Pick Up the Pieces

“You know what you need?” Josh asked, pointing his finger at the man beside him. “Love.”

Alex laughed, downing another shot, reveling in the heat sliding down his throat, before slamming the glass unto the table and watching it shake then still. “Yeah and a million bucks would be nice too.

“I’m serious.” Josh stated, gesturing with his hands wildly, eyes widening. “You were just so much happier back when you were in love.”

“I was never in love.” The man yelled, his face turning red when a few people looked over.
He looked down and started tracing patterns on the bar table, grimacing at the beer stains.

“Love is just a bunch of romanticized bullshit told in fairytales to give people a reason to live. To make them search for something and then fool themselves into believing that they found it. Love like that doesn’t exist; kisses under the stars, snow angels, it’s all a bunch of crap. The closest thing to love is fighting, crying, and throwing shit. Love hurts, and trust me, it’s the last thing I need.”

“What about Jack?” Josh asked, his eyebrow raised.

Alex grimaced, trying to remember the boy he hadn’t seen in years. “What about him?”

“You loved him.”

This won an eye roll from the dark haired boy as he motioned for another shot from the bartender. “He was my best friend.”

“Yeah, your best friend. The one you had sex with.”

He scrunched his face in deep thought. “Honestly, I don’t remember anything. I just, I think the brain sometimes chooses what we want to remember and what we don’t. I try to remember those days when All Time Low was together but I come up blank.”

“Well I remember it.”

But that wasn’t enough.

----

Alex’s hands shook as he reached for the door knob, tears clouding his vision. Every time he had these stupid talks with Josh he ended up leaving completely drunk and crying. Josh just seemed to remind him of things he’d rather forget. And he was doing so well at it too. When Alex finally managed to get the door open, he stumbled inside, kicking it closed behind him. His feet made their way to his bedroom as he collapsed on the comforter, but the young man’s mind was elsewhere. He knew it was his fault that All Time Low broke up, yet he didn’t remember it at all. And he didn’t want to.

It wasn’t long before he started rummaging through his bedside drawer searching for a bottle of water. His hand skimmed across something soft and he pulled it out, trying to see it in the darkness of his room. Alex rubbed a few tears as his vision grew less cloudy and he recognized the object to be a stuffed animal. Just a simple teddy bear; nothing special. But to him it held the only memory of Jack that his mind hadn’t pushed out.

-

“Alex, c’mon! It’s not that hard. Are you stupid or something?” His best friend, Rian, just kept shooting the insults, trying to spur the boy on so he could finally make the basket and they could go home.

“Shut. The. Hell. Up.” Alex grunted as he threw the basketball again, only to miss the hoop by an inch. “Goddammit! I was so fucking close.” He yelled. “You saw that Rian, right? Right?”

The shorter boy nodded, before letting out a heavy sigh. “Let’s go.”

“No. I am trying it again.” The English boy muttered as he handed the man behind the stand another dollar.

“Alex, you’re wasting all of your allowance on this crap.” He scanned the area, glancing wistfully at the cotton candy machine that they wouldn’t have time to visit. “We did not come to the carnival so you could stand at this booth for twenty minutes, trying to win a freaking doll.”

The taller boy shot at the hoop once more, only letting out a frustrating grunt when he missed. “This is so unfair.”

“You know what’s unfair?” A voice stated behind the boy. “The fact that I’ve been waiting for five minutes to try this thing.”

Alex jumped startled and turned around, blushing profusely as he mumbled apologies and stepped aside, examining the boy who had spoken. He was tall and skinny, freakishly so, with black hair streaked with blond tufts and huge brown eyes.

Yet, as he handed a crumpled bill to the bored man standing behind the counter, he grabbed the basketball and shot it effortlessly through the net. Alex stared in shock as Rian simply shrugged, tugging on the English boy’s hand.

“How did he do that?!” Alex shouted, anger bubbling up inside him. “I tried like twenty times and this bastard comes in acting like he runs the place, and then wins the stuffed animal I wanted.”

Jack watched, smirking as he saw the jealousy clearly displayed.

“Alex, it’s a stuffed animal and you’re in sixth grade; we will never get girlfriends if you act like this in public.” Rian started as he pulled the other to the cotton candy booth. He started ordering but Alex simply stood there, pouting like a little child.

That was when he felt a tap on his shoulder and he whirled around, finding Jack standing there. Jack smiled lightly, holding out the teddy bear.

“My name’s Jack, but I guess you can call me ‘bastard’.”

Alex chuckled as he reached for the teddy bear shyly. “You, um, you sure you don’t want it?”

“Nah, I’m good. You can have it”- He stopped, not knowing his name.

“Alex, I’m Alex.” He grabbed the teddy bear holding it close to him.

“Nice accent, by the way.”

And that was the start of it all.

-

He fell asleep with the stuffed animal cradled in his arms, held tightly to him as he reveled in the faint smell of Jack.