We Can Dance in Death Tonight

I laid down and stared at the sky. I watched the snow fall. I took in deep breathes, calming myself down and preparing myself.

-Balz-
We pulled into the drive way. I felt as if I failed. I costed my best friends someone they all loved. I dragged my heavy feet into the house, behind Abbey. She stopped suddenly and I walked into her.

"whose on the trampoline?" Angelo asked, I looked up and saw a pair of feet.

"Sam!" I smiled. I opened the door, Ricky grabbing my arm.

"give her this, I don't want her to get sick again" he handed me his sweatshirt. the door closed and I walked to the trampoline, climbing on next to her, handing her the sweatshirt.

"Ricky doesn't want you to get sick again" I told her, she put it on.

-Sam-
he laid his head down and looked into the sky.

"it's beautiful" he whispered. the snow was gently falling onto our faces. I felt his hand move mine as he twined our fingers together. "but nothing compares to you"

"I thought you'd given up on me" I mumbled. his hand squeezed tighter.

"you're all I think about. all I can dream about, on the nights that I actually got any sleep. there's been so many nights where I lay there, wide awake, wishing you were next to me. I know I screwed up, a lot, but you don't and never will know how much I fucking regret that and how much I wish I could take it back. I miss you so much. I don't think I've ever cried over a girl. I'm so sorry Sam" he told me, I sat up and crossed my legs, facing him. he followed.

"you knew. you knew everything that fucking happened to me and you cheated on me. you saw me fight to let you in. I freaked out and I tried my absolute fucking best, but yet you cheated on me so easily. that's what I don't understand. we had so many plans for the future. and you threw it away like I was a one night stand. and than you go and get a limo to pick me up for Tom's wedding, which they were really upset that you weren't at, regarding the reasons, and when I call you, you're with another girl. I put everything into our relationship. it's all I fucking cared about Joshua. I think we rushed into this. I shouldn't have moved here" I hadn't noticed I'd started to yell.

"wait, what fucking girl was I with when you called me? do you mean my cousin? cause she's the only girl other than Shay, Abbey and my mother I've been with in the past three months, not including fans. and don't act like you're a fucking saint when there are countless pictures of you and Ronnie in bed together, some of which you're kissing. and than there's more of you with Wetzel, Caleb and Whiting! so I wasn't the only one that went behind each others back!"

"are you serious?! I went on tour with Ronnie because I didn't want to sit around P.A. yeah, there were plenty of nights that we shared a bed because I was crying my eyes out, and he was comforting me. and I told you once before, we kiss each other as a hello and goodbye. and when they were on their last week of tour, I flew to Ohio to spend time with Attack. I apologized to Whiting about what happened last time I saw them, and I explained why I wasn't on tour with you. so they comforted me too. I'm sorry I have guy friends. but to tell you the truth, I haven't even looked at a guy the way I look at you. I don't imagine myself sleeping next to them every night and seeing their bedhead or their droopy eyes in the morning, kissing them to wake them up, have them holding me at night or making me do that stupid fucking giggle. I don't see myself cooking them food every fucking day and marrying them, having a baby with them. because I can only see myself doing that with you. nothing is going to change that" he pulled me closer "I love you Joshua Balz, and you threw it away. like I was a fucking rag doll"

"Sam..." I cut him off.

"no! let me fucking finish! I knew something wasn't fucking right. tell me it was just that one time Josh. please. because for a few weeks before that you were being so weird. and I just thought you were nervous for the show, to be on tour with my older brother. Angelo and Ricky told me everything was fine. Devin sat in the fucking studio with me as I poured my soul out to him. Chris was telling me there was no reason for me to worry because you were a good guy. Abbey said you were just going through a little phase. Do you know how bad TJ wanted to hit you when I called him crying, asking him to get me? you didn't just ruin our relationship Josh, you made them look like scumbags. they had your back, they know how much of a great person you are and they're all telling me your fine, that Josh is just tired, Josh would never cheat on you, he loves you too much. you made them look like shit. I miss my Josh. the Josh that jumped on the diving board and pulled me into the pool with him. the one that loved to just be near me, the one I loved to be near. the one that tried making us pancakes and failed miserably, the one that does unexpected things and makes me giggle. the one I'm silly with and who jokes around. I hate this Josh. you aren't the man I fell in love with"

"baby, just give me a second chance. that Josh is here. he's still here, and I'll do anything in my fucking power to show you that. I'm sorry, you don't understand how fucking sorry I am. I've told everyone I'm sorry, I know I made them look like shit. please babe, just give me another chance. please. I love you too much to go another night without you, please" he begged.

I got up and climbed off the trampoline.

"where are you going?" he asked, sadness written in his eyes.

"well I have to go home and get my shit. I have no clothes here" I mumbled.