Meaningless Routine

On February sixteenth of the following year, we broke up. It wasn't because of some massive fight or because someone cheated or anything. It was because things were... different. I was different. Aiden was different. He was living his college life and I was just in high school. I was occupied with senior things and he was busy making his life.

We had been fine for awhile. Through Thanksgiving, we were perfect still. We were so in love and when we saw each other over break, things were amazing. It was a good time for us, as weird as that sounds. When Christmas rolled around, we were still great. That was a good holiday for us. Then, around Valentine's Day, we realized things were not the same as before. Our kisses were shorter and not as love-filled and our touches weren't as meaningful.

"It's for the best," I had told him.

Aiden didn't agree and in that moment, he had broken down in tears. Seeing him cry made me cry and even though I loved him, I knew it was, in fact, for the best. He tried to convince me otherwise. He said he'd move closer to home and he'd try harder. I knew he would if I said yes, but I would never ask him to.

"Alex, you don't understand how much I need you. I can't lose you... please don't do this to me. I love you so much."

Shaking my head, I reached up to touch his face. For the sole reason of wanting to break up with him in person, I had taken the drive to San Francisco. It felt good to know that I did it in person and not like an asshole over the phone. This was something I needed to do.

With a sigh, I looked over across the room, seeing two other guys who were on the baseball team, listening and watching. "Aiden," I murmured, "you're the reason I'm doing this. You don't need me holding you back. You should be able to have this... this full college experience. We've been drifting since Christmas and it's not healthy for us, you know that."

His hand reached to tangle in mine. Before replying, he sat down on his bed and pulled me on his lap. "I only want to be with you." I kissed him. "Do you still love me?"

"Of course," I responded instantly. "God, don't ever even question that. This might be something good for us. Maybe we'll grow stronger and because of this, we'll know we're supposed to be together. I'll make you a deal, alright?" He nodded. "Over the summer, when you're back home, if things are just... completely terrible for us, then we'll be us again, alright? And don't you ever hesitate to call me if you need me, okay? You can drive to me or I'll drive here, or whatever, okay?"

I could see the sadness throughout him, but he just nodded. He kissed me again, letting our lips stay together for what could be who knows how long. I stood from his lap and pulled on his hand for him to stand up. The other boys in the room pretended they weren't eavesdropping and they spoke to themselves.

Aiden walked me to my car and we said goodbye. The entire drive home, I cried.

~

The rest of my senior year was... weird. It felt weird to know I was single and that I didn't have Aiden. We rarely spoke, except for the times where one of us would drunk dial the other. He would send me a text that said 'I love you' each day, but other than that, we didn't speak.

At first, people were delicate with me. They wouldn't mention his name and they wouldn't bring him up at all. Anything related to him was avoided and anything that basically rhymed with his name was ignored. After awhile, once he was accidentally brought up a few times and I showed no emotion reaction, people stopped being so careful. They realized I wasn't fragile and that was that.

He got out of school sooner than I graduated and he was home by mid-May. For my graduation, he was there, sitting with my family and cheering for me as I walked across that stage. He was at the graduation party that was thrown for me and several other people and during that time, we still barely spoke.

It seemed as if we were strangers, because we sort of were. Of course I knew about him. Even though I pretended I didn't want to know all those times that someone would update me on, I did want to know. He hadn't dated anyone and he was doing better. It took time, apparently, but he was growing to be okay.

A week after the party, when I was already starting to pack up my things to get ready for college, since I wanted to leave as soon as I could, the doorbell at my house rang. It had been late and my dad and Rebecca were out, and Liam had been in Mexico on vacation with a few of his college buddies. I was home alone, needless to say.

Of course, as predicted, it was Aiden at the door. He had his hand on the back of his neck as he waited for me to open the glass door that was standing between us once I opened up the front door. I stepped forward and he stepped back as I opened the glass door. He smiled sheepishly and grabbed the edge of the door.

"What are you doing here, Aiden?" I asked, automatically regretting the fact that I had been wearing one of his shirts and just a pair of very short shorts. My hair, pulled back into a bun, was a complete mess and my makeup had worn off throughout the day.

He shrugged. "I don't know. I just... We've barely spoken since I've been home - actually we haven't at all, and I just... I wanted to see you. I miss you, Allie."

I pushed the door opened further and stepped back. He stepped forward this time and let the door shut behind him. "You should've told me you were comin'," I murmured.

"Why?" he asked softly. "So you could change and get ready? Al, you know I don't care how you look. You know I'll always think you're beautiful."

The blush forced it's way to my cheeks. He smiled, of course, and followed me upstairs to my bedroom. When he looked at the television, he laughed at the fact that 'Walk The Line' was playing.

"I mean, what do you want from me? I got you your dream house, all your little things, all the pretty little things. I got you your car. What do you want from me?" I said, speaking as Johnny Cash. "I want you, John. I want you and I want everything that you promised me," I murmured, speaking with Vivian Cash as she yelled at her husband. Aiden laughed and sat down on her bed. "Well what if I can't do that?"

"Still know all the words," he murmured.

Scoffing, I nodded and pulled the suitcase from my bed. "Hell yes I do. This is my favorite movie, remember."

A smile fell to his lips, but it slipped as he looked around my room. "Why're you packing already, Alex?"

I shrugged, because other than the fact that I was anxious to get out, I didn't have a real reason. "I'm uh, I'm moving out at the end of the month. I'm moving in with my mom until the semester starts."

"Going back home?" he murmured. I nodded at him. "I never could convince you to come to San Francisco." Before I could reply, he stood up and walked over to me, placing his hands on my cheeks. "You promised me that if we were both miserable by summer, we'd be together. Well I've been miserable, Alex, and I know you have been, too. But you know I love you, more than anything. And because of that, I won't keep pushing. I'll give up, and I'll set you free."

The salty liquid built up in my eyes as I looked at him. "Aiden...," I murmured softly. "Aiden, I will always love you. I want you and I want all of you, always. You don't know how hard this has been for me. You know that being close to home is what I want. I'm sorry..."

He shrugged and let out a sigh. "Fate will bring us back together, Alex."