The Wind Blows

The soles of her red flip flops kicked aimlessly against the dirty soil that slapped at the bottom of her shoes when she walked. It was 11:00 AM, and already the air was hot and sticky with every step she continued to take.

Her long hair was pulled up into a loose know that had begun to droop down to the side of her head, and she groaned in aggravation at the way her thin clothes were starting to stick to her warm skin, as she trekked a path back to the white pickup truck that was parked just a few feet away.

They'd driven all morning through desert roads and bumpy terrain to reach this point - some point along the Arizona and California border, she wasn't entirely sure where exactly. But she was sure that they were only a few hundred miles away from the place that made her heart drop with an emotional discomfort, and cause her thoughts to tangle further inside her shaken mind. But that was home, and it was one place she didn't want to go - not now - not ever.

She took a deep breath as she reached the truck, and nudged the frame of her heavy sunglasses back up the bridge of her nose, before snatching the carton of cigarettes from the hands of the lanky boy who stood with his back pressed up against the truck's metal door, and his body slightly hunched over.

He pulled the white stick, that was cradled between the length of his fingers, from between his thin lips to leave a wondrous half smile gracing his mouth, as he leisurely blew the white smoke from his filthy lungs, and flicked a few of its ashes to the ground below.

He studied the way she fumbled with the carton as she pulled out a cigarette and rummaged through her small tote bag for some form of a lighter. He laughed beneath his breath as she grumbled in defeat, and he managed to pull the lighter from his back pocket - tossing it to her just as she was about to throw her hands up in some form of a distraught breakdown.

"Here.."

He watched her with a fixated gaze, as she fired up the small stick that lay resting between her dainty fingertips, before taking a long drawn out drag from its peak. He watched her green eyes fall shut, as the taste of nicotine ran through her veins, and a sense of calmness roamed through her bones.

"I didn't know you smoked."

He carefully eyed her up, and took another long inhale of the butt in his own hand - letting the baneful smoke fill his already corroded lungs, before he leaned his head back, and closed his eyes, releasing the fumes through his lips and into the sticky morning air.

"I don't," she replied with a small cough leaving her lungs, "fuck," she cursed beneath her breath before throwing the cancer stick to the grains of the cement, and smashing it with the heel of her foot, "I just thought it'd help calm my nerves - that's all."

She coughed a few more times, and he laughed at the way she was trying to play it cool, as she choked on the hazardous smoke, and struggled to catch her breath while her green eyes shot him a nasty glare.

He laughed a little more before moving closer, "Dani, baby please just relax."

She could hear the smile in his voice as he said her name and dropped his cigarette to the ground, before smashing it with the sole of his tattered shoe.

His beaming eyes were covered by the dark shades that lay along the bridge of his nose, and all she could see was the smile on his face with the curve of his lips, as the tips of his calloused fingers dug deep into the base of her hips - eagerly bunching up the thin fabric of her shirt as he managed to pull her body flush against his.

He pushed his mouth into her forehead, and let his hands linger down the spine of her back. Her body felt heavy, and her lungs felt even heavier - still trying to recover from the harmful smoke that felt like it was sticking to the insides of her chest - but all she could feel was his heavy hands on the edge of her hips, and the weight of his mouth on her skin - and NOTHING felt more like home in that moment - NOTHING.

She pressed her nose into his chest, and took in a deep breath - drawing in his addicting scent of cigarette smoke, and fabric softener mixed together, all in one - letting it take over all of her senses. His existence was like a drug. And there was no doubt that she was addicted to him - his smell, his voice, his laugh - his mouth on her skin. It was all like a drug that she wanted to inject into her bloodstream, and let it run like rivers through her veins.

But he was trouble. At least that's what she'd heard from all of his friends. The boy was a bottle of Jack Daniels, and a one night stand - not someone you'd wanna mess with. He was a car crash in the middle of the night, stumbling in before sunrise, and tripping over a hangover by the next morning. He was trouble. At least that's what she'd heard. But if he was trouble, then what was she?

And even though it was too hot to be that close - she kept her body pinned to his, and her palms pressed flat against the planes of his stomach, outlining the wrinkles of his shirt with her fingers. She was tired, and she didn't want to move, because the feeling of his knuckles tracing soft lines down her spine was paralyzing her in a position that she didn't want to find her way out of.

In reality he was all she had - and to her he was all she really needed. And although he was what everyone had labeled as "trouble" she wasn't able to see it for herself - at least not yet - not in the way everyone had warned her about. Sure he was the lead musician of some rock band that most people hadn't even heard of, but she never doubted the things that he'd whisper in her ear every now and then.

"We should probably get back on the road, yeah?" he cleared his throat and peered down at her, smoothing his hand down her back. She made a slight nod of her head, and kept her words to herself, because in all honesty she had nothing really to say. They were headed back home, and there was nothing she could say or do that would change their direction at this point.

She gave a chaste kiss to his soft lips before moving from his arms and climbing back inside the walls of his pickup truck. She crawled across the bench seat to the passengers side of the vehicle, where she pulled her legs up to her chest, and laid her head against the heat of the window pane for just a moment - as he slid in next to her, and they both listened carefully to the silence that washed over them.

And for that moment they just sat there. His green eyes were left tracing something in the far out distance along the heavy sky line, while she watched him run a hand through the ends of his knotted hair, and anxiously tugged on the roots with the tips of his fingers.

She lifted her head from the lava like glass that was starting to burn the skin along her face, before stretching her limbs out across the bench seat, and letting the weight of her head fall into the pit of his lap.

"What uh - what're you doing?" His words shook in an anxious wave, with his lower half shifting nervously several times beneath her head.

"Don't worry John, I'll try not to get you all hot and bothered while you're driving," she rolled her green eyes with sarcasm, before they finally fell shut at the faint hum of his laughter from up above, "Just take me home, and don't wake me till we're there. I just - I wanna get it over - I just wish it were over - that's all.."

He smiled faintly, and ran a few fingers over the edge of her face, and down the length of her neck - tracing every inch of her skin with his fingertips once more, as he spoke carefully for her ears to hear...

"I promise it'll be over soon, and when we get home, we'll get drunk, and lay beneath the stars. Just you and me - we'll talk about all the things that aren't important, and we'll go to sleep dreaming of something beautiful. I swear baby we'll be alright - even when everyone's against us, I swear we'll be alright ..."

*

"You know what I want?"

"No, what's that?"

"I wanna house."

"A house?" His brows furrowed, and his arms wrapped tighter around her small waist, as the room began to grow dark, with shadows building along the painted walls from the gray clouds that lingered outside.

She nodded her head, "Yeah, I wanna house on the beach. You know - one with a small dock, nothing too fancy - where the ocean's right outside your window, and the sand is at your feet - and between your toes. Wouldn't that be nice?" she let out a sigh, and nestled her face deeper into his chest, as she ran her fingers across the lines of his shirt, "Living far away from here, just the two of us John, wouldn't you like that?"

Her head tilted upward, and her blue eyes peered into his, as she caught sight of the smile on his thin lips. He pulled her closer, and kissed her on the mouth, grabbing at her waist with the tips of his fingers, and aiming to never let go.

"You know I would baby. I'll go anywhere you want," she smiled at the way his lips were brushing against the shape of hers when he spoke, "Just tell me when, and we'll leave this place behind, and everyone in it - just say when that's all I need to hear."

She ran her fingers through the threads of his hair and pushed her lips up into his, "I love you John."

"I love you too Anna."

"You promise?" She whispered.

"You know I do. I always keep my promises - always."


*

Mornings in Arizona were different - a lot different than those in southern California. At least to her they were. They were hot, and lazy, and there was never any ocean breeze involved, or faint hum of waves crashing outside your window.

They snuck up on you through the middle of the night without much warning. At least that particular morning did. And maybe it was the amount of thickness that coated the air, or something in the way the sun rose too quickly across the blue and black sky, but something about that morning was off, and everything about that morning sunshine would somehow become the calm before the storm of most things to come that day.

She buried her face just a little deeper into the misshapen pillow, and rolled her body lazily beneath the wrinkled cotton sheets, before bumping into the boy that was quietly lying next to her. He stirred faintly with his stomach lying flat into the mattress, and his arms tucked somewhere beneath the pillow that the side of his face was pressed into.

He was awake. His green eyes were wide awake, and peering directly into her heavy ones, with a soft smile tugging on the ends of his tilted lips. And she suddenly wondered how long he'd been watching her.

"Do you always watch me sleep, creeper?"

He laughed lightly, "No... just sometimes," he joked with a shrug of his shoulders as his body moved closer to hers. His voice was rough from sleep, and his hair was nothing but a tangled mess on his head, but she loved how everything about him was still the same - even at eight in the morning Arizona time, nothing had changed.

And even though they were no longer in a hotel room, hundreds of miles away from home, to escape all of their problems, it all felt the same - it all felt right, even between the navy blue sheets of his bed, inside the shadow covered walls of his bedroom it all made her feel okay - at least for now.

"So I've been thinking -"

"Yeah?"

"Maybe I could talk Tim into giving you a job helping us out on the road. I don't know - you could help sell the bands merchandise, and I could show you around all the beautiful places that we visit... I know living with a bunch of guys and having to put up with the fans isn't ideal, but I'll miss you if you don't come with us," he paused and kissed the right side of her face as his thumb brushed over her hip bone beneath the wave of covers, "and I don't want to know what that feels like ...at least not yet - you know?"

She gave a slight nod of her head to show that she understood before pulling his face down to hers with the palm of her hands, and kissing the sweet taste of his lips briefly. And at this point his body was hovering over hers, and she was trying not to laugh at the way his fingers were caressing patterns across her soft skin, and tickling shapes into her body. His mouth was latched onto the ledge of her collarbone, with his tongue leaving its trail across the prominent bone, and teeth nipping at the supple skin that was beginning to turn different shades of purple.

"You know they're going to hate me -"

"Who?"

"You're friends - everyone."

He smiled lazily, and shook his head, as he pressed his lips even further into her soft dappled skin, "No they won't."

"Yes they will. They don't really have a reason not to ... I mean - I'm sleeping with my sister's ex-boyfriend - better yet I'm fucking my ex-boyfriends bandmate - your best friend. They're going to hate me."

"Fuck what they think," he groaned, with his teeth scrapping against her ear, and his hands sliding down her legs, before falling away from her skin altogether.

"Everything will be alright," he said confidently, as he moved away from the bed and slipped on a pair of old basketball shorts that hung low on his thin hips. "How about I make us some breakfast?"

"You cook?" She raised herself up to gaze over at him, supporting her weight with her elbows pressed into the mattress as she watched him pace the floor back towards her.

"Yeah, after losing count of how many waffles I've burnt, I've finally started to get the hang of it ...I think," he laughed faintly, and threw one of his old shirts in her direction, before leaning across the bed to kiss her lips once more.

"I love you, remember that, okay? Promise me?" she whispered softly into his ear, before leaving a brief kiss to the side of his face.

He smiled and pushed his lips flush against her forehead, "You know I will - I swear - I promise I'll always remember."

*

It took her a while to move from the bed, and towards the bathroom, where she slipped on his t-shirt over her skin, and pulled her hair up into a loose knot from around her neck. It was hot, and she was tired, and she wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed and spend the whole day curled up against the wall of his chest, with his arms wrapped tightly around her body. She wanted to spend it with him, tucked away beneath the sheets and inside the walls of his bedroom, with nothing but silence, and the slight sound of the occasional whisper that would travel from his lips as he slowly kissed the lobe of her ear.

She walked through the bathroom door, and turned off the lights as she trailed back into the bedroom, passing a full length mirror that sat alone in the dusty corners nearby. She took a step back, observing her own reflection, as she tugged on his shirt that hung loosely over her feeble bones - hardly recognizing the girl that was gazing back at her through the glass.

Strands of hair fell around the shape of her face, with her cheeks glazed over in shades of pink, and her green eyes encircled with dark rings that she knew wouldn't fade anytime soon. She looked weak, with her body thriving off the little sleep she'd manage to obtain the night before. She hadn't slept good in weeks - with reoccurring nightmares edged into the deepest depths of her mind, she found herself feeding off of coffee to keep her mind awake long enough to make it through the day, and somehow convince John that she was okay - that everything about her was "okay" even if it wasn't.

She ran her tongue across her dry lips, and smoothed out the wrinkles of her shirt with the tips of her fingers, before walking away from her reflection all together. Her feet shuffled across the beige carpet away from the bedroom, and out into the softly lit hallway, where her mind kept going over things she wanted to do, and things she wanted to say before everyone found out, and everything about what they'd been doing wasn't a secret anymore.

But by the time she reached the kitchen, and her feet had just about crossed over the threshold, she found herself unable to say very much, let alone do anything at all..

"John -"

Her feet stopped their continuous march and she stood with her bones paralyzed at the sight that caused reality to sink in a little further. Her wide eyes traveled from the boy that was leaning against the counter with his body hunched and head hung low, over to the man who was sitting at the bar with his body hunched even further, and his green eyes appearing wiser than she remembered them to be.

He was wearing an old baseball cap to cover the little bit of silver tinted hair that was still left on his head - probably wearing away his hairline even further. His once pink skin looked old and frail - it was pale and sickly, but somehow through all the changes his heavy green eyes appeared familiar.

Her eyes followed the oxygen tube all the way from the small nubs that were tucked in his nose, down to the tank that sat on a small cart beside him - and she couldn't help but wonder how'd it gotten this bad so fast. How time had slipped through her fingertips so quickly without her ever realizing it.

"Dad."

"Morning princess," his eyes smiled in her direction, before shifting towards the boy who she'd already forgotten was still standing in the same room, "John here was just telling me about y'all's trip to the coast - wish I could get back there. I think the last time I went was when your mother and I were dating," he anxiously shifted his coffee mug from one hand to the other several times at the mere mention of her, "I'm sure it's changed a lot since then - probably wouldn't even recognize the place." He chuckled lightly, as if to lighten the mood. But nothing about what he said, or did would lighten any part of the pain that was aching inside of her chest.

It wasn't like him to care, or really put in any effort to find out where she was or who she was with, so for him to be there now just - didn't make sense.

"How'd you know I was here?" She kept her words simple, and her voice steady - scared she might lash out at the man who looked too sickly to defend himself.

Her arms were crossed over her chest, and she wondered what he was thinking in that moment - seeing his daughter with an old t-shirt that surely belonged to the boy she'd been sleeping with, to cover her pink skin - with the fabric barely falling mid thigh, while John stood clad in a pair of old basketball shorts, and scrambled hair that looked like she'd run her fingers through its tangles one too many times - she wondered what he thought as his eyes wondered over them from where he sat observing their every move.

"I ran into one of your neighbors across the hall. They said you hadn't been home in a week or so - and they weren't sure when you'd be back. I began talking with them and they uh - they mentioned seeing you with some boy -"

"I still don't understand how you knew it was John?"

"Well I knew it wasn't Kennedy darlin'," he chuckled lightly, and took a small sip from the coffee mug that his hands continued to fumble with. But nothing about what he'd just said was funny, and no one was laughing except for him. John's face turned flushed, and she could tell by the way he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, and scratched anxiously at the back of his neck that he was no longer comfortable standing in his own kitchen.

She bit her tongue hard and kept her lips pressed into a straight line, afraid of what might come out of her mouth if she were to open it too quickly. Her feet shuffled across the kitchen floor to the coffee pot that continued to brew from across the small room, and she hated the way she could feel the weight of his eyes follow her from one place to another.

"So -," she let a heavy breath escape her lips, causing her whole body to shake unconsciously with its release, "did you come here to tell me how much you resent me? Because if you did you can leave now.. I don't need my own father telling me how much of a nothing I've become, I get that enough from everybody else."

She poured a small packet of cream into the mug that rested idly on the granite countertop, as her green eyes watched the black liquid turn different shades of brown. She closed her eyes, and felt the shape of a larger hand slowly crawl over to brush against her own, as her palm lay barely resting against the handle of the coffee mug. Her eyes opened, and watched the shapes that John's long fingertips were brushing across her hand in drawn out patterns.

She peered up at the lanky boy standing next to her with a soft smile casting over his sad face. She swallowed hard and turned on her heals to face her father once more. Her body was shaking from the inside and all she could do was grasp the bridge of her nose with her fingers as she struggled to gather all of her distorted thoughts together.

"I just...I don't understand why you're here," she whispered loud enough for him to hear.

He rolled his lips together, and tapped lightly at the glass mug that he drank from, "Any person can see I'm not in good health Dani," he took another small sip from his coffee, before pressing his lips into a thin line, "The cancer's come back, and I'm not sure how much longer I have, before this is all over... I know you hate me - that much I get, but I'd like to leave this world knowing that I at least tried to make mends between us. I'm sorry that I haven't been around for you, I was never really sure how to raise two girls on my own, and once your mother left it was hard for me to comprehend everything - and I - I'm sorry for a lot of things that I've put you through -"

She rolled her eyes, and angrily shook her head at his words, "Stop lying," she yelled, slamming her fist down against the granite counter in protest, "God just stop - just stop it! Stop saying you're sorry.. You - you keep saying it, like it means something - but when it comes out of your mouth it's never meant anything. Sorry's not going to bring mom back, or Anna or - or make you feel any better about your life now. You can't make things better by saying shit that should've been said ten years ago -"

She watched his green eyes turn grey at the boom of her voice, and the strength of her words, as she let out a heavy breath that she'd been holding in, and dug her nails into the roof of her scalp. It was frustrating, the way he thought he could sugar coat the truth when all he'd been telling her was nothing but a mouthful of lies over and over again.

"I wasn't asking for your forgiveness Dani," his eyes were heavy with the weight of sadness, as he slid out of his seat and slowly shuffled towards the door with his oxygen tank following close behind, "I just wanted a sense of closure with the last part of what was once my family. I know that's hard to understand, but I don't have much to live for now that your mother and sister are gone, and I know most of what I'm saying doesn't mean much - and I don't expect things to change, but I just needed to know that my little girl would be okay once I'm gone."

He adjusted his hat as he kept walking, "I guess I'll be headin' out then..."

He stood by the door, with his oxygen resting by his side, and his hand grasping the brass doorknob with a look of disappointment washing over his tired face. He peered over his shoulder once more, and turned his attention to the young man that stood by his daughter in silence, "Take care of her for me will yah John? Make sure you love her, and don't let her go - just keep holding on to her, and promise you won't let her go.. She's stubborn and a lot like her mom in many ways, but if you love her enough, and hold on to her tight maybe she'll stay..."

And that was all he said before he left - before he walked out of the small apartment with a bitter taste in his mouth, and a painful expression upon his aging face. Just like that he was gone, his oxygen tank and all was gone in a matter of moments, with nothing but a key resting on the edge of the counter where he had been sitting. A key to a house that she refused to bring back into the shadows of her memory even if it killed her.

It was silent - almost disturbing the way she could hear herself breathe in and out. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the doors grainy surface - like someone might just burst through its frame at any moment. But nothing ever did, and after a few moments she got tired of waiting and gave up.

She felt the impression of John's hand brush up against her own, as he reached over and pulled her body flush against his. His bones molded against the shape of hers as his long arms engulfed her small frame in a way that was meant to make her feel safe, even when she didn't. Her fingers dug into the bare skin along his back as his lips lingered somewhere in the mess of her hair - feeling the need to get closer, until she felt as if she were nearly suffocating from his touch.

Her body shivered feverishly against his, as she pressed her nose into his pink skin and closed her eyes for just a moment.

"It's not supposed to be like this, is it?" She lifted her head from the warmth of his chest, and peered up at him with blurred vision, and a layer of dampness coating her rosy cheeks.

"What's not baby?" He brushed a few fingers across her face, and down the length of her neck before kissing the space between her eyes.

"I'm the only one left ... I have no one." She whispered softly, hating the truth even more when it came out of her own mouth.

He looked at her as he held her close, watching the fear rise in her bright eyes, before washing over her face like angry waves.

"But you have me," he cradled her face in the palm of his hands, determined to make her understand that the words spilling from his mouth were something wonderful even if everything around them wasn't, "and I promise that's all you'll need, okay? I'll take care of you. I swear I'm all you'll ever need..."

But there was always a calm before the storm - or so she'd heard. And if this was the calm that most people referred to, she knew she didn't want to be around for the wrath of the storm that was briskly coming her way.