For All Time

On Monday Kesha came up to me in the hallway. "So, did you tell him?" She asked. I dragged her into the washroom. "He's moving," I said with tears in my eyes. "What?" She said, but the she saw the look on my face. My destroyed look. Kesha gave me a hug and I cried on her shoulder. "What am I going to do?" I said still crying. We parted from our hug and she looked me right in my eyes. She looked like she was about to cry as well. "Tell him as soon as possible," she said and I nodded. Just then the bell rang for lunch and we parted to go to our lockers.

When I was heading to the cafeteria, Brandon walked up to me from behind and gave me a hug around the waist. "What's new?" He asked smiling. I turned around to face him. I tried to at least put on a fake smile, but it didn't quite make it. I took a deep breath and looked up at him. I felt a tear come down my left eye and I bit my lower lip. He looked at me worriedly. "Are you okay?" He asked. Obviously not. Sometimes guys can be such air heads,but I just shook my head. "I have to tell you something," I whispered so softly, I could barely hear half the words that came from my mouth. "What?" Brandon asked. I wasn't sure if he was saying 'What' because he didn't hear me or if he wanted to know what I wanted to tell him. "I have to tell you something," I said a little louder. "What is it?" He asked. Luckily everyone had gone for lunch. I took a deep breath. "I'm...Pregnant," I said.

We were sitting on the stairs and I was bawling my eyes out. Brandon hadn't said a word yet. I think he's in shock. I know I was when I found out. I looked at him, but he didn't look at me. He was looking straight ahead. I think he was thinking about something. Maybe he was thinking about how wonderful his new life would be in San Diego, not having to deal with a baby and going on with his life, get a new girlfriend, get married and start a new family. Forgetting the baby and me. Then he snapped out of it and turned to me. I cried a little more. "I'm sorry," I cried, "It's all my fault," I cried again. "It's my fault too," Brandon finally said. I looked up at him and shook my head. "It's not your fault at all, it's all my stupid fault," I said. He put his arm around me and pulled me in close. "We just made a terrible mistake," Brandon said, "A big mistake," my voice squeaked. "Just don't worry, you'll get wrinkles," Brandon said smiling, trying to make the situation less stressful for me, but I could see in his eyes that he was also worried about it. I smiled back to make him know that he was here to help, but my eyes were wondering what to do.

During fourth period I got called down to the guidance counselors office. It was science and we were in the middle of a lesson. "Mr.Flex would like to see you Chasity," Mrs.Seph said. Everybody did the usual, "Ohhh," but it probably wasn't even something important. Maybe they found my geography notes or found my favorite pencil that I had lost two weeks ago or he heard from someone that i had sex and got pregnant. But my friends wouldn't have told and Brandon wouldn't either. I trusted them, but I still hoped they didn't tell anyone. When I was walking down the hallway i was looking at my belly. Was I getting bigger everyday? Did two pounds actually show on me? Ever since I gained two pounds I wore loose fittings shirts that wouldn't show my weight gain. I kept thinking to myself in my head, 'Is this growing inside me even alive?' If it was, that would be a little weird, but if it wasn't than maybe getting an abortion wouldn't be all that bad. It's not like it was alive or anything. Right?

I knocked on the guidance counselor’s door. "Come in," he said. I opened the door and went in, but I didn't sit down. "You wanted to see me Mr. Flex" I said. "Ah yes, take a seat," I took a seat. It was kind of awkward because it was one chair facing straight at him, the only thing separating us from each other was his desk. I've never been to Mr. Flex's office before, but I heard he's funny and caring. He has a wife and three kids, I could tell by the picture on his desk. He has a milk chocolate complection and his wife has a caramel complection and two out of his three kids have his complection. Two boys and one girl. I guessed they were between the ages of two to seven. "What did you want to talk to me about Mr. Flex?" "Chasity Jackson, right?" "Mr. Flex, right?" He took a sip of his coffee. "You're quite the feisty one aren't you?" He said. "No, I'm just in a really bad mood right now," I said. I really was for some odd reason. Hormone changes. "Then when will you be in a good mood?" "I don't know," I said and then sneezed. "It's going around school," he said and then took another sip of his coffee. Oh no! He knew and it was going around school that I had sex with Brandon and got pregnant. "It is!?" Whoever spread this was dead. "Yeah, the flu is spreading around the school," he said with a puzzled look on his face. "What did you think I meant?" he asked. "When did you have your first kid?" I asked trying to change the subject. "When I was twenty three and was working minimum wage at my old job as a child counselor," he explained. "Why did you quit?" I asked. "Cause I didn't want to work with children the ages five to twelve, I'm a grown man not no babysitter," he said getting up and sitting on his desk. "What's that suppose to mean?" I asked. I was in a lot of pain at this point because of cramps and the coffee scented room made me want to throw up. "We all have to grow up at some point and me taking that initiative to get a well paid job to support my family and I guess I wanted to work with children because I wasn't ready to grow up. Got married at twenty one, had a kid at twenty three, grew up to fast," he said. "Ow," I groaned as I held the sides of my torso. "I'm fine, but I still don't get your point," I said because I knew he was going to ask me if I was alright. His face said it all. "All I'm trying to say is that bumps come in life and they grow and you just have to push it out of your way and deal with it," he explained. "What if I don't want to? What if I don't want it to grow and I want to get rid of the bump and I don't want to push and i don't want to deal with it? What do I do then?" I asked. "Then I recommend that you see me tomorrow first period," he said. "Uhh..Okay," I said. "You can go back to class now," he said with a half smile. I was getting up slowly, but it was painful. Cramps are the worst thing known to women. When I was on my feet, but standing crunched over a bit. I said goodbye to Mr. Flex and went to class. "Poor thing... She's so young," he said, but by then i was half way to the bathroom.

I think I got tricked. Bumps,grow,push,deal with it. All those things have to do with pregnancy. I had just exposed myself to Mr. Flex about my problem. Man, he was good. It was after school and I was at volleyball practice. I told the coach I wasn't feeling so good today and I wanted to sit out and she was okay with it. I liked volleyball and I was awesome at it too. I'm not trying to be cocky or anything, but without me on the team, we would lose every game because I'm more in the game than anybody else on the team. The down side of being on the team was that Sarah Mason was on the team. My dad always taught me not to hate, but how could you not hate Sarah Mason. She was the devil in disguise. She's rude,mean and to top it off she's a whore. Oh, also she's fake. Lord help her. She dyed her hair bleach blonde when her original color was black. At least that's what I think. That's how many times she'd dyed her hair that I can't remember. She wears fake nails and color eye contacts. You're probably wondering how she's a whore, well, she had sex behind the school earlier this year with her eighteen year old boyfriend and she's had sex in the school washrooms five times this year with twelfth graders. I know I shouldn't be talking because I had sex in a car, but at least it wasn't in public and with an eighteen year old. "Hey Arissa, why isn't your friend your friend over there playing?" Sarah asked pointing at me. "I have a name you know," I said, "But you're not important enough to be stored in my memory," she said, "As if you have a brain with memory or anything else stored up there," I said, "Shut up!" She said. Saying shut up is basically admitting defeat, so i won that argument. "Ladies! Settle down! Sarah, actually get your head in the game!" The coach yelled. Sarah rolled her eyes and got back to playing volleyball. I went back to thinking about the situation I have growing inside of me.

After practice Arissa and I were walking out of school and were heading home. We walked home together after volleyball practice, but she turns half way though. "I hate her," I said. "Hey, you were raised better than that," Arissa said. "What? Not to hate? Come on Arissa, you can't say you don't hate her," "It's strongly dislike," we both giggled a little. "Yes Arissa, use a word from the third grade," I said. She laughed. "So," she said near her half way cut to her house. "Do you think sex was a terrible mistake now?" She asked. "You had sex?" We turned around and saw Sarah behind us. I forgot Sarah lives on the same street as Arissa. "Never knew you had it in you Jackson," she said and walked away.

I was nervous. Sarah Mason knew I had had sex with Brandon. Well, she didn't know it was Brandon, but she would get that I would never be unfaithful to Brandon. I loved him and he loves me back. I think. I was in my room on my laptop listening to music and singing along on my bed, but I was interrupted by the phone ringing. I picked it up. "Hello" I said. "Hey," it was Brandon. "Oh, hi Brandon," I said. "Are you okay? You didn't look so good today," "So, you're saying I looked bad today?" I asked. "No, of course not. You just looked a little tired," "Well, thanks for saying I looked bad in a nice way," he laughed a little,but then became quiet. "Brandon? Are you still there?" "What are we going to do about.... You know....The situation," he asked. I was silent for awhile. "Well," Brandon said. "Well, there's only three choices we have," "And that is," "Brandon, sometimes you can be such an air head!" I exclaimed. "Don't you pay attention in health!?" I exclaimed again. "Ummm.... I didn't mean for you to get mad," Brandon said. I sighed. "I'm sorry Brandon," I didn't mean to get mad at him. Really, I didn't. "I understand you didn't mean to get mad," Brandon said. He was such an understanding guy. "So, our choices are," Brandon said, "Abortion,adoption and keeping the baby," I said. "Abortion is when you terminate the pregnancy right?" Brandon asked. "Yeah," "You're not thinking of getting an abortion are you?" He asked. It was quiet for a few seconds and then I answered. "Yeah," I said, "Well don't," he said. I was puzzled. I thought he was thinking the same thing too. "Why not?" I asked. "It's not right for you to just kill the baby, it's as alive as you and me," I went silent for a moment. "And you know it's true," Brandon said. I was still silent. I knew it was true. I am against abortion and I thought it was wrong in all ways, but now I had gotten myself in this situation and I was planning to get myself out before anyone knew. "It's not like you weren't thinking about it too," I said finally, "I wasn't thinking about that because I actually have a mind," Brandon said, "What's that suppose to mean?" "Nothing," "Are you calling me stupid?" "No, not at all," sarcasm. "Well, I don't need to put up with you bullshit anyway," I said, "Well, I can't deal with your fucking childish behavior," he said. Our conversation was getting out of hand. "Whatever, I'll see you tomorrow," he said, "You're not even going to say goodbye?" By then he had hung up. I felt kind of mad because we fought over the littlest thing, but I also felt nervous because I didn't know what Brandon might do. Maybe he was really fed up about this whole thing. I put the phone down. I held my stomach and felt tears run down my face. How could I possibly bring a life into this world if there would possibly be no dad, not even a mother because I know for a fact that I wont be able to do this by myself.

After dinner the phone rang. Brady picked up the phone. "Yello, the one and only Brady Jackson speaking," I hated when he answered the phone like that. It was so irritating. "Oh, hi Brandon. You wanna talk to Chasity? Okay. Chasity! Phone!" Brady yelled. "Who is it?" I yelled back from all the way upstairs. "Brandon!" "Tell him I don't want to talk to him!" I yelled back, hoping Brandon heard it. "She said she doesn't want to talk to you," Brady told Brandon. "Tell her she has no choice," "Alright," Brady came in my room with no warning. Brothers have no respect. Especially little brothers. "He said you have no choice," he said while shoving the phone in my face. "Ugghh," I complained through a groan. I took the phone from him and shooed him away. After he was gone I started to talk to Brandon. "What do you want?" I asked. "Nice to talk to you too," Brandon said. "Like I said before, what do you want?" "I wanted to apologize," "I don't need your apology," I didn't mean that. I wanted an apology. "Okay, fine, I wont say what a dick I was for calling you stupid just because you want an abortion," he said and I could tell that he meant it. I was quiet for a moment. I had no words to describe how sweet that was. "Do you forgive me?" He asked. "Yeah," I said, but he didn't know I had a big smile on my face. "Good and umm...I called to apologize and talk a bit more about the situation," "Why don't we talk about it before the first bell tomorrow," I suggested. "Fine. I have to go now anyways," he said. "Okay, bye. I love you," those words just rolled off my tongue. It was quiet again and I thought he had hung up until I heard a little laugh, "I love you too,night," then he hung up. How cute. He was embarrassed.