Our Rebel Love Song

I knocked on Dylan’s front door. My palms were sweating and I thought that I was going to puke. Maybe I should just go home. I don’t need to tell Dylan this. But Ashley will get mad at me and I don’t want to lose him. I know I will if I don’t tell Dylan this. But I don’t want to do this just for Ash. Maybe I should just wait.

“Andy!” Dylan yelled. I looked up and saw Dylan leaning on the door frame with the door wide open. “Dude! You spaced out again!” I frowned.

“Sorry about that. I need to tell you something.” He nodded and let me in.

“Okay. Well what is it?” I walked in and closed the door behind me before we walked up to his room. It looked the same as the last time I was here. His bed was unmade. He had his curtains closed and clothes everywhere. He had all of his makeup spread on the top of his dresser and his mirror that was hanging on the wall was dusty from powder. Him and his makeup.

“You should really clean your room.” I recommended as we sat on his bed. He nodded.

“I should, but what was it that you wanted to tell me?” he asked. My heart was pounding, my hands were sweating again. I got butterflies in my stomach and I was terrified.

“O-Okay. Well. I-I don’t know how to say this. It’s why I’ve been acting weird.” I shook my head. “I just-I just don’t want to lose you, Dylan. I mean it’s just- I can’t lose you.” he held my hand and looked into my eyes.

“Andy. It’s okay. Just tell me.” I nodded and took a deep breath.

“Okay.” I whispered. I hesitated again. What if he hates me forever for this? I can’t do this. No Andy! You think too much! I closed my eyes.

“Dylan. I’m gay.” He just stared at me and held my hands tighter.

“That’s what you were afraid to tell me?” he let out in a disappointed whisper. I nodded. He brought me into a hug and cried on my shoulder.

“I thought that we built up some trust here, Andy. I thought that you really knew me. And being so afraid to tell me something as small as that just really hurts me. You know that I support gays so why would you be so terrified to tell me?”

“I-I don’t know, Dylan. Do you hate me?” then he punched my shoulder.

“Of course I don’t hate you. I’m just mad at you for not telling me sooner. I mean really mad. We’re best friends and I feel like you don’t trust me. It makes me wonder if you’re hiding other stuff from me.” He shook his head. “What happened to the trust in out relationship.” I shrugged.

“I don’t know.” The guilt was coming back and he could see the tears in my eyes. I’m so sensitive.

“No, Andy. Don’t cry. You don’t have to cry.” he said softly. “I just really need you to trust me with this stuff. I still love you just as much as I did before you told me. This actually explains a lot.”

“What?”

“Well I’ve seen the way you look at some guys and it always made me think ‘is he attracted to that guy’ or something, and then I see the way you look at girls and you just aren’t attracted to them.”

“Well....” He laid on his back.

“There’s nothing to worry about, Andy. Nothing. Just please tell me things like this so that it doesn’t ruin our relationship.” I smiled and laid next to him.

“I’m also dating someone.” I told him.

“Oh, really?” he asked.

“Yeah. It’s, are you ready for this?” he nodded excitedly.

“Yeah.” he squealed.

“It’s Ashley Purdy.” I whispered. He sat up and hit me.

“What?” he yelled. “How did you get someone like him?” he gave me a big smile. I laughed and shrugged.

“I don’t know.” he laid back next to me.

“So are you saying that he’s gay, too?” he whispered close to me. I nodded again.

“So have you told anyone else?” he asked. I shook my head.

“But he told his sister yesterday and I met her, but she was really cool with it and said that we were really cute together.” He laughed.

“Man. Are you gonna tell your parents?” That thought made me feel nervous.

“No. They’d freak out. I don’t think that they’d accept it.” He shrugged.

“Well maybe you should take a chance. They’re gonna find out at some point anyways. I’ll be there for you, buddy.” He patted my back.

“Thanks.” I hugged him. “I’m glad that I have you, Dylan.”

“Awe. I’m glad that I have you, too, Andy.” He sighed. “So was anything supposed to change when you told me you were gay? Because it’s not like this is a life changing situation when you tell your best friend!” I sat up.

“What I thought was that if I told you you’d hate me and then tell everyone else and then I’d get bullied until I got out of high school and I don’t want that. You know how my thoughts get when I’m nervous.”

“Well doesn’t that make you think, maybe your parents will be fine with it, too?” I never thought of it that way. I was the one overreacting. I thought the world would crumble beneath my feet if I told Dylan and I’m thinking the same thing if I were to tell anyone else. I needed to calm down about all of this and only tell someone that I trusted. Or someone that I should trust. And I should trust my parents.

“Dylan?” he sat up.

“Yeah?”

“Can you come over to my house tonight so that I can tell my parents? Because I don’t want to do it alone.”

“Of course I would! Do you seriously think I would say no?” I shrugged.

“I don’t know. Maybe.” he rolled his eyes.

“I look at things this way. If I was gay and wanted you to be there for me when I was going to tell my parents I was gay, I’d want you to say yes! So saying no would just be hypocritical.” I hugged him.

“What would I do without you, Dylan?” I said happily.

“Nothing.” we laughed. “Now let’s go play some video games!” We jumped up and turned on his Xbox.

Hours later we found ourselves staring at each other at my dinner table with my parents staring, across from us. I had that same feeling that I did earlier, but Dylan was just gesturing me to go ahead and tell them. He nudged me.

“Go on.” he whispered. Then I just stared at my mom. She’d be understanding, wouldn’t she? She had to! She was my mom!

“Is everything alright, sweetie?” she asked me as she ate her food as if I wasn’t even staring at her.

“Um.”

“No, mom. Andy needs to tell you something.” Yeah. Dylan and I are so close that he calls my parents mom and dad and I do the same this with his. It’s like having two sets of parents. She put her silverware down and looked at me with a sweet smile on her face.

“What is it, Andy?” she asked with her kindest voice. Dad just ignored us, though, and kept eating.

“Well......um......There’s no easy way to say this....but.....I’m gay.” Mom’s jaw dropped and dad started choking on his food. She hit his back and he coughed his food up. He dropped his fork on the table.

“What?” he yelled. I started to panic. Holy shit! They hate me! I’m gonna have to get adopted now. They hate their only child. What awful parents. What have I done? I’m such an awful son! I deserve to be disowned! I hate myself! I hate myself!

“Did you say you’re gay?” mom asked. I nodded. I probably just disappointed them. “Oh.” she just shrugged. Dad laughed.

“Is that why you and Dylan are so close?” Dylan waved his hands in front of them.

“No no no no no no no no! That’s not why! Big misunderstanding!” I he pointed at himself. “I’m not gay. I am straight! Andy is the only gay one here! He has a boyfriend anyways!” They smiled at us.

“Oh. You have a boyfriend?” mom asked. I nodded again.

“So you guys won’t disown me?” I asked, honestly. They both burst out laughing.

“This is just-That’s ridiculous, Andy! Thinking that we’d disown you because of who you’ll fall in love with? We’d never do that!” Dylan hugged me.

“See. You didn’t have to worry about anything.” he whispered in my ear. I wiped my eyes. I wasn’t going to cry now.

“I’m dating Ashley Purdy from Holton school.” I told them quietly. They nodded.

“Very cool.” mom said. “I’m glad that you feel comfortable enough to be dating someone.”

“Yes. I am, too.” dad spoke. I just felt so good knowing that they still loved me. I bet Ash was going to be happy with me now. I smiled.

“But, we haven’t told anyone about it.”

“Why?” dad asked as he went back to eating.

“Because Andy already gets the shit beat out of him at school! This would just ruin him.” Dylan said. “It’s not because he’s ashamed, it’s because he doesn’t want to get hurt any more than he already does get hurt.” I elbowed Dylan in the side. He knows that I don’t want them to worry about how people treat me at school. I don’t want them to know. Mom and dad looked concerned.

“What?” mom asked.

“Nothing mom!” I said. “People just joke around with me about how I look at school and stuff. But it’s cool. It’s fine. Dylan is just being an ass. That’s all.” I stared him down. He was just rubbing his side. I’m glad that I put him in pain. That should teach that jerk a lesson.