In the Book of Me and You

“Andy, how do you know Craig,” Matt said when we were back in the car. The practice had gone well and I’d enjoyed watching them play and really liked how they sounded, but now all the high energy was dissipating and I was alone with Matt, having already dropped Eric off.

“I don’t know him, just met him today,” I said, not looking at Matt because I knew I couldn’t just lie straight to his face. But apparently even my best poker face couldn’t convince him I was telling the truth.

“Don’t lie Andy, I saw your face when you saw him, you had the same recognition that he did, granted he seemed to think your name was Alexandra. So. If you could, please explain what the hell is going on,” Matt said, his patience obviously worn out. He still had said it without being harsh, which was impressive considering I’d just lied to him when I was supposed to be a friend.

“I’d like to say I can’t tell you or I’d have to kill you, because it’s almost true, but you’re one of the first friends I made here so I owe you something. I know it’s lame, but can you just take it on faith for now that I have a reason for not telling you everything? If you don’t believe that’s the truth you can ask Aunt Amy, who won’t explain but at least will let you know that there is a reason for the fact that I’m not telling you what’s going on,” I said and looked over at Matt whose features softened and he nodded.

“For now, alright, but I’d like it if eventually you could tell me what the deal is,” Matt said and I nodded, hoping that time would come too and that I didn’t just have to keep things from a friend permanently.

The rest of the car ride back passed in silence and a smothering, awkward, one at that, and when I finally had returned to my house I left with a quiet goodbye and a look back, fast walking to my front door and then inside. I knew in that instant who I needed and I called out loudly, “DAKOTA.”

“In the living room!” Was the response I got before I walked into the living room to see my cousin watching TV, back from watching her boys play I assumed.

“Right, so I went to go to Matt’s band’s practice and guess who the lead singer is Deej? Craig Mabbitt. As in Craig Mabbitt who I was friends with when I was eight and who has terrific memory for faces and names and who upon seeing me said ‘Alexandra’” I said in a rush and Dakota immediately grasped how delicate the situation was.

“Oh shit, so does he know?” she asked, and I could tell behind her eyes, thoughts were going a million miles an hour.

“Well I was able to play it off with the help of Matt. However now I have a different problem. ‘Cause Matt could tell I recognized Craig so now he wants to know what’s going on. I told him that I can’t tell him right now but god damn it this is all extremely stressful,” I said, sighing heavily at the end and waiting for Dakota’s wisdom.

“Oh. Well it’s sorted for now then. But you know what’s funny AJ?” Dakota said and I couldn’t imagine that there was anything remotely funny about this situation, sensing this she continued, “You recognized Craig who you spent only a moderate amount of time with but you don’t recognize Johno.. Seriously Andy, you and John were inseparable as kids. I mean he looks really different now and you always called him Johnny and you could never say their last name so you just said C instead, but really, I expected you to know him.”

“Wait. John is Johnny?” I asked, dumbfounded now that the sweet kid who I spent all of my time with when I was a kid had grown up to be such a gangly and rude young adult.

“Yeah and you know I thought you guys would hit it off but apparently not. I swear he spent half of practice muttering about the fact that Garrett invited you and also about the fact that you were ‘too good to come watch’” Dakota said, rolling her eyes in a sentiment I understood.

“Well I guess we just didn’t make a good second first impression. But seriously he was such a dick today. I mean he was trying to help me on your account but still the way he acted during was atrocious,” I mused, wondering if I should be more civil to my childhood friend. But the thing was, all that I could think of was that friends often grew apart as they got older and they changed. Sure, we were good friends once upon a time, but that didn’t mean it was unthinkable that we wouldn’t be now.

“I mean are we all going to be super uncomfortable because you two spend all your time at the lunch table glaring at eachother?” Dakota asked and I know she meant it as a joke, but I couldn’t help but wonder if it’d be better for me to make different friends and maybe sit at their table instead.

“I mean, Matt suggested ignoring, so I was thinking that was a good plan. So it would maybe be slightly tense, but that’s the extent..” I answered as honestly as possible and it gave rise to a chuckle from my cousin.

“Andy… do you ever miss your friends from Virginia?” Dakota asked and I knew the answer as immediately as she did. Having to leave your friends suddenly, giving them little to no way to contact you wasn’t an easy thing to do.

“Constantly,” I said, giving her a weak smile, knowing she’d feel bad for me if I didn’t give her something to make her feel better about everything. “Everything reminds me of them,” this time I was vague for a reason because it was just as I said. All around me there were things that would bring back memories of good times spent back in my old life.

“Well, I hope you make good new friends here AJ,” Dakota said and I nodded, walking upstairs and slipping into my room, finding Daisy had been let back in and into my room.

I changed out of my clothes and into pajamas, twisted my hair into a bun, and removed the makeup from my face before getting into bed and working on homework, Daisy licking my hand occasionally as I turned a page of my textbook that she was snuggled against. Once I had finished the light homework load, I hit the sack, wanting to get a decent amount of sleep. Before I fell asleep I texted Matt a thank you for his patience with me.

I was vaguely aware soon that I was dreaming, knowing I couldn’t really be seeing what I was since I’d remembered being in bed not long ago. Before me was a house engulfed in flames fully, falling apart in front of my eyes. I looked down to see that I was closer to the ground than I should be and that my hands were small. So it was just a memory as a dream then, I considered and found it hard to watch anymore so I closed my eyes tight and told myself to wake up.

I woke up in a cold sweat and woke up looking at the clock to see the clock read three am. So much for a good night’s sleep, I thought to myself and got out of bed, washing my face in the sink and thinking. It’d been eight years since I’d seen that house in person and I thought it was probably time to, so I quickly got dressed in some shorts, a baggy tshirt, and my leather jacket and headed out of my room, being careful not to wake Daisy or the other denizens.

With a modicum of care, I slipped down the stairs into the garage in near silence and retrieved my bike before setting out on a ride I knew well. I’d spent approximately two years making the trip from my cousins back to myself so I trusted that knowledge and biked home.

I got there to find that they lot had been left as it was, an area of grass that never grew properly with a half crumbled chimney there. What I had not expected to see was a bouquet sitting against the fireplace. I realized with a swell of sadness, that yesterday would have been the anniversary of the house’s demise so I moved forward to try to discover who it was that remembered the tragedy. Once I had kneeled in front of the fireplace I was able to get a good look at the flower, however there was no label on them. Then again I guessed that made sense considering they were left at a place no one was meant to receive them.

Then I realized what type the flowers were and I realized who had sent them. Maybe John hadn’t changed so much, I thought as I admired the fresh daisies, a memory stirring.

“Lexy! Look what I found!” young John was holding a bunch of daisies in front of young me and I was beaming at them reaching out and touching them lightly.

“I like them Johnny, daisies are my favorite flowers,” I said and he thrust them into my arms clumsily making little me giggle and move forward, kissing little John’s cheek, leaving him pink and saying something about cooties half heartedly which mean seven year old me just smiled, not even a little annoyed.

I smiled at the memory, remembering that was the first time I’d ever gotten flowers and my thoughts that John had changed irreparably disappeared now that I saw he still remembered the favorite flower of his childhood friend. I spent time sitting in the clearing, thinking and remembering old times with my parents, John, or Craig before I hopped back on my bike and rode back.