The Wind Blows

Was this how it was supposed to be? Standing in front of a full length mirror, with his reflection looking back at him as he tugged on the black tie around his neck, before he pulled the black jacket over his shoulders, to cover the crisp white button down shirt beneath.

He was tired, and weak - with bones and limbs aching for sleep. His once green eyes were now red and scratchy, with the enthusiasm for life drained from his existence, and not hopeful to return.

He grabbed his pocket lighter, and pack of smokes from atop the dresser drawers, carefully dropping them within the pit of his coat pocket.

His feet dragged across the hard floors, carrying his body to the edge of the bed where he placed a seat, and combed a few fingers through his unkept hair. He leaned forward, and placed his face within his palms. And when he closed his eyes, he wished he could shake the face that was smirking back at him.

Her face - her smile - her soft hair - her contagious laugh - all was crowding his mind, and pushing him closer to the edge that was looking more than appealing at this point in life.

"John."

His green eyes opened, and her face faded away as he peered up, and discovered a girl standing in the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest, and a sympathetic expression casting across her somber face.

"You ready?"

A bitter laugh pressed pass his thin lips, as he looked down, and shook his head meekly, "I'll never be ready."

She observed the feeble boy from where she stood across the room, the cold air sending chills across her pink skin, as her arms hugged her own body just a little tighter than before. She walked to the edge of the bed, carefully taking a seat next to him on the soft sheets, with his leg touching hers, and his half lidded eyes fluttering up to the girl beside him.

Her hand fell on his leg, and he flinched at her subtle touch, "You know she loved you."

Her green eyes found his, and he nearly scoffed at the kindness leaving her pale lips.

"I have my doubts." He laughed softly - bitterly, thinking back when the simple term was put to better use - her smile slowly creeping back into his congested thoughts - taking him back when all was well, and no one was hurting.

"John, do you ever wonder what it feels like to fall in love?" Her soft blue eyes peered up to him, as his arms pulled her small body further into his chest, and his pink lips pressed a firm kiss against her forehead.

"I think I have an idea of what it's like."

She smiled, pressing her soft lips to his, and pulling away before he'd receive too much. He gave her a pout, wanting to taste more of her lips - wanting more than just that simple kiss that was driving his entire body into a craze.

"I love you Anna." He whispered softly as he pressed his lips into her hair, and ran his hands across her waist.

She buried her face further into his warm chest, inhaling the calming scent of fabric softener, and cologne mixed into his soft shirt, "I love you too, John."

His face was raw, burnt from the tears that had soiled his skin as he stood amongst a crowd - friends - family - and people who were merely acquaintances. The sea of black was nearly overwhelming as the last red long stemmed rose was placed carefully across the casket, and everyone bid their last farewell before walking back to the church for condiments, and finding comfort in socializing.

And with everyone dispersing one by one, John's feet remained planted to the moist ground, with his hands shoved in his pockets, and dark shades covering up any tears that might have still been showing in his glassy orbs.

"You okay man?"

There was a firm slap placed on his back from behind, causing his body to shake from the sudden force that brought him back down from the dangerous thoughts, clouding his mind.

He looked away from his friend, letting his tired eyes fade back to the casket that held the most precious reminder of why he couldn't force himself to let the past just fade into nothing.

"I can't believe she's gone." He whispered so softly into the early afternoon breeze, that it nearly swept his words away as they left his tongue.

"I know," Kennedy bit his tongue at the awkward tension that was somehow building in the thick air, "It kind of makes you second guess how you're living your own life."

John nodded his head faintly, not paying too much attention to the words that were leaving Kennedy's mouth. He was too caught up in his own words, and own questions, and at this point all he wanted to do was fall alseep with his soft lips pressed against her smooth skin, but he couldn't, because there was simply no more.

"I think I'm going to head back up to the church - you coming?"

John rolled his chapped lips together, as he tucked his hands a little further into his pant pockets, "Nah - I think I'm going to head out in a minute," his eyes wondered back to the arrangement of fresh flowers, "after I say goodbye."

Kennedy made a soft nod of his head, patting his friend on the back for sympathy, before leaving John to sort out any last words he had left to say - to get off his chest - even if all was too late to ever think about again.

He hesitated, picking his feet up from the ground - closing in on the cherry wood casket, with each step he gained closer. He lightly grazed the tips of his fingers across the cold glossy surface, feeling every wave of pain rush through his body.

He opened his mouth to speak, but he was so unsure of what to say. It had to be perfect - it had to last, because it was now or never.

He swallowed the lump in his throat, and blinked back the tears that were crowding his vision, as he kept his hand on the casket, ready to join her in the peace that she was now sleeping in.

"You know, sometimes I wonder if I ever could've changed your mind. Maybe I could've stopped you - or talked you out of this."

The wind picked up, and stirred through the warm air as the sound of birds made distant chirps in the blue sky above.

"I wish I could've been there. I - I wish I could've been a better man for you - to make you stay - to make you happy," his head fell lower, as his teeth bit his lip, and his fingers balled into a tight fist atop the casket, "There's a lot of things that I don't understand, and that scares me - that scares me so much, and I just wish you were here to explain to me why I feel this way." He choked on his words, before leaning down, and pressing his lips to the cool surface, that left his body cold, and empty inside.

"I love you Anna," he took a few steps back, pressing his fingers to his lips, to blow a simple kiss like he'd done so many times before, " I hope to god that I can find a way to continue without you."

She looked back at the reflection in the mirror, pulling on her yellow sundress, checking her makeup one last time, before she grabbed her purse from the edge of the bed.

"Where are you headed, looking like a doll?"

She caught her younger sister, with a deviant smirk on her pink lips, and her arms crossed over her chest as she leaned against the doorframe.

"John's taking me out."

She could sense her sister's green eyes observing her from afar, as she placed her lipgloss, and phone into her bag.

"You really love him, don't you?"

She caught herself smiling at the thought, and nodded her head, before looking up, "I do."

She brushed past her sisters arm, with a smile on her face - a smile that only he could bring from the inside out.

She turned briefly as she reached the front door to speak a, "Don't wait up," before she was gone.

**

"Look out at the stars," he pressed his lips against her listening ear, "they're shining for us."

She playfully slapped at his chest with her hand, and rolled her soft blue eyes, "Do you know how corny that sounded?"

He laughed softly, and pressed his lips to the side of her face, with his arm pulling her in closer to his side, as they sat quietly on the front porch swing.

"John," her head rose from his chest, and she turned to peer up at him, "Do you ever wonder what's beyond the stars - what's beyond all of this?"

He looked down at the curious girl, "I'm not sure I understand."

She sat up a little more in his firm hold, and tried to gather up the thoughts in a way that he'd comprehend, "When we're dead, and gone do you think there's something waiting for us, or do you think this is it?"

He was a little taken back by the question, looking down at her hopeful eyes in soft glow of the moonlight. The way she looked then, never looked so peaceful, but none the less scared to know the truth - or rather his truth.

But he made sure his words were careful, not to disturb the girl he loved in his arms, and her outlook on this world around them.

"I think there is something beyond this," he felt her settle back into his chest, "I just think you have to wait for it. You have to be patient, and it'll eventually come."

"I think you're right," she smiled to her self, wrapping her small fingers around the cotton of his shirt just a little tighter, "I just hope it doesn't take me too soon, because I love it here with you."

He kissed her on top of the head, and let a sigh of calmness escape into the darkness, "Me too, but only because I love you so."

She looked up at him through thick lashes, and a sparkle in her baby blue eyes, "You'll love me forever?"

He leaned in, kissing her full cherry lips, "For as long as you and I live - forever, and ever."