We Can Dance in Death Tonight
Dead Memories
I'd flown to Iowa a week before the concert to practice with the guys. I started talking to the guys again, mostly every day. they didn't yet know where I was living, where I was going or that I was playing with Slipknot. They never bothered me to come over and talk to Balz and he very rarely texted me, and I was missing the shit out of him.
"Sam, back to reality please. the bus leaves in the morning, this is our last practice before the show" Corey told me. I laughed at him. "yeah, I know you have it all down. I think it's time for you to have your mask"
Donnie covered my eyes as I stood there, tapping my foot and strumming gently at the strings of my bass. I waited for Corey to place the synthetic material in my hands before I opened my eyes. I opened my eyes and smiled.
"you don't have to wear it at the concert, but we figured we got you your very own jumpsuit, you needed a mask to match" Sid winked.
I smiled at it. It white white based with black designs. black covered the eyes and swirled, the eye brows high and a tear drop falling. it was totally me. I looked at them all.
"guys! I love it!" I smiled. I hugged each of them. TJ's ringtone rang throughout the studio. "are we done?" Corey nodded. I ran up to my room.
-Balz-
We all sat around in the living room watching Lost Boys. Ricky was on the phone with TJ, who just urgently called him.
"no! no she can't! thanks TJ, yeah, we'll see you there!" he hung up, everyone stared at him. "he called Sam to tell her he was leaving to come for the Slipknot show, and she told him she might move back home. when she said that, she asked if she would feel comfortable living with Balz again and she said no, she was moving back to California!"
"fuck no. she isn't moving that far from me" I yelled, I looked at Abbey. "are you sure this will work?" I asked weary.
"it might not make her run back into your arms, but it will give you time to talk to her" she promised. Shay just nodded.
"Balz, can you just do us all a favor?" Angelo whispered, I looked at him. "don't let us lose our best friend. fight, harder than you've been fighting, fight dirtier, I don't care, don't let her leave us"
"I won't Ang" I told him.
I woke up to Abbey and Shay running around the house screaming 'WE SEE SLIPKNOT TODAY WEEEEE!!"
I got out of bed and went into the shower. I used Sam's sparkly soap, laughing. when I was done, I wrapped the worn down purple towel around me and dried my hair. I applied a small amount of eyeliner and walked into the bedroom. I made the bed, just in case Sam would come home tonight and talk to me, I knew she hated when I would leave the bed a mess. I got dressed, putting on her favorite pair of skinny jeans, the doc martens she'd always steal, my Miss May I shirt and my 'PURE HATE' jacket. I went downstairs and saw Abbey, Shay and Allie in matching Slipknot shirts. we all pilled into Abbey's SUV and Chris drove there. Angelo not allowing anything but Slipknot to be playing.
"hey Sam, are we meeting you there?" Ricky asked. he'd called her. he nodded, "oh okay! yeah no that's great! I love you too, see you soon!" he looked at us and smiled. "she said they have this special area for the V.I.P's aka us and that we'll be there all night and than we go back stage. she said she'll be a little late but she'll be there for the performance, just not the opening bands"
we got there after the second opening band. we sat on the platform with a few others. there were seats and all. Ryan and I would go into the crowd every once and awhile and fuck with the kids. eventually, it was time for them to get on stage. I heard the intro, and than SIC. All the members were out on stage but I saw someone in a different jumpsuit. I saw the leg tattoos and stared.
"is that...Sam?!" Ricky asked, almost hanging over the side of the railing. she had on a cut off jumpsuit that was sleeveless and had the pants cut into short shorts. the Slipknot S was on one said and a 9 on the other. her hair swung freely behind her mask. she jumped along just as if she was an original member. I noticed they all had on a 2 arm band. once SIC was done, Corey began to speak.
"ladies and fucking gentlemen, how the fuck you doing?!" the crowd screamed. "I CAN'T FUCKING HEAR YOU!" they screamed again. "I want to introduce you to a very special friend of mine. if you hadn't noticed, this is not Donnie. Donnie does not have a fucking body like that" a crowd of men screamed and I instantly wanted to rip all of their heads of. "FUCK NO! THAT'S ONE OF OUR FAVORITE FUCKING MAGGOTS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU MIGHT KNOW HER, YOU MIGHT FUCKING NOT, AND IF YOU DON'T, FUCK OFF. SAMMY FUCKING SMITH!"
I heard Angelo, Ricky, Chris, TJ, Allie, Shay, Abbey, Devin, and Ryan scream bloody murder.
"holy fuck our best friend's on stage with fucking Slipknot!" Angelo yelled, I thought he was ready to pass out.
We watched in complete awh, screaming every word like it was our last. they played SIC, Eyeless, Wait and Bleed, The Blister Exists, Liberate, Before I Forget, Pulse Of The Maggots, Disasterpiece, Psychosocial, The Heretic Anthem, Duality, Spit It Out, People = Shit and Surfacing. Sam was jumping all over the place. onto the risers or onto the drums. she never stayed in one spot.
"ladies and fucking gentlemen it's been an absolute blast playing for you tonight! we've got one last song. Donnie, we need you out here buddy!" Corey said. Donnie walked out and Sam handed him her bass. "Sam fucking Smith is the only fucking girl I know that'd play a fucking hour and a half rock show in fucking high heels!" the crowd screamed. "she is one of the toughest fucking people I know and she doesn't take anyone's shit. she is truly so talented, give her a look up later on! but right now, we're going to sing her favorite fucking song together!"
she took off her mask and placed it infront of Sid's turn tables. he brushed her hair away from her face. she grabbed the extra mic as they began to play Dead Memories
Sitting in the dark, I can't forget.
Even now, I realize the time I'll never get.
Another story of the Bitter Pills of Fate.
I can't go back again.
I can't go back again... Corey sang.
But you asked me to love you and I did
Traded my emotions for a contract to commit
And when I got away I only got so far
The other me is dead, I hear his voice inside my head she was crouching on the riser while she sang.
And we were never alive and we won't be born again
But I'll never survive with dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
You told me to love you and I did
Tied my soul into a knot and got me to submit
So when I got away I only kept my scars
The other me is gone now I don't know where I belong
And we were never alive and we won't be born again
But I'll never survive with dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead visions in your name
Dead fingers in my veins
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Once they finished, everyone clapped. We left to go back stage and upon arriving, were warmly welcomed by the guys.
"oh my god honey! you were amazing!" Allie cheered, hugging Sam. everyone hugged her. she just stared at me. she slowly walked over and hugged me too. she soon let go and sat by Angelo.
"and bass is your worst feature huh?" Chris joked.
"I just don't understand how she ran around, jumped up and down, spun, swirled, all that shit in those fucking heels!" Mick commented.
I saw her outfit up close and personal. it was special made and she finally had something to wear those red ankle high heel boots with. I saw how happy she was, though in her eyes there was a hint of sadness.
"you were truly amazing Sam" I spoke. she just smirked at me.
we sat around with the guys for awhile after eventually going home, without Sam. but my plan kicked in in two days.
I wasn't strong enough to handle this anymore.
"Sam, back to reality please. the bus leaves in the morning, this is our last practice before the show" Corey told me. I laughed at him. "yeah, I know you have it all down. I think it's time for you to have your mask"
Donnie covered my eyes as I stood there, tapping my foot and strumming gently at the strings of my bass. I waited for Corey to place the synthetic material in my hands before I opened my eyes. I opened my eyes and smiled.
"you don't have to wear it at the concert, but we figured we got you your very own jumpsuit, you needed a mask to match" Sid winked.
I smiled at it. It white white based with black designs. black covered the eyes and swirled, the eye brows high and a tear drop falling. it was totally me. I looked at them all.
"guys! I love it!" I smiled. I hugged each of them. TJ's ringtone rang throughout the studio. "are we done?" Corey nodded. I ran up to my room.
-Balz-
We all sat around in the living room watching Lost Boys. Ricky was on the phone with TJ, who just urgently called him.
"no! no she can't! thanks TJ, yeah, we'll see you there!" he hung up, everyone stared at him. "he called Sam to tell her he was leaving to come for the Slipknot show, and she told him she might move back home. when she said that, she asked if she would feel comfortable living with Balz again and she said no, she was moving back to California!"
"fuck no. she isn't moving that far from me" I yelled, I looked at Abbey. "are you sure this will work?" I asked weary.
"it might not make her run back into your arms, but it will give you time to talk to her" she promised. Shay just nodded.
"Balz, can you just do us all a favor?" Angelo whispered, I looked at him. "don't let us lose our best friend. fight, harder than you've been fighting, fight dirtier, I don't care, don't let her leave us"
"I won't Ang" I told him.
I woke up to Abbey and Shay running around the house screaming 'WE SEE SLIPKNOT TODAY WEEEEE!!"
I got out of bed and went into the shower. I used Sam's sparkly soap, laughing. when I was done, I wrapped the worn down purple towel around me and dried my hair. I applied a small amount of eyeliner and walked into the bedroom. I made the bed, just in case Sam would come home tonight and talk to me, I knew she hated when I would leave the bed a mess. I got dressed, putting on her favorite pair of skinny jeans, the doc martens she'd always steal, my Miss May I shirt and my 'PURE HATE' jacket. I went downstairs and saw Abbey, Shay and Allie in matching Slipknot shirts. we all pilled into Abbey's SUV and Chris drove there. Angelo not allowing anything but Slipknot to be playing.
"hey Sam, are we meeting you there?" Ricky asked. he'd called her. he nodded, "oh okay! yeah no that's great! I love you too, see you soon!" he looked at us and smiled. "she said they have this special area for the V.I.P's aka us and that we'll be there all night and than we go back stage. she said she'll be a little late but she'll be there for the performance, just not the opening bands"
we got there after the second opening band. we sat on the platform with a few others. there were seats and all. Ryan and I would go into the crowd every once and awhile and fuck with the kids. eventually, it was time for them to get on stage. I heard the intro, and than SIC. All the members were out on stage but I saw someone in a different jumpsuit. I saw the leg tattoos and stared.
"is that...Sam?!" Ricky asked, almost hanging over the side of the railing. she had on a cut off jumpsuit that was sleeveless and had the pants cut into short shorts. the Slipknot S was on one said and a 9 on the other. her hair swung freely behind her mask. she jumped along just as if she was an original member. I noticed they all had on a 2 arm band. once SIC was done, Corey began to speak.
"ladies and fucking gentlemen, how the fuck you doing?!" the crowd screamed. "I CAN'T FUCKING HEAR YOU!" they screamed again. "I want to introduce you to a very special friend of mine. if you hadn't noticed, this is not Donnie. Donnie does not have a fucking body like that" a crowd of men screamed and I instantly wanted to rip all of their heads of. "FUCK NO! THAT'S ONE OF OUR FAVORITE FUCKING MAGGOTS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU MIGHT KNOW HER, YOU MIGHT FUCKING NOT, AND IF YOU DON'T, FUCK OFF. SAMMY FUCKING SMITH!"
I heard Angelo, Ricky, Chris, TJ, Allie, Shay, Abbey, Devin, and Ryan scream bloody murder.
"holy fuck our best friend's on stage with fucking Slipknot!" Angelo yelled, I thought he was ready to pass out.
We watched in complete awh, screaming every word like it was our last. they played SIC, Eyeless, Wait and Bleed, The Blister Exists, Liberate, Before I Forget, Pulse Of The Maggots, Disasterpiece, Psychosocial, The Heretic Anthem, Duality, Spit It Out, People = Shit and Surfacing. Sam was jumping all over the place. onto the risers or onto the drums. she never stayed in one spot.
"ladies and fucking gentlemen it's been an absolute blast playing for you tonight! we've got one last song. Donnie, we need you out here buddy!" Corey said. Donnie walked out and Sam handed him her bass. "Sam fucking Smith is the only fucking girl I know that'd play a fucking hour and a half rock show in fucking high heels!" the crowd screamed. "she is one of the toughest fucking people I know and she doesn't take anyone's shit. she is truly so talented, give her a look up later on! but right now, we're going to sing her favorite fucking song together!"
she took off her mask and placed it infront of Sid's turn tables. he brushed her hair away from her face. she grabbed the extra mic as they began to play Dead Memories
Sitting in the dark, I can't forget.
Even now, I realize the time I'll never get.
Another story of the Bitter Pills of Fate.
I can't go back again.
I can't go back again... Corey sang.
But you asked me to love you and I did
Traded my emotions for a contract to commit
And when I got away I only got so far
The other me is dead, I hear his voice inside my head she was crouching on the riser while she sang.
And we were never alive and we won't be born again
But I'll never survive with dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
You told me to love you and I did
Tied my soul into a knot and got me to submit
So when I got away I only kept my scars
The other me is gone now I don't know where I belong
And we were never alive and we won't be born again
But I'll never survive with dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead visions in your name
Dead fingers in my veins
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Once they finished, everyone clapped. We left to go back stage and upon arriving, were warmly welcomed by the guys.
"oh my god honey! you were amazing!" Allie cheered, hugging Sam. everyone hugged her. she just stared at me. she slowly walked over and hugged me too. she soon let go and sat by Angelo.
"and bass is your worst feature huh?" Chris joked.
"I just don't understand how she ran around, jumped up and down, spun, swirled, all that shit in those fucking heels!" Mick commented.
I saw her outfit up close and personal. it was special made and she finally had something to wear those red ankle high heel boots with. I saw how happy she was, though in her eyes there was a hint of sadness.
"you were truly amazing Sam" I spoke. she just smirked at me.
we sat around with the guys for awhile after eventually going home, without Sam. but my plan kicked in in two days.
I wasn't strong enough to handle this anymore.
♠ ♠ ♠
the mask(: