Status: Hecho!
Heaven Can Wait
20
I was woken up by my phone vibrating under my side. The tv had been turned off and as I looked over, I could make out Katie's sleeping shape on the couch oppostie me. I dug for my phone and squinted at the screen as the light seared my eyes. One new voice mail. I wondered who the hell would call at... at... the vcr told me it was 3:37.
At first, there was just empty space. I was about to delete the message when I heard my name. Shaun-should've known.
"August... August, I just... need you to understand. I promise I can explain. I need you to know August. Even if you're done with me. Go ahead and hate me... just please let me talk to you." he finished in a whisper.
I sat frozen with my phone still glued to my head. I felt a little bit nauseous as I listened to it for a second time. It took me a while to build up the courage, but I sent him a message asking: 'can you do this through text?' Sure I felt like a prick for saying that and not (wanting to) talk(ing) face to face, but I just couldn't. Plus it was late and I wanted to get this done with. Within two minutes he'd said 'if you'd rather do it like that.' 'Go.'
I waited and waited and waited but hadn't gotten another message. I was about to fall asleep again when my phone started shaking again.
'If there's any one thing I need you to understand it's that my lifestyle effects who I am. Being this guy who's constantly watched has changed me and the way I see things. Even though you hadn't been serious about the photo thing it freaked me out. I thought you were seeing this side of my life you hadn't and you didn't like it or want to be sucked up into the public eye in some way. I figured you'd change your mind. You'd see that you don't want what being with me leads to. I can't begin to explain to you how freaked out I got about losing you. I don't know what I would do. You mean so much to me and I don't even know how I could've been happy before I met you. I know that sounds like bullshit but I promise you that I mean it. Now I need you to trust me when I say that I won't do anything like that again. I'll be calm. I'll listen to you.Please just tell me how you feel. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that it hurts and I'm so sorry that I pracitcally cried in front of the guys. I'm just sorry. I love you.'
I instantly felt sad for him. I didn't regret being mad about what happened, but I hadn't known that Shaun thought he'd loose me because of who he is. Here came the guilt trip. And I think I deserved it, at least a little. Slowly I came up with what to tell him.
'I believe and trust you with the whole not doing drastic shit anymore. And I'm sorry too. I didn't try to find out what was going on in your head and that was a bad move. I'm sorry. I need to make sure I get the whole sotry.' I contimplated saying I love you for about 5 mintues before sending the message. But I decided not to. I still did love him but saying it just seemed odd to me. I just didn't feel comfortable.
'What do you say a Starbucks make up date in the morning?' he replied soon after.
'You mean later? I don't know, maybe.' I answered.
____________________________________________________________________
I didn't wake up until some time around noon. THe bus was literally empty of all human life, but it didn't bother me. I got dressed slowly and enjoyed that I could take my time. I was about to make some coffee when I remembered Shaun's small proposal from earlier. With a lights sigh, I got my shoes on and headed outside.
Time to face the music.
It was another perfect day, with just enough clouds and breeze to make the temperature tolerable. Most of the people in the skate park were condensed to one section due to the demo that was going on. I headed over and found a spot to watch as everyone went riding around.
I noticed Shaun's smile. Sure it was a smile, but it was so blank. I was probably the only one who'd think it, but I knew his smile. And this one was different. By the end of the demo I felt like crap. It was like I'd caused Shaun to not take pleasure in doing what he lived for. And I had, hadn't I? I should just go sit in a hole and wait for death; I'm a horrible person. As the crowd started to spread back out, I headed up closer to the guys.
Kris practically tackled me to the ground in a sweaty, bear hug.
"ISN'T LIFE GREAT?!?" he yelled before running off to hug someone else.
'Huh, I wish...' I thought to myself as I walked up to Shaun. He'd been facing the oppostie direction so he didn't see me. He picked up his board as he ran a hand through his hair, pushing it out of his eyes. As he turned, he spotted me. I felt a little bit better as I saw his eyes spark up. He smiled slightly though he seemed afraid to.
"Hey, you're up late." he whispered as he rubbed my arm. I shrugged a little as the corners of my mouth drew up into an almost smile. We walked back to the bus without saying anything. I was keeping a small distance from him. He also seemed unsure of how close would be all right.
"So... how bout that Starbucks?" he asked in a quiet tone as we stepped up to the bus.
"Yeah, if you're still down."
"Yeah, yeah, just let me change." he said.
At first, there was just empty space. I was about to delete the message when I heard my name. Shaun-should've known.
"August... August, I just... need you to understand. I promise I can explain. I need you to know August. Even if you're done with me. Go ahead and hate me... just please let me talk to you." he finished in a whisper.
I sat frozen with my phone still glued to my head. I felt a little bit nauseous as I listened to it for a second time. It took me a while to build up the courage, but I sent him a message asking: 'can you do this through text?' Sure I felt like a prick for saying that and not (wanting to) talk(ing) face to face, but I just couldn't. Plus it was late and I wanted to get this done with. Within two minutes he'd said 'if you'd rather do it like that.' 'Go.'
I waited and waited and waited but hadn't gotten another message. I was about to fall asleep again when my phone started shaking again.
'If there's any one thing I need you to understand it's that my lifestyle effects who I am. Being this guy who's constantly watched has changed me and the way I see things. Even though you hadn't been serious about the photo thing it freaked me out. I thought you were seeing this side of my life you hadn't and you didn't like it or want to be sucked up into the public eye in some way. I figured you'd change your mind. You'd see that you don't want what being with me leads to. I can't begin to explain to you how freaked out I got about losing you. I don't know what I would do. You mean so much to me and I don't even know how I could've been happy before I met you. I know that sounds like bullshit but I promise you that I mean it. Now I need you to trust me when I say that I won't do anything like that again. I'll be calm. I'll listen to you.Please just tell me how you feel. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that it hurts and I'm so sorry that I pracitcally cried in front of the guys. I'm just sorry. I love you.'
I instantly felt sad for him. I didn't regret being mad about what happened, but I hadn't known that Shaun thought he'd loose me because of who he is. Here came the guilt trip. And I think I deserved it, at least a little. Slowly I came up with what to tell him.
'I believe and trust you with the whole not doing drastic shit anymore. And I'm sorry too. I didn't try to find out what was going on in your head and that was a bad move. I'm sorry. I need to make sure I get the whole sotry.' I contimplated saying I love you for about 5 mintues before sending the message. But I decided not to. I still did love him but saying it just seemed odd to me. I just didn't feel comfortable.
'What do you say a Starbucks make up date in the morning?' he replied soon after.
'You mean later? I don't know, maybe.' I answered.
____________________________________________________________________
I didn't wake up until some time around noon. THe bus was literally empty of all human life, but it didn't bother me. I got dressed slowly and enjoyed that I could take my time. I was about to make some coffee when I remembered Shaun's small proposal from earlier. With a lights sigh, I got my shoes on and headed outside.
Time to face the music.
It was another perfect day, with just enough clouds and breeze to make the temperature tolerable. Most of the people in the skate park were condensed to one section due to the demo that was going on. I headed over and found a spot to watch as everyone went riding around.
I noticed Shaun's smile. Sure it was a smile, but it was so blank. I was probably the only one who'd think it, but I knew his smile. And this one was different. By the end of the demo I felt like crap. It was like I'd caused Shaun to not take pleasure in doing what he lived for. And I had, hadn't I? I should just go sit in a hole and wait for death; I'm a horrible person. As the crowd started to spread back out, I headed up closer to the guys.
Kris practically tackled me to the ground in a sweaty, bear hug.
"ISN'T LIFE GREAT?!?" he yelled before running off to hug someone else.
'Huh, I wish...' I thought to myself as I walked up to Shaun. He'd been facing the oppostie direction so he didn't see me. He picked up his board as he ran a hand through his hair, pushing it out of his eyes. As he turned, he spotted me. I felt a little bit better as I saw his eyes spark up. He smiled slightly though he seemed afraid to.
"Hey, you're up late." he whispered as he rubbed my arm. I shrugged a little as the corners of my mouth drew up into an almost smile. We walked back to the bus without saying anything. I was keeping a small distance from him. He also seemed unsure of how close would be all right.
"So... how bout that Starbucks?" he asked in a quiet tone as we stepped up to the bus.
"Yeah, if you're still down."
"Yeah, yeah, just let me change." he said.
♠ ♠ ♠
3 more left o.o