before that I would wait for him to open up and tell me everything, but Violet had offered me another way. I could talk to Chad. He would have answers. I knew that Tate didn't exactly get along with Chad and Patrick, but maybe that had something to do with his mysterious past.

I hated the fact that I was actually considering going behind his back to find out.