Breaking Hearts Has Never Looked So Cool

The harsh vibration of my phone underneath my pillow caused me to wake up in a sudden rush, sitting up and wiping my eyes bemusedly as I was blinded by the white light of morning.

“Did I set an alarm for this morning?” I asked myself out loud.

The vibrations stopped, and I prepared to go back to sleep, but it started up again. I dived under my pillow and grabbed my misbehaving phone.

The word “Gerard” was flashing on my screen, so I sighed and pressed the little green button.

“How can you be up so early?” I demanded, catching sight of the clock by my bedside; it read ‘9.00am.’ I was surprised that Gerard was even conscious after how much I’d seen him drink the previous night.

“Uh...” he sounded slightly sheepish and rather disorientated, “I just woke up,” he added evasively,

“Right,” I said, still feeling a little sore from the night before,

I heard the sound of a door shutting and then the soft swoop of a car driving past.
“Where are you?” I asked,
“Home,” he said very quickly, “why?”

“It just sounds like you just went out that’s all,” I answered, not liking the fact that he sounded so weird. He was acting oddly too – who goes out early in the morning when they have a huge hangover?

“Oh,” he sounded a little annoyed, “I’m just going out for a walk, is that a crime?” he snapped,

I hung my head and fell silent. It was like the night before had changed the dynamic of our relationship somehow, and now everything seemed different.

“Sorry,” he sighed, “I didn’t mean to snap at you,”

“It’s ok,” I said in a small voice,

“Listen,” there was another sound of passing traffic, “did we have a fight last night? I hardly remember what happened before you left and-“

“And what?” I asked,

“Nothing,” he said hastily,

“We did have a fight,” I sighed,

“What was it about?” he sounded worried, but not surprised,

I took in a breath to respond, but he continued, cutting me off.

“You know,” he added, “this is probably a more in person thing, can I come over?”
“Now?” I asked, “I’m still in bed!”

“I don’t mind,” he said quickly, “I’ll be ten minutes!”

He hung up before I had a chance to point out that it takes longer than 10 minutes to walk from his house.

In just under 10 minutes a knock sounded on my front door, so rolled out of bed and tripped down stairs. Usually I would have made an effort to try and make my hair look a little less messy and my skin a little better, but I was still mad at him so I felt in some way that he deserved to see me looking rough.

I wrenched the door open and stood aside to let him in. He didn’t even try to reach out to me to greet me, but bobbed his head awkwardly.

“You got here fast,” I commented, and we made the natural journey up to my bedroom for privacy,

“I walked fast,” he responded quickly. The thing was, he wasn’t out of breath at all. I didn’t dwell on it though, and lazily collapsed onto my bed. He sat down next to me and timidly took my hand.
“What was our fight about?” he asked, not beating around the bush at all.

“You,” I answered, determinedly not looking at him, “completely ignoring me, just drinking like an absolute fish, and then yelling at me in front of everyone that I was just being stupid for taking offence...”

He casually took my hand and squeezed it, “I’m sorry,” he said meaningfully, “I didn’t mean to...”

I wasn’t sure if I was ready to forgive him yet, but his eyes were starting to wear me down, “Well you did,” I said as quietly as I could,

He drew in a sharp, shuddering breath, and dropped my hand, “I mean it when I say I’m sorry, please forgive me,”
I chanced a look at him, and I was surprised to see that there were tears in his eyes,

“What’s wrong?” I asked incredulously, genuinely shocked to see that he was about to cry. It didn’t suit him and I didn’t like it. My Gerard did not cry, he looked after me and loved me and only let his emotions splay out at certain appropriate times.

“I just don’t want to lose you,” he said, his voice sounding unsettlingly shaky. A solitary tear ran out of the corner of his left eye.

I wanted to make him ok again, I wanted him to go back to normal. I had had enough of having a different Gerard in the past 24 hours; first Drunk Gerard, then Sad Gerard. Without even thinking, I wiped the tear away with my gentle thumb and then moved my whole hand up to run it through his hair. It still smelt of stale smoke from the bar and there was a faint scent of alcohol lingering about his person.

“You won’t lose me,” I told him firmly, “Ok?”
“Are you sure?” he asked, having one final moment of clinginess before reverting back to his usual self,

“I’m sure,” I replied,

“You promise?” he asked, “no matter what?”

I felt slightly confused by this and there was an intense look in his eyes that I could not even begin to fathom.

“I promise,” I said, melting completely under his forceful gaze.

His whole body relaxed and he pulled me onto him vigorously, kissing me as though he was never going to be able to again.

My anger melted away completely as he held me, but I couldn’t help but wonder why such a petty, drunken argument had affected him so badly.