Sweet Misery

I played with the hem of my shirt as I gazed upon myself in the bathroom mirror. Everything seemed to be wrong with me. My skin was too blotchy. My shirt was too short. My hair was too messy. Sure, there were different aspects that I hated about myself, but none of this ever made it into my mind to upset me enough. I felt the need to attain perfection unlike ever before. I didn't care about being a slob until now.

What if she didn't like me? What was I suppose to do when she took a look at mismatched socks and decided I wasn't worth her time? I mean, I knew that I wasn't worth her time. I knew that from the very beginning. She's a saint while I'm a peasant. She's the clouds in the sky and I'm the dirt beneath everyone's feet. She was just too good for me.

Yet here I was; trying to claim her.

I tapped my fingers against the sink anxiously, unsure of what to do with myself. I had ten minutes. The thought was surreal. Harley Washington would be entering my house in ten minutes.

Trey passed by the bathroom, then stopped and backed up, grinning mischievously at me. "Are you ready?"

I shook my head, "I'm never ready. I will never be ready for this. Never."

He clapped a hand down on my back, "Don't worry. She's just going to tell you how to solve a math problem."

I turned to face him in hopes to clear my mind. When I went to speak, my mouth went dry. I found myself unable to form any words, but eventually I got one thing out. "She knows I'm bullshitting her."

Trey rolled his eyes, and leaned against the door frame. "How so?"

"There's one quarter left of my high school career and I already have my future set. There really is no need to make my grades any better."

"Then make it fun. Do something else."

"Like what?"

Trey let out a heavy breath, shaking his head in the process. "I don't know. Take her somewhere."

"To tutor me?" I made a face.

"You are so stupid. Maybe you should stick to the tutoring." Trey walked out of the hallway and back downstairs.

I looked back to the mirror. Now my nose was too big. My shoulders fell as I exhaled heavily. You're not getting any better than this. I shook my head as I nearly slapped the light switch on the wall "off" and walked out of the bathroom. Downstairs, my mom was in the kitchen cooking something. It was until now that I realized I really didn't want my mom to be home whatsoever when Harley was here.

"Mom, don't you have some shopping to do or, I don't know, something?" I asked, cringing lightly.

She turned around from the counter, giving me an irritated look. "I went grocery shopping this morning."

I was mentally groaning, "I'm having a friend over, though."

She shrugged, turning back to the bowl on the counter she was stirring. "You've never wanted me to leave the house before when you're having a guest over. Who is it? Pat? John?"

Right then and there, Trey walked into the kitchen, snatching an apple from the basket on the counter nearest the door. He sat down at the table and just before biting into his apple, he mocked, "It's Harley."

My mother dropped the spoon into the bowl and turned around, a curious look in her eyes and a smile to match. "Harley? I've never heard that name before."

"That's because it's a girl." Trey laughed, then took another bite.

My mother grinned at me, "A girl?"

"She's tutoring me."

Even my mother rolled her eyes, "Oh please, Garrett. We all know what that really means. And now I will especially not be leaving the house. Can't leave you and a girl alone."

My face heated up. Oh God, if my mother only knew the real thoughts that entered my mind about Harley. The things that I could do with her if I only had enough courage. But in reality, I knew I could never make a move. I knew I wouldn't be making one today. If my mother knew how I acted around this girl, she'd know leaving us alone would not be a mistake.

"Can't you just, like, go upstairs and stay out of sight?" I asked, getting anxious. My eyes flickered to the clock above the stove. Five minutes.

"Why don't you two go outside on the patio? It's so nice out. Not too hot."

As annoying as the thought of her around was, I had to give my mother credit. At least if we were outside we'd have some privacy. Plus, because of the closed glass door leading onto the patio my mother would not be able to hear us. Unfortunately, she would be able to see us if she moved into the dining room.

I sucked in a breath, giving into to the whole ordeal. "Fine. Yeah. Okay."

My mother gave me a knowing smile, "Nervous?"

I waved her off, despite the mini-wrestlers hitting punching bags in my stomach. "No. Of course not."

Trey snorted. As a result, I hit him in the back of the head when our mother wasn't looking. He gave me an irritated looked but then cracked a smile. He then hit me in the side playfully, "Better get your books together, bud."

As much as I hated it, he was right. I suddenly found myself running around the house frantically in search for my English notes and History questions. I gathered some paper and a couple pencils and placed them on the table on the patio outside. That's when I heard the doorbell ring. My heart literally jumped out of my chest, and for a moment, I couldn't move. Swallowing the knot in my throat, I took steady steps back inside and towards the foyer. Once I saw Trey walking towards the door, I bolted.

I nearly crashed into him but held my hands out in support. He would not be meeting Harley, or at lest introducing her into the house. I opened the door, panting and in a frenzy before I even realized what I was doing.

She looked different; her simple blue jeans and purple sweatshirt gave her a gentle appeal as appose to her normal punk-rock chic style. Either way, she looked peaceful and well, happy. She gave me a sweet smile, then stared at me as if she was waiting for me to say something. It was then that I realized she might have said something already. I leaned my head forward and opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

"Uh, what?" I stuttered.

Behind me, Trey whispered, "Smooth. I elbowed him in the gut in a way that I was sure Harley couldn't see.

I watched as she laughed softly at me, showing off her perfectly white and straight teeth. When she laughed, her head tilted back slightly, exposing her perfect, toned neck. I never thought I could find something like a neck sexy until I gazed upon Harley Washington's. She then, in her lovely voice said, "I said 'How are you?'"

My head popped up, "Oh, I'm great. And you?"

Her shoulder hiked up a little, "I'm good. You have a really nice house."

Then, once again from behind me, I heard my Mother mumbled, "I like her already."

I ignored her, only pulling open the door a little more. I could hear Trey and my Mother scatter behind me. "Thanks," I replied to Harley, "Come in."

Harley walked in, raising her head and glancing around. "I was wondering if you'd want to work outside."

"That'd be cool. Yeah." She nodded her head, still looking around.

I walked her through the living room, praying that my brother wouldn't be in there. But, of course, he was. He sat on the couch, smiling like an idiot. The second we walked through the door frame, he stood up and walked towards Harley, extending a hand. "Hey! You must be Harley. I'm Trey."

She shook his hand, smiling. "Nice to meet you," She then looked back and forth between Trey and I. "you're brothers? I'm assuming."

Before I could answer, my lovely Mother came walking into the room, a surprised look on her face that I was clearly fake to me. "Oh, Garrett, I didn't know you were having guests over!" She laughed lightly, mainly to herself. Then, she turned towards Harley and shook her hand cheerfully, "Hello, dear."

"Hi. I'm Harley." I couldn't help staring at her as she smiled and introduced herself to my Mother and Trey. My whole stomach and heart were twisting.

About five minutes later, the two of us made our way onto the patio. We sat down at the table and soon I found Harley watching me. I couldn't recall if like before she had said something but I was too caught up in the moment to notice or not. It was then that I realized I hadn't exactly told her what I needed help in.

"Oh, where to start?" I joked, then bit my lip.

I watched her eyes dart to my copy of Romeo and Juliet. She laughed, then picked it up, examining it carefully. Her eyes then lifted and and connected with mine, "Worst love story of all time."

Her statement caught me off guard. "W-what?" I furrowed my brow, "Isn't it suppose to be the best love story of all time."

She let out a breath and placed the book down. "One could argue that. That is, if that person believes in love at first sight."

"And you don't?"

She shook her head, "Of course not. Aren't relationships suppose to be based upon the experiences you share? The moments that you remember. You love someone for who they are, not what they look like."

My stomach dropped out of my body; somewhere now unknown. I bit my bottom lip, trying to see the things she did. It was hard for me to understand. I mean, the minute I saw Harley in freshman year I knew I wanted to be with her. Couldn't that be considered love at first sight? I had always figured it to be.

"Do you believe in lust at first sight?" I asked, nearly cringing.

She laughed lightly and pursed her lips before answering, "Well, yeah. Haven't you ever looked at someone and thought, 'Damn, I would really like to fuck their brains out?'"

I stared at her for a moment, my jaw ajar and my eyes wide. I felt my finger trembling, knocking against the table. I quickly hid them underneath and held them with my other hand. Jesus, was all I could think. The things that came out of her mouth.

She laughed lightly, holding a hand up to her perfectly positioned lips, "Sorry. I don't usually, talk like that outside of my family. It's weird. I just, I, uh, I guess-" She stopped herself, shaking her head.

"You talk like that in front of your family?" I laughed. Hard.

She held a hand out and placed her head on the table, shaking it. "No! I didn't mean it like that. I'm just," She looked up at me, "You have to understand I'm not the person you really think I am. In a way at least."

I raised an eyebrow. "And who are you then?"

"I can be vulgar sometimes." She noted.

"Clearly."

"And dry."

"Dry?" I made a face, confused.

She scratched the back of her head, "Well, I don't know. My Mom likes to say I thrive off of dry humor. I'm sarcastic, I suppose."

I raised my eyebrows, fascinated in a way. "I would have never guessed."

"Most people don't." Her smile fell for a moment, but she shook her head and continued on about the famous play. "Anyway, Romeo and Juliet are basically two of the horniest teenagers out there. Romeo is a hopeless romantic too. It's really disgusting. He acts like a twelve year old girl, and he's the older one of the two. I mean, think about it, he's in love with Rosaline until he sees Juliet. I always sort of thought Juliet was like a rebound chick for Romeo anyway. In all honesty, the only good thing about this play is the first scene and Mercutio."

"And why's that?"

She cracked a smile, "You really wanna know?"

I shrugged, "I will be having a test on this in two days."

"The entire first scene-or a large majority of it-is about penises. They're all puns. It's like penis pun galore."

I just stared at her in awe. It took a moment to click. "Holy shit! When they're talking about swords?"

She nodded her head, "Oh yes. And Mercutio? He is basically cracking sexual related puns the entire play. It's great."

"No wonder why Romeo was horny."

"He was being teased by his own best friend." she inquired.

We then laughed for a solid three minutes. Every time I glanced up at her, making eye contact, the two of us would explode with laughter and have to put our heads down on the table. I tried to catch my breath multiple times, but it seemed as if something non-funny was completely hysterical.

I finally seemed to get a hold of myself and quickly said, "Okay. As great as this is, I really should know this book."

She ran a hand through her chocolate locks, "Yes. Okay. Sure. Let's get to it."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I really couldn't concentrate with the simple thought of her watching over me in m head. She was sitting right next to me, watching me write out some stupid math equation, and I knew I was going to mess up. I mean, for once, she was looking at me. The idea gave me goosebumps.

I let the pencil fall from my hand. We had been at this for an hour, and I really hadn't intended for this to go on as long as it. I looked up to find her with a slightly surprised expression on her face. "Would you like to watch a movie?" I asked.

I expected her to laugh and tell me to get back to the problem. But let's be honest, she and I both knew I really didn't need to get an A+ on my next math test. So when she said, "Okay." I was already standing up.

There were two possibly locations for us to go. One, my bedroom. I had a TV in there and to be honest it really wasn't as messy as usual. But God, the horrifying thought of having Harley Washington alone in my bedroom was a nightmare and daydream of mine. Any normal teenage boy would jump at the opportunity, but I didn't want to scare her. Plus, my Mom was home. So, naturally, I found myself guiding her into our basement.

Now, the basement was just as secluded as my bedroom would have been. The thing is, there is no bed, which relieves not only a lot of angst, but also a lot of possible opportunities that would make us sweat. Still, as we sat down on the couch-about a foot apart mind you-I couldn't shake the thought of being alone with the girl I could once barely hold a conversation with. Hell, I had only drank one Coke before she showed up today; not three Red Bulls. I had a girl alone. And it wasn't just any girl. It was the girl I had been obsessed with for three years. This was Harley Washington here.

I pushed myself off the couch and onto the floor. I began to search in the console under the television in search for a movie. I sucked in a breath and held up the only two DVDs we had down here. When I turned around to hold them up I couldn't help but notice how uncomfortable she looked. Her knees were tightly pressed together, her feet in line with her shoulders and her hands gripping one another while barely resting in her lap. I swallowed the knot in my throat as I thought "She hates me. She wants to leave."

"Uh, so we have Top Gun or The Wedding Singer. Do you have a personal preference?"

Although she was clearly looking at me, it was as if my statement caught her off guard. "Oh, uh, no. You choose."

It was like the funny, somewhat absurd girl that was outside moments ago had vanished. It wasn't until I placed The Wedding Singer into the DVD played that I realized I hadn't really figured Harley Washington out just yet. I had no idea who she was. I mean, she was like a fucking wild card.

For example, until sophomore year I was under the impression that Miss. Washington was a quite, shy, cute girl. That was really the extent of it. Then, when I found her crying in the hallway, I came to the conclusion that she was a bit more than that. She was complex and complicated. Something a little mysterious and dark was in her; not that that was a bad thing, either. And so, until she showed up at the mall that day, claiming that she got in a fight with her mother and sister and jumped out of a car and walked several miles to the mall I thought she was the same girl. But clearly she wasn't. Clearly she was kinda a bad-ass. And shit, that only made her ten times more appealing to me. But it confused me. Hell, it confused the shit out of me. And then she comes here, cursing while trying to teach me the basics of Trigonometry and discussing the consistency of penis puns in classic literature. She was-well I didn't know who she was and I didn't know whether I really liked that or if it actually scared me.

I thought about this throughout the first forty five minutes of the movie. I also thought about scooting a little closer to her and maybe even wrapping an arm around her shoulders. But, my thoughts were interrupted abruptly when my lovely friends decided to show up.

John came running down the steps of the basement first, his steps causing the whole room to shake. When he saw Harley and I on the couch, he came to a dead stop, his eyes lighting up. Once this happened, Pat, who had also been coming down the stairs at a quick pace, managed to crash dead on into John. However, John held out a hand, catching himself on the wall.

"Shit, Pat. Watch yourself."

"You're the one who stopped! Why did you do-Ohhhhh." Pat's eyes caught Harley and I.

Kennedy and Jared stood on the stairs urging the two to move forward, which they did after staring for a good fifteen seconds. John's lips held a smirk as he made his way over to the two of us. "Hey, guys. What's going on?"

God, I wanted him to leave.

John then fell in between the two of us, extending his arms and wrapping them around both of our shoulders. He pulled us into him and then relaxed. "What are we watching?"

Now I wanted to punch him.

I grumbled the title under my breath before leaning forward slightly and peering over at Harley. For whatever reason, her shoulders seemed to soften and she didn't look as nervous as before. My eyes instantly targeted John, my stomach twisting in the process. I folded my arms over my chest, huffed, then fell back to the couch.

"Harley!" Kennedy exclaimed, "How are you?"

She smiled her smile that I craved up at him, "I'm good. You?"

He shrugged, "Same old, same old."

Harley caught my eye by standing up and saying, "I should actually be getting home."

"We just got here!" John pouted.

Now I wanted to strangle him.

She let out a breath and gave a half-hearted smile, "I'm sorry. I have to get home for dinner," She turned to me, her cheeks flushing a light pink. My breath caught in my throat. "I hope everything goes well with your tests, Garrett."

Oh God, I loved the way my name sounded in her voice. I licked, then bit my bottom lip hastily. Should I get up? Should I walk her to her car? I found myself wiping sweaty palms on my jeans. If I did walk her to her car, what happens there? What am I suppose to do?

"Thanks."

That's it? Just thanks? God dammit, what is my problem?

She nodded her head stiffly. "I'll see you later."

Fuck. I should get up. I should walk her to her car, shouldn't I?

"Yeah," She turned and started towards the stairs. It was then that my body shot up and I quickly blurted out, "Is it alright if I call you?"

I watched as her lovely lips turned into a full-on smile, exposing her beautiful teeth and adorable dimples. She nodded her head, "That'd be great."

I nodded my head, triumphantly, "Okay. I will."

"Alright."

No one spoke until the basement door was shut and she was out of the room. Once she was officially gone, the room exploded with laughter. I hit the nearest person in sight, who happened to be Pat. "Shut up!" I yelled, turning pink.

"God Gare, I said it once and I'll say it again. If you don't get on that, I will." John laughed.

Fumes raged through me as I stared at him. I sucked in a deep breath, closing my eyes for just a moment. I then turned to the other guys, "Should I have walked her to her car?"

Kennedy rolled his eyes, "Duh! And you should have asked her out. You had her down here all alone."

I didn't respond. My face only fell.

"Go get her then!" Pat urged me on. "Just ask her out, come on."

"You think she's still here?" I asked, my heart filling with something unfamiliar mixed in with dire nerves.

"Go!" Jared yelled.

Without any hesitation, I was running up the basement steps. I ran through the foyer and then burst through the front door and onto the front porch. I was going to do it. I was going to ask Harley Washington on a date.

But when I looked outside, the wind hitting me, it dawned on me that I wasn't. She left. She was gone and so was my courage.