Sequel: Wrists Intact ›
Hearts Intact
To Hell With Our Good Names
To my surprise and disappointment, the Starbucks in the lobby was still open. (A/N: wow, I feel like such a traitor to Tim Hortons using Starbucks…) I’d been hoping that it would be closed.
Patrick got coffee and I got a hot chocolate. We sat down at the table furthest away from the counter. For several long seconds neither of us spoke. Finally Patrick said something.
“So, you don’t like birds?” He asked. Oh God, I knew that this was going to come up! But at least I hadn’t lied about that.
“Nope, they are scary and evil and just wrong.” I said. Patrick smiled and stared down at his coffee.
“All birds?” He asked. I shook my head.
“Nope, eagles, hawks, ravens and crows are all right. Any other bird is evil and out to take over the world.” I said. It looked like Patrick was trying hard not to laugh.
“Even robins?” He asked.
“Especially robins. They get everyone to love them by acting all sweet and innocent but they are by far the most evil out of all birds.” I said. When I woke up this morning I did not think I’d be telling him how evil birds are.
All of a sudden I really wanted to tell Patrick that there was something that I thought was going to attack me in my room. I don’t know why, it was sort of random.
“What kind of bird is in your room?” He asked as if he’d read my mind. I thought for a moment, I could sort of tell him here without actually telling him. That could work!
“I don’t know, a big one.” I said. He was quiet for a moment, thinking.
“Is it a dangerous one?” He asked. I nodded.
“Yup, very dangerous, and very big.” I said. He didn’t ask anything else about it so I didn’t say anything else about it.
“So, who’s your best friend?” Patrick asked after an awkward silence.
“Jimmy.” I said immediately.
“Why Jimmy?” Patrick asked. I had to think about that one, why was Jimmy my best friend.
“I don’t know, it just sort of happened. We hated each other when we first met and then one day we were best friends. What about you, who’s your best friend?” I asked.
“Pete.” Patrick replied.
“Why Pete?” I asked.
“Just happened that way.” Patrick said with a smile. Amazingly this wasn’t awkward, it was actually pretty amusing.
“So you enjoy writing on your arm?” Patrick said. I looked down at my arm, I’d totally forgotten about it. I basically had the entire song written out.
“It’s okay.” I said with a smile. “Better than writing it on my shirt.”
“True. Though I think paper might be just a little bit better.” Patrick said. I shrugged.
“I don’t know, maybe.” I said.
“Well, you ready to go back up?” Patrick asked a few minutes later. We were both done our drinks. I nodded and we both stood up.
“Is the bird gone now?” Patrick asked once we were at my door. I put my hand on the doorknob and waited. No feeling of terror came over me so I nodded.
“Yup, it’s gone.” I said. He nodded.
“That’s good, well, goodnight.” He said, turning and walking over to his door.
“Thanks.” I called after him. He stopped and looked back at me.
“Your welcome. And Izzye, I’m sorry.” He said. Then he walked into his room.
*******
It was two days later and we were finally playing the big show. Skylar and I still hadn’t really made up. We were being civilized to each other but that was it. I know that we were stressing out Jimmy and Devin but we couldn’t help it. This was one fight that was not going to be so easily solved.
The guys from Panic! were going to be joining the tour with us, but only after this show. The first show they would be playing with us was going to be in Great Falls, Montana.
So far the show was going pretty well, though it was hard for Skylar and I to sing some parts together when we were angry with each other. We were pulling it off pretty well though, we just never acknowledged each other.
And then Skylar had to go and ruin everything. We were supposed to play I Love You, Not as our last song, so Jimmy, Devin and I all started to play it as Skylar told the audience which song we were playing.
“Hey guys we got a special one for you now, this is called Butterflies Are Only Pretty To Look At!” He said. Devin, Jimmy and I couldn’t hide our confusion. I’m sure you’ve already figured out that Butterflies Are Only Pretty To Look At is a pretty special and upsetting song to me. We only played it in concert if I’ve say before the show that I can handle playing it. Today I’d told them that I couldn’t, so what the hell was Skylar doing?
Slowly, Jimmy and Devin switched to Butterflies Are Only Pretty To Look At, they had to, Skylar was playing it and he wouldn’t switch to I Love You, Not. Jimmy glanced over at me and I forced a smile as I switched to Butterflies are Only Pretty To Look At.
“I’ll wait until morning comes and pray you come home
Write a letter and send it to no one who will care
I’ll beg God once more to send you back
Cry myself to sleep though no one will hear”
Oh God, my voice was trembling! I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself. I couldn’t screw this up, not on the last song!
“See your empty room and scream
Wish you’d return from who knows where
Laugh one more time and never know
How a broken heart never seems to disappear”
There, that was a little bit better. At least my voice sounded calm. Inside, my heart was literally breaking. I couldn’t take this, not today.
“I visit your grave once a day
Lay the flowers you loved to grow
Read the inscription and turn away”
“Remember that butterflies are only pretty to look at.” Jimmy sang.
There, we were though the first chorus. That meant that there wasn’t that much left. I could do this. I refused to let myself fall apart.
“Your roses don’t bloom the weeping willow grows
I look at the photos and tear them up
A gnawing hole won’t go away
Open the wounds time won’t heal
Sister dearest you once were called
Now you’re another nameless statistic no one will love
A missing face on a poster “Call with information
A killer on the loose a broken heart at home”
I visit your grave once a day
Lay the flowers you loved to grow
Read the inscription and turn away
Remember that butterflies are only pretty to look at”
Almost done, only one more verse and it would be over! I could feel Jimmy and Devin looking at me but I didn’t dare turn to look at them. I was afraid that if I did, I would fall apart.
“And remember, we’ll remember
Remember only that
Butterflies are only pretty to look at
They’re best left untouched”
There, we were done. The audience seemed to like the song but I could care less about that. I gave Skylar my best betrayed look and walked offstage. Ryan called my name but I ignored him and went up to my room. I needed to be alone.
*******
I came out of my room once Pete and the others had finished playing. I knew that I would have to face everyone, Skylar included, sometime, so I figured I might as well get it over and done with.
Jimmy was the first person I found. He was sitting on an amp, playing around with his guitar. He jumped down when he saw me.
“I’m fine, I’m fine, don’t worry!” I said before he could say anything. He smiled but I could tell that it was forced.
“I’d run if I was you, Devin’s been chewing Skylar out basically since we finished playing.” Jimmy said. I shook my head.
“Nope, I want to talk to Skylar.” I said. Jimmy looked uncertain but he led me to my so very much loved twin brother. Everybody, Pete, Patrick, Brendon and Ryan, everyone, was watching Devin chew him out. Devin fell silent when he saw me.
“See, she’s fine! And besides, it’s only a stupid song!” Skylar said, nodding towards me. I glared at him.
“I’m fine now! Why would you do that?” I asked him, keeping my voice calm. Yelling would be a stupid thing to do right now, it would just get Skylar all defensive.
“It’s one of our best songs, we should be able to play it whenever, not just when you feel up to it! Besides, you’re the one who wrote it, you shouldn’t get so damned depressed every time you sing it!” Skylar said.
“Do you recall what the song is about?” I asked, talking as if Skylar was three. I couldn’t help it, he was acting like an idiot.
“Of course I recall what the song is about! You forget that she was my friend too!” Skylar said, glaring at me. I nodded.
“Yes, she was, but you are not the one who watched the light leave her eyes.” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. Skylar was silent, everyone was silent. I swear to God that it was so quiet you could hear everyone’s hearts beat, it was a bit creepy.
“I’m sorry.” Skylar whispered after several minutes of uncomfortable silence. I just nodded; I wasn’t quite ready to forgive him yet. I knew I would eventually, but he’d basically betrayed me tonight, not something you expect from your twin. It would take me awhile before I forgave him.
Patrick got coffee and I got a hot chocolate. We sat down at the table furthest away from the counter. For several long seconds neither of us spoke. Finally Patrick said something.
“So, you don’t like birds?” He asked. Oh God, I knew that this was going to come up! But at least I hadn’t lied about that.
“Nope, they are scary and evil and just wrong.” I said. Patrick smiled and stared down at his coffee.
“All birds?” He asked. I shook my head.
“Nope, eagles, hawks, ravens and crows are all right. Any other bird is evil and out to take over the world.” I said. It looked like Patrick was trying hard not to laugh.
“Even robins?” He asked.
“Especially robins. They get everyone to love them by acting all sweet and innocent but they are by far the most evil out of all birds.” I said. When I woke up this morning I did not think I’d be telling him how evil birds are.
All of a sudden I really wanted to tell Patrick that there was something that I thought was going to attack me in my room. I don’t know why, it was sort of random.
“What kind of bird is in your room?” He asked as if he’d read my mind. I thought for a moment, I could sort of tell him here without actually telling him. That could work!
“I don’t know, a big one.” I said. He was quiet for a moment, thinking.
“Is it a dangerous one?” He asked. I nodded.
“Yup, very dangerous, and very big.” I said. He didn’t ask anything else about it so I didn’t say anything else about it.
“So, who’s your best friend?” Patrick asked after an awkward silence.
“Jimmy.” I said immediately.
“Why Jimmy?” Patrick asked. I had to think about that one, why was Jimmy my best friend.
“I don’t know, it just sort of happened. We hated each other when we first met and then one day we were best friends. What about you, who’s your best friend?” I asked.
“Pete.” Patrick replied.
“Why Pete?” I asked.
“Just happened that way.” Patrick said with a smile. Amazingly this wasn’t awkward, it was actually pretty amusing.
“So you enjoy writing on your arm?” Patrick said. I looked down at my arm, I’d totally forgotten about it. I basically had the entire song written out.
“It’s okay.” I said with a smile. “Better than writing it on my shirt.”
“True. Though I think paper might be just a little bit better.” Patrick said. I shrugged.
“I don’t know, maybe.” I said.
“Well, you ready to go back up?” Patrick asked a few minutes later. We were both done our drinks. I nodded and we both stood up.
“Is the bird gone now?” Patrick asked once we were at my door. I put my hand on the doorknob and waited. No feeling of terror came over me so I nodded.
“Yup, it’s gone.” I said. He nodded.
“That’s good, well, goodnight.” He said, turning and walking over to his door.
“Thanks.” I called after him. He stopped and looked back at me.
“Your welcome. And Izzye, I’m sorry.” He said. Then he walked into his room.
*******
It was two days later and we were finally playing the big show. Skylar and I still hadn’t really made up. We were being civilized to each other but that was it. I know that we were stressing out Jimmy and Devin but we couldn’t help it. This was one fight that was not going to be so easily solved.
The guys from Panic! were going to be joining the tour with us, but only after this show. The first show they would be playing with us was going to be in Great Falls, Montana.
So far the show was going pretty well, though it was hard for Skylar and I to sing some parts together when we were angry with each other. We were pulling it off pretty well though, we just never acknowledged each other.
And then Skylar had to go and ruin everything. We were supposed to play I Love You, Not as our last song, so Jimmy, Devin and I all started to play it as Skylar told the audience which song we were playing.
“Hey guys we got a special one for you now, this is called Butterflies Are Only Pretty To Look At!” He said. Devin, Jimmy and I couldn’t hide our confusion. I’m sure you’ve already figured out that Butterflies Are Only Pretty To Look At is a pretty special and upsetting song to me. We only played it in concert if I’ve say before the show that I can handle playing it. Today I’d told them that I couldn’t, so what the hell was Skylar doing?
Slowly, Jimmy and Devin switched to Butterflies Are Only Pretty To Look At, they had to, Skylar was playing it and he wouldn’t switch to I Love You, Not. Jimmy glanced over at me and I forced a smile as I switched to Butterflies are Only Pretty To Look At.
“I’ll wait until morning comes and pray you come home
Write a letter and send it to no one who will care
I’ll beg God once more to send you back
Cry myself to sleep though no one will hear”
Oh God, my voice was trembling! I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself. I couldn’t screw this up, not on the last song!
“See your empty room and scream
Wish you’d return from who knows where
Laugh one more time and never know
How a broken heart never seems to disappear”
There, that was a little bit better. At least my voice sounded calm. Inside, my heart was literally breaking. I couldn’t take this, not today.
“I visit your grave once a day
Lay the flowers you loved to grow
Read the inscription and turn away”
“Remember that butterflies are only pretty to look at.” Jimmy sang.
There, we were though the first chorus. That meant that there wasn’t that much left. I could do this. I refused to let myself fall apart.
“Your roses don’t bloom the weeping willow grows
I look at the photos and tear them up
A gnawing hole won’t go away
Open the wounds time won’t heal
Sister dearest you once were called
Now you’re another nameless statistic no one will love
A missing face on a poster “Call with information
A killer on the loose a broken heart at home”
I visit your grave once a day
Lay the flowers you loved to grow
Read the inscription and turn away
Remember that butterflies are only pretty to look at”
Almost done, only one more verse and it would be over! I could feel Jimmy and Devin looking at me but I didn’t dare turn to look at them. I was afraid that if I did, I would fall apart.
“And remember, we’ll remember
Remember only that
Butterflies are only pretty to look at
They’re best left untouched”
There, we were done. The audience seemed to like the song but I could care less about that. I gave Skylar my best betrayed look and walked offstage. Ryan called my name but I ignored him and went up to my room. I needed to be alone.
*******
I came out of my room once Pete and the others had finished playing. I knew that I would have to face everyone, Skylar included, sometime, so I figured I might as well get it over and done with.
Jimmy was the first person I found. He was sitting on an amp, playing around with his guitar. He jumped down when he saw me.
“I’m fine, I’m fine, don’t worry!” I said before he could say anything. He smiled but I could tell that it was forced.
“I’d run if I was you, Devin’s been chewing Skylar out basically since we finished playing.” Jimmy said. I shook my head.
“Nope, I want to talk to Skylar.” I said. Jimmy looked uncertain but he led me to my so very much loved twin brother. Everybody, Pete, Patrick, Brendon and Ryan, everyone, was watching Devin chew him out. Devin fell silent when he saw me.
“See, she’s fine! And besides, it’s only a stupid song!” Skylar said, nodding towards me. I glared at him.
“I’m fine now! Why would you do that?” I asked him, keeping my voice calm. Yelling would be a stupid thing to do right now, it would just get Skylar all defensive.
“It’s one of our best songs, we should be able to play it whenever, not just when you feel up to it! Besides, you’re the one who wrote it, you shouldn’t get so damned depressed every time you sing it!” Skylar said.
“Do you recall what the song is about?” I asked, talking as if Skylar was three. I couldn’t help it, he was acting like an idiot.
“Of course I recall what the song is about! You forget that she was my friend too!” Skylar said, glaring at me. I nodded.
“Yes, she was, but you are not the one who watched the light leave her eyes.” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. Skylar was silent, everyone was silent. I swear to God that it was so quiet you could hear everyone’s hearts beat, it was a bit creepy.
“I’m sorry.” Skylar whispered after several minutes of uncomfortable silence. I just nodded; I wasn’t quite ready to forgive him yet. I knew I would eventually, but he’d basically betrayed me tonight, not something you expect from your twin. It would take me awhile before I forgave him.