Closure

It was late at night when I knocked on the door and heard shuffling behind it. It was then my heart started slaming against my ribs. I had know idea how my cousin would react to my absence. I heard the locks tumble and the door opened. Nason answered. I was almost hoping Brian would answer.

"Hey," I said lamely as Nason stared at me like I was an alien. What happened next shocked me. He shut the door in my face! I stood there for a moment processing what just happend. He couldn't have? He did! I thought as my shock melted away and boiled down to anger. I honestly was about to kick that door in. Thankfully my cousin must have came to his senses because he opened his door again but this time he walked away without saying a word to me leaving the front door wide open.

"Nasty!" I called out to him. I knew he heard me but he ignored me. I walked in shutting the front door behind me and dropping my suitcase and guitar case. I followed him to his room. I don't know why but I impulsively shut his bedroom door behind me and locked it.

"You've gain a lot of weight" Nason said shortly barely giving me a glance "You look good"

"Thanks?" I said questionably. Nason was acting really strange even for him. It concerned me. "Nice to see you again too" I said,

"Mhm" Nason humed

"What's wrong? I know I probably shouldn't have just left without telling you but goddamnit speak to me!" I yelled, Nason sideways glanced at me still expressionless "Scream at me for being irresponsible or hug me because you missed me! Do something!" I stomped my foot. What followed next was unexpected to say the least. Nason kissed me. It wasn't the 'innocent family kiss on the cheek' either. He kissed me full on the lips. His hand on the back of my neck so I wouldn't go anywhere. I'm pretty it surprised me more than Nason because I kissed back and with force. I slipped my tongue in my cousins mouth. He pulled his lips away from mine "What the fuck was that?" I asked

"An impulse," Nason said in a frightened voice. He took a few steps away from me "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. Don't hate me"

"I don't hate you, Nasty"

"You must think I'm some kinda perv now or something" Nason looked away from me ashamed.

"No, I don't"

"Seriously?" He glanced up. I nodded. He shifted uncomfortably on my feet. I sat on his bed and crossed my legs. Nason sat in front of me.

"I have a feeling you have a lot to get off your chest. I'm all ears"

It was an hour, possibly more, that I sat there on my cousin bed listening to him talk. I barely said a word as Nason bore all his feelings and emtions to me. It was heartbreaking hearing his story and how a lot of his pain was my fault. He loved me more than a family member should. I couldn't see it because I was to busy sneaking around with Ronnie then I left him. He tried burrying his feelings with Ridley it didn't work. He was almost over me when I showed up again. The week I spent with him when I came back, Nason described it as the best week in his life. Then I left again. He said when he saw me standing the doorway he didn't know what to feel. His emtions were tearing him up inside and there wasn't a soul he could tell. He was in love with a family member. It wasn't something you can't just bring up in a casual conversation. When he finished telling me everything I wanted to cry but I knew that wouldn't help anything. There was only one thing I knew that would help take Nason's pain away. I began kissing him softly. I leaned in giving him the hint I wanted him to lay down.

"Whoa," He gently pushed me away.

"It's ok" I whispred to him reassuringly as I carassed his face "It's going to be alright" I kissed his lips leaning in again. This time Nason gave in falling back on his bed.

"This isn't right" Nason whispred in my ear. So far his hands hadn't touched me. I decided to quit debating with him and just continued on what I was doing since he hadn't actually told me to stop. Eventually he came around when finally held me and his kiss became more passionate. He flip us over so I was at the bottom. He took off my shirt, I took off his. He stood up to take off his pants I started unbottoning my shorts Nason pulled them down for me as well as my underwear. He continued to kiss me when I felt enter me.



I was staring at the white ceiling. Nason was asleep next me. I lied naked under his covers motionless for a while letting all what just transpired sink in. When it finallly did I began to cry uncontrollably. My tears didn't seem to stop.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I whispred to myself between sobs. 'Am I that fucked up in the head that I'm willing to have sex with my own cousin?' I internally questioned myself. I wiped away a few tears with the back of my hand but even more tears replaced them. I ever so slowly got of the bed, collected my clothes and dressed myself. My tears had subsided, I quietly exited Nasons room and walked towards mine. someone had put my suitcase and guitar case in my room. Probably Brian. Sitting on the middle of my bed was my cell phone "Why didn't I grab you before I left?" I muttered to myself laying down on my bed. I had countless missed calls, voicemail and text messages. I tried listening to voicemails but my phone was turned off. No surprise there since Ronnie had always payed my bill. It was then I started thinking of him. "Wow, I've really fucked things up." I curled up on my side in a fetal position. Ronnie would cross my mind frequently but I'd brush those thoughts away. This time I didn't. All our memories had came to me and I realized how much I truly missed him.