Wildflowers

"Mum, I know I just got home, but it's just for another three days! I can't not go!" Josh yelled as he hurried to his room to pack. He knew she simply missed him being around and if anything he missed it too. His room was starting to feel less like home and the van he shared with four guys was the comfort he seemed to find now. He knew it was worth it though. This was his dream afterall and he couldn't just push it away because he felt bad or missed home.

He quickly threw open his closet door, knowing the short amount of time he had and yanked down a duffle bag from the top shelf. As he did so several pictures fell at his feet and his hurried gestures came to a stop as he bent down to pick up the memories. A grin hit his lips at the young group of friends he was with in one picture. A meer 16 years old he rememebered and a chuckle left his lips as he recalled the moment that picture was taken in. The next was one a picture of him and his sister which he realized he hadn't seen in months and a pang of guilt hit his chest. He swore he'd always be there for her and here he was, gone all the time. He knew she understood. She had the same dreams, but he still felt guilty. He quickly flipped to the last picture only to have his breath get caught in his throat.

Greyson Blake.

How could he forget?

He met the green eyed girl his first day of year 9 and she managed to consume his every waking thoughts after that. Every important part of his life he had she was there. She was there when the band made their first song, when he had family issues, and even simple things like trying to get a girl to date him. She was his everything. His best friend per say, and he liked to think it was the same for her. She cried in front of him, told him things she didn't tell others, he liked the bond they had and he sometimes found him self missing it, yearning to have that feeling of someone to just listen.

He gripped the picture tighter in his hand simply from the amount of pain he now felt in his chest. He knew it was all over. He knew it was his fault.

He was the stupid one. He left home, pretended to not need her, pretended that he didn't love her more than he cared to admit. He now knew he was just a scared, young boy, who didn't know how to handle his new found feelings for his best friend.

He regretted ever leaving though. He regretted the pain on her face when he told her he was leaving and even after a year and a half he could still picture her with tears in her eyes. How he managed to tell her with a stone cold expression that he didn't know if he could keep in touch he still didn't know. His exact words being, 'he would probably be too busy.' Of course in typical Greyson fashion she told him in a sweet voice that she hoped all his dreams came true and she wouldn't want to stand in the way.

Her in the way. What a ridiculous thought that was to him then and even now.

He knew she was the reason he had gotten this far. She believed in him when no one else did, encouraged him to keep going when he felt like giving up. He knew he didn't ever deserve her. It was evident then and even now when he wondered how she was, he knew she more than likely didn't even give a second thought about him anymore. Which that seemed to hurt worse than he imagined because he knew he could never forget her even if he tried.

He quickly stuffed the pictures into the duffle bag and fumbled off the floor to his bed. He began shoving clothing in without thought and didn't even realize his mom was now in the doorway.

"I ran into Greyson's parents yesterday." She said causing him to stop what he was doing immediately. He just stared at the shirt now sticking half out of the bag as he waited for her to continue. When several moments of silence passed he realized she was waiting on him so in response he managed to throw the dreadful words together he was scared to know the answer to.

"Oh, how are they?" He asked timidly because he knew that by 'they' he really meant her and he sensed that his mother knew that too.

"They are doing good. Greyson is in college, which you know that. They say she's doing well."

"Great. That's really good to hear." He fumbled out as he managed to swallow the lump in his throat.

"She's engaged, Josh." His mom said once his eyes reached hers. Those three simple words sent his head into a whirl. He couldn't even move as the words repeated themselves and he felt himself grow numb. After what felt like a staring contest with his mother he managed to compose himself enough and focus on the task at hand. He wanted out of this house now. He wanted away from anywhere familiar.

"I'll call you, ok?" He said throwing the bag over his shoulder before giving his mother a simple kiss on the cheek.

"She wanted to know if she should invite you." She said clearly not giving up on the topic of her.

"I'll be out of town."

"You don't know that." She said following him down the hall.

Almost there. He kept repeating as his feet inched closer and closer to the door.

"I'll make sure of it." He mumbled to himself. The thought of watching her get married made him sick to his stomach. Yes, he wanted her to be happy, but her marrying someone meant that it was official. That there would never be a 'them'. Yeah, maybe at the moment a 'them' seemed unbelievable even to him, but it was the hope that kept him alive and he wasn't ready to part with it just yet.

His mom let out a sigh as he reached for the front door.

"You should call her some time."

"She doesn't want to hear from me, mum." He said with a forced grin before kissing her cheek once more, "Love you. I'll call you soon." He said and fled the house in an instant so she couldn't respond and drag him back into another conversation he didn't want to have.

"Took you long enough!" Dan said from the driver seat as he hopped into the van where all his friends waited. His house was the last stop before they high tailed it out of the city. Maybe being out of city limits would make him feel better. At least that's what he was hoping for.

"Sorry, you know my mum." Josh mumbled as he stared aimlessly out the window.

"What was she saying?" Max, the small yet severally ADD boy from beside him asked.

Josh sighed and ran his hand down his face. They knew all about Greyson. Max especially because he lived next door to her. So if he was going to talk to anyone it would be him.

"Greyson is getting married." Josh said a frown appearing on his lips because the words alone left a bitter taste in his mouth.

"What?" Max asked his eyes growing wide in shock.

"Yeah...my mum just told me."

"To who?"

"I don't know. I don't think I want to know." Josh responded honestly although a part of him was curious if he knew the boy or not.

"You haven't seen her in two years Josh, I'm not trying to be rude, but can you really be upset? She's living her life." Chris said and the boy shook his head, "No. If she's happy then I'm happy, but I think I have a right to be a bit hurt."

"Going to go to the wedding?" Max asked quickly and he groaned, "I don't think I can. Seeing her..." he started to say as he shook his head no, "...it would just be no good for me."

"Yeah, but you know my family and I will be invited so you need to go. You need to go and show her that you don't hate her, Josh." Max said being serious for the first time in a while. Josh knew he was right. He had to prove that he wasn't the asshole he was sure she now thought he was. That in fact, he was still that kid she knew and loved.

"I guess I'll just see what happens." Josh responded knowing that the girl would more than likely invite him and he'd be forced to face his past.

To be honest, he didn't know if he was ready for that or not. Especially not in the form of a wedding of the girl he once loved.

There are just some things you can't keep hiding from no matter how badly you wanted to. He just had to remind himself of that.