Sweet Misery

One of the perks in having a pregnant sister is all the junk food your mother will buy. I cannot expressed the extreme and passionate joy that filters through my body as I open the cupboard to find bags of various chips, popcorn and my personal favorite, cheese doodles. And then, on top of that, my mother buys about six containers of mint chocolate chip ice cream due to the fact that Candice has been craving it like crazy.

Despite this, I'm sort of suspicious of Candice. I sort of think she's just pulling excuses about how she's craving shit already. The thing is, she isn't very far along. About two months. Do cravings start that early? I have no idea. Anyway, I'm not really complaining. I live by any type of junk food so as long as it's in the house I'm happy.

So, basically, it's Friday afternoon and I'm sitting on the living room couch with my legs tucked underneath me with my hand in a bag of popcorn. I'm watching "Finding Nemo" and quite frankly, having a God damn great afternoon. School was a bitch today, like always, so to come home and chill out was perfectly ideal.

I groaned the second my phone started ringing.

Pulling my hand out of the popcorn bag, I stopped and contemplated whether I should answer the damn thing or not. My hand paused mid-way through the bag as I thought intently on my decision. Letting out an irritated breath, I decided I should at least look to see who it was. I wiped my hand on my pants and looked at the phone screen that read: John

He had given me his number on Tuesday afternoon. He had told me he was planning on calling me this afternoon to coordinate for the show tonight. However, it wasn't until I saw his name in the digitalized font that I remembered this. Sighing, I picked up the phone, "Hey,"

"Hey Harley! How are you on this lovely day?"

I glanced out the window. It was raining.

"Wondrous," I replied dryly, then caught my breath, holding my hand to my lips. It wasn't like me to be like that around anyone aside from my mom or George or Candice. My hand fell and I shook my head. Whatever.

John chuckled, "That's great. You're coming to the show tonight, right?"

My head fell over onto my side and I closed my eyes. "Uh," I thought, trying to come up with any excuse that could allow me to slide by. Regardless of the nagging pressure to not go, something in my heart fluttered at the thought of actually going. I thought about hanging out with the guys. I liked hanging out with them at the mall that one time a whole lot. And then I thought about Garrett and I thought about hanging out with him again. So clearly something came over me-some supernatural force-and I said, "Yeah. I can make it."

"Great! Do you need a ride? Because I could totally drive you."

"No, it's fine. I might be running a little late anyway." I looked at myself up and down. I felt compelled to make myself look appealing tonight. Right now, I looked like a slob and diminishing this look would take some time.

"Okay. Well, we'll see you there then."

We hung up and I ditched the bag of popcorn, rushing upstairs. As I nearly ran down the hallway, Candice came out from her room, tears streaked down her cheeks. My shoulders fell and I nearly groaned. I caught myself, though, as she looked and walked towards me. Slowly and steadily, she wrapped her arms around my neck and sniffled quietly. I cocked an eyebrow, reluctantly hugging her back. "You alright there?"

I felt her shake her head "No."

I wanted to tell her; I wanted to stop caring so much for a girl that doesn't show respect for me. I wanted to let her know that I actually have plans specific for me. That for once, I was excited to go out of the house. That I was hanging out with guys. But I was too good and it sucked being good because I had to help everyone. I had to be the caring sister I always was. I had to help the girl that went out too much.

I took her into her room and we sat down on the bed together. She rested her head on my shoulder. "Rocco is dating some other girl. She's a junior."

I pursed my lips. I wish I had some sort of experience so I could offer up some type of decent advice. I didn't know what Candice wanted from me sometimes. I get that she wanted me to listen, but that could only go so far, right?

"I'm sorry to hear that."

Waterfalls. Two waterfalls. That's what Candice's eyes were; waterfalls bleeding their exceeding liquid in large sums and at a rapid pace.

She cried for about ten minutes before lying down on her bed. I listened to her talk all while tapping my foot on the ground anxiously. Finally, a half hour later, Candice fell asleep and I walked out of the room and right into the bathroom down the hallway. I turned on the water, then stripped. Right before getting in, my phone, which was place on the counter, rang.

I groaned loudly, and even more violently as the screen read: Tessa

I answered, "Hi. I'm just about to jump in the shower. I'll call you when I'm out."

"No! Don't worry. This'll be quick."

I sighed heavily, "Okay. What is it?"

"Marshall Huntington wants to meet you. I'm having a little get together at my house tonight made especially for the two of you to hang out."

I made a face, "Doesn't he have a girlfriend?"

"Not anymore."

Rolling my eyes, I answered, "Look, I can't. I have plans tonight."

"What? Really? What are they?" She sounded surprised. Hell, even I was surprised.

I scratched the back of my head. This is where it was going to be complicated. "Okay, um, I'm going to The Maine's show at that bar Marty's."

"Holy fuck, Harley, what are you doing?"

"I....don't...know? Is there some sort of issue?"

She scoffed, "Of course there is. That's my ex-boyfriend's band. I mean, it was horrible that you ditched Carrie and I the other day to hang out with him, but now you're going to see his show and-"

Courageously, I cut her off, "I'm not going for him. I'm sorta, kind of, friends with those guys. I met and hung out with them at the mall last week and they invited me to come tonight."

She paused for some time, most likely thinking about how to address the situation. "You realize Marty's is a bar, right?"

"Yeah...."

"You're going to need a fake ID."

"Yeah. I'm not sure-"

This time, she cut me off. "But if you're with me you won't. I know the bouncer." She stopped herself again, then let out a heavy breath. "Look, I guess I could cancel the get together and come with you tonight. I'll bring Carrie and I'll make sure Marshall comes so you can meet him at the least. What time should I pick you up?"

And just like that, the whole night was altered.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I sat in the back of Tessa's Maxima with my knees tightly pressed together, hands in my lap, and eyes out the window. I didn't dare look to my right, where an unfamiliar rather 'buff' kid sat twiddling his thumbs. The car was painfully silent aside from the pop song peacefully playing out of the stereo system. Naturally, Tessa was driving and Carrie sat in the passenger seat. It was clear to me that Carrie really didn't want to come to the show. I didn't think this Marshall guy did either. But, whatever.

My eyes darted into my lap and my fingers played with the hem of my black denim shorts. Underneath the shorts, I had worn my favorite pair of black tights, which has a flowery-rose type of pattern to them. Along with that, I wore a loose, white, tank top with an image of a black radio on the front of it. As always, I had my multiple bracelets clinging to my wrists and I had on four rings; two for each hand.

I was sort of content with the way I looked. I was going to a show. Plus, I had always had sort of a rebellious look to me. Much more edgy than Tessa or Carrie. My style was really the only thing I was half way confident about. I was well aware of the fact that a large portion of the school thought I was weird and into dark magic or witchcraft or some shit, but I couldn't care less. I was happy with myself, even if I felt sort of violated with the way Marshall's eyes would occasionally flash over to my legs and scan them devilishly.

We got to Marty's, which I only then discovered that it was actually a pretty sketchy place. Getting out of the car, I nearly tripped thanks to my trusty black combat boots. As much as I loved the things, I nearly always had some sort of accident while wearing them.

Tessa caught my arm, "Get your act together, now, okay? You're already scaring him."

I cocked an eyebrow, "What? Why?"

She rolled her eyes, then let go of my arm. I looked at the area where she caught me-right about the elbow-only to see that it was running on a scarlet color. Jeez.

Tessa got us in. The bouncer was her Uncle's friend. He didn't bother giving us the stamp that tells us we're under twenty one either. We're legal, I guess.

Once we were in, a crowd around the stage began to form. Tessa looked at her watch, then her blue eyes darted up at me. "So what's the deal? Are we going backstage or what?"

My head perked up slightly. I hadn't even thought about that. I pulled out my phone, ready to call John until I thought of something else. Sucking in a breath, I nodded my head then said, "Yeah. Well, we can go check it out. Come on."

They followed me despite the fact that I had no idea where the hell I was going. I didn't know where this burst of courage came from-maybe it was the fact that I looked like a total grunge, indie whore-but I felt some sort of power over the three of them in this atmosphere. Although I had never been to a bar before, nevertheless a show, I got the idea that I belonged in a place like this. The people around me were like me.

I found backstage. I don't know how, but I did. No one stood guard, which I hadn't really expected to begin with. These guys weren't in some world wide band, and they were only playing in some sketchy bar.

The backstage area really was on the side of the stage and held a fridge and a couch. That's where the guys were.

Kennedy was the first to see me, "Hey! There she is!" He came towards me, a beer bottle in one hand. He then proceeded to engulf me in a rather large and well, comfortable hug. Without hesitation, I hugged him back.

I had only known this kid for a week, and I had only seen him in person once. Yet, here we were, hugging. I liked it. I liked him. I liked these guys.

Jared and Pat came over and said hello. I then introduced them to Tessa, Carrie, and Marshall. It felt kind of weird introducing them to Marshall considering I had just met him and didn't know anything about him. Regardless of this, I talked to the guys and figured I just ignore his presence. I really didn't want anything to do with the guy.

I got a rather odd feeling introducing Tessa to the guys as well. I mean, these were John's best friends, and she didn't even know them. She went out with the guy and never even met his band.

I suffered through five minutes of conversation between Jared, Kennedy, and Pat. They were great and I liked them all a lot. But the thing is, I wasn't used to talking to guys. Not to mention that Jared and Kennedy were a year older than me. I wasn't well-experienced in that department. And even though I had spent last Saturday with them, I still felt-I don't know-odd talking to them.

I guess I was just weird.

Anyway, five minutes passed and Marshall, Carrie, and Tessa mainly kept to themselves. I noticed the looks Tessa shot me on occasion, but I tried my best to ignore them. I watched then as her eyes flickered over to the door.

I turned to find John and Garrett standing side by side. Garrett stood in mid-conversation with John and turned a deep crimson. I couldn't help noticing the way his hauntingly, vibrant blue eyes landed on me. He pressed his lips together and just watched me with his damn eyes. I felt weak in the knees; like they could physically snap forward at any moment, causing me to collapse onto the floor beneath us all.

I couldn't speak when John took a step toward me smiling. I hadn't even processed what he said. "Wh-what?" My words caught in my thick throat.

"How's it going?"

"Oh, uh," I was still looking at Garrett. I forcibly withdrew my eyes away from him to look up at John. "it's good."

"Great! We're going on in a few minutes," John peeked over my shoulder and waved, "Hi Tess."

I turned around, only to see her reaction. Tessa was weak too; she couldn't face John. She wasn't tough like the facade she put up. He was her one weakness. He was the only guy to literally rip her heart out of chest. She would never admit it, but her desire and passion for John O'Callaghan was still a flame lit. When they were together, they were a fire. The fire has yet to go out for Tessa. Even when they were together, she would have liked to believe she led the relationship-like she does with most-but this was the infamous Johno we're talking about.

Don't get me wrong, he was great to her. And that's exactly why it hurt her so deeply after the break up. She cared too much. I don't believe she loved him. But John was different for her. I could tell just by the way she looked lying on my bed the night they broke up; she was weak. Decrepit. She was sobbing because not only did she lose someone she cared about but she also lost herself. John destroyed who Tessa thought she was. She was walking through life a lie and now, despite realizing this, she knows she has to walk through the rest of her life lying.

Her face, dry and cold, reflected the lie. John nodded his head, then turned around. He couldn't care less. Tessa was hardly anything to him.

Going out on a limb, I waved sheepishly at Garrett. His eyes lit up and he cracked a small smiling as he took a step toward me. I watched his eyes flickering to behind me. I'm sure he was questioning Marshall. Even I was questioning Marshall.

"It's awesome that you were able to make it." Garrett acknowledged.

I nodded my head, somewhat unsure of what to say. "Well I really wanted to see you guys play."

"You won't be disappointed."

I found myself laughing softly, "I'm sure I won't."

Behind me, Tessa cleared her throat then articulated, "Harley, we're going to get a spot. Come on."

"Okay," I turned to Garrett quickly, "I'll see you later I guess."

He nodded his head, "Okay."

Before I was even five steps away, Garrett called out my name. I could feel my stomach twisting with anticipation and wonder. I don't know what I was so excited about, but it certainly made me feel like I was on cloud nine.

Before I could even mutter out a "Yeah?" Garrett took a step towards me. He was pretty close to me, his chest only inches from mine. I watched as his face turned a burning scarlet and he choked on his words. He hesitated for a moment, then placed a hand on his head, shaking his head.

"I, uh,"

My hand shot up to cover my mouth when I realized that I was giggling. Giggling like a fucking third grader. Now I was blushing and mentally cursing myself out.

He cringed, trying to recall his words. "I wanted to know...."

He stopped again, and I found myself urging him on. "Yeah?"

He then stopped and let out a heavy breath, running a hand through his untamed, auburn hair. "I wanted to know if you would...... tutor me?"

As my heart dropped into the vast pit of my stomach I gave him a dead look. "Tutor you?" I couldn't tell anyone why I was so disappointed by this, but the way my chest hurt as my eyes diverted to the floor I could almost guess why.

"Yeah, I've, um," He scratched the back of his head, "I've been having some issues in school recently, you know? I just need a little help."

"I'd be more than happy to." I blurted out, abruptly.

His eyes lit up, "Oh yeah? That's awesome!"

I shrugged, "Sure. Yeah. Why not? Call me and we could, you know, work out a time."

He nodded his head anxiously, smiling profoundly. "I'll give you my number!"

I found myself laughing again, "That would help."

And despite standing right in front of him, I couldn't wait to call him.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"So, Marshall, you and Harley have a lot in common." Tessa took several steps forward, her heels clicking on the damp pavement of the empty parking lot. A cigarette dangled from her lips as she mumbled the words. She glanced up at me with knowing eyes, showing off her infamous smirk.

I found myself biting the inside of my cheek, contemplating how exactly to get out of the conversation. Or situation in general. Either way I knew I was screwed. Tessa was my ride home, and she was taking her sweet time with this one. Plus, this is what Tessa liked to do. She liked to hang up in private places at strange hours of the night.

And here we were, in an empty parking lot outside of Marty's at two in the morning.

Marshall barely said or did anything. The entire night he stood there awkwardly without any comments or expressions. I couldn't help glancing up at the tall, muscular guy. He nodded his head stiffly, not bothering to glance my way. "That's cool."

Tessa giggled, leaning backward to glanced up at the sky, "Isn't it? Ask her out, will you? It's taken you long enough."

The knot in my throat had grown to about the same size as a peach. Now, a peach is by far not the largest of the fruit family, but when it feels like a peach is lodge in a small area such as your throat, it is pretty fucking hard to breath. I took wobbly steps away from them, turning my back to Marshall completely. I found myself taking steps closer to the bar, staring up at the red fluorescent sign that read: "Marty's"

Marshall cleared his throat and Tessa laughed wildly. I shook my head as I now stared at the ground. I shut my eyes tightly and stayed like that for several moments. I pictured myself at home with my Mom watching a movie. I didn't want to be here anymore. It was stupid to come. It was stupid to let Tessa come. I should have lied. I should have told her I was sick.

It wasn't that I liked being anti-social. It was that I hated the people I was with when I went out. I hated the way they talked. I hated their views. I hated their drunken slurs.

Suddenly, my head snapped up and I spun around anxiously. I marched towards Tessa and held up my hand eagerly. "Give me one."

She gave me a questioning look, "What?" She asked while taking a drag.

"A cigarette. I want one."

She raised an eyebrow, glancing at me up and down while she folded her arms over her chest, "You don't smoke."

I noticed her pulling the pack from her pocket. I quickly ripped it from her hands and pulled out the stick. I placed it in between my lips, tasting the danger, and then demanded, "Light it."

I could see Tessa getting a simple high just from my act, "Damn, Harley. Wild side?"

"Just light it."

Without hesitation, she pulled out her lighter. I sucked in the smoke, earning a coughing fit in the end. I held a hand to my throat, gasping for proper air. Tessa chuckled lightly. "You'll get over that."

"Can't we leave now? This place is sketchy." Carrie chirped up.

I took another drag, slowly and cautiously getting the hang of it. "Yeah," I coughed, "Let's go."

Tessa let out a breath. "Fine. Carrie and I will get the car. You and Marshall stay here."

I knew what her plan was. I knew it the minute she told me about Marshall. And this, this right here, was the climax of it. This was either going to be a successful night or a failure. Yet, I couldn't care about what Tessa or Carrie thought. I was scared of Marshall, and not because he was really tall and buff. I was scared of a guy talking to me. Nonetheless asking me out. It was scary for a girl like me. And the stupid cigarette wasn't allowing me to chill out in the least.

"So," Marshall cleared his throat. He then turned to me, flashing his white teeth, "this night has been interesting."

I raised my eyebrows lightly, taking a drag, letting out a cough, and then nodding my head. "Something like that."

I stared out at the empty road, praying that Tessa's car would pull up in front of us already. But no. I knew it wouldn't. I knew they were taking their sweet time for a reason.

"I know this is weird. Trust me, I really don't know what I'm doing here. I mean, I know they want me to ask you out. I don't know why but I know what they want. So I'm going to make this easy." He turned to me, "Would you like to go out sometime?"

I didn't look at him. I simply took a drag, this time not coughing, and looked at the road. After the empty one lane highway was a desert that stretched on for miles. I wanted to run into it. Running mile after mile was so desiring to me. I was eager for the sand under my feet and the night sky above me. I wanted to run into the darkness.

"I don't know." I muttered, my gaze not leaving the open air.

I was happy when Marshall didn't reply.