Beast Below

“That blood is not on your hands. They shouldn’t be on your conscious because you weren’t in control.” Bennett’s voice echoed through my mind as I jolted awake. But he is wrong, it is on my hands. I am the beast, just as she is me. Bennett doesn’t understand this, not yet. He believes that we are two different beings, but we are not. We share the same mind and heart... hers is just darker than mine. A lot darker. I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand and looked over at the clock sitting neatly on my nightstand. The glowing red numbers read 12:00. Midnight. I still have a few hours before I should head out to my little pond. Getting up out of bed, I head into my bathroom where I turn on the water to my shower. I could still see the blood covering me in my mind. Stepping in under the warm water, I quickly scrubbed myself again. The water turned cold before I felt satisfied that I couldn’t have any blood on me.

Wrapping my bathrobe around me, I exited the bathroom and went to stand before my closet to find an outfit. After debating for a minute, I decided on a baby blue halter top. I searched through my dresser drawers and pulled out a pair of white capris and matching my outfit with a pair of baby blue Keds. Leaving my room, I walked towards the main room of the cabin. I could hear Bennett snoring softly from his room. I stood in the middle of the room wondering what I should do. I needed to be able to not think until the sun came up. Noticing that the house was in a sort of disarray, I decided that cleaning was in order. I grabbed my boombox from the bedroom, old school, I know. I popped in my new Imagine Dragons cd that Bennett got for me on one of his supply runs into town. Pressing play, I adjusted the volume so that it would be loud but not enough to disturb Bennett while he slept. As Radioactive played, I started wiping down all the surfaces and swept the floors. I moved on to picking up the numerous clothing catalogues I had thrown here and there. I couldn’t go into town during the day to go shopping and the last time I asked Bennett to pick me up some clothes, well we won’t talk about that. So I order clothes from catalogues. The clothes are delivered to a P.O Box that Bennett had set up for me in his name.

After I had gotten all of the catalogues in a pile and deposited them into my magazine basket, I looked around at what I could clean next. My eyes fell on Bennett’s work station. It was where he did all of his spells, magickal writing, potion making, ground up herbs and spices with his stone mortar and pestle, and other magickal workings. It had books, papers, potion bottles that he had yet to charge up, ink bottles, quills, candles, and a wicked looking blade which he called a boline. He once explained to me that he had two different knives for his magickal purposes. One was called an Athame, which was used in rituals. The other was the Boline which he uses to cut up supplies, gather herbs with, carve things into candles.

Smiling to myself, I walked over to his work area trying to figure out where to start. I started by picking up all the loose leaves of paper on his desk and sticking them into one of his work books. Then I grabbed all of his books and started putting them into a pile to stick on his shelf. At this point, I heard him stumble out of his bed and into the bathroom across the hall. Shortly after the bathroom door shut, I heard the shower starting. I grabbed a butter knife to start scraping the melted wax off of the table’s surface. I then gathered all of the candles off of his table and put them back into the cupboard located next to his work area. Empty potion bottles, the ink bottles and quills also went into the cupboard. His work area was almost cleaned. I had picked up his knife and was trying to figure out where to put it when I heard a strangled sound from behind me. I turned to find Bennett standing there, staring at me with wide, shocked eyes.

“What are you doing?!” He demanded. I gave him my best “duh” face I could muster.

“I am cleaning, what does it look like I am doing?” I replied with a light laugh. But Bennett did not laugh back. He still stood there with his wide eyes, gaping at me like I was murdering a puppy.

“No, it looks like you are touching things that don’t belong to you. Why would you organize my work area, anyway?” He finally moved from his spot, only to snatch the boline knife from my hands and deposit it roughly back onto the table. He then turned back to glare at me. I was oddly hurt. Bennett doesn’t normally get mad at me over something like this. Bennett doesn’t normally get mad period. I can count on one finger how many times I have seen Bennett angry.

“I.. I’m sorry, Bennett. I thought it would have been a nice gesture...” My voice sounded tiny even to me. Bennett pushed up his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“No, goddamnit, Freya, it’s irritating. I don’t like my stuff being moved around on me. I can’t find my shit then and that just pisses me off!” He spat at me. Now I knew he was really angry. Bennett never swears, except when he is really irritated or angry. And I was hurt. He has never been angry at me like this. I was just trying to be nice, and he just blew up at me. And just like that, my hurt converted into anger.

“Well fine! I will remember this the next time I think that I should do something nice for you! In fact, don’t even think I will wash your laundry for you when you pass out because you were up all night reading your damn books! Or I won’t make sure you feed yourself because God knows you won’t! Hell! Next time you ask me to go find a stinking herb in the middle of the night, I will just ignore you because apparently it’s a frakking crime to be nice to you!” I spat back. He angrily pushed his glasses back up his nose from where they had slipped down a little.

“Oh sure, now it’s all “Freya, do this” or “Freya, do that” when I am the one staying up all night trying to find a goddamn cure for you! I don’t eat because I am trying to figure out how to fix you! I lose sleep because of you! This is all because of you!” He spat back. He poked me in the chest roughly every time he said “you.” I took a few steps back, just staring at him in shock.

“Fine Bennett. Don’t even try to figure out how to cure me anymore, since apparently I am such a burden to you.” I spoke quietly but he looked like I was screaming, flinching with every word. I brushed past him and ran to my room, slamming the door behind me. I flung myself onto my bed. I heard him make an exasperated sound, shortly followed by the front door slamming shut. I laid there on my bed staring out the window. The night sky was starting to turn that murky grey color to signify that dawn was coming. Glancing at my clock, the time confirmed that the sun was indeed going to surface soon. I growled and rolled out of bed. I left the cabin and headed towards my pond. It’s just going to be another lovely day in hell.