The Giant Wedding

Kaikoura sat down on the couch and yawned. She had been busy all week with Midna, Rabia, Zelda, Legolas and Arwen making last minute wedding preparations. Today the bridesmaids were picking up the wedding dresses. Well, in Legolas’ case it was a tux, but that’s not the point. Kaikoura was dead tired, but finally stress free. However, she couldn’t take a nap because all she could hear was Rabia pacing back and fourth nervously. Kaikoura sighed.
“Why are you pacing so much?” she said, trying to wrap a pillow around her head to block out the noise unsuccessfully.
“What if something goes wrong? Seriously, seriously wrong? What if someone DIES!? What if my mom embarrasses me? Or YOU?! I’M SO NERVOUS SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN, AH!” Legolas reached over and patted her on the back.
“Aww, it will be just fine, me love,” Kaikoura said, rolling over on her stomach to look at her.
“How are you guys so calm about this? I usually wouldn’t get like this.” Rehtaeh said.
“Well, we are both marrying someone we like and... you aren’t.” Legolas said.
“Yeah, that’s tru-- Wait, well.. You’re.... Uhh I forgot what I was going to say...” Kaikoura rolled back over and covered her face with her pillow. The others looked at her like she was on drugs. Which she probably was. (I mean what?) Suddenly, a knock came at the door. “Who’s there?” Kaikoura said through the pillow. But it was muffled, so it sounded more like,”MMMPRHMMMRHHHMRH?” Legolas shook his head at her and went to answer it. It was Sheik, Ganondorf and Aragorn.
“Hey, cutie!” Legolas said, kissing Aragorn on the cheek. He stepped aside to allow them to enter. “Make sure you take your shoes off, guys... Rabia just mopped the floor and she will flip out if it gets muddy. Also, try to be quiet, Kaikoura is taking a nap.” They took their shoes off and mostly everyone was quiet. Of course, Ganondorf didn’t care if she was taking a nap, so he was making sure to be loud. Somehow, this didn’t wake her up.
“Oh heyy, you guys!” Rabia said. She hugged Aragorn, shook Sheik’s hand, then just waved at Ganondorf. She continued pacing and the others sat. After a few minutes, Ganondorf gave her a look.
“Why are you pacing so much?” he asked.
“It’s a long story,” she said. “Well, actually not really, I’m just too lazy to tell you.” She suddenly stopped pacing and gasped. “Oh my god..... We should play DD FREAKIN’ R!” she cried.
“Shhhhh!” every said at the same time.
“Whoops, sorry.”
“What is DDR?” Aragorn said, looking at her strangely.
“Only the best dance game EVER!” she replied, going to grab a dance pad.
“Oh! Dancing is fun!” Legolas said with a large grin. “I’ll play!”
“I guess I will too, then.” Aragorn replied, standing up to help Rabia.
“I’ll play.” Sheik said with a sigh. They all looked at Ganondorf, who shook his head.
“Fuck no. Dancing is stupid.” He said, folding his arms.
“If Sheik is dancing, you have to dance too,” Rabia said.
“When did this become a rule?” Ganondorf said, narrowing his eyes.
“When I SAID it did! So you’re playing!” she yelled. Nobody bothered shushing her because they knew there was no point. Ganondorf sighed.
“I’ll probably break your dance pad,” he said.
“Hmm, what about that other game you have? What was it called again?” Legolas saiding, tapping his chin in thought. After a moment, he continued. “Oh yeah! Chest Dance? No no, that’s not it... Just Pants? Noooo, that’s not it either...” Everybody thought for a moment.
“Uhh, Leggy, do you mean Just DANCE?” Rabia finally said.
“Oh yeah, that’s what I meant! Just Dance!” Everyone stared at him wide-eyed.
“...Have you ever seen me play that, Legolas?” Rabia asked.
“,...Actually.... I’m not entirely sure. Have I?”
“If you think I’m going to play DDR, let alone Just Dance, you must be very under the influence of alcohol or drugs,” Ganondorf mumbled.
“But that game is so much fun!” Legolas said. Ganondorf turned and glared at him.
“FUN? You think that’s FUN?”
“....Yes? Isn’t dancing fun?” he answered. Ganondorf just shook his head.
“Well that honestly sucks, Ganon! We’re going to play some form of dancing game and you’re going to like it!” Rabia said. “Now, which game is it going to be?”
“Just Dance!” Legolas said.
“And you, Sheik?”
“Uhh doesn’t really matter to me,” he said.
“I vote we play something that involves no physical movement,” Ganondorf said.
“Well no one cares about your opinion right now, so shut up!” Rabia snapped. “What would you like to play, Kaikoura?” There was a muffled grumbling from under the pillow.
“....Just Dance it is, then!” She went to get the game and Wiimotes from the other room. A moment later, she came back into the room. “Okay, I couldn’t find Just Dance so I grabbed Just Dance 2.” She put the game into the Wii and added the other three Wiimotes. She entered her name as “SEXY,” Aragorn and Leggy’s name as “SASSY,” Sheik’s name as just “Sheik,” and Ganondorf’s as “BASTARD.”
“Heyyyy!” Ganondorf yelled. But he got over it and went back to sulking because he had to dance.
“Hmmm, what song should we--” Rabia started.
“OOOOOH OOH OOH, we’re doing Tik Tok first!” Aragorn cried. Everyone looked at him shocked and there was a silence. “...What? You can’t deny that you all love that song!” And so they didn’t deny it -- they just danced.Aragorn and Legolas were really getting into dancing to the song, but they were pretty terrible. Rabia was being lazy and just moving the remote around because she could. Poor Sheik was trying his best, but he just couldn’t do it. But Ganondorf was kicking ass. By the end of the (terrible) song, he had finished with a perfect score.
“What the....!” Aragorn said. “I thought you said you were a terrible dancer!”
“I never said that -- I said I hated dancing,” Ganondorf answered. The others gave him a dirty look.
“Fine! Let’s just do another song. Stop being a good dancer, Ganon!” Rabia said. “Now, which song should we do next?” Suddenly, Sheik pulled the bandages below his chin so he could actually speak clearly for the first time ever.
“WE ARE DOING RASPUTIN... RIGHT... NOW...” He selected the song and everyone looked at him slightly shocked.
“Sheik... I don’t think I’ve ever seen your actual face before,” Ganondorf said. “You surprisingly don’t look exactly like Zelda! Kinda more like... Trans Zelda.” Sheik ignored him and started dancing to the awesomely awesome tune.Once again, Legolas and Aragorn were terrible. Sheik wasn’t good either, and Rabia was okay. Ganondorf finished the song with a perfect score again. Everyone turned to look at him.
“What? I tried to lose. You guys just suck.” he said.
“... well... maybe he’ll fail at this next one.” Aragorn said, shrugging.
“Yeah right.” Rabia replied, glaring at Ganondorf. “Stop winning you butthead.”
“Hey, it’s not my fault you all suck at dancing,” he said. Rabia sighed loudly.
“Fine then! What song should we do next?” she said, scrolling through the song choices.
“Can we all team up against Ganondorf?” Legolas asked.
“...Something tells me we would still lose,” Rabia answered. Ganondorf laughed evilly -- well, normally for him.
“Legolas, why don’t you pick the next song?” Aragorn asked.
“Hmm, okay!” He looked through some of the songs and selected one. “Heyy, I heard this on Rabia’s iPod yesterday!” he cheered. It was Toxic. Surprisingly, Legolas and Aragorn’s dancing was actually semi-decent, Sheik was still pretty bad, Rabia was pretty good, and Ganondorf... Everyone knows how he did.
“GANONDORF... I’M GOING TO BEAT YOU.... I DON’T KNOW HOW, BUT I WILL!” Rabia cried. She threw her Wiimote at him.
“Whatever you say,” he said, picking up the Wiimote and holding it so she couldn’t get it back.
“Giiiiiive iiiiiiit baaaaaaaack Gaaaaaanooooon!” she yelled, trying to jump on Sheik’s shoulders to reach it. Finally, she succeeded... in both knocking Sheik over and retrieving her Wiimote.
“I hope you’re happy,” Ganondorf said.
“I am!” she replied. “Now it’s MY turn to pick a song!” She looked through the song choices. She selected Jai Ho and they all started dancing. Sheik was bad as usual, Aragorn and Legolas missed every single dance move, and Rabia tied with Ganondorf. “AHA!” she cried. “Take THAT!” He shrugged.
“You still didn’t beat me,” he said. “It was just a tie.” She glared at him and shook her head.
“I swear, I SHAAAAAALL defeat you!” Suddenly, another knock came at the door.
“Hellooooooo!” a voice called from outside the door ; it belonged to Zelda.
“Zeldaaaa!” Rabia cheered. She set down her Wiimote and opened the door. It was Midna, Zelda, and Arwen with the dresses/suit.
“Heyy, Rabia! We brought the dresses and suits! Here’s yours, the r--” Rabia quickly covered her mouth so she couldn’t continue.
“Shhhh!” she whispered. “The guys can’t know what the dresses look like before the wedding!” She took her hand away and Zelda looked at her funny.
“...Really? Why not?”
“It’s bad luck!” she answered.
“Huh... I’ve never heard that before, but if you insist!” Midna took her cloak/cape thing off and wrapped it around the bags with the clothes in them so no one would see them.
“Where should we put them?” Midna asked.
“Just drop them in Kaikoura’s room in the back.” They complied and brought them to her room.
“So what are you guys all doing?” Zelda asked, sitting on Kaikoura on the couch. She jumped awake and gave Zelda a dirty look.
“We’re playing Just Pants!” Legolas cheered.
“Just Dance,” everyone else corrected.
“...Right.”
“Oooh, I’m soooo good at that game! Can I play too?!” Zelda asked. Rabia looked at everyone.
“What do you guys think? Should she dance with us?” Sheik handed his Wiimote to Zelda.
“You can play, Zelda. You’re probably way better than I am anyway.”
“Yayyy!” she cheered. She jumped off Kaikoura’s side and stood next to Aragorn.
“Kaikoura, are you awake?” Rabia asked, looking in her direction. She mumbled.
“Sadly, yes.”
“Come play with us!” Rabia said cheerfully.
“Ughh... Okay... But I’m still really tired so I might suck,” she replied groggily, rolling off the couch.
“Ganondorf, we’re going to beat you this time!” Rabia cried.
“Ganondorf has been beating you guys?!” Zelda said shocked.
“Yeah! He’s like a dance wizard!”
“Hmph... Well... I’m like a dance MASTER, so it doesn’t matter.” Zelda changed the dancer name so it said “HOT STUFF.” Kaikoura changed her name so it said “bamf” -- and Ganondorf changed his to the generic “Player 3” name just so it wouldn’t be “BASTARD” anymore. Rabia kept hers as “SEXY,” though.
“So what song should we do?” Rabia asked.
“ I know exactly what we’re going to do,” Kaikoura said, scrolling to a song and selecting it. “This is my favorite song on this entire game! BOLLYWOOOOOD!”
“That somehow doesn’t surprise me,” Ganondorf said. She turned and glared at him, then stopped.
“Wait... I’m not sure if that’s offensive or not...” Before anyone had time to answer her, the song started playing. This time, Rabia and Ganondorf tied again -- in third place.
“Ahaaaaa! I TOLD you I was the dance MASTER!” Zelda cried, as she had won in first place. She started doing her own weird victory dance, and Ganondorf shoved her over.
“GANONDOOOOOOOOORF! I CHALLENGE YOU TO ONE FINAL DAAAAAANCE!” Rabia cried dramatically.
“Uhh.... Okay,” he answered.
“JUST YOU AND ME!”
“Uhh..... Okay.”
“...Pick a song for us to dance to, Sheik!” She handed the Wiimote to him, he selected a song, and then he handed it back to her.
“SWAY! I LOOOOOVE THIS SONG!” she cried.
“Would you stop yelling like that!” Ganondorf said.
“No, no I will not!” The two started dancing once the song played, and Rabia beat his score by over two thousand points!
“WOOOOOOOOOOOOOT, TAKE THAT GANONDORF!” Zelda cried, high-fiving her best friend.
“Yeah, that’s right Ganondorf... Just REMEMBER THIS DAYYY!” Rabia cried.
“Stop with the dramatic screaming!” he answered, sitting in a chair on the other side of the room.
“Fine...” She turned the Wii off.
“...Well that was interesting,” Aragorn said after a moment of silence.
“Yes, yes it was.” Rabia said. Kaikoura sat back down on the couch that she had been trying to sleep on and yawned.
“Yeah, I’m still tired.”
“Awww... poor little Kaikouuuura.” Rabia said, hugging her friend.
“Mlaaaah! Why are you hugging me?”
“Because I loooooove yoooou!”
“Get off, I wanna sleep.”
“Ouch...” Rabia replied, letting go of Kaikoura. Kaikoura layed... lied... um... back down on the couch and buried her face in the pillow. “Night Kaikoura! But before you got to sleep, your house is fucking FREEZING, jsyk.” Rabia didn’t get a reply so she assumed Kaikoura was sleeping. “Well... what should we do now?”
“Why am I still here?” Ganondorf asked, standing up.
“Because... you want to be?”
“No, I really, really don’t want to be here. I could be doing better things.” He stood up to leave.
“Noooo Ganondoooooorf. Don’t leeeeeave” Rabia whined, clinging to his leg.
“Ugh, what the fuck? Would you let go?”
“Nope.”
“Fine! For the love of the goddesses....”
“Yay! I’m going to go make popcorn! … I’m going to go teach myself to make popcorn.” she said, walking out of the room. Zelda glared at Midna from across the room, and Arwen had struck up a conversation with Legolas.
“I hate you.” Zelda said, her eyes narrowed.
“I know you do Zelda. But it’s just because I’m hotter than you.” Midna replied, sounding bored.
“That is SO NOT TRUE! TAKE IT BACK!” Zelda cried. Kaikoura threw one of her pillows at the two of them.
“Shut up, I’m sleeping.” she muttered. Sheik shook his head slowly as Rabia returned with popcorn.
“Look guys! I made popcorn.”
“That’s great and all, Rabia, but I’m bored.” Zelda said, stretching.
“You know what we could do? We could teach Sheik to dance.”
“What?” Sheik said. “Uh, no.”
“Awe, why not? It’ll be fun, Sheik!” Zelda said, giving him a hug.
“Zelda, I can’t believe he’s your brother and he can’t even grind without falling over or tripping.” Rabia said, sitting down on the floor with her legs crossed. Zelda looked at Sheik appalled.
“You... you can’t even grind?!” She said, her mouth open in shock.
“Um, no... I can’t.” Sheik said.
“How do you expect to seduce your wife if you can’t grind?” Zelda asked with her hands on her hips. Ganondorf grabbed a few pieces of popcorn and watched the two siblings, intrigued.
“This is better than reality TV.” Rabia said. He nodded in agreement.
“Okay, okay Sheik. I’m going to teach you to grind. So basically, a girl and a guy are rubbing their body parts together almost. So... okay I’m a terrible teacher.” she said. “Basically, you’re rubbing your genitalls AAAAAAALL over her butt! And that’s how you grind!”
“Wow Zelda, great description.” Rabia giggled.
“Thank you! How about someone demonstrates this...” she said. “Can anyone in here besides Rabia and me grind? Ganondorf come demonstrate grinding with me.”
“What the f- no.” he said. “Just... no.”
“Yes! Or I’ll tell Rabia what you did last night!”
“Wait WHAT?!” Rabia said.
“Okay, okay, fine.” Ganondorf said, walking over to Zelda.
“Why do I need to know how to grind? And secondly.... why does GANONDORF know how to grind?!” Sheik asked.
“Just pay attention! Because after, we’re waking Kaikoura back up and you can grind with her.”
“Zelda... Kaikoura can’t grind either.” Rabia said, stretching.
“WHAT?!” she cried. She ran over to Kaikoura and shook her awake. “Kaikoura! I’m teaching you to grind right now. Get up.” she said.
“What the fuck I was SLEEPING.” Kaikoura grumbled. “I can grind, I just don’t.”
“Well... you should! Grinding is like, the best way to dance ever!” Zelda said, throwing her hands up exasperatedly. “Well Sheik needs your help, so go grind with him.” Kaikoura groaned.
“I don’t want to get uuuuup...”
“Too bad!” Zelda pulled Kaikoura off the couch and shoved her towards Sheik. “Now grind!” she ordered. Rabia, Arwen, Midna, Aragorn and Legolas were sitting on the floor eating the popcorn Rabia had made, watching the four grinders interestedly. Zelda turned on some music and stared at Sheik and Kaikoura who were not grinding. “The faster you guys grind, the faster we can do something fun. So do it!’
“I don’t know, I”m having fun.” Rabia said. Legolas nodded in agreement. Kaikoura glared at her and Rabia grinned. “I love you Kaikoura!” she said. Kaikoura awkwardly started grinding on Sheik, making everyone in the room feel awkward just watching all that awkwardness. Ganondorf walked away from Zelda, who was still attempting to grind with him, and sat down on the floor to eat some popcorn. Finally, Zelda turned off the music.
“Good job Sheik! You have learned how to grind. Kaikoura, your grinding could use some work.” she commented. Kaikoura flipped her off and flopped down on the couch to fall back asleep.
“Zelda, you looked so short next to Ganondorf without your extremely tall heels.” Rabia laughed.
“I wouldn’t be talking, Rabia. You’re like, the shortest person in the world.” Zelda replied. “But anyways... who is ready to party?”
“...not me.”
“But we planned the bachelorette parties for tonight!” Zelda said, frowning.
“Oh FUCK me.” Rabia said. “Uh, not literally. But REALLY? Tonight?”
“Yeah, really!” Zelda said, crossing her arms. “The six of us are all going CLUBBING! and getting DRUNK! Then going to a strip club! and it will be awesome!” she said, grinning and looking at Rabia hopefully.
“Fine. But if I die, it’s your fault, Zelda.” Rabia said. Legolas grinned happily.
“Fuck my life.” Midna said quietly.
“Male strippers are the BEST!” Zelda said. “We’ll come back in like, a half an hour to pick you guys all up okay? Just... make yourselves pretty. Or prettyish.” she said, eyeing Midna. Midna just rolled her eyes.
“Okay, you do that,” she answered her. Zelda went to leave the apartment when she spotted a small bowl of chocolates on the table. She picked them up.
“...I’m stealing these,” she said, popping one into her mouth.
“Yuuuup,” Kaikoura replied lazily, waving her off. She then exited.
“Rabia, are you going to stay here and get ready with us?” Midna asked.
“Yep, I am,” she answered. She reached over to Kaikoura and shook her. “Stop being sleepyyyy, it’s only three o’clock.” Kaikoura grumbled and forced herself to get up, walking like a zombie into the bathroom. Ganondorf looked at Sheik.
“You’re wife is very lazy.”
“...She’s not my wife.”
“Same difference, she’s still lazy.”
“GanonDOOOOOORF!” Rabia cried. He groaned.
“What now?”
“You’re going to do my hair! If you make it look bad I’ll cut you.” He sighed.
“Fine. Should I straighten it or something?”
“Yes, yes you should.” He went into the bathroom to get the straightener, then quickly backed out and shut the door.
“Sorry,” he called to Kaikoura through the door. Rabia started laughing hard.
“Did you just walk in on her naked or something?!” she laughed.
“Yes... Sadly, I did.... I’m going to go wash my eyes in the sink now...” Rabia continued laughing maniacally. Midna just shook her head.
“Poor Kaikoura. But we can probably just use her straightener that’s in her room, you know,” she said.
“.....I knew that,” Ganondorf said, searching for her room. Rabia randomly pulled out a makeup bag from behind the couch and followed Ganondorf into Kaikoura’s room as well. The rest just talked among themselves.