Walk in the Sun

Sidney and I spent the first part of the day at his house. We talked more and got to know each other better. I had to admit, I was really comfortable opening up to him. I had told him things easier than anyone else I knew.

Sidney had opened up about his favourite place to go when he was growing up. He was describing a place that I had been looking for my whole life. It was a place that he felt that all his cares and worries melted away.

“Wow, that place sounds heavenly.” I told him as I laid on his couch.

He was sitting on the floor with his back against the couch.

“You wanna see it?”

My eyes lit up. “YES!”

He chuckled at my enthusiasm and helped me off the couch. I didn’t know where we were going, I just wanted to know more about Sidney.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sitting in Sidney’s car, I wasn’t planning on watching the entire city of Halifax pass me
by. I began to wonder where we were going.

“Uhh.. Sid, where are we going?”

Sid gave me a sideways glance and smirked.

“You’ll see. It’s a little outside of Halifax.”

I nodded my head slowly.

“Oh, well you didn’t inform me of that, but okay.”

Sid slowed down the car, but didn’t stop completely. He turned his head fully to face me.

“You sure you’re okay with this? I don’t want to take you if you’re not comfortable.”

I laughed lightly.

“Sid, it’s fine. I was just curious as to where we were going, that’s all. If it’s a little ways outside of Halifax, that’s fine. It’s not like I can walk back to the ‘Chi from here. I have no idea where I am.”

Sid chuckled. “Yea, that’s true.”

Sid sped up the car again and we continued on our journey.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Steph…. Steph… we’re here.”

I could hear someone whispering my name and felt someone shaking me. I stirred and opened my eyes. I looked towards the voice and saw Sid. We were in his car. I must have dozed off on the drive to the place Sid wanted to show me.

“You fell asleep just as we entered Cole Harbour city limits.”

I looked around outside the car. Sid’s car was the only one in the parking lot. Sid got out of the car and came around to open my door. I, myself got out of the car and looked up at the building we parked in front of. I looked at Sid with my eyebrow raised and asked what was quite possibly the stupidest question known to man.

“A hockey arena?”

Sid nodded and smiled brightly.

“Yepp. This is home to me. Come on, let’s head inside.”

I followed him and was intrigued to learn more about what makes this place so special to him.

Walking into the arena, I saw that it reminded me of the Civic Centre back home in Brantford. It wasn’t overly huge, but was big enough to fit a pleasing crowd. The rink took up the most space in the building. I could sense, just by walking through the doors, why Sidney loved this place. It was quite homey.

“Well, what are you waiting for?”

I looked over at Sid, and he had a pair of skates on his feet and another in his hand. My eyes went wide.

“Uhhh… I don’t know how to skate.”

Sid’s eyes almost bulged out of his head.

“Really? You’re from the hometown of Wayne Gretzky and you don’t know how to skate?”

I chuckled lightly.

“Well, I could skate. I mean, as much as little kids could when they were five, but I haven’t skated much since. Unless you count stepping on the ice then immediately falling on my ass.”

Sid laughed and gestured me to walk over to him.

“Well this time, I won’t let you fall.”

I smirked and sat down as he helped me tie up my skates.

He stepped onto the ice and held out his hand for me. I was hesitant at first, but gave in eventually. I began skating as Sid held my hands and skated backwards in front of me. I didn’t want him to let go. I gripped his hands tighter as he began to turn me at the corner or the rink. He began to chuckle.

“You know, you’re not that bad. I think you’re ready to skate on your own.”

My eyes went wide.

“NO!... uhhh. I mean, are you sure?”

Sid smirked and let go of my hands and backed away from me. I took three strides and began to lose my balance. Before I face-palmed the ice, a pair of strong arms caught me. When I was back on my feet, I saw that Sid’s face changed a bit. He had a bit of sadness in his facial features. I didn’t want to push it, so I set it aside but kept a mental note to keep a close eye on him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We continued to skate for about another 25 minutes. I fell a few times, but managed to make one lap around the rink without any help. After Sid and I left the ice, we just sat on the benches in silence. I noticed that the sadness still hadn’t left Sid’s face. I finally decided to say something about it.

“Hey, I don’t mean to pry, but you look a little down. Is something wrong?”

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“Have you ever had that feeling like you have the whole world on your shoulders and you think you can keep up, but in the back of your mind you think you’re just not that good enough?”

My eyes went a little wide. I didn’t exactly know what to say to that.

“Uhh.. no, I can’t say I can completely relate to that feeling. I am here to listen though, if you need someone to talk to.”

He stood up and just began pacing. I let him talk about anything and everything. I just sat and listened until he asked for my opinion.

“I just don’t know if I can handle this. I mean, this is my dream. I’m playing in the NHL. I just don’t know if I can live up to the hype that everyone has put on my name.” He came and sat beside me. “Is it really worth it? I mean having all of these thoughts running through my head, even though I’m living my dream? Sometimes I come here and wish I was a kid again. I wish that I was back in a time when I had no pressure. In this building, I feel like I can just skate because I want to and I don’t have to live up to being ‘the next Great One’ or ‘the next big thing’. I can just be Sid. I miss those times.”

I felt bad for him. I mean, here he was, this talented young hockey player. He had moves on the ice that people haven’t seen since Mario and Gretzky in their prime. He’s living his dream, yet his mind is wrapped up in all of these thought of negativity. I didn’t know if my words would help him at all, but I did my best.

“Well, how do you feel when you’re on the ice? Is it a feeling you can’t describe? Does it matter whether there are 5 people in the crowd or 15,000? If playing hockey makes you happy, Sid, you shouldn’t worry about the hype that’s put around your name so much. I know it’s easier said than done. I mean, those people don’t know you. If you have the heart, skill, and determination to be the best hockey player you can be, than do it for yourself. On top of everyone else, do what’s best for you. Honestly, I think hockey’s your thing.” I stuck my tongue out at him as I finished my “speech”. He smirked.

“Thank you.” His face went serious. “Seriously, I needed to hear that from someone outside of my family.”

I nodded my head and smiled at him.

“Oh, and just so you know. I’ve yet to see anyone other than just Sid. I happen to like him. Keep him around more, will you?”

He smirked at me as he began to untie his skates. “Will do.”
I rolled up my sleeves to untie my own skates. Sid leaned over and grabbed my arm. My eyes went wide when I noticed which arm he grabbed. My left arm had a scar from about one inch above the wrist to just before my elbow. I looked at him with a sideways glance and hoped that he wouldn’t say anything.

“Uh… how come I didn’t notice this before? What happened?”

I pulled my arm out of his grasp.

“It’s nothing, Sid.”

He lightly grabbed my arm again and turned me towards him.

“Steph, you just listen to me babble on about things I have held in for far too long; things that only my family knows about. It’s my turn to listen to you.”

I swallowed hard and met Sid’s gaze before speaking.

“It’s a long story. When I was eight, I had gone to spend the weekend with my dad and step-mom. My half-brother was in charge of us the Friday night. My full-brother, yes, this may get confusing, invited a friend over. So when it came time to go to bed, I had to sleep in my dad’s bed. I had no problem with that, whatever. In the middle of the night, my half-brother came in the room and got in the bed. I was still sleeping so I didn’t feel anything. I woke up in the middle of the night and he was kissing me, everywhere.” I tried to hold them in, but the tears just fell from eyes. Sid wrapped his arms around me. “I didn’t know what to do. I was only eight. I tried pushing him away, but he kept starting again.”

“Did he…?”

I shook my head. “No, thank God. When I woke up in the morning he did some silly cross in the air and said that what happened was between us, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I just nodded my head and ran out of the room. When I ran out of the room, I ran into my brother. I didn’t see that he was carrying his fish tank. It dropped out to the floor and I fell on top of it. A piece of glass went into my arm. When I went to move, the glass would just kinda move in my arm, I guess. That’s how I got the scar. I try not to look at it, because it just reminds me of that day.”

Sid grabbed my chin and I looked up at him.

“If I ever see this half-brother of yours, he’s dead. I’ve witnessed what kind of damage he’s done to you and I don’t like it one bit.”

I smiled a small smile. “Thanks Sid, but you don’t have to worry about that. I won the battle, somewhat. He’s in jail. I’m not sure when he’ll be out, but when he gets out, he’ll know better than to come after me. Our dad will put him right back in there if he does.”

“I’ll be right behind your dad wanting the next punch.”

Sid and I sat on the benches in silence for a few moments, before we decided to get up. We finished taking our skates off and both stood up around the same time. Sid had made sure everything in the arena was that way it was when we arrived. Just before we walked out the door, he turned to me.

“Thanks for coming today, and listening.”

I smiled. “I was more than happy to listen and I’m glad I came. I owe you a thank you as well. No one other than my family back home knows about my scar. I’m surprised how easy it is to talk to you.”

Sid nodded.

“I find it easy to talk to you, too. Would it sound selfish of me to not want to drive you back to the ‘Chi today?”

I chuckled at him. “Yes, yes it would.”