The Giant Wedding
Wedding
Finally it was time for the wedding, and everyone got on their horses with Zelda leading the way once again. “Once we get there,” she said,”we have to run as fast as possible into my room. My hair looks sooo shitty right now!”
“Because everyone cares so much,” Midna said, rolling her eyes.
“Shut it, Midna!” They continued riding along until they reached the castle gate.
“State your business,” the guard said.
“We’re here for the wedding, man!” Kaikoura said. The guard blinked at her.
“Sorry, you need an invitation to enter.”
“Dude, we’re the people getting married! Let us in!” she said.
“Suuuure you are.” He scoffed.
“Let us pass, idiot,” Ganondorf said, leading his horse to the front. The guard gasped and ran off into the distance screaming. Everyone was silent for a moment.
“Nice going, Ganondorf! Now how are we supposed to get in?!” Rabia said. Link jumped off his horse and walked over to the wall on the far side of the gate. “What are you doing?” Everyone followed his to see what he was going to try to attempt. He was climbing up a set of vines on the wall.
“Come on guys, don’t just stand there!” he called down, climbing higher up and eventually reaching the top of the wall. “Are you coming or what?”
“Link, we can’t sneak into the castle! That’s just wrong!” Zelda said. Ganondorf gave her a dirty look.
“Maybe if you had just told the freaking guard that you were the PRINCESS, he would have let us enter,” he said. She returned the look.
“Oh please! If you hadn’t freaked him out, we could have paid him to let us in!”
“Guys, come on!” he called down.
“Ugh, can’t you just open the gate, retard?” Rabia asked. Link thought about this for a moment.
“I don’t know if I can, but I’ll go try,” he said, disappearing over the wall. Everyone waited for the gate to open. After a few minutes, Ganondorf became impatient.
“Link, hurry the hell up!” he yelled. There was no response.
“Oh dear Nayru, what if he got caught?” Zelda said in a worried voice. Suddenly, the gate started to open.
“Took him long enough,” Ganondorf muttered. Everyone led their horses into the gate and towards the courtyard.
“Guys, wait for me!” Link called, running down the hill near the gate. Apparently too lazy to get his OWN horse, he jumped onto the back of Ganondorf’s stallion.
“You better get the hell off my horse before I send you to another dimension!” Ganondorf said, shoving him off.
“Heyyy! Ow!” Link said as he hit the ground.
“Why don’t you go back and get Epona, idiot?” Rabia said, nearly stepping on him as her horse passed. He grumbled and walked back to get his horse. He climbed onto Epona and galloped up to the rest of the group, who were dismounting to get into the castle.
“Come on guys! I’ll show you where we are gonna get ready!” Zelda said, leading the girls in one direction. Link just scratched his head awkwardly and Sheik rolled his eyes.
“Oh come on...” he said, leading them in the opposite direction. Zelda led them to her room.
“Okay guys, everyone start getting ready! Go!” she said. The girls all scattered and started putting on their dresses. “Oh dammit where’s Legolas?! ARAGORN CAN’T SEE HIM BEFORE THE WEDDING!” she quickly ran out of the room, already in her dress and heels. She returned a few minutes later with Legolas in tow.
“Oh, hey! Zelda, can you tie my dress for me?” Rabia asked.
“You mean, zip it?”
“No... it doesn’t zip. It ties...” she said. “Would you just come tie it please?” Zelda sighed and rolled her eyes but helped her anyway. Legolas started pulling on his pants.
“Awww! Rabia you look so pretty!” he said, giving her a hug.
“Haha thanks Legolas. You look pretty damn hot yourself.” she said. Kaikoura was starting to put on her dress as well. Arwen and Midna were already working on their makeup. Tatl and Malon rushed in all dressed for the wedding, prepared to help Kaikoura get ready like a good bridesmaid. The girls room was crazy as the bridesmaids walked in and out trying to help and get things done in time.
Meanwhile, in the room the guys were changing in, they were all done getting dressed and were sitting around talking about guy stuff. Sheik was attempting to tie his tie but he was fumbling with the materiel. Link grabbed the tie from him and tied it, patting his friend on the back.
“Sorry, thanks Link...” he said looking at the suit with disgust. “Ugh, this is so uncomfortable...”
“I know right!” Link said, adjusting his own tie. “Who wears this stuff when they get married? Like... You should be in... Uhh... Actually, I don’t think I even know what people wear to weddings...” Just then, Ganondorf walked over and sat next to Link.
“Link, you look stupid,” he said. Link ignored the comment.
“Do you think these suits look dumb?” he said, standing next to Sheik for Ganon to see. He just blinked.
“Obviously. But there isn’t anything else to wear, so we might as well deal with it.”
“Aren’t your parents pissed that you’re getting married without their consent?” Sheik said. Ganondorf shrugged.
“They didn’t seem pissed. Besides, Rabia’s a Gerudo, so they approve.” Link sat on the floor and yawned. Then, suddenly, he just stood angrily and threw his arms in the air.
“Okay, what the mushroom! These suits suck and are SO uncomfortable -- I feel like I’m wearing bark or something!” Aragorn came out in his suit, looking awkwardly out of place in it.
“Is everyone else done already? Well now I feel awkward.” Aragorn said, sitting down with his twin brothers. “How long do you think we have to wait?”
“The wedding is in two hours...” Ganondorf replied.
“Oh Din. Really? Why did we come so EARLY?” Link asked.
“Girls take a long time to get ready...” Aragorn said.
“And so do you.” Link replied crankily. Aragorn raised an eyebrow.
“Excuse me? What was that?” Aragorn said. Link looked down at his feet.
“Nothing...” he mumbled. “Who wants to get drunk?!” There was an awkward silence, and he sat back down. “Fine then. Who wants to get BAKED?!” he said. Everyone looked at each other.
In Zelda’s bedroom, Rabia and Kaikoura were trying to do each others makeup. Zelda was watching intently, scoffing at everything either one of them did.
“Okay, Zelda, since you don’t like it, why don’t YOU do our makeup?” Rabia said, setting down the eyeliner after Zelda’s tenth scoff.
“Okay!” she said cheerfully.
“Oh no. Midna, Midna make sure she doesn’t make us look like clowns!” Kaikoura said. Zelda glared at her but did her makeup anyway as Arwen came back with all their bouquets. They were all starting to pull on their shoes and Malon was doing Tatl’s hair. After a while, Zelda was done with the other two’s makeup. Rabia’s looked amazing... and Kaikoura’s made her look like a zombie. Kaikoura grabbed a washcloth and glared at her. “THANKS, Zelda! I’m doing my own damn makeup,” she muttered.
“I’ll do it, Kaikoura! Trust me, you won’t look like a freak,” Midna said, helping her take all the blush off. Zelda scoffed.
“Fine! I thought you looked great!” she said, sitting next to Rabia. There was a moment of relative silence when, all of a sudden, Link burst into the room.
“Ahhh, I’m partially naked, don’t look!” Kaikoura yelled, running into Zelda’s closet. Zelda stood and gasped in shock.
“Link! You can’t be in here! And why do you smell like pot? And more importantly -- WHY DIDN’T YOU SHARE ANY WITH ME?!” She looked at him offended. Rabia stood and shoved him out into the hallway.
“Stay out, Link!” she yelled.
“But I neeeEEEeed to stay in here! Ganondorf is going to kill me! Hide me!” He tried to run back in, but she blocked his way.
“What did you do now, Link?” she asked.
“I didn’t share my pot with him.” he said.
“Good. You shouldn’t have.” Rabia replied, raising an eyebrow. “I suppose I can let you in for a few minutes, until he calms down.” she stepped aside and he darted into the room. She closed and locked the door and started trying to find her shoes. Kaikoura peeked out of the closet.
“Oh come on!” she said. “How am I supposed to finish getting ready?” Rabia grabbed a random piece of spare fabric and tied it over Link’s eyes.
“There. Problem solved.” she said, pulling on her heels. “Please tell me we won’t be walking on any carpet....” Midna continued doing Kaikoura’s makeup for her. Someone started knocking on the door.
“Have any of you seen Link?!” Ganondorf yelled through the door angrily.
“Sorry, no! We haven’t.” Rabia said, trying to stand without wobbling. “Damn these shoes...” she stumbled.
“Are you sure?! I thought he was running through here. You aren’t hiding him are you?”
“No, don’t be silly.” Rabia said, walking over to help Kaikoura finish getting ready. There was only a half an hour left before the wedding started and Kaikoura was the only one not ready. "Why don't you check some of the nearby bathrooms for him? Wouldn't that be a logical place to hide? Then again this is LINK we're talking about... So good luck Ganondorf." Rabia zipped up Kaikoura's dress for her and sat down on Zelda's bed. Ganondorf walked away and Link sighed in relief.
"Thanks guys." he said.
"No problem, but you better get going, we only have ten minutes." Midna said, untying the cloth around his eyes and shoving him out the door. Rabia started pacing again and Legolas sat down on Zelda’s bed next to Kaikoura. Everyone was awkwardly silent, and the only sound was Rabia’s heels on the floor.
“Would you STOP?” Zelda said after a minute of this.
“Sorry, sorry...” Rabia said, sitting down awkwardly. There was a knock on the door. Midna pulled it open.
“Hello King Thranduil.” she greeted.
“It’s time for you all to come down.” he said. Everyone got to their feet and walked down the stairs towards the doors of the Great Hall. “Kaikoura, when the music starts, you walk down first okay? Then Legolas, then Rabia.” Kaikoura’s dad, CC, was standing at the bottom of the staircase, staring into the distance and humming a tune to himself.
“Hi CC!” Rabia said, giving him a hug.
“Awwwwwww you look so pretty in your wittle dreeeeess!” he said weirdly, hugging her back.
“Uhhh, thanks?” she said, inching away. He turned to Kaikoura and made a weird gasping sound.
“Ohhhhh, my babyyyyyy, you look so beautiful!” he cried, bringing her into a tight hug. She looked at her friends scared, mouthing “help me.” She attempted to pat him on the back.
“Thanks, Dad... Please don’t embarrass me, for the love of all things holy...” she said, trying to push out of his clutches. He let go, sniffled, and wiped away a tear.
“I’ll try my best,” he said. Kaikoura looked at Rabia.
“Where are your parents?” she asked.
“Only our fathers walk us down the aisle.” she said, shaking her head.
“Oh yeahhhhh!” Kaikoura said. Rabia laughed and patted her friend on the shoulder.
“It’s okay, I won’t hold your forgetfulness against you.” Rabia said.
“Wait... you don’t have a FATHER?” Zelda said.
“... well technically yes... but... no.” Rabia replied.
“Oh. Well that sucks.” Zelda shrugged. Rabia rolled her eyes and laughed as CC pulled Kaikoura into another tight hug with a sniffle.
“My beautiful baby girl is all grown up! And she’s getting married!” he wailed. Kaikoura awkwardly patted him on the back.
“Dad, everything is going to be okay,” she said trying to calm him down. He was now sobbing loudly, causing a few guards to stare. “Dad...” she said. He just continued. “....DAD! Stop crying!” she said. He sniffled and breathed deeply.
“I’m sorry... This... This is just a little much for me...” he said slowly. He turned to Rabia. “And whose going to be walking you down the aisle then?”
“Gandalf,” she said.
“Luckyyyy!” Kaikoura said. Her dad looked at her offended.
“And what’s that supposed to mean?!” he cried.
“Uhh... I don’t know,” she said. There was a silence.“...So yeah, how about them Red Sox....” Zelda rolled her eyes.
“Oh shut up, let’s just go already,” she said as the music started. She pushed Kaikoura towards the doors. CC linked his arm with hers.
“Are you ready?” he asked.
“Not really,” she said, staring straight ahead.
“Then let’s go!” he said. He dragged her out onto the aisle. Everyone in the audience stood and watched as they slowly made their way down. She stared straight at the ground, occasionally looking over to her side to look for her “mom,” Chris. Soon enough, she found him, sitting next to her little brother. Her brother was studying the hat of the woman in front of him -- as it was a very... interesting accessory. Her other dad (mom, whatever) was watching them intently with a huge smile on his face. She did a tiny wave to him and he returned it with a huge, enthusiastic wave. A few people around him gave him weird looks. She quickly looked back down at the floor embarrassed, mumbling to herself that her parents were crazy. Once they finally reached the end of the aisle, CC kissed her on the cheek and slowly walked away -- sniffling a little as he did. She didn’t look at Sheik for a while ; she just stared down at the bouquet in her hands. Then she turned to watch Legolas come down the aisle.
Legolas was being led by Thranduil, and Aragorn was watching him enter in awe. Legolas was only looking at Aragorn with a huge smile growing on his face. Once Thranduil and Legolas reached the end of the aisle, Thranduil hugged his son and also walked away to go join his wife. Legolas kissed Aragorn on the cheek and then they turned to watch Rabia walk down with Gandalf. She was staring straight ahead, trying not to make eye contact with her embarrassing-as-hell mother who was staring at her intently, trying to get her attention. She looked at Ganondorf, who was patiently standing at the altar. Finally she made it to the end of the aisle and gave Gandalf a tiny hug before he also walked back to his seat.
Rauru walked over and started talking about stuff that no one was really paying attention to at all. He was going on about what marriage is and all that shit, but no one really cared. Ganondorf whispered over to Rabia while Raura was droning on about how lucky everyone was to find love or something like that. “Yo,” he whispered. Rabia just stared at him and blinked a few times, then tried not to start giggling in the middle of the ceremony. Kaikoura was still staring at the floor awkwardly and Sheik was looking around at the people gathered to watch the wedding and shifted nervously. Aragorn and Legolas were holding hands and staring into each other’s eyes all sappy like. Everyone in the crowd was staring intently -- except for Kaikoura’s little brother, who was half-asleep in the corner of the room. Raura was still going on ten minutes after this, and Ganondorf was starting to get impatient. He started tapping his foot and softly whistling ; Rauru looked up at him with a glare then quickly back at the book and continued. Ganon sighed and scratched the back of his neck in boredom. He looked back at Rabia and whispered to her again. “...So how’s life?” Rauru cleared his throat loudly to get Ganondorf’s attention. Giving him a stern look, he then returned to reading. He ignored the sage.
“I like your dress,” he whispered to Rabia. Rabia smiled a little but shushed him before Rauru got too angry. Kaikoura was now nearly asleep as well -- swaying a little as he continued talking. Sheik poked her nose to wake her up. She jumped a little, but then attempted to stay awake. Finally, he said, “Do you, Sheik Sheikah, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?” Sheik quickly nodded. He then looked at Kaikoura. “And do you, Kaikoura Skywalker, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?” She paused for a moment, looking back at her father as he blew his nose noisily on a tissue. She turned back to Rauru.
“Yeah, man.” He gave her a weird look. Suddenly, there was a tiny cheer from the audience. Everyone looked to see who it was... and to Kaikoura’s dismay it was Chris. She turned away embarrassed and shielded her face with her bouquet. Rauru turned to Aragorn and Legolas.
“Do you, King Elessar Telcontar, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
“Yes I do.” Aragorn answered with a grin. Rauru turned to Legolas.
“Do you, Prince Legolas Thranduillion, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
“I do.” Legolas replied. Rauru turned to Ganondorf and Rabia.
“Do you, King Ganondorf Dragmire, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?” Ganondorf looked at Rabia, then at Rauru.
“Sure, why not?” he said after a moment of thought. Rauru then turned to Rabia.
“Do you, Rabia Hudson, take this demon -- I mean man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
“I do.” she said, half glaring at Rauru.
“You may kiss the bride.” Rauru said to all three couples. Aragorn grabbed Legolas and kissed him, laughing as he did. Ganondorf leaned in and kissed Rabia, and this time did NOT make out with her. Sheik and Kaikoura were blushing and just staring at each other. Everyone else in the room were staring at them. Sheik finally leaned forward and kissed Kaikoura quickly, and pulled away blushing even darker. Everyone cheered as the couples walked back down the aisle. All the noise had woken Kaikoura’s brother up, and he jumped out of his seat to follow Chris and congratulate everyone. After a few moments, everyone moved into the dining hall for the party.Zelda walked up to the DJ and took a microphone (because they have those in Hyrule now, yay!).
“It’s time for the first dances everyone! Sheik and Kaikoura’s dance is first. They will be dancing to I’m a Believer by Smash Mouth.” she said. Kaikoura’s dad pushed them towards the dancefloor and the DJ started the music. Kaikoura sighed once the two were standing in the middle of the floor.
“I hate everything,” she said.
“That’s okay, Kaikoura. I hate everything too,” Sheik replied. Zelda started playing the song and motioned for them to dance. Needless to really describe, there dancing resembled this. Except they weren’t fat or in leotards... Okay, maybe it wasn’t as bad as that. It was more like this, except not as awesome. So it was pretty bad. CC and Chris cheered from the sidelines.
“You see her? Yep, that’s my daughter!” CC kept saying.
“I’m just going to pretend I don’t know them,” Kaikoura said to herself. Eventually, the song was over, and the two ran off the floor. “That was beyond terrible... Don’t EVER make us do that again,” she said to Zelda. Zelda just giggled.
“Okay, that was... Interesting,” Zelda said. She started playing the next song. “Now, it’s Legolas and Aragorn’s turn!” She started playing Get Busy by Sean Paul. The two looked at each other and shrugged, then walked onto the dance floor. Legolas had a huge smile on his face as he and Aragorn started dancing like idiots and having fun. They started grinding horribly with each other and laughing hysterically. Once the song was over they walked away laughing with each other and holding hands. They high-fived Gandalf, who they had seen dancing a little bit on the side.
“I guess I need to teach you guys how to grind, too!” Zelda said, shaking her head at them. “Oh well. And last but certainly not least, it’s time for Rabia and Ganondorf to dance! WOOOOO! Love you buddy!” She waved at Rabia with a grin and started playing Smother Me by the Used.
“Oh whaaaaat!” Ganondorf cried. “Of course we get the only damn slow song!” Rabia started to laugh as they walked to the center of the floor.
“This is awkward...” Rabia said.
“Especially since I’m worried you’re going to step on my feet with your dangerous heels,” he answered, taking her by the waist.
“I’m not going to step on your damn feet.” she said as they started to dance all cute like and stuff. He shrugged. “I’m not that clumsy...” she said. Near the end of the song, Rabia stumbled in her shoes and almost stepped on his foot. “Okay, so... I’m clumsy but I didn’t step on you.”
“I swear to Din, if you step on me, I’m gonna flip.” On the side of the room, Shadow Link and Vaati were waving lighters in the air with stupid grins on their faces. “Yep, they would,” Ganondorf said to himself. Rabia started giggling at the two idiots and shook her head.
“And people say I’m crazy...” the song ended and they hurried back to the sides of the room.
“Now it’s time for the father - daughter dance.” Zelda said. Rabia sat down at a table on the sides with Aragorn and Legolas.
“Okay, I don’t know about you two but my feet are fucking killing me, and I’m pretty sure I resprained my ankle when I fucking tripped.” she said to them.
“My feet are fine!” Legolas said happily, hugging Aragorn. “This is the best wedding EVER!” Aragorn kissed Legolas and hugged him tight as Ganondorf and Sheik walked over to them and sat down. The only other girl in the room that wasn’t dancing was Zelda, who was standing around looking bored.
“... Heels suck. Ganondorf, why do you have to be so goddamn tall?” Rabia asked. Sheik yawned and sighed to himself. Ganondorf looked at her unamused.
“Because I’m not a midget,” he said. She crossed her arms.
“I am slightly offended...” she said. Two gerudos walked over to them and gave Ganondorf a hug.
“Hello Ganondorf!” one of them said in a high, cackling voice. Ganondorf stood from his seat and motioned for the one on the left, Koume, to sit. The other sat in an empty seat nearby. “Such a gentleman!” Koume said beaming.
“PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA -- hic!” Link nearly fell over laughing. Ganondorf glared at him and Rabia hit him. “OW!” he yelled in pain.
“You’ll have to ignore him -- he hasn’t changed much,” Ganondorf said. “Shouldn’t you be over with SHEIK, Link?” He shoved Link over to Sheik, causing him to stumble and nearly fall over again. Rabia leaned over to whisper to Ganondorf.
“...Is he still high?” Ganondorf shrugged.
“He’s probably drunk now, too. Knowing him, at least.”
“Aren’t you going to introduce your new wife to us, Ganondorf?” Kotake, the other old hag Gerudo witch thing said.
“Oh, right,” he said. “Rabia, these are my mothers -- Koume and Kotake.”
“It’s nice to finally meet you.” she smiled at them.
“It’s nice to meet you too.” They both said together. Link looked up from his conversation with Sheik.
“So you’re nice to Ganondorf’s moms, but not to me?” he said to Rabia, his words slurred.
“Well Link, you’re an idiot. I don’t like idiots. Unless it’s Shadow Link and Vaati. They’re awesome idiots.” she said. Link pouted. “Go cry to someone who cares.” she snapped. Ganondorf laughed.
“I like her,” Koume said. Link scoffed and looked offended.
“Well everyone, it’s time for the mother-son dances!” she called into the microphone. Almost everyone switched places with each other. Ganondorf went to dance with both of his mothers, and Shadow Link slowly inched over to Rabia.
“Congratulations on your marriage, Rabia... Does this mean we can’t flirt anymore?” He gave her a puppy dog face and folded his hands in a pleady thing. Rabia giggled at how adorable he was being.
“I don’t know, love. I’ll still flirt with you, but not if it makes Ganondorf angry.” she gave him a small hug. He pretended to sniffle.
“Then I better savor this hug -- for it may be the last one you ever give me!” He hugged her back. “Did I sound as dramatic as Link right there?” He snickered.
“Only slightly. But you’re 100x cuter than Link, so it wasn’t annoying.” Rabia said. Shadow sat down in Ganondorf’s empty chair and winked at Rabia.
“Oh, I know. I’m damn sexy.” she laughed. Ganondorf and his mothers walked back to the table after the mother-son dance was over.
“Move now, before I kill you,” Ganondorf said, shoving Shadow out of his chair. He was about to sit back down, when he suddenly stopped. “Oh, right! You two need to follow me for a second,” he said, motioning for Koume and Kotake to follow as he walked to the other side of the room. Shadow poked his head up over the table.
“Do you think he’ll be back soon?” he said, looking around cautiously. Rabia shrugged. He slid back into the sit and watched carefully for Ganon’s return.
“Pssssssst...” a voice called from under the table. Rabia and Shadow lifted the table cloth enough to see Vaati sitting, hugging his knees, under the table. “What’s uuuuup?” he whispered.
“Why are you whispering? And more importantly, why are you under the table?” Rabia asked. Vaati lowered his knees and pointed to his outfit in shame.
“Do you see what Zelda picked out for me to wear?!” he hissed. Indeed, his outfit would put anybody to shame. She had forced him to wear a purple romper with a bow on the belt, and paired it with a darker purple women’s dress jacket thing. She had always forbid him from wearing a hat, and forced him to cover the black marking under his eye with colored foundation -- which was the wrong shade for his skin color. “I look like a fucking clown, and Malon’s father wants to meet me! I can’t meet him looking like this!” Shadow nodded in agreement.
“Ummm, Vaati?” Rabia said, raising an eyebrow at him.
“Yes?”
“...Aren’t you like.... a sorcerer dude?” she asked.
“Yeees... Why?”
“Couldn’t you just cast a spell and get a different outfit?” Vaati shook his head.
“No way. Last time I tried that spell, it just made me naked instead!” Shadow and Rabia looked at each other, then back at Vaati.
“Hmmm... Okay, fine. We’ll get you something else to wear real quick, just stay there!” Rabia said, pulling the cloth back down so he was hidden once more.
“Thank youuu!” Vaati whispered from under the table. The other two stood and quickly walked out of the hall -- rushing to Zelda’s room. Thankfully, Rabia had a spare change of clothes for a guy with her emergency things -- and they were even purple. She hurried back down the stairs with Shadow right behind her and sat back down at her table, pretending nothing happened. Shadow snuck the clothes under the table for Vaati, who ran to the bathroom sneakily. Shadow Link sat down again in Ganondorf’s empty spot and Kaikoura wandered over.
“Hey guys.” she said, sitting down next to Rabia.
“Hey Kaikoura.” Rabia leaned over to hug her. “You and Sheik are adorable.” she said.
“Oh thanks. You and Ganondorf are.... cute, I think. I mean, sorta. He’s not that cute...” She trailed off. Rabia laughed.
“Well thank you, I think.” she said. Shadow was staring at Kaikoura creepily.
“Uhh... why are you staring at me, Shadow?” she asked, confused and slightly disturbed.
“Would you like to dance with me?” he asked, grinning evilly. She looked at him confused.
“Uh... Are you being legit? And shouldn’t you be with Midna?”He shrugged.
“I’m pretty sure she’s peeing. And I just want to dance with someone.”
“Why don’t you dance with Vaaaaaaatiiii?” Rabia asked, giggling. Shadow just gave her a dirty look.
“You should dance with me Kaikoura.” he said. She thought about it for a moment before answering.
“Okay, sure. Just as long as it doesn’t make Midna mad,” she said. He grinned and pulled her to the dance floor. Aragorn walked over and sat down in Kaikoura’s empty chair.
“Heyyy, where’s your husband?” He asked, out of breath from dancing with Legolas.
“I don’t know. He went somewhere with his parents.” she shrugged. Just then, Zelda ran up and started shaking Rabia by her shoulders.
“Rabiaaaaa! Come dance with me!” she said, attempting to pull her out of her seat.
“Shouldn’t you be DJing or something?” Rabia asked as she was dragged towards the dance floor.
“I’m having Link cover for me!” she said happily.
“Oh jeez, that’s going to be interesting...” she said, following Zelda towards the middle of the floor. Zelda shrugged.
“Oh well! Let’s just dance!” And so they did. A minute or two later, Ganondorf had returned to the table and was conversing with Aragorn. Link was clumsily handling the DJ booth, Sheik was politely listening to CC go on about who knows what, and Vaati was attempting to make small talk with Malon’s father, Talon. When that song was over, Rabia sat back down between Aragorn and Ganondorf. “Rabia I still wanted to dance with you!” Zelda whined, running over. Kaikoura and Shadow Link also walked back over after their dance.
“I don’t want to daaaance. That takes too much work.” she said. Kaikoura sat down next to Aragorn and Shadow Link stood there awkwardly until Ganondorf glared at him. He ran off to go find Midna.
“What should we do then?” Zelda asked.
“I don’t know...” Rabia replied, yawning. “I want to ditch my shoes but I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“I want to kill Link.” Ganondorf said. “And I think it’s a great idea.”
“Um... I’m pretty sure if you do that during the party, Legolas will get really pissed off at you.” Rabia replied. “Kaikoura, why don’t you go rescue your husband from your father?” Rabia suggested.
“Ugh, do I have to? Then I’LL have to deal with him...” Rabia gave her a look. She sighed and walked over to her father and Sheik. Legolas skipped over to Aragorn and sat in his lap, then started kissing him. Rabia sighed and looked bored.
“Hey Rabia,” Ganondorf said, nudging her with his leg. “Wanna dance or something?” She smiled and nodded.
“Sure!” They walked onto the dance floor. Kaikoura was trying to get her father to stop crying and Legolas and Aragorn were making out at one of the tables.
“MY BAAAABYYYY IS LEAVING MEEEEE!” CC wailed, hugging Kaikoura tightly. She looked around scared, but let him continue. He grabbed a tissue and started blowing his nose, wailing obnoxiously. Kaikoura pat him on the back. Sheik quickly and quietly snuck away from the two and walked over to Link who was busy DJing. Shadow Link walked over to Ganondorf and Rabia and started talking to them obnoxiously. Mid-sentence, he was shoved away into another area by Vaati and Malon -- who were doing the chacha. As soon as the song was over Rabia kissed Ganondorf’s cheek and walked back over to Legolas.
“Okay guyyyyyz.... Rabia’s mom just informed me that it’s time to catch the bouquets, whatever that meeeeeans.” Link slurred into the microphone, giggling a little. Kaikoura peeled herself away from her crying father thankfully and rushed over to the DJ table on a small stage. Rabia took her own sweet time in walking over to the stage, and all the girls had already gathered at the bottom waiting excitedly. Rabia and Kaikoura turned around and threw the flowers behind their backs. They turned around and saw that Malon and Saria caught the flowers, but they looked confused. They didn’t understand the flower tossing ceremony.
Rabia and Kaikoura got down off the stage and returned to what they were doing. Link took a few shots and changed the song that was playing to Toxic.
“THIS IS MY JAM!” Aragorn yelled, grabbing Legolas’ arm and dragging him to the dance floor. All the other elves ran to the dance floor and joined them, all having a good time dancing to Britney Spears. Zelda was standing near the DJ’s booth when Vaati walked over to her to strike up a conversation. He whispered something to her and her eyes suddenly lit up and she grinned. She ran into the booth and pushed her way past a very drunk and incoherent Link. She took the mic and turned the music down.
“Okay, everyone! I was just informed of another weird wedding tradition people do wherever the hell Kaikoura and Rabia are from! It’s like the bouquet toss, but... Well, a little different. And for the men!” She explained the toss, and Rabia went pale.
“Ohhh, you have GOT to be kidding, Zelda!” she cried. Zelda giggled, then motioned for it to start. Sheik quickly ran over and took the mic.
“I’m just saying that I am DEFINITELY not going first this time -- so I vote Legolas and Aragorn go first!” Zelda took the mic.
“Sadly, Legolas isn’t wearing a garter. So, you’re still going first!” Link then took the mic.
“NoooooOOHpe! I say that Ganonderf and Rabia go first!”
“Ganonderf?” Ganondorf said, confused.
“I actually second that, Link!” Zelda said, taking the mic once more. “So get in teh chair, Rabia!”
“...Can I say no to that?” she asked. “I don’t feel like walking ALLLL the way back over there.”
“And this is why we have magic!” Zelda replied happily, pushing the chair with her oh-so-magnificent magical abilities toward the Gerudo. She beamed.
“You know Zelda... sometimes I dislike you...” she sighed and sat down in the chair. Zelda then pulled it back so it was in the middle of the floor. Rabia crossed her arms, unamused. “Zelda do we really have to do this?” Zelda nodded.
“Only because I love you Rabia -- and you know you would secretly love it,” she answered.
“Yes. Of course. I will totally love this traumatizing experience you are making me do.” Rabia replied sarcastically.
“Hey, if you think it’s going to be traumatizing for you, imagine how his daughter will feel,” Zelda muttered, starting the horrible rap song they had selected for the event. Ganondorf stood there awkwardly, not entirely sure what he was supposed to be doing.
“Zelda, I feel like this is against the law in some way -- like public nudity or something,” he said.
“Oh, and when have you ever cared about the law, Ganon?” He considered this statement for a moment and could think of no comeback -- she was right.
“Point taken,” he said. Rabia just stared at the floor awkwardly while Ganondorf attempted to locate the garter. After a few minutes, he found it and pulled it off triumphantly. “Finally!” he said. “Now do I just throw it?” Zelda nodded. And so he did -- he threw it behind him. Awkwardly enough, it landed on Vaati’s shoulder. Unaware of what had just landed on him, he made a grimace, jumped, and shook it off. Once he realized it was just a garter, he relaxed. But then, tensed up again when he realized what his catching of the garter meant.
“Uhhh, nice catch, Shadow!” he said, placing it in his servant’s hands.
“Aha! We all saw that, Vaati!” Zelda said. “You have to put the garter on Malon now, muahahahaha.” Everyone gave her a weird look. Vaati blushed.
“Must I? I mean, it just seems silly to have to--” he started.
“Hey, YOU’RE the one who suggested this!” Zelda said.
“What?!” Ganondorf cried. “Ohhh, FIGURES it was him!” Zelda motioned for him to bring Malon to the chair. He sighed, and eventually gave in.
“Ugh, let’s get this over with then, Malon...” he muttered. She took a seat in the chair and waved at Link -- who drunkly waved back. Kaikoura and Sheik were trying to sneak out the doors, but Rabia and Ganondorf blocked the doorway.
“Heyyy Kaikoura! Where are you going?” Rabia asked, her hands on her hips.
“To the fountain of youth! We want to live forever. It’s more important than garters, frankly.” she replied. Rabia raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah, okay then. You aren’t Jack Sparrow, so good luck. You aren’t leaving until Sheik removes that garter with his teeth like a good boy.” Rabia said. Sheik’s face grew paler. Ganondorf gave her a weird look but she shook her head.
“W-what?!” he wailed. Rabia started laughing evilly. Ganondorf caught on to what she was doing and started laughing as well. Rabia and Ganondorf pushed the two back towards the chair to watch Vaati put the garter on Malon. After watching Sheik for a few minutes, Rabia started to feel guilty for scaring the Sheikah so much.
“Hey Ganon... should I tell him?” she asked.
“Nope,” he simply said.
“But he looks so upset! What if he faints?” she asked.
“Well, he won’t have to do it then, will he? Besides, he’ll probably catch on after watching Vaati... and Malon.” He took a seat at a nearby table.
“This is Sheik we’re talking about. I’m going to go tell him so he doesn’t freak out too much.” she said, walking over to Sheik. “Hey Sheik....” He looked up at her.
“...Yes?”
“I was just kidding about the teeth thing...” she said. He blinked.
“Oh... Well... Thank Nayru for that...” he said. Rabia patted his shoulder and sat down at the table next to Ganondorf. Vaati had successfully put the garter on Malon, who was blushing furiously. He mouthed an apology to her as they quickly left the floor.
“Ohhh, look whose turn it is now!” Zelda said. “Oh SHEEEEEEEIK!” she sang.
“Maybe I should have gotten drunk with Link before this,” he said quietly to himself.
“Come on, bro! Get up here!” Zelda motioned for Sheik and Kaikoura to come to the floor. Link came over and ungracefully pulled his two friends over to the chair on the floor. He pushed Kaikoura down onto the chair and ran back to the booth -- slipping on the way there.
“...Well this is awkward,” Kaikoura said. Rabia was giggling insanely at her two awkward friends. Sheik just stared at Kaikoura for a minute.
“Come oooon Sheeeeik!” Zelda said. “We’re not getting any younger here!” Blushing, he started trying to find Kaikoura’s garter. Thankfully, it wasn’t as difficult for him because Kaikoura was wearing a shorter dress. Sheik quickly pulled the garter off and threw it to some random person, then grabbed Kaikoura and ran away quickly. When everyone looked to see who had caught the garter, there was a silence... then a surge of laughter. Vallon had caught his own sister’s garter. He looked appalled.
“Uhhh...” he said, turning pink.
“Come on, Kaikoura’s little bro!” Zelda said. “Hmmm... Let’s find a girl for you to put that garter on... How about Ganondorf’s dau--”
“Um, no. No. NO. Anyone who is related by blood to that lazy, airheaded hylian girl can stay far away from my daughter, thank you very much,” Ganondorf interrupted.
“Heyyy!” Kaikoura cried.
“Fine... Hmmm... How about Saria then?”” Zelda suggested.
“Uhh.. sure?” Vallon said, unsure who Saria was. She made her way to the front of the crowd and took a seat in the chair in the middle of the floor. “Hi,” Vallon said.
“Hi,” she answered with a smile. Without hesitation or awkwardness, much unlike everyone else, he slid the garter on her leg. Everyone else cheered.
“Now that that’s over with, let’s all go get WASTEDDDDDD,” Link yelled into the mic. Everyone was then silent.
“Come with me, Link...” Rauru said -- who was probably planning on “saving his soul” or something.
“Anyway, uhhh... It’s time for the last dance, peopleee!” Zelda said. “So dance, everyone!” She turned on the song Take My Breath Away... aka a slow sappy song of DOOOOM! “Now come on, newlyweds, get yo dance on.” Many people started slow dancing with their significant others -- including Vaati and Shadow Link. Not together; with their significant others. Zelda was now on the floor dancing with Tet, and Aragorn and Legolas were doing the same. Pretty much everyone was dancing -- besides Sheik and Kaikoura, who were awkwardly glancing at each other.
“Wanna dance, Rabia?” Ganondorf asked.
“Well duuuuh.” she said, grabbing his hand and walking onto the dance floor.
“So... how about them Red Sox...” Kaikoura said awkwardly to Sheik. Sheik scuffed his shoe on the floor awkwardly.
“Do you wanna dance Kaikoura?” he asked shyly, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Yes, pants would be nice. Do you know where I can get some?” she replied. He gave her a weird look.
“No, do you wanna DANCE?” he repeated. She blinked.
“I think I heard you wrong, Sheiky. Do I want to what?” she said in shock. He grabbed her hand and pulled her onto the dance floor, not bothering to ask again. Everyone danced until the song was over. Zelda grabbed the mic again after the song was over.
“Well, that was a lot of fun!” Link stumbled over to her and gave her a hug while she was talking. “But I think it’s time for the happy couples to head out on their honeymoons!” she smiled. Link kissed her cheek, and she elbowed him. “Have fun you guys. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE LOTS OF SEX!” Rabia choked on the water she was drinking and Kaikoura and Sheik started blushing again. Aragorn and Legolas winked at each other, and Ganondorf just looked bored. “Don’t worry, I will too!!” she said, causing many of the people listening to laugh. CC and Chris came over to wish their daughter and new son-in-law well on their trip. CC also made sure to mention how he was too young to be a grandparent -- causing Kaikoura to shoo him away in a hurry. Rabia was talking to Ganondorf’s mothers when she noticed her mother running up to her.
“Oh fuck me...” she whispered.
“Oh he will.” Zelda said. She had wandered over a few moments ago to congratulate her friend. Rabia didn’t reply, but Zelda noticed the slight blush and started laughing.
“My baby giiiiiiirl!” Rabia’s mother yelled, running over and embracing her daughter. Rabia patted her back awkwardly and sighed.
“Hi mom...” she said, pulling away from her.
“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your husband?” she asked pointedly.
“I guess...” Rabia tapped Ganondorf’s arm and he turned from his own parents for a moment. “Ganondorf, this is my mother, Debbie...” she said.
“It’s nice to meet you.” He said with a smile. The first one Rabia had ever seen on him actually. She was shocked. Her mother pulled Ganondorf into a hug.
“My, aren’t you tall!” she exclaimed.
“I can see where Rabia gets her height.” Ganondorf chuckled. Debbie gasped and pulled away.
“No short jokes!” she said. She was laughing too. “I’m just kidding. But make sure you take care of my precious, darling baby girl!” she said, tearing up. “I can’t believe how fast she’s grown up!” she said, wiping a tear from her eye.
“I’ll take care of her, don’t worry.” he said. Debbie walked away with the other parents, all of whom were teary eyed. Ganondorf leaned towards Rabia. “Doesn’t everyone call Ghirahim Debbie?” he whispered. She nodded and giggled, linking arms with Ganondorf and following Sheik and Kaikoura outside. Elrond and Thranduil hugged their sons tightly. Aragorn hugged his brothers and Legolas pulled his mother and sister into a hug. Aragorn and Legolas made their way outside as well. Everyone waved goodbye as the couples mounted their horses and started down the road.
“Should we tell them that we are going to Kaikoura’s house tonight?” Legolas said, laughing a little from behind Aragorn.
“No.” Ganondorf said.
“For once I agree. They would all follow us there and bother the fuck out of us.” she said. Rabia laughed. Soon they were back at Kaikoura’s house, where they changed out of their clothes and snuggled up on the couches to relax and watch movies before they left for their honeymoons the next day.
“Because everyone cares so much,” Midna said, rolling her eyes.
“Shut it, Midna!” They continued riding along until they reached the castle gate.
“State your business,” the guard said.
“We’re here for the wedding, man!” Kaikoura said. The guard blinked at her.
“Sorry, you need an invitation to enter.”
“Dude, we’re the people getting married! Let us in!” she said.
“Suuuure you are.” He scoffed.
“Let us pass, idiot,” Ganondorf said, leading his horse to the front. The guard gasped and ran off into the distance screaming. Everyone was silent for a moment.
“Nice going, Ganondorf! Now how are we supposed to get in?!” Rabia said. Link jumped off his horse and walked over to the wall on the far side of the gate. “What are you doing?” Everyone followed his to see what he was going to try to attempt. He was climbing up a set of vines on the wall.
“Come on guys, don’t just stand there!” he called down, climbing higher up and eventually reaching the top of the wall. “Are you coming or what?”
“Link, we can’t sneak into the castle! That’s just wrong!” Zelda said. Ganondorf gave her a dirty look.
“Maybe if you had just told the freaking guard that you were the PRINCESS, he would have let us enter,” he said. She returned the look.
“Oh please! If you hadn’t freaked him out, we could have paid him to let us in!”
“Guys, come on!” he called down.
“Ugh, can’t you just open the gate, retard?” Rabia asked. Link thought about this for a moment.
“I don’t know if I can, but I’ll go try,” he said, disappearing over the wall. Everyone waited for the gate to open. After a few minutes, Ganondorf became impatient.
“Link, hurry the hell up!” he yelled. There was no response.
“Oh dear Nayru, what if he got caught?” Zelda said in a worried voice. Suddenly, the gate started to open.
“Took him long enough,” Ganondorf muttered. Everyone led their horses into the gate and towards the courtyard.
“Guys, wait for me!” Link called, running down the hill near the gate. Apparently too lazy to get his OWN horse, he jumped onto the back of Ganondorf’s stallion.
“You better get the hell off my horse before I send you to another dimension!” Ganondorf said, shoving him off.
“Heyyy! Ow!” Link said as he hit the ground.
“Why don’t you go back and get Epona, idiot?” Rabia said, nearly stepping on him as her horse passed. He grumbled and walked back to get his horse. He climbed onto Epona and galloped up to the rest of the group, who were dismounting to get into the castle.
“Come on guys! I’ll show you where we are gonna get ready!” Zelda said, leading the girls in one direction. Link just scratched his head awkwardly and Sheik rolled his eyes.
“Oh come on...” he said, leading them in the opposite direction. Zelda led them to her room.
“Okay guys, everyone start getting ready! Go!” she said. The girls all scattered and started putting on their dresses. “Oh dammit where’s Legolas?! ARAGORN CAN’T SEE HIM BEFORE THE WEDDING!” she quickly ran out of the room, already in her dress and heels. She returned a few minutes later with Legolas in tow.
“Oh, hey! Zelda, can you tie my dress for me?” Rabia asked.
“You mean, zip it?”
“No... it doesn’t zip. It ties...” she said. “Would you just come tie it please?” Zelda sighed and rolled her eyes but helped her anyway. Legolas started pulling on his pants.
“Awww! Rabia you look so pretty!” he said, giving her a hug.
“Haha thanks Legolas. You look pretty damn hot yourself.” she said. Kaikoura was starting to put on her dress as well. Arwen and Midna were already working on their makeup. Tatl and Malon rushed in all dressed for the wedding, prepared to help Kaikoura get ready like a good bridesmaid. The girls room was crazy as the bridesmaids walked in and out trying to help and get things done in time.
Meanwhile, in the room the guys were changing in, they were all done getting dressed and were sitting around talking about guy stuff. Sheik was attempting to tie his tie but he was fumbling with the materiel. Link grabbed the tie from him and tied it, patting his friend on the back.
“Sorry, thanks Link...” he said looking at the suit with disgust. “Ugh, this is so uncomfortable...”
“I know right!” Link said, adjusting his own tie. “Who wears this stuff when they get married? Like... You should be in... Uhh... Actually, I don’t think I even know what people wear to weddings...” Just then, Ganondorf walked over and sat next to Link.
“Link, you look stupid,” he said. Link ignored the comment.
“Do you think these suits look dumb?” he said, standing next to Sheik for Ganon to see. He just blinked.
“Obviously. But there isn’t anything else to wear, so we might as well deal with it.”
“Aren’t your parents pissed that you’re getting married without their consent?” Sheik said. Ganondorf shrugged.
“They didn’t seem pissed. Besides, Rabia’s a Gerudo, so they approve.” Link sat on the floor and yawned. Then, suddenly, he just stood angrily and threw his arms in the air.
“Okay, what the mushroom! These suits suck and are SO uncomfortable -- I feel like I’m wearing bark or something!” Aragorn came out in his suit, looking awkwardly out of place in it.
“Is everyone else done already? Well now I feel awkward.” Aragorn said, sitting down with his twin brothers. “How long do you think we have to wait?”
“The wedding is in two hours...” Ganondorf replied.
“Oh Din. Really? Why did we come so EARLY?” Link asked.
“Girls take a long time to get ready...” Aragorn said.
“And so do you.” Link replied crankily. Aragorn raised an eyebrow.
“Excuse me? What was that?” Aragorn said. Link looked down at his feet.
“Nothing...” he mumbled. “Who wants to get drunk?!” There was an awkward silence, and he sat back down. “Fine then. Who wants to get BAKED?!” he said. Everyone looked at each other.
In Zelda’s bedroom, Rabia and Kaikoura were trying to do each others makeup. Zelda was watching intently, scoffing at everything either one of them did.
“Okay, Zelda, since you don’t like it, why don’t YOU do our makeup?” Rabia said, setting down the eyeliner after Zelda’s tenth scoff.
“Okay!” she said cheerfully.
“Oh no. Midna, Midna make sure she doesn’t make us look like clowns!” Kaikoura said. Zelda glared at her but did her makeup anyway as Arwen came back with all their bouquets. They were all starting to pull on their shoes and Malon was doing Tatl’s hair. After a while, Zelda was done with the other two’s makeup. Rabia’s looked amazing... and Kaikoura’s made her look like a zombie. Kaikoura grabbed a washcloth and glared at her. “THANKS, Zelda! I’m doing my own damn makeup,” she muttered.
“I’ll do it, Kaikoura! Trust me, you won’t look like a freak,” Midna said, helping her take all the blush off. Zelda scoffed.
“Fine! I thought you looked great!” she said, sitting next to Rabia. There was a moment of relative silence when, all of a sudden, Link burst into the room.
“Ahhh, I’m partially naked, don’t look!” Kaikoura yelled, running into Zelda’s closet. Zelda stood and gasped in shock.
“Link! You can’t be in here! And why do you smell like pot? And more importantly -- WHY DIDN’T YOU SHARE ANY WITH ME?!” She looked at him offended. Rabia stood and shoved him out into the hallway.
“Stay out, Link!” she yelled.
“But I neeeEEEeed to stay in here! Ganondorf is going to kill me! Hide me!” He tried to run back in, but she blocked his way.
“What did you do now, Link?” she asked.
“I didn’t share my pot with him.” he said.
“Good. You shouldn’t have.” Rabia replied, raising an eyebrow. “I suppose I can let you in for a few minutes, until he calms down.” she stepped aside and he darted into the room. She closed and locked the door and started trying to find her shoes. Kaikoura peeked out of the closet.
“Oh come on!” she said. “How am I supposed to finish getting ready?” Rabia grabbed a random piece of spare fabric and tied it over Link’s eyes.
“There. Problem solved.” she said, pulling on her heels. “Please tell me we won’t be walking on any carpet....” Midna continued doing Kaikoura’s makeup for her. Someone started knocking on the door.
“Have any of you seen Link?!” Ganondorf yelled through the door angrily.
“Sorry, no! We haven’t.” Rabia said, trying to stand without wobbling. “Damn these shoes...” she stumbled.
“Are you sure?! I thought he was running through here. You aren’t hiding him are you?”
“No, don’t be silly.” Rabia said, walking over to help Kaikoura finish getting ready. There was only a half an hour left before the wedding started and Kaikoura was the only one not ready. "Why don't you check some of the nearby bathrooms for him? Wouldn't that be a logical place to hide? Then again this is LINK we're talking about... So good luck Ganondorf." Rabia zipped up Kaikoura's dress for her and sat down on Zelda's bed. Ganondorf walked away and Link sighed in relief.
"Thanks guys." he said.
"No problem, but you better get going, we only have ten minutes." Midna said, untying the cloth around his eyes and shoving him out the door. Rabia started pacing again and Legolas sat down on Zelda’s bed next to Kaikoura. Everyone was awkwardly silent, and the only sound was Rabia’s heels on the floor.
“Would you STOP?” Zelda said after a minute of this.
“Sorry, sorry...” Rabia said, sitting down awkwardly. There was a knock on the door. Midna pulled it open.
“Hello King Thranduil.” she greeted.
“It’s time for you all to come down.” he said. Everyone got to their feet and walked down the stairs towards the doors of the Great Hall. “Kaikoura, when the music starts, you walk down first okay? Then Legolas, then Rabia.” Kaikoura’s dad, CC, was standing at the bottom of the staircase, staring into the distance and humming a tune to himself.
“Hi CC!” Rabia said, giving him a hug.
“Awwwwwww you look so pretty in your wittle dreeeeess!” he said weirdly, hugging her back.
“Uhhh, thanks?” she said, inching away. He turned to Kaikoura and made a weird gasping sound.
“Ohhhhh, my babyyyyyy, you look so beautiful!” he cried, bringing her into a tight hug. She looked at her friends scared, mouthing “help me.” She attempted to pat him on the back.
“Thanks, Dad... Please don’t embarrass me, for the love of all things holy...” she said, trying to push out of his clutches. He let go, sniffled, and wiped away a tear.
“I’ll try my best,” he said. Kaikoura looked at Rabia.
“Where are your parents?” she asked.
“Only our fathers walk us down the aisle.” she said, shaking her head.
“Oh yeahhhhh!” Kaikoura said. Rabia laughed and patted her friend on the shoulder.
“It’s okay, I won’t hold your forgetfulness against you.” Rabia said.
“Wait... you don’t have a FATHER?” Zelda said.
“... well technically yes... but... no.” Rabia replied.
“Oh. Well that sucks.” Zelda shrugged. Rabia rolled her eyes and laughed as CC pulled Kaikoura into another tight hug with a sniffle.
“My beautiful baby girl is all grown up! And she’s getting married!” he wailed. Kaikoura awkwardly patted him on the back.
“Dad, everything is going to be okay,” she said trying to calm him down. He was now sobbing loudly, causing a few guards to stare. “Dad...” she said. He just continued. “....DAD! Stop crying!” she said. He sniffled and breathed deeply.
“I’m sorry... This... This is just a little much for me...” he said slowly. He turned to Rabia. “And whose going to be walking you down the aisle then?”
“Gandalf,” she said.
“Luckyyyy!” Kaikoura said. Her dad looked at her offended.
“And what’s that supposed to mean?!” he cried.
“Uhh... I don’t know,” she said. There was a silence.“...So yeah, how about them Red Sox....” Zelda rolled her eyes.
“Oh shut up, let’s just go already,” she said as the music started. She pushed Kaikoura towards the doors. CC linked his arm with hers.
“Are you ready?” he asked.
“Not really,” she said, staring straight ahead.
“Then let’s go!” he said. He dragged her out onto the aisle. Everyone in the audience stood and watched as they slowly made their way down. She stared straight at the ground, occasionally looking over to her side to look for her “mom,” Chris. Soon enough, she found him, sitting next to her little brother. Her brother was studying the hat of the woman in front of him -- as it was a very... interesting accessory. Her other dad (mom, whatever) was watching them intently with a huge smile on his face. She did a tiny wave to him and he returned it with a huge, enthusiastic wave. A few people around him gave him weird looks. She quickly looked back down at the floor embarrassed, mumbling to herself that her parents were crazy. Once they finally reached the end of the aisle, CC kissed her on the cheek and slowly walked away -- sniffling a little as he did. She didn’t look at Sheik for a while ; she just stared down at the bouquet in her hands. Then she turned to watch Legolas come down the aisle.
Legolas was being led by Thranduil, and Aragorn was watching him enter in awe. Legolas was only looking at Aragorn with a huge smile growing on his face. Once Thranduil and Legolas reached the end of the aisle, Thranduil hugged his son and also walked away to go join his wife. Legolas kissed Aragorn on the cheek and then they turned to watch Rabia walk down with Gandalf. She was staring straight ahead, trying not to make eye contact with her embarrassing-as-hell mother who was staring at her intently, trying to get her attention. She looked at Ganondorf, who was patiently standing at the altar. Finally she made it to the end of the aisle and gave Gandalf a tiny hug before he also walked back to his seat.
Rauru walked over and started talking about stuff that no one was really paying attention to at all. He was going on about what marriage is and all that shit, but no one really cared. Ganondorf whispered over to Rabia while Raura was droning on about how lucky everyone was to find love or something like that. “Yo,” he whispered. Rabia just stared at him and blinked a few times, then tried not to start giggling in the middle of the ceremony. Kaikoura was still staring at the floor awkwardly and Sheik was looking around at the people gathered to watch the wedding and shifted nervously. Aragorn and Legolas were holding hands and staring into each other’s eyes all sappy like. Everyone in the crowd was staring intently -- except for Kaikoura’s little brother, who was half-asleep in the corner of the room. Raura was still going on ten minutes after this, and Ganondorf was starting to get impatient. He started tapping his foot and softly whistling ; Rauru looked up at him with a glare then quickly back at the book and continued. Ganon sighed and scratched the back of his neck in boredom. He looked back at Rabia and whispered to her again. “...So how’s life?” Rauru cleared his throat loudly to get Ganondorf’s attention. Giving him a stern look, he then returned to reading. He ignored the sage.
“I like your dress,” he whispered to Rabia. Rabia smiled a little but shushed him before Rauru got too angry. Kaikoura was now nearly asleep as well -- swaying a little as he continued talking. Sheik poked her nose to wake her up. She jumped a little, but then attempted to stay awake. Finally, he said, “Do you, Sheik Sheikah, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?” Sheik quickly nodded. He then looked at Kaikoura. “And do you, Kaikoura Skywalker, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?” She paused for a moment, looking back at her father as he blew his nose noisily on a tissue. She turned back to Rauru.
“Yeah, man.” He gave her a weird look. Suddenly, there was a tiny cheer from the audience. Everyone looked to see who it was... and to Kaikoura’s dismay it was Chris. She turned away embarrassed and shielded her face with her bouquet. Rauru turned to Aragorn and Legolas.
“Do you, King Elessar Telcontar, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
“Yes I do.” Aragorn answered with a grin. Rauru turned to Legolas.
“Do you, Prince Legolas Thranduillion, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
“I do.” Legolas replied. Rauru turned to Ganondorf and Rabia.
“Do you, King Ganondorf Dragmire, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?” Ganondorf looked at Rabia, then at Rauru.
“Sure, why not?” he said after a moment of thought. Rauru then turned to Rabia.
“Do you, Rabia Hudson, take this demon -- I mean man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
“I do.” she said, half glaring at Rauru.
“You may kiss the bride.” Rauru said to all three couples. Aragorn grabbed Legolas and kissed him, laughing as he did. Ganondorf leaned in and kissed Rabia, and this time did NOT make out with her. Sheik and Kaikoura were blushing and just staring at each other. Everyone else in the room were staring at them. Sheik finally leaned forward and kissed Kaikoura quickly, and pulled away blushing even darker. Everyone cheered as the couples walked back down the aisle. All the noise had woken Kaikoura’s brother up, and he jumped out of his seat to follow Chris and congratulate everyone. After a few moments, everyone moved into the dining hall for the party.Zelda walked up to the DJ and took a microphone (because they have those in Hyrule now, yay!).
“It’s time for the first dances everyone! Sheik and Kaikoura’s dance is first. They will be dancing to I’m a Believer by Smash Mouth.” she said. Kaikoura’s dad pushed them towards the dancefloor and the DJ started the music. Kaikoura sighed once the two were standing in the middle of the floor.
“I hate everything,” she said.
“That’s okay, Kaikoura. I hate everything too,” Sheik replied. Zelda started playing the song and motioned for them to dance. Needless to really describe, there dancing resembled this. Except they weren’t fat or in leotards... Okay, maybe it wasn’t as bad as that. It was more like this, except not as awesome. So it was pretty bad. CC and Chris cheered from the sidelines.
“You see her? Yep, that’s my daughter!” CC kept saying.
“I’m just going to pretend I don’t know them,” Kaikoura said to herself. Eventually, the song was over, and the two ran off the floor. “That was beyond terrible... Don’t EVER make us do that again,” she said to Zelda. Zelda just giggled.
“Okay, that was... Interesting,” Zelda said. She started playing the next song. “Now, it’s Legolas and Aragorn’s turn!” She started playing Get Busy by Sean Paul. The two looked at each other and shrugged, then walked onto the dance floor. Legolas had a huge smile on his face as he and Aragorn started dancing like idiots and having fun. They started grinding horribly with each other and laughing hysterically. Once the song was over they walked away laughing with each other and holding hands. They high-fived Gandalf, who they had seen dancing a little bit on the side.
“I guess I need to teach you guys how to grind, too!” Zelda said, shaking her head at them. “Oh well. And last but certainly not least, it’s time for Rabia and Ganondorf to dance! WOOOOO! Love you buddy!” She waved at Rabia with a grin and started playing Smother Me by the Used.
“Oh whaaaaat!” Ganondorf cried. “Of course we get the only damn slow song!” Rabia started to laugh as they walked to the center of the floor.
“This is awkward...” Rabia said.
“Especially since I’m worried you’re going to step on my feet with your dangerous heels,” he answered, taking her by the waist.
“I’m not going to step on your damn feet.” she said as they started to dance all cute like and stuff. He shrugged. “I’m not that clumsy...” she said. Near the end of the song, Rabia stumbled in her shoes and almost stepped on his foot. “Okay, so... I’m clumsy but I didn’t step on you.”
“I swear to Din, if you step on me, I’m gonna flip.” On the side of the room, Shadow Link and Vaati were waving lighters in the air with stupid grins on their faces. “Yep, they would,” Ganondorf said to himself. Rabia started giggling at the two idiots and shook her head.
“And people say I’m crazy...” the song ended and they hurried back to the sides of the room.
“Now it’s time for the father - daughter dance.” Zelda said. Rabia sat down at a table on the sides with Aragorn and Legolas.
“Okay, I don’t know about you two but my feet are fucking killing me, and I’m pretty sure I resprained my ankle when I fucking tripped.” she said to them.
“My feet are fine!” Legolas said happily, hugging Aragorn. “This is the best wedding EVER!” Aragorn kissed Legolas and hugged him tight as Ganondorf and Sheik walked over to them and sat down. The only other girl in the room that wasn’t dancing was Zelda, who was standing around looking bored.
“... Heels suck. Ganondorf, why do you have to be so goddamn tall?” Rabia asked. Sheik yawned and sighed to himself. Ganondorf looked at her unamused.
“Because I’m not a midget,” he said. She crossed her arms.
“I am slightly offended...” she said. Two gerudos walked over to them and gave Ganondorf a hug.
“Hello Ganondorf!” one of them said in a high, cackling voice. Ganondorf stood from his seat and motioned for the one on the left, Koume, to sit. The other sat in an empty seat nearby. “Such a gentleman!” Koume said beaming.
“PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA -- hic!” Link nearly fell over laughing. Ganondorf glared at him and Rabia hit him. “OW!” he yelled in pain.
“You’ll have to ignore him -- he hasn’t changed much,” Ganondorf said. “Shouldn’t you be over with SHEIK, Link?” He shoved Link over to Sheik, causing him to stumble and nearly fall over again. Rabia leaned over to whisper to Ganondorf.
“...Is he still high?” Ganondorf shrugged.
“He’s probably drunk now, too. Knowing him, at least.”
“Aren’t you going to introduce your new wife to us, Ganondorf?” Kotake, the other old hag Gerudo witch thing said.
“Oh, right,” he said. “Rabia, these are my mothers -- Koume and Kotake.”
“It’s nice to finally meet you.” she smiled at them.
“It’s nice to meet you too.” They both said together. Link looked up from his conversation with Sheik.
“So you’re nice to Ganondorf’s moms, but not to me?” he said to Rabia, his words slurred.
“Well Link, you’re an idiot. I don’t like idiots. Unless it’s Shadow Link and Vaati. They’re awesome idiots.” she said. Link pouted. “Go cry to someone who cares.” she snapped. Ganondorf laughed.
“I like her,” Koume said. Link scoffed and looked offended.
“Well everyone, it’s time for the mother-son dances!” she called into the microphone. Almost everyone switched places with each other. Ganondorf went to dance with both of his mothers, and Shadow Link slowly inched over to Rabia.
“Congratulations on your marriage, Rabia... Does this mean we can’t flirt anymore?” He gave her a puppy dog face and folded his hands in a pleady thing. Rabia giggled at how adorable he was being.
“I don’t know, love. I’ll still flirt with you, but not if it makes Ganondorf angry.” she gave him a small hug. He pretended to sniffle.
“Then I better savor this hug -- for it may be the last one you ever give me!” He hugged her back. “Did I sound as dramatic as Link right there?” He snickered.
“Only slightly. But you’re 100x cuter than Link, so it wasn’t annoying.” Rabia said. Shadow sat down in Ganondorf’s empty chair and winked at Rabia.
“Oh, I know. I’m damn sexy.” she laughed. Ganondorf and his mothers walked back to the table after the mother-son dance was over.
“Move now, before I kill you,” Ganondorf said, shoving Shadow out of his chair. He was about to sit back down, when he suddenly stopped. “Oh, right! You two need to follow me for a second,” he said, motioning for Koume and Kotake to follow as he walked to the other side of the room. Shadow poked his head up over the table.
“Do you think he’ll be back soon?” he said, looking around cautiously. Rabia shrugged. He slid back into the sit and watched carefully for Ganon’s return.
“Pssssssst...” a voice called from under the table. Rabia and Shadow lifted the table cloth enough to see Vaati sitting, hugging his knees, under the table. “What’s uuuuup?” he whispered.
“Why are you whispering? And more importantly, why are you under the table?” Rabia asked. Vaati lowered his knees and pointed to his outfit in shame.
“Do you see what Zelda picked out for me to wear?!” he hissed. Indeed, his outfit would put anybody to shame. She had forced him to wear a purple romper with a bow on the belt, and paired it with a darker purple women’s dress jacket thing. She had always forbid him from wearing a hat, and forced him to cover the black marking under his eye with colored foundation -- which was the wrong shade for his skin color. “I look like a fucking clown, and Malon’s father wants to meet me! I can’t meet him looking like this!” Shadow nodded in agreement.
“Ummm, Vaati?” Rabia said, raising an eyebrow at him.
“Yes?”
“...Aren’t you like.... a sorcerer dude?” she asked.
“Yeees... Why?”
“Couldn’t you just cast a spell and get a different outfit?” Vaati shook his head.
“No way. Last time I tried that spell, it just made me naked instead!” Shadow and Rabia looked at each other, then back at Vaati.
“Hmmm... Okay, fine. We’ll get you something else to wear real quick, just stay there!” Rabia said, pulling the cloth back down so he was hidden once more.
“Thank youuu!” Vaati whispered from under the table. The other two stood and quickly walked out of the hall -- rushing to Zelda’s room. Thankfully, Rabia had a spare change of clothes for a guy with her emergency things -- and they were even purple. She hurried back down the stairs with Shadow right behind her and sat back down at her table, pretending nothing happened. Shadow snuck the clothes under the table for Vaati, who ran to the bathroom sneakily. Shadow Link sat down again in Ganondorf’s empty spot and Kaikoura wandered over.
“Hey guys.” she said, sitting down next to Rabia.
“Hey Kaikoura.” Rabia leaned over to hug her. “You and Sheik are adorable.” she said.
“Oh thanks. You and Ganondorf are.... cute, I think. I mean, sorta. He’s not that cute...” She trailed off. Rabia laughed.
“Well thank you, I think.” she said. Shadow was staring at Kaikoura creepily.
“Uhh... why are you staring at me, Shadow?” she asked, confused and slightly disturbed.
“Would you like to dance with me?” he asked, grinning evilly. She looked at him confused.
“Uh... Are you being legit? And shouldn’t you be with Midna?”He shrugged.
“I’m pretty sure she’s peeing. And I just want to dance with someone.”
“Why don’t you dance with Vaaaaaaatiiii?” Rabia asked, giggling. Shadow just gave her a dirty look.
“You should dance with me Kaikoura.” he said. She thought about it for a moment before answering.
“Okay, sure. Just as long as it doesn’t make Midna mad,” she said. He grinned and pulled her to the dance floor. Aragorn walked over and sat down in Kaikoura’s empty chair.
“Heyyy, where’s your husband?” He asked, out of breath from dancing with Legolas.
“I don’t know. He went somewhere with his parents.” she shrugged. Just then, Zelda ran up and started shaking Rabia by her shoulders.
“Rabiaaaaa! Come dance with me!” she said, attempting to pull her out of her seat.
“Shouldn’t you be DJing or something?” Rabia asked as she was dragged towards the dance floor.
“I’m having Link cover for me!” she said happily.
“Oh jeez, that’s going to be interesting...” she said, following Zelda towards the middle of the floor. Zelda shrugged.
“Oh well! Let’s just dance!” And so they did. A minute or two later, Ganondorf had returned to the table and was conversing with Aragorn. Link was clumsily handling the DJ booth, Sheik was politely listening to CC go on about who knows what, and Vaati was attempting to make small talk with Malon’s father, Talon. When that song was over, Rabia sat back down between Aragorn and Ganondorf. “Rabia I still wanted to dance with you!” Zelda whined, running over. Kaikoura and Shadow Link also walked back over after their dance.
“I don’t want to daaaance. That takes too much work.” she said. Kaikoura sat down next to Aragorn and Shadow Link stood there awkwardly until Ganondorf glared at him. He ran off to go find Midna.
“What should we do then?” Zelda asked.
“I don’t know...” Rabia replied, yawning. “I want to ditch my shoes but I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“I want to kill Link.” Ganondorf said. “And I think it’s a great idea.”
“Um... I’m pretty sure if you do that during the party, Legolas will get really pissed off at you.” Rabia replied. “Kaikoura, why don’t you go rescue your husband from your father?” Rabia suggested.
“Ugh, do I have to? Then I’LL have to deal with him...” Rabia gave her a look. She sighed and walked over to her father and Sheik. Legolas skipped over to Aragorn and sat in his lap, then started kissing him. Rabia sighed and looked bored.
“Hey Rabia,” Ganondorf said, nudging her with his leg. “Wanna dance or something?” She smiled and nodded.
“Sure!” They walked onto the dance floor. Kaikoura was trying to get her father to stop crying and Legolas and Aragorn were making out at one of the tables.
“MY BAAAABYYYY IS LEAVING MEEEEE!” CC wailed, hugging Kaikoura tightly. She looked around scared, but let him continue. He grabbed a tissue and started blowing his nose, wailing obnoxiously. Kaikoura pat him on the back. Sheik quickly and quietly snuck away from the two and walked over to Link who was busy DJing. Shadow Link walked over to Ganondorf and Rabia and started talking to them obnoxiously. Mid-sentence, he was shoved away into another area by Vaati and Malon -- who were doing the chacha. As soon as the song was over Rabia kissed Ganondorf’s cheek and walked back over to Legolas.
“Okay guyyyyyz.... Rabia’s mom just informed me that it’s time to catch the bouquets, whatever that meeeeeans.” Link slurred into the microphone, giggling a little. Kaikoura peeled herself away from her crying father thankfully and rushed over to the DJ table on a small stage. Rabia took her own sweet time in walking over to the stage, and all the girls had already gathered at the bottom waiting excitedly. Rabia and Kaikoura turned around and threw the flowers behind their backs. They turned around and saw that Malon and Saria caught the flowers, but they looked confused. They didn’t understand the flower tossing ceremony.
Rabia and Kaikoura got down off the stage and returned to what they were doing. Link took a few shots and changed the song that was playing to Toxic.
“THIS IS MY JAM!” Aragorn yelled, grabbing Legolas’ arm and dragging him to the dance floor. All the other elves ran to the dance floor and joined them, all having a good time dancing to Britney Spears. Zelda was standing near the DJ’s booth when Vaati walked over to her to strike up a conversation. He whispered something to her and her eyes suddenly lit up and she grinned. She ran into the booth and pushed her way past a very drunk and incoherent Link. She took the mic and turned the music down.
“Okay, everyone! I was just informed of another weird wedding tradition people do wherever the hell Kaikoura and Rabia are from! It’s like the bouquet toss, but... Well, a little different. And for the men!” She explained the toss, and Rabia went pale.
“Ohhh, you have GOT to be kidding, Zelda!” she cried. Zelda giggled, then motioned for it to start. Sheik quickly ran over and took the mic.
“I’m just saying that I am DEFINITELY not going first this time -- so I vote Legolas and Aragorn go first!” Zelda took the mic.
“Sadly, Legolas isn’t wearing a garter. So, you’re still going first!” Link then took the mic.
“NoooooOOHpe! I say that Ganonderf and Rabia go first!”
“Ganonderf?” Ganondorf said, confused.
“I actually second that, Link!” Zelda said, taking the mic once more. “So get in teh chair, Rabia!”
“...Can I say no to that?” she asked. “I don’t feel like walking ALLLL the way back over there.”
“And this is why we have magic!” Zelda replied happily, pushing the chair with her oh-so-magnificent magical abilities toward the Gerudo. She beamed.
“You know Zelda... sometimes I dislike you...” she sighed and sat down in the chair. Zelda then pulled it back so it was in the middle of the floor. Rabia crossed her arms, unamused. “Zelda do we really have to do this?” Zelda nodded.
“Only because I love you Rabia -- and you know you would secretly love it,” she answered.
“Yes. Of course. I will totally love this traumatizing experience you are making me do.” Rabia replied sarcastically.
“Hey, if you think it’s going to be traumatizing for you, imagine how his daughter will feel,” Zelda muttered, starting the horrible rap song they had selected for the event. Ganondorf stood there awkwardly, not entirely sure what he was supposed to be doing.
“Zelda, I feel like this is against the law in some way -- like public nudity or something,” he said.
“Oh, and when have you ever cared about the law, Ganon?” He considered this statement for a moment and could think of no comeback -- she was right.
“Point taken,” he said. Rabia just stared at the floor awkwardly while Ganondorf attempted to locate the garter. After a few minutes, he found it and pulled it off triumphantly. “Finally!” he said. “Now do I just throw it?” Zelda nodded. And so he did -- he threw it behind him. Awkwardly enough, it landed on Vaati’s shoulder. Unaware of what had just landed on him, he made a grimace, jumped, and shook it off. Once he realized it was just a garter, he relaxed. But then, tensed up again when he realized what his catching of the garter meant.
“Uhhh, nice catch, Shadow!” he said, placing it in his servant’s hands.
“Aha! We all saw that, Vaati!” Zelda said. “You have to put the garter on Malon now, muahahahaha.” Everyone gave her a weird look. Vaati blushed.
“Must I? I mean, it just seems silly to have to--” he started.
“Hey, YOU’RE the one who suggested this!” Zelda said.
“What?!” Ganondorf cried. “Ohhh, FIGURES it was him!” Zelda motioned for him to bring Malon to the chair. He sighed, and eventually gave in.
“Ugh, let’s get this over with then, Malon...” he muttered. She took a seat in the chair and waved at Link -- who drunkly waved back. Kaikoura and Sheik were trying to sneak out the doors, but Rabia and Ganondorf blocked the doorway.
“Heyyy Kaikoura! Where are you going?” Rabia asked, her hands on her hips.
“To the fountain of youth! We want to live forever. It’s more important than garters, frankly.” she replied. Rabia raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah, okay then. You aren’t Jack Sparrow, so good luck. You aren’t leaving until Sheik removes that garter with his teeth like a good boy.” Rabia said. Sheik’s face grew paler. Ganondorf gave her a weird look but she shook her head.
“W-what?!” he wailed. Rabia started laughing evilly. Ganondorf caught on to what she was doing and started laughing as well. Rabia and Ganondorf pushed the two back towards the chair to watch Vaati put the garter on Malon. After watching Sheik for a few minutes, Rabia started to feel guilty for scaring the Sheikah so much.
“Hey Ganon... should I tell him?” she asked.
“Nope,” he simply said.
“But he looks so upset! What if he faints?” she asked.
“Well, he won’t have to do it then, will he? Besides, he’ll probably catch on after watching Vaati... and Malon.” He took a seat at a nearby table.
“This is Sheik we’re talking about. I’m going to go tell him so he doesn’t freak out too much.” she said, walking over to Sheik. “Hey Sheik....” He looked up at her.
“...Yes?”
“I was just kidding about the teeth thing...” she said. He blinked.
“Oh... Well... Thank Nayru for that...” he said. Rabia patted his shoulder and sat down at the table next to Ganondorf. Vaati had successfully put the garter on Malon, who was blushing furiously. He mouthed an apology to her as they quickly left the floor.
“Ohhh, look whose turn it is now!” Zelda said. “Oh SHEEEEEEEIK!” she sang.
“Maybe I should have gotten drunk with Link before this,” he said quietly to himself.
“Come on, bro! Get up here!” Zelda motioned for Sheik and Kaikoura to come to the floor. Link came over and ungracefully pulled his two friends over to the chair on the floor. He pushed Kaikoura down onto the chair and ran back to the booth -- slipping on the way there.
“...Well this is awkward,” Kaikoura said. Rabia was giggling insanely at her two awkward friends. Sheik just stared at Kaikoura for a minute.
“Come oooon Sheeeeik!” Zelda said. “We’re not getting any younger here!” Blushing, he started trying to find Kaikoura’s garter. Thankfully, it wasn’t as difficult for him because Kaikoura was wearing a shorter dress. Sheik quickly pulled the garter off and threw it to some random person, then grabbed Kaikoura and ran away quickly. When everyone looked to see who had caught the garter, there was a silence... then a surge of laughter. Vallon had caught his own sister’s garter. He looked appalled.
“Uhhh...” he said, turning pink.
“Come on, Kaikoura’s little bro!” Zelda said. “Hmmm... Let’s find a girl for you to put that garter on... How about Ganondorf’s dau--”
“Um, no. No. NO. Anyone who is related by blood to that lazy, airheaded hylian girl can stay far away from my daughter, thank you very much,” Ganondorf interrupted.
“Heyyy!” Kaikoura cried.
“Fine... Hmmm... How about Saria then?”” Zelda suggested.
“Uhh.. sure?” Vallon said, unsure who Saria was. She made her way to the front of the crowd and took a seat in the chair in the middle of the floor. “Hi,” Vallon said.
“Hi,” she answered with a smile. Without hesitation or awkwardness, much unlike everyone else, he slid the garter on her leg. Everyone else cheered.
“Now that that’s over with, let’s all go get WASTEDDDDDD,” Link yelled into the mic. Everyone was then silent.
“Come with me, Link...” Rauru said -- who was probably planning on “saving his soul” or something.
“Anyway, uhhh... It’s time for the last dance, peopleee!” Zelda said. “So dance, everyone!” She turned on the song Take My Breath Away... aka a slow sappy song of DOOOOM! “Now come on, newlyweds, get yo dance on.” Many people started slow dancing with their significant others -- including Vaati and Shadow Link. Not together; with their significant others. Zelda was now on the floor dancing with Tet, and Aragorn and Legolas were doing the same. Pretty much everyone was dancing -- besides Sheik and Kaikoura, who were awkwardly glancing at each other.
“Wanna dance, Rabia?” Ganondorf asked.
“Well duuuuh.” she said, grabbing his hand and walking onto the dance floor.
“So... how about them Red Sox...” Kaikoura said awkwardly to Sheik. Sheik scuffed his shoe on the floor awkwardly.
“Do you wanna dance Kaikoura?” he asked shyly, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Yes, pants would be nice. Do you know where I can get some?” she replied. He gave her a weird look.
“No, do you wanna DANCE?” he repeated. She blinked.
“I think I heard you wrong, Sheiky. Do I want to what?” she said in shock. He grabbed her hand and pulled her onto the dance floor, not bothering to ask again. Everyone danced until the song was over. Zelda grabbed the mic again after the song was over.
“Well, that was a lot of fun!” Link stumbled over to her and gave her a hug while she was talking. “But I think it’s time for the happy couples to head out on their honeymoons!” she smiled. Link kissed her cheek, and she elbowed him. “Have fun you guys. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE LOTS OF SEX!” Rabia choked on the water she was drinking and Kaikoura and Sheik started blushing again. Aragorn and Legolas winked at each other, and Ganondorf just looked bored. “Don’t worry, I will too!!” she said, causing many of the people listening to laugh. CC and Chris came over to wish their daughter and new son-in-law well on their trip. CC also made sure to mention how he was too young to be a grandparent -- causing Kaikoura to shoo him away in a hurry. Rabia was talking to Ganondorf’s mothers when she noticed her mother running up to her.
“Oh fuck me...” she whispered.
“Oh he will.” Zelda said. She had wandered over a few moments ago to congratulate her friend. Rabia didn’t reply, but Zelda noticed the slight blush and started laughing.
“My baby giiiiiiirl!” Rabia’s mother yelled, running over and embracing her daughter. Rabia patted her back awkwardly and sighed.
“Hi mom...” she said, pulling away from her.
“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your husband?” she asked pointedly.
“I guess...” Rabia tapped Ganondorf’s arm and he turned from his own parents for a moment. “Ganondorf, this is my mother, Debbie...” she said.
“It’s nice to meet you.” He said with a smile. The first one Rabia had ever seen on him actually. She was shocked. Her mother pulled Ganondorf into a hug.
“My, aren’t you tall!” she exclaimed.
“I can see where Rabia gets her height.” Ganondorf chuckled. Debbie gasped and pulled away.
“No short jokes!” she said. She was laughing too. “I’m just kidding. But make sure you take care of my precious, darling baby girl!” she said, tearing up. “I can’t believe how fast she’s grown up!” she said, wiping a tear from her eye.
“I’ll take care of her, don’t worry.” he said. Debbie walked away with the other parents, all of whom were teary eyed. Ganondorf leaned towards Rabia. “Doesn’t everyone call Ghirahim Debbie?” he whispered. She nodded and giggled, linking arms with Ganondorf and following Sheik and Kaikoura outside. Elrond and Thranduil hugged their sons tightly. Aragorn hugged his brothers and Legolas pulled his mother and sister into a hug. Aragorn and Legolas made their way outside as well. Everyone waved goodbye as the couples mounted their horses and started down the road.
“Should we tell them that we are going to Kaikoura’s house tonight?” Legolas said, laughing a little from behind Aragorn.
“No.” Ganondorf said.
“For once I agree. They would all follow us there and bother the fuck out of us.” she said. Rabia laughed. Soon they were back at Kaikoura’s house, where they changed out of their clothes and snuggled up on the couches to relax and watch movies before they left for their honeymoons the next day.
♠ ♠ ♠
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