You're Pretty From Afar

Josh's POV

How I was supposed to stop thinking about Lily whilst it was her birthday was beyond me but I was trying my hardest to just be a friend, even if she didn’t want to be. When Dan and I gave her the present this morning I was shocked that she even looked at me, let alone smile and actually hug me. True, the hug probably meant a hell of a lot more to me than it did to her and that it didn’t help the situation, just set me back a few steps, but I was glad she didn’t hate me too much anymore, I could actually feel slightly relaxed. I could feel my hopes getting up already due to it though and I just knew it wasn’t healthy, I had to stop. Luckily, my thinking was interrupted by a text from Holly.

Hey babe, you alright? Say happy birthday to Lily for me xxx

I wasn’t in the mood to text her back, I know it was cruel but I couldn’t do it anymore- when I got home I had to talk to Holly, I had to end things.

I hated the fact it was the girls last night. First of all, when Mia left we would have to put up with Max by ourselves and as much as I loved him, it was nearly the end of the tour and he always got hyped up on these last shows. And secondly, I couldn’t stand to see Lily leave. We’d been through so much out here that I got the feeling when she went home that none of it would even matter, it would be as if nothing happened between us and I didn’t want that. I just knew when we got back home it would be that much easier for her to forget about me and move on and the thought of that happening killed me.

The guys and myself were waiting for the girls outside the bus so we could meet up with some guys from Mayday Parade, All Time Low, Set Your Goals and We Are The In Crowd.

“Hurry up, how long does it take to put a dress on?” Max shouted onto the bus.

“I’ll have you know it’s far more than ‘putting a dress on’, it’s a piece of artwork and if you don’t appreciate it, well I could go looking like a dog,” Mia argued back as she emerged from behind the door. And yeah she looked pretty hot. Obviously Max thought so, “Woah. Okay I take that back, you look unbelievably gorgeous,” Max said planting a kiss on her cheek.

I was envious of Max and Mia, I would watch them and think ‘I used to have that but I threw it away’ and I wanted it back so much. I would kill to have it back.

“Come on birthday girl!” Dan shouted onto the bus, “We want to celebrate!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” I heard Lily say.

I began to head off but the guys stood still and were gaping at something. I turned around to see Lily walking down the steps and gathering her purse together. She looked breath taking, absolutely beautiful- she was wearing a tight blue, strapless dress that fitted her curves in all the right places, it had a zip that ran all the way from the bottom to the middle of her cleavage and her legs were gorgeously tanned and looked crazily sexy. Her long dark hair was resting all over one shoulder and her eyes looked amazing, they were enchanting and I couldn’t keep my own eyes off of hers.

I forgot that I was probably staring at her with my mouth hanging open before the guys began wolf whistling at her.

“Well, well, well, who knew you could scrub up so well,” Matt smiled as he helped her down the stairs.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” she smiled back sweetly.

Everyone told her how good she looked; I wanted to tell her, I wanted to let her know that I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen but I knew if I did that she would think I was saying it for the wrong reasons. Instead I just smiled at her when she walked past me.

I was unable to enjoy myself the whole night, I couldn’t stop watching Lily and think how happy she seemed without me. I was sitting with Derek and Jake from Mayday Parade but I wasn’t concentrating on anything that was going around me, just on Lily. I loved seeing her laughing and dancing like she was on such a high, I just wish it was me who was making her laugh and me she was dancing with.

It suddenly got really late and I had drunken way more than I planned to. It was if I could feel the alcohol running through my veins, I felt so pumped but it wasn’t a good feeling, I knew that at some point in the night my emotions were going to burst through and I couldn’t risk it happening so I headed back to the bus.

Just as I was a few buses away from our own I spotted Lily, she must have the same idea as me but I decided to carry on towards the bus anyway. I could hear her laughing with someone else, it was a guy, I heard her giggling and him trying to shush her. As much as I couldn’t bear the thought of her being with someone else, I couldn’t help myself from looking to see who she was with. I peeked around the corner of the bus I was hiding behind and saw Dan trying to hold Lily up as he reached for the door.

“Daniel, I don’t want to go to bed yet, I haven’t found a sexy boy to come with me,” I heard her slur with a child-like voice.

Dan just laughed in response, “I think you’ve had enough for tonight and there are plenty of sexy boys any other day, you can find one tomorrow.”

“Fine,” she pouted, “but I’m not getting on the bus,” she stood folding her arms and stomping her feet.

“Come one Lils, let’s get you to bed,” Dan walked towards her and put his hands on her arms.

“You have a sexy body you can come with me,” she winked flirtatiously, what was she doing?

“Thanks for the offer but I can’t do that I’m afraid. Let’s put you into bed,” Dan edged her closer to the bus.

I looked at them together, I was confused to what was going on, I prayed that Dan was just trying to help, just being a gentleman and making sure she got home okay but I couldn’t help thinking that something else was there.

They both disappeared into the bus and I just stood there not knowing what to do. If I went on there it would look like I followed them but I couldn’t just stand here all night- that would be stupid. I slowly crept towards the bus and quietly opened the door. Apparently there was no need because Lily and Dan had only made it into the lounge area but they still hadn’t noticed me. I began to head for my bunk but what happened next stopped me short.

Lily reached for Dan’s face and pulled him towards her forcefully, she placed her lips on his and kissed him hard, at first he tried to pull away but she just pulled him closer. As I watched, my stomach sunk and I felt sick but I could feel myself heating up and getting angrier.

“What the fuck?” I spat.

Dan jumped away whilst Lily held her position, his face flashed white and he looked alarmed, “Mate, this isn’t what it looks like, I promise. We both have drunken too much and don’t know what we’re doing.”

I looked at Lily who just stared at Dan, avoiding all eye contact with me.

“Josh, honestly it meant nothing.”

That pissed me off even more, he couldn’t just kiss her and say it meant nothing. If it didn’t mean anything than why the fuck would he do it.

I clenched my fists and lunged forwards towards Dan. I just had a rush of anger fill me and I knocked Dan across the jaw sending him flying against the wall. As he began to get up I hit him again, I didn’t know why I continued to hit him but I didn’t stop. That was until Lily was screaming at me, dragging me away from Dan giving him a chance to stand up. By this time my hands were covered in Dan’s blood but I still wasn’t any less angry.

“Josh mate, it was an accident it just happened,” he said using he shirt to wipe his mouth that was spilling with blood.

“Fuck off was it. You knew exactly what you were doing!” I yelled and lunged for him again. I don’t think I had ever been so angry, I wasn’t really a physical person, I knew I had drunk a lot but I didn’t know it would affect me this much.

“Josh,” Lily screamed, holding the back of my shirt, “Josh stop!”

I stood straight, heavily breathing and looked at Dan, what the fuck had I done? I turned to look at Lily apologetically but she looked at me as if she couldn’t stand the sight of me, which was understandable.

“You had your chance Josh, you blew it. Please Josh, just let me go,” she pleaded with a desperate look in her eye and her eyes beginning to tear.

I looked deeply into her eyes, how could I have hurt the only girl I would ever love this much? “Okay, I’m sorry,” I whispered brokenly and headed towards my bunk.