Status: updates when inspiration and free time collide.

Flash Photography

I struggle with the feeling that my life isn't mine.

Chace.

Packing was easy. I didn’t have a lot of stuff, so I ended up just packing pretty much everything I own. Then I had to pack my toiletries and other necessities of that nature. I had my biggest suitcase, which wasn’t very big at all, stuffed with my stuff by the end of the night. I figured I could just buy whatever else I needed over there. I had to pack my tampons in this, like, secret compartment in my suitcase. I wonder how long I can pass for a boy?

“Why are you trying to pass for a boy, Chace?” Tess asked me as she watched me pack my things. I had just finished helping her pack her things. Jared wouldn’t tell her where they were going, just that they were going somewhere cold.

“How many female musicians do you see in this…scene, Tess? Close to none, right? It’d just be a whole lot of awkward if they had to tour with a girl. Think about it.” Tess did think about it, but continued to stare at me in bewilderment. “Ok, I know what touring is like. It’s hard, Tess. It’s fun, but it’s hard. And it’s even harder when you’re a girl and you’re on tour. It’s just better for me to be a boy.”

“Well, you’ll have no problem with that… just keep wearing the same old frumpy, style-less clothes you always wear and don’t unexpectedly grow boobs out of nowhere,” Tess teased.

I rolled my eyes at her, but I knew it was all in good fun. Ever since I got my hair cut, I’ve been constantly getting mistaken for a guy. A gay guy, at that, but a guy nonetheless, so I didn’t really care. I only cut my hair because I fucking felt like it. I just got back from touring with Adele a few days ago. We had to keep our hair long so that it could get styled for every show. I played violin. Adele was phenomenal, but I was glad to be home. I wish I could stay home longer, but I would do anything for Tess.

“…I’m kind of nervous, Tess.”

“Why’s that?”

“It’s…It’s the band.”

“Why? They’re all super nice guys, Chace.”

“Yeah, I know that, but…it’s the band. The band that saved my fucking life.” Tess arched an eyebrow at me questioningly, but I waved it off and moved onto another subject. She must’ve forgotten. I told her how her boyfriend’s band inspired me to pursue a career in music. I told her how the lead singer moved me and inspired me to give life a shot. I told her…oh well.

I had a hard time sleeping that night. Truth be told, I didn’t sleep at all. I spent the night cleaning up my apartment. My landlord knew I was going to be gone for quite a while again. I rolled my suitcase right next to the door, ready to go. I sat at my table sketching in my Moleskine notebook until three am rolled around. Jared said the guys would come pick me up and we’d be off to the airport for our flight to the UK at six in the morning.

Sure enough, at a quarter past three there was a soft knock on my door. I opened it, startled to see John himself. “Hi,” I mumbled, self consciously mussing up my hair some more.

“Grab your shit and let’s go,” John yawned, motioning that I should follow him. “That’s all you packed?” he asked when he saw my suitcase.

“It’s heavier than it looks,” I assured him, following him to the parking lot.

“You sit shotgun,” John ordered after we tossed my stuff in the back of the van. “Jared always sits shotgun,” John murmured to himself before getting into the driver’s seat.

Pat, Garrett, and Kennedy were all asleep. There were also a few crew members that I hadn’t met yet, all asleep. I buckled up and pulled my bottle of Mountain Dew out of my backpack, opening it up to take a swig. “Aren’t you sleepy?”

“Yeah, but I couldn’t sleep at all last night, and I sure can’t sleep now…Too excited,” I explained with a nervous laugh. I couldn’t believe John was holding a conversation with me. I thought he hated me for taking Jared’s place in the band.

John smiled in the darkness. “Is this your first time going to Europe?”

“No. But it’s my first time going there…for a, uh, job.”

“Can I have some of that?” John asked, gesturing to my Mountain Dew, which I quickly handed over. “Thanks. Gotta stay awake.”

“You want me to drive?”

“Thanks, but no thanks… I don’t like it when other people drive. Not like I don’t trust other people. I just feel better when I’m driving the van. Safer. Hahaha,” John laughed.

I was kind of dying. His voice was thick and raspy with sleep. In other words, it was attractive as fuck. “You’re not sleepy?”

“I’ll sleep on the plane.”

“That’s what I was gonna do.”

“You should get some sleep so you’re awake for a bit on the flight. The guys want to know more about you, Chace.” He just said my name. Ahhh. Not freaking out or fangirling or anything like that. Nooo, of course not.

“Nah, I’ll stay up with you. I always feel so bad when the driver’s the only one awake. But then I always end up staying awake at the beginning of the trip and falling asleep at the end when we’re practically already there, you know? Because by that time, I’m so fucking sleepy but everyone else is waking up so I don’t feel as bad going to sleep because at least the driver’s not the only one awake but then I can’t go to sleep because everyone’s awake and loud and shit and…y-yeah…”

John laughed softly and reached over to ruffle up my hair. “How old are you, kid?”

“Kid? Excuse you, I am nineteen…that's above legal, you know...”

“I'm twenty four, kid,” John repeated anyways, turning the radio on but keeping the volume down.

It got quiet between us after that, but the silence wasn’t awkward because of the music softly streaming from the speakers. I absentmindedly traced the scars on my arm. Maybe I’d work up the nerve to thank John for being such an amazing human being somewhere along this tour. Maybe.
♠ ♠ ♠
thanks for reading; hope you liked it!
i watched an adele concert on DVD and it totally moved me to tears. such talent.
anyways, feedback would be lovely and greatly appreciated :3
keep commenting/subscribing! next chapter will be awkward as fuck, though, fair warning.