Ice in My Veins

029

Danika felt like she was floating in the air and then felt as if she was being laid on a bed of clouds. When she was settled she felt like what ever was holding pull away and she didn’t like that feeling so she clutched it tight and whimpered.

Shadows looked down at the sleeping girl as she reached for him and whimpered as he started to pull away from her. He felt her clutch his arm, “Stay,” he heard her mumble as she pulled him towards her. He swallowed and then made the choice to climb into bed with her.

As he scooted her over he got in next to her and gathered her into his arms, “Matt,” she mumbled as she buried her face into his chest and then settled back down into sleep. His hold tightened on her just for a moment, but then he soon relaxed his hold on her.

Thoughts started to swirl around in his head as he thought about her being pregnant and then finding out about it on today of all days. He was starting to think that God was playing with him. He couldn’t believe that he would find out that she was pregnant on his sister’s 11th birthday. He found it ironic that this should happen.

After awhile when he was sure that she was asleep. He got up and made his way downstairs to the private room and started to drink. He realized that it was only two in the afternoon, but he didn’t give a shit. He started to think about his sister and then his parents and then about how they died.

After all it was him who killed them. It was his life that killed him. If he wasn’t living this life he wondered if his family would be here with him now instead of lying in a row next to each other six feet under. Or if he would be surrounded by a bunch of 10-12 years olds running around for his sister’s party and would he be happy. Or if the Shadows part of him was dead and cold, but what the Shadows part of him wasn’t cold and dead and that’s why he was living this life style.

The Matt part of him started to feel for the girl that was sleeping upstairs, but the Shadows part could give a fuck about her and the latter of the two was the part that was him everyday now since his parents and sister died. He hadn’t even shed a tear for them since that night because the Matt part of him that was able to feel died along with them, but now as he drank Jack Daniels and other drinks Matt started to show.

The day soon turned into night and he was still drinking thinking about his family and all the “what ifs”, but all the thinking and drinking never brought them back and he hated himself for it. He wasn’t there for them. He didn’t protect them and he was ashamed at the fact. He was supposed to be big, bad, and tough, but yet he couldn’t protect the thing that was most loved by him, his family. He wished that he was there with them now; just lying in the ground forever with them in the afterlife.
♠ ♠ ♠
Sorry for not updating but work puts me to sleep.