We Can Dance in Death Tonight

I heard light knocks on my door. it opened and I only saw Frank's hair. I laughed.

"I made dinner" he yelled really fast, than closed the door. I shook my head at him and got up, walking into the kitchen to see a candle lit. I looked at him and he laughed. I sat down and waited. "I hope you like tacos" I couldn't help but laugh. he placed the tray of shells infront of me, placing bowls of ingredients around it.

"I love tacos Frank. thank you" I told him, continuing to laugh. all I could think of was the videos Ryan had shown me late one night, when he was sick and I was taking care of him. I was sitting next to him in his bed. he'd just finished the homemade chicken noodle soup I made and we were waiting for Allie to get home. he pulled out his laptop and showed me a bunch of old videos of him and the guys.

"what's so funny?" he asked, sitting down.

"cats in my taco" I mimicked, he started to laugh hysterically.

"CATS IN MY TACO!" he yelled in the voice. "fuck, I miss those days sometimes"

Frank and I ate dinner. after, he helped me finish packing. promptly at 6:30, I heard a knock on the door.

"you have fun kid. if you need anything, just call me" he smiled. I hugged him and kissed his cheek. I ran too the door and opened it, seeing Jacky standing there.

once we were on the bus, I was happy. I was with my friends, away from any reminders. I'd be on tour for awhile and I could think clearly. even if my phone was still ringing off the hook.

"that's your bunk. Ryan is across from you, i'm below and Derek is above. Ronnie has the back lounge" Jacky told me, I just giggled. "what?"

"I fucking love your accent. and I'm going to tell you that forever" I said, knowing i'd already told him this a million times before.

I sat around with the guys until they had to go on stage. I stood side stage and watched, so proud of them all. Ricky called me but I just let it go to voice mail. after the show and the signing, everyone got back onto the bus and we went to the next venue. Derek and Jacky went to bed early. the bus was basically quite by 11. Ronnie, Ryan and I sat around and watched a movie. soon enough, Wait For You began to come from my speakers. I sighed.

"aren't you going to answer that? it is your boyfriend" Ryan laughed. I faked a smile, grabbing my phone.

"Balz, not now please" I mumbled. I stood up and began to walk around.

"baby, I miss youuuUU! I love youuu! i'm so sowwy" he slurred his words, than hiccuped.

"are you drunk?" I asked. I heard scratching from the other end, so he was obviously nodding. I hung up. I called Ricky, putting him on speaker and sitting down at the table. I heard his happy voice when he answered. "Balz is drunk, he broke edge"

"fuck! Ryan and Allie have been looking for him for an hour. I'll tell them to search the bars. but he isn't the only one to break edge Samantha" Ronnie stared at me.

"don't give me those eyes Ronald" I snickered. "TJ told you about that?"

"yes TJ told us. we're not blaming you too much, I mean, you were just cheated on again but still Sam, you can't go breaking a promise like that. you should've called me instead"

"cheated on again?" Ronnie seethed.

"Rick, go find Balz and them. I'll talk to you later. I love you. tell everyone I miss them. bye" I hung up.

"he cheated on you? is that why you came out with us?" Ryan asked, not offended by the obvious.

"I'm fine guys! look at me, have I frowned at all? no. I came out because I miss you guys, is that such a bad thing?" I asked, they just stared at me. "I'm fine!"

"I'm going to bed, I love you Sam" Ryan mumbled, kissing my cheek. Ronnie followed. I got changed and laid in my bunk, signing onto my twitter.

hurt me, fine, hurt my friends and you're fucking dead[/i Ryan tweeted.

"Seamen" I snickered.

"sorry" he whispered.

It wasn't long until I heard too many different snores to know who was still awake. I pulled out my laptop and began to watch those old videos Ryan showed me. tears slowly made there way down my face and I noticed I was getting a little too loud. my curtain opened and I saw Ronnie standing there.

"I'm not okay. I lied" I cried. he nodded.

"come here babe" he whispered. I closed my laptop and allowed him to pick me up. he brought me back to his bed and laid next to me, pulling me close and allowing me to cry into his chest. "you don't deserve this. at all. you're such a great woman. this guy is a douche bag"

I fell asleep in Ronnie's arms for the first time in over two years. I actually slept.

-Balz-
I woke up and noticed I wasn't in my bed, but on the couch. my head was pounding and I had too many texts to look threw them all and clearly read them. most were from the guys and girls, but two were from Sam.

I'm sorry you broke edge over us. it's the one thing I thought you'd never do[/i

I'm always going to love you. I hope you know that. I'm sorry for everything I put you threw in the past, good luck in the future, Josh. I'll miss you

I noticed I got these the other day, when she broke edge. I just never looked at them. I've been in such a daze. I was lucky I was even playing my parts right. Ryan came out with an aspirin bottle and a bottle of water.

"you might need these" he mumbled, handing them too me.

"what's wrong?" I asked. "was I that bad last night?"

"Abbey just called Chris crying hysterically. Sam moved out" he told me. I felt like I'd been stabbed in the stomach. I was tearing apart our family. "no one knows where she moved"

"Ryan, you have to help me fix this. I can't lose her. I'm tearing apart this family. I need to fix this"

"you know Balz, maybe you should've thought about that before you fucked Mary" he snickered. he had a right to be angry at me. all of them did.

I dared to look at my phone. I was trying to waste time during this ride, I read threw twitter, seeing Ryan Seamen's tweet, he obviously knew. she probably called Ronnie crying. I got to this mornings tweet when I saw Sam was using her twitter, something she only does when she talks to fans, or as she calls them, friends. there was a picture from instagram and it said I've missed him so much I opened the picture and saw her and Ronnie laying in bed together. I threw my phone to the other side of the couch.

"throwing a hissy fit isn't going to fix this shit. now, how do you plan on winning our sister back" Ricky said, I turned and saw them all standing infront of me. TJ was standing there cross armed, restraining himself. I could tell.

"I have something in mind" I told them, sitting up.

-Sam-
three weeks went by fast. I spent most nights with Ronnie, feeling young again. Each night felt like I was 19 again, sitting next to him and Max. both of them completely sober. atleast they were only sober when they were around me. they'd never spend time with me if they were high or drunk.

"I'm going to miss you guys" I told them, standing infront of the terminal at the airport. Ryan pulled me close.

"we're not that far honey. you're always welcome to stay with any of us. we love you baby doll" he mumbled, hugging me and kissing my cheek. I hugged Jacky and Derek. I just looked at Ronnie.

he smiled, leaned down and kissed me twice. just as we used too. I smiled.

"I love you Ronald" I told him, he pulled me too him and hugged me tight,

"I love you more Samantha" he whispered.

When I landed back in PA, Frank was waiting for me at the airport. I'd honestly missed him. I hugged him as soon as I saw him and he gave me the keys to my camaro. he carried my bag to the car as he told me what he'd been doing since I left. I told him all about tour and when I got home, I saw he'd cooked me tacos again.

"so.. how are you?" he asked. I knew what he'd meant. he didn't have to explain.

"it's always going to be in the back of my head. I think he finally got the hint that I don't want to talk to him because he stopped calling me and texting me all the time. I just want my old life back" I told him, he nodded and took my head.

"everything is going to be okay Sam" he promised.

Slipknot's All Hope Is Gone came blasting out of my purse. I quickly jumped up and ran too it, knowing it was one of the guys from the band. I was weird and always had to have a certain ringtone for everyone. I saw it was Corey and answered it.

"Corey motherfucking Taylor" I yelled into the phone, catching my breathe.

"Samantha motherfucking Smith" he said back. "how the fuck is my favorite maggot doing?"

"I've seen better times, how are you and the guys?" I asked.

"we're doing good. Donnie's coming back to tour with us. hey did you get my box?"

"uh I'm not home at the moment but it might be there. I'll call you back when I get it" I told him.

"excited for the call. talk to you soon!" he hung up.

"I'll be back in a little bit, I have to go to the house" I told Frank, grabbing my keys.

"what if the guys are there?" he asked. I just shrugged. it was around dinner time, so I'm sure they wouldn't notice if I came there. I was kinda hoping the box was the guys' Christmas presents.

I drove to the house blasting Pinkly Smooth. it made me miss Jimmy but I'd laugh at how he'd dance to the songs. I pulled up down the street and saw Abbey's SUV pulling out. I heard my phone bing.

we're going out for Christmas dinner. I really wish you could join us. can't you come and just ignore him? I miss you so much. we all do. we'll be at Juliet's if you decide to come Ricky texted me.

I'm sorry Ricky. I just cant. I miss you all so much. I love you guys

I waited until the SUV was off the block and than pulled into the driveway. I let myself in and found the box Corey had been talking about. I grabbed it and opened it, seeing the note first.

my favorite maggot, we'll be playing in PA next month. even though Donnie is touring with us again, I want you to play that show with us. will you be our fill in, please? the jumper is in the box, your mask, well, it's not finished yet, but its special. tell me your answer. love you, xoxo Corey

I pulled out the red jumper. it was sleeveless, and the legs were cut off. he'd basically made it a very girly jumper for me. I held it up to my body and smiled. there was the Slipknot S on one side, and 9 on the other. I saw the black arm band that had Paul's number on it. under the arm band, were a bunch of backstage passes. 11 to be exact. I grabbed the box and put it in my car. I ran back into my old room, seeing the sheets a mess. he never made them. I knew i'd left some clothes behind so I quickly changed into one of the dresses that were still in the closet. I only had my doc martens with me, so I stole a pair of Shay's heels. I quickly fixed my makeup and hair in Shay and Ricky's room than ran back to my car. I stopped at the local store and grabbed a bag and a card.

I walked into Juliet's.

"how may I help you?" the hostess asked.

"I'm looking for a very large group. 9 people. most of them have long black hair, they might be wearing make up. there's only three girls"

"ah yes, the Cerulli party. right this way" she smiled. I followed her into the back hallway where they had large rooms for big parties. as she stood infront of the one sliding door, I felt knots form in my stomach. I immediately regretted this decision. I heard Ricky get excited, thinking his food was here. she pulled the door back and I saw them all. they all smiled and gasped.

"SAMMY!" Ricky screamed. "you came!"

"hey guys" I mumbled, walking in as she closed the door behind me. Chris got up to grab another chair. "no need Chris, I'm not staying for long" they all frowned.

I waited for them all to get everything out of their systems, hugging me and kissing my cheek. Balz was the only one to stay seated and quite.

"I wanted to bring you guys your Christmas presents. I was going to leave them at the house, but I wanted to see your faces when you saw them" I smiled a little. I placed the bag in the center of the table. "there's one for all of you"

I saw them all try and reach into the bag at once. Angelo was the first to see what it was.

"YOU GOT US BACK STAGE PASSES FOR SLIPKNOT'S SHOW IN SCRANTON!? I've been trying to get tickets for months!"

I saw all their faces lit up as they sat there and read the laments. Angelo, Ricky and Ryan actually getting up and kissing my cheeks.

"so I uh, I'll see you guys there. Merry Christmas guys. I love you, I miss you. I uh, better get going" I said, turning quickly and opening the door.

"Sam! wait" he finally spoke. "don't leave because I'm here. I know how much everyone misses you and I could only image how much you miss them. I'll go"

"no, its fine. I have things I have to do anyway. have a nice dinner" I closed the door and quickly walked out of the restaurant. tears beginning to stain my face. I opened the car door.

"Sam?" I heard someone whisper. I looked up and saw Josh standing infront of the car, Ryan waiting at the door.

"yeah?" I tried pulling myself together.

"you look really good. and I just wanted you to know, I never wanted to hurt you. I love you so much and I miss you like crazy. I can't sleep at night and I don't want to be awake during the day. I can't think straight and I lost all interest in everything. I'm sorry I'm tearing you away from Shay and Abbey and the guys, I'm sorry I'm causing you to cry. I never wanted to do any of that" he whispered, I saw how sad he looked.

I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him close. his arms instantly wrapped around my waist and squeezed me tight. I let go and got into my car and drove away.