Sweet Misery

I was well aware of the fact that biting one's nails was a disgusting, inhumane habit, but shit like that doesn't really have any sort of effect on me. I shrug it off, like most things, and continue to bit my nails like the bastard child I am.

They say that biting your nails is a nervous habit. Well, for me, I'm usually just really bored and have nothing better to do. Think about it, you're stuck alone, with nothing better to do except look year old issues of "Mother's Weekly" and "Home-Keepings" in an office that has the air conditioner vents blasting out cold air on high power. There is literally and physically nothing better to do.

So I'm going to bit my God damn nails.

I didn't want to come to Candice's first baby doctor's appointment. In fact, waking up at nine on a Saturday morning is really not ideal for me. I would much rather be passed out in my bed wearing an over-sized t-shirt and my favorite pair of panties with my arms wrapped around my pillows and mascara from the night before drained underneath my eyes. Now, that was ideal.

But, miraculously, my mother got me out of bed. It might have had something to do with that fact that we were going to Harry's Diner-the only decent place in this town-for breakfast afterwards. Either way, here I was in the waiting room, biting my nails. I sort of drew the line at crossing over into the actual office. I didn't want to hear about how sexually active my sister was and when she believed the baby was conceived.

I'm sure my mother didn't want to either, but oh well.

I would have been a complete idiot to not notice the daggers sent at me by various mothers in the waiting room. It most likely had to do with my lovely habit, but there was another factor contributing. Most probably thought I was pregnant. I wanted to laugh, but I meekly smiled and nodded my head as one by one entered and exited the office.

After about a half hour, my mother and sister emerged from the office, ready to leave.

We walked out silently, not one of us daring to speak of what just happened. Not that anything happened in reality. It was still a sore subject in the household- especially for George. He still couldn't seem to get a grip.

I rode shotgun and played around with the stereo system. Each channel was filled with the same bullshit garbage, so naturally, I changed the station often. All I could think was, ' No. Ugh no. What? Ew. No. Change. Uck. No. Bye. Nope. No way. No.

"Can you pick a fucking channel or what?" Candice snapped from the backseat, causing me to jolt upward.

I placed a hand over my heart, "Jesus, you scared me."

"Candice!" My Mother hollered, "Language!"

"Oh bite me. I'm pregnant- how much more shit can I bury myself in?"

I turned around, crinkling my nose, "Well, if you're expecting a child you might want to cut down on the vulgarity."

"Fucking shut it, you worthless piece of shit!" She screamed, slapping her hands down, tears pouring from her eyes.

I looked at my Mother once more as she continued staring forward at the road silently.

"Really?" I narrowed my eyes at the women who birthed me, "You're going to let her get away with that?"

"I don't want to deal with this right now, Harley."

I rolled my eyes, "You think I do? I didn't fucking deserve that."

"You are just as condescending to me!" Candice called from the back.

I whipped my head around, "You don't even know what that means."

She rolled her eyes, "You really need to loosen up. Go get your cherry popped, will you?"

I turned back around, shaking my head. After several brief seconds of silence, I spoke up. "Stop the car." I ordered peacefully.

"What?" My Mother furrowed her eyebrows, "No."

"Stop the car right now."

"Why?"

"I'm getting out."

"Why?"

"Because I can't deal with the little shit in the backseat."

She let out a heavy sigh, "Oh please, hon, can we just go get something to eat and forget about this? I'm tired. We're all tired."

"No. Now let me out before I open this door and jump out."

"I would never let you."

Much to my fortune, the car got caught up at a red light. Without much effort, I unbuckled my seat belt and opened the door to the right of me. Taking a step outside, I stretched my arms.

"Get back in this car right now!" My Mom hissed.

"See ya later!" I walked over to the sidewalk and my journey for the day began.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Biggest mistake of my life.

I wound up at the local shopping mall in the food court with no money at all. And, the best of all, my phone was as dead as shit. It was one o'clock and I was starving.

To be honest, I was looking for Tessa consistently. The mall was her kind of place, and she came here about three times a week anyway. I wouldn't be surprised if she rounded the corner at any moment.....

But she didn't and another hour past and I knew my Mother must have been flipping a shit and calling the cops. Then again, I had disappeared frequently without a worry from my parents.

Me doing my own thing wasn't really a big deal. I was the trustworthy one between my sister and I, and therefore, I got more privileges to do whatever the fuck I want without an issue. The funny thing is that my sister is the one who got knocked up. That's saying something, I suppose.

Since there really wasn't anything productive to do, I allowed my mind to swiftly reminisce about the event that took place last night. The minute I exited the party I prohibited myself to think about what had happened prior. I didn't let myself think about him in general. If I thought about him for too long it drove me crazy.

I knew too much about Garrett Nickelsen just from watching.

He fascinated me, and if we're being truthful, I have no idea why. He's different and odd and somehow, wonderful all at once. Freshman year, I noticed he was wearing the same green converse sneakers that I was, and from there this completely irrational and creepy fascination lifted. I knew he was in a band. I knew his best friend was Pat Kirch. I knew most of his favorite bands.

It was God damn creepy and I was well aware of the fact. And because of that, I despised thinking about the kid. It only added fuel to the fire. I didn't know what this meant. Most people, I'm sure, would believe that I had a crush on him, but I really don't think that's it. I don't know him. For all I know, he could be the biggest dick in the universe. In order for me to like someone I have to know them, right?

Despite this, I now knew that the whole dick thing was complete bullshit. When he spoke to me last night, he was nice and funny.

And the weirdest thing about all of it was that I was, well, me.

I didn't act shy or weird like I did around everyone in my school. In fact, he gave me the liberty of leaving early and not letting Tessa and Carrie's views walk all over me.

I exhaled heavily and glanced around the food court. Pursing my lips, I tried to think of something to entertain me. I contemplated walking home, but it was a good fifteen miles from here. Decisions, decisions.

I got up and soon found myself walking aimlessly around the mall. After awhile, my feet began to ache, but I ignored this upon noticing a seemingly familiar crowd approaching. Upon realizing who was exactly in view, I stopped dead in my tracks, glancing around the mall hoping to find an area I could hide out in. It wasn't as if I expected any of them to stop, but either way I was scared of them.

There was no where to go, so I simply remained frozen. I contemplated closing my eyes, but then came to the realization that would be just as, if not more stupid than hiding. I licked my lips hastily and looked down at my feet. What to do, what to do.

"Hey, Garrett." I heard one of them say.

I toned out the rest, then walked forward. In retrospect I would have come to the conclusion that this would only allow me to get to them faster. Exhaling heavily, my shoulders fell and I decided to look straight as I walked past the five of them.

"We know you."

I wasn't technically expecting to be stopped; I only thought that they would look at me and then continue on to try to figure out from where exactly. In the end, they would simply realize that I was Tessa's friend. But, I was actually stopped.

John held his arm out, blocking me from moving any farther. My eyes widened and look down at it. He chuckled softly, dropping his arm. "Sorry 'bout that, darling."

The blood in my face drained, and my stomach twisted. I cleared my throat, "Oh, uh, it's fine."

The guys shuffled their feet lightly and all glanced at each other. "But we do know you, right?"

I turned so I was facing them more directly know. Despite this, I only looked at John on account for two reasons. One, I didn't want to look at Garrett. And two, my only real connection to any of these guys was through John.

"I'm a friend of Tessa."

John's lips tugged upward and he let out an, "Ahhh." he nodded his head, and peered behind him to where Garrett stood. "I see."

"You go to our school too." Pat Kirch, a small kid with chocolate hair as long as a girl's pointed out.

I nodded my head, pushing out a dry laugh, "That too."

"I think I remember seeing you in the halls last year." Jared Monaco, John's signature best friend who had also graduated the previous year, nodded his head in agreement.

I shrugged, "Probably."

An uncomfortable silence crept over us so bad that I began to rethink getting out of my Mother's car earlier this morning. I sucked in a breath, beginning to give some kind of excuse to leave, but John cut me off.

"Are you with anybody?"

My lips parted, ready to give a play by play of some story, but nothing came out. In back of John, my eyes connected with Garrett's blue crystals. As goosebumps traveled down my back, he gave me a small smile.

I smiled back, suddenly strangely confident. "No, I kind of-" I stopped myself abruptly, then though 'What the hell?' and decided to tell them the truth, "I sort of ditched my Mom and sister by the stoplight on Georgia street."

John's eyes popped, "Shit, isn't that like, pretty far away?"

"About three miles. Give or take."

He laughed, and looked at his friends. "Jesus. Any particular reason why?"

"Just an argument." I shrugged.

"So you're here alone?"

"Pretty much." I couldn't help but laugh at how pathetic I was.

"Well good!" His words surprised me, causing me to straighten my back. "You can hang out with us then."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The sole fact that I was hanging out with people other than Tessa and Carrie was a miracle. The fact that I was having fun? A phenomenon.

I met Kennedy Brock, the fifth boy who was also in The Maine, who happened to be John and Jared's age. We went into random stores, such as Sears and tried out mattresses and then we went into Hallmark and sorted through birthday cards that we thought we amusing. We even tried out this candle store and John bought three candles for his mom.

It was great.

John stayed near me most of the time, Pat on my other side making jokes and getting to know me. Jared was nice and asked me a lot of questions. Kennedy laughed at everything. And Garrett didn't barely said a word.

"I'm assuming you need a ride home." John grinned.

I laughed lightly, "I do."

He nodded his head, "Don't worry. I got you covered."

And just like that I piled into a pickup truck with five friendly guys that I barely knew. My Mother would be ashamed.