Breaking Hearts Has Never Looked So Cool

A few hours later, I was coming face to face with everything I had been avoiding alone in the darkness of my room for three days.

Annabelle was there, red hair and freckles more vivid than ever, the baby gestating in her belly even more vivid even though I could not see it.

Her face lit up when she saw me, but she was still slightly guarded, quite clearly wary of upsetting me too much.

“Are you ok?” she asked breathlessly, jamming her hands into her pockets awkwardly.

“Yeah,” I lied, “are you?”

“Yeah,” she replied, but I suspected that she was lying too.

“Let’s go in then?” I asked, and we entered the surgically clean white clinic.

It wasn’t long before Annabelle was called by a blank looking nurse who appeared to have no interest in the sensitivity of what was going on.

Annabelle turned her white face towards me one final time.

“Am I a horrible person?” she asked with desperation in her face,

“No,” I said firmly, and surprising myself with how much I meant it, “You are doing what’s best for you and that’s the most important thing,”

She smiled weakly and stood up, walking off with the nurse with the odd look of someone being dragged into an asylum by an insensitive warden.

Left there alone, I pulled the most recent Vogue out of my bag and started flicking through it. I had far too much on my mind to focus on anything more than the pictures, and it was particularly painful because it was the same magazine I had been reading when Annabelle came to break the news.

“You always loved your Vogue,” said a gentle male voice from vaguely above me, and before I even looked into his perfect hazel eyes, he had already ripped my heart out of my chest and stamped on it.

I glanced up, and I think the terror I felt at seeing him at last showed in my eyes, because when he sat down he looked suitably guilt-stricken.

“Yeah, I’ve got to keep up with the fashion world,” I said quietly, weirdly grateful that we were situated in a crowded waiting room, because that was the only thing keeping me from screaming and crying at him like a banshee.

“Connie,” he said imploringly, “I love you,”

His words were daggers.

“Don’t,” I rasped, “just don’t,”

“Mikey told me that Annabelle told him she had an appointment now, and that he wasn’t coming...I knew you’d be here though, because you’re a good person, you’re selfless,” he put his hand on my arm, and it was like he was killing me gently, bit by bit.

“Thanks,” I said with difficulty,

“So if you can find it in your heart to forgive Annabelle, can you find it in your heart to forgive me?” he was fiddling with his own fingers, hardly daring to look me in the eye.

I didn’t know what to say, so I just turned the next page of the fashion editorial.

“Well?” he prompted, and I could feel his eyes bore into the side of my head, “I have never been so sorry for anything in my life – I’ve been on edge ever since, it was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. If I lose you over this, I will never forgive myself...”

I bit my lip and glanced at the blue speckled ceiling.

“I can’t live without you, Con,” he said beseechingly, “you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and you know that,”
I wanted to kiss him like nothing had ever happened, but I couldn’t change the fact that it had. Every time I kissed him I would remember Annabelle in his arms, and the irrevocable mistake. He had made.

“It can’t be the same again,” I whispered, my voice full and raspy with tears,

“It can!” protested Gerard, wildly grabbing my hand,

“No,” I replied, trying not to sound too choked, “It can’t. You hurt me, and I can’t forget that...and you not only hurt me, you hurt me with my best friend, and it’s not something I can get over, I don’t think,”

I didn’t look at him for the whole time I was speaking, and when he was silent afterwards I decided to elaborate.

“You see,” I noticed with a pang of regret that he was still holding my hand, “I always looked at you as my protector, you were always there for me, and I thought I could always count on your love and protection and faithfulness...I can never trust you again,”

I withdrew my hand from his grip and used it to clutch the other end of my magazine. I heard Gerard draw in a deep breath, presumably to speak, but he was silenced by Annabelle’s reappearance.

She looked pale and withdrawn, and even more so when she saw that Gerard was sitting next to me. She gasped, and made to walk away, but I stood up so she knew that I was ready to leave.

“Hi Gerard,” whispered Annabelle, as though she wasn’t quite sure if she was allowed to speak to him,

“Bye Gerard,” I whispered, trying not to let the tears desperate to escape out,

“Wait!” he called, jumping up,

Annabelle and I were halfway to the door, but we both stopped obediently at his word.

“Connie,” he said desperately, his voice rasping with what sounded like manly tears.

I turned around to him, not even bothering to stop myself from crying.

“Bye,” I breathed, “sorry,”
I didn’t even know if he could hear me, but it was too late anyway because I seized Annabelle by the arm and walked out of the clinic.

“Please tell me that you and Gerard aren’t over,” said Annabelle desperately, taking me out to her car, “please tell me that I haven’t ruined your relationship,”

I didn’t meet her eyes.

“It takes two to tango, Annabelle,” I said simply, “the more important thing is, how are you doing?”

She started the car, and reversed out of her parking space. As I looked into the wing mirror nearest to me, I saw a lamentable figure all in black walking out of the clinic like a broken man. He tugged on all of my heart strings, and he made tears flood my face but I had to look the other way. I had no choice other than to attempt to get over it.