Sequel: Wrists Intact ›
Hearts Intact
Signing Off "I'm All Right In Bed"
I woke up to someone rummaging around the motor home. It sounded like they were looking for something, unsuccessfully, as it was dark and there were no lights on.
“What are you doing?” I asked with a yawn. I could just barely see the person jump.
“Go back to sleep Izzye!” The person growled. It was Jimmy.
“Jimmy? Where are Devin, and Rae?” I asked.
“At one of the other motor homes, now go back to sleep.” Jimmy ordered. He didn’t sound like himself.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, getting to my feet. I searched the wall with my hand, trying to find the light switch.
“Izzye go back to bed!” Jimmy said angrily. Why was he being like this?
“Jimmy, seriously, what’s wrong?” I asked. There, I’d finally found the light switch. I flipped it on and immediately regretted it. Jimmy was holding a bag, a bag filled with pills. But not just any pills.
Ecstasy.
“What the fuck Jimmy!” I cried. Jimmy glared at me, and quickly tried to hide the bag.
“I saw it Jimmy, why the hell, what-“I started to say but I couldn’t finish. I didn’t know what to say. My best friend in the whole world, the guy who was like a brother, was doing drugs. And not just any kind of drugs, ecstasy.
“Why did you have to turn on the fucking lights Izzye? Why couldn’t you just listen?” Jimmy yelled. He was really scaring me, I’d never seen him like this before.
“J-Jimmy, stop it!” I said, backing towards the door. Jimmy noticed and lunged at me. I ducked but he still hit my head, hard.
“You always have to get into other people’s business!” Jimmy was yelling. I was backed up against the door now, and very slowly, without letting Jimmy noticed, I was trying to open the door.
“I won’t tell anyone, I promise!” I insisted, tears rolling down my cheeks. I didn’t know what to do, I was afraid he was going to kill me.
“Like hell you won’t! You’ll tell everyone, you always do!” Jimmy yelled. I slowly turned the door knob and got ready to run but Jimmy saw. He grabbed my arm, pulling me forward at the same time he slammed the door shut.
“J-Jimmy, p-please don’t!” I begged. Jimmy ignored me and then he hit me. He actually hit me. Jimmy, the one person who was never, ever supposed to hit me. But he didn’t stop at just hitting me once, now, he continued hitting me. I dropped down to the floor, covering my head.
“I didn’t want to do this to you Izzye, but you gave me no choice!” Jimmy said once he finally stopped, leaning down close to me so he could whisper. I didn’t look at him, I couldn’t.
“Now don’t tell anyone Izzye, don’t you dare tell a soul!” He whispered viciously. I didn’t answer. Every muscle in my body ached and I already knew I was going to have some wicked bruises.
“Do you understand?” Jimmy asked, his voice getting louder. Quickly I nodded; terrified that he was going to hit me again.
“That’s a good girl.” Jimmy soothed. I stared at the floor, fresh tears filling my eyes. I couldn’t believe it, I had to be dreaming. This was just some nightmare that I would wake up from at any minute.
Jimmy left and I’m not sure how long I stayed there, curled up on the floor. Finally, after what seemed like forever, I forced myself to get up. I winced, every movement was agony.
“I got to get out of here.” I whispered to myself. What if Jimmy came back? I knew that ecstasy was supposed to make you happy and all, but what if he was still angry? He could kill me next time!
I grabbed a pair of keys off the counter (we’d rented a car, easier than taking a motor home everywhere around the city) and went out to the car. As far as I know no one saw me, as no one came after me.
I didn’t know where I was driving to, I just had to get away from Jimmy and think. I turned the radio up really loud and just drove.
I could have been driving for hours, I’m not sure. I never bothered to look at the clock. But it must have been a while, because the sun was starting to rise.
Finally I pulled over. I was out of the city now in what looked like the middle of nowhere.
Unsure of what else to do I pulled out my phone. It was off so I turned it on. When it finally turned on, (it takes a while) it said that I had five new text messages and three new voice mails. Wow, I was popular, as Ryan would say.
I checked the text messages first.
Izzye, where the hell are you? – Devin
Izzye where are you, are you okay? – Patrick
Izzye, please call me as soon as you get this! – Pete
Hey, where are you, everyone’s really worried! – Rae
Don’t you dare tell! – Jimmy
Next I checked the voice mails.
“Hey, where are you? Oh, it’s Patrick by the way. Seriously though Izzye, we’re really worried about you. You gone, the car gone, no note, your cell phone turned off! Please call me back!”
“Are you okay? Devin’s freaking out, where are you? What happened, why’d you take off? Please call me back!” That one was from Rae.
“Izzye, don’t tell anyone!” Do I even need to say who that one was from?
After listening to them all, I started crying, honestly. I didn’t know what to do. My twin was dead, my boyfriend was gone and refused to tell my where he was, my best friend did drugs and had just beat me!
After crying for fifteen minutes straight I looked up out the windshield. There was a cliff, right above the road. And then I knew that I could do.
It didn’t take me very long to get from the car to the top of the cliff. The sun wasn’t up all the way yet and I realized that I still had no clue what time it was.
There, I was at the edge of the cliff. All I had to do was walk and it would all be over. It wouldn’t matter that Skylar was dead because I’d be with him. I wouldn’t have to worry about Ryan and Jimmy. I’d miss them, Ryan at least, but I didn’t even know if there was a heaven or a hell. For all I knew it could just be some crappy story the church makes up so people aren’t freaking out about dying.
I dangled one foot off the cliff, readying myself to do it. Then, just as I was ready, my phone rang. Instinctively I answered it.
“Hello?” I said. Damnit, I hadn’t wanted to answer it.
“Izzye where are you?” A familiar voice asked.
“Ryan?”
“Yes, it’s me, now where are you?” He asked, sounding desperate. Nice, he decides to call now. Well it was a little bit too late for that.
“I-I can’t talk right now.” I said. The sun was getting higher; it was starting to hurt my eyes.
“Don’t you dare hang up on me Izzye, where are you?” Ryan said. I didn’t answer. Instead I looked down. Amazingly I wasn’t scared, and I was terrified of heights.
“Izzye, please tell me!” Ryan begged. I took a deep breath.
“In the woods.” I said slowly. I heard Ryan say something to someone else.
“Why are you there?” Ryan asked, sounding confused.
“I’m on a cliff.” I said.
“Why are you- oh my God Izzye don’t you dare!” Ryan said. I glanced over my shoulder. I’m not really sure why.
“I have to go.” I said, getting ready to hang up.
“Izzye don’t hang up! Please don’t do this!” Ryan begged. I closed my eyes and breathed out deeply.
“You don’t understand!” I said, tears starting to form. Great, I was crying again.
“Izzye please don’t do this, just talk to me, talk to me!” Ryan said.
“I have to go!” I repeated.
“Izzye don’t! Where are you, do you know what road you’re on?” Ryan asked. I could hear more muffled talking in the background.
“I don’t know.” I said.
“Look around, do you see any signs?” Ryan asked. Automatically I opened my eyes and did what he said.
“The 761.” I said finally.
“Izzye please don’t do anything, I’ll be right there!” Ryan pleaded. I shook my head.
“No, I have to go!” I said.
“Izzye don’t, you don’t want this, you do not want to this!” Ryan insisted.
“How do you know that? You don’t know anything!” I snapped.
“Tell me what’s wrong; tell me why you’re there!” Ryan said. I closed my eyes again.
“Because I have to go!” I whispered.
“No you don’t Izzye! You have to stay here, please Izzye! I love you, we all love you, don’t do this!” Ryan begged.
“I have to!” I insisted.
“No you don’t, please don’t do this! I see your car, don’t do anything!” Ryan said. I considered dropping the phone. I opened my eyes and dangled one foot off the cliff again.
“You don’t want to do this Izzye, you don’t!” Ryan said.
“You don’t know what I want!” I snapped.
“I know you don’t want to die!” Ryan said.
“What if I do?” I whispered.
“You don’t Izzye, trust me, you want to be happy, you want to be alive!” Ryan insisted.
“I want to go!” I said, tears rolling down my cheeks.
Suddenly, someone grabbed me around the waist, pulling me backwards, away from the cliff. The person backed away from the cliff so fast they tripped and fell over, taking me with them.
“No you don’t, you don’t! You want to be happy!” The person whispered. It was Ryan.
“Let go!” I said, trying to kick him. Ryan shook his head and tightened his arms around me.
“You don’t want to die, you could’ve killed yourself before I got here but you didn’t!” Ryan said. I was still trying to get away from him.
“You don’t know what I want!” I said. Ryan didn’t answer; instead he pulled me closer to him, hugging me.
“Why, why were you going to, to…?” Ryan asked, letting his voice trail off. I was shaking worse than ever before now.
“Is it because of Skylar?” Ryan whispered. I shook my head.
“No, it’s not because of Skylar! Skylar is gone and there’s nothing I can do about it!” I snapped. You’d think I would’ve been overjoyed to see Ryan but all I wanted was to get away from him.
“Is it because of me?” He whispered. I shook my head.
“Then why?” He asked. I didn’t answer. Ryan cupped my chin in his hand, forcing me to look at him.
“Izzye why, wait, why do you have a bruise?” He asked, letting go of my chin and gently ran his finger over my cheek. I winced and realized that I must have a bruise there, from Jimmy.
“I-I” I stuttered, unable to get the words out. If I told Ryan he would tell everyone else! What would Jimmy do to me then?
“Izzye what happened?” Ryan asked me seriously, looking into my eyes. I couldn’t help it, fresh tears formed.
“Izzye it’s okay, but please tell me.” Ryan said, hugging me again.
“J-Jimmy.” I managed to get out. Immediately Ryan tensed up.
“Jimmy? What did he do?” He asked, sounding alarmed. I tried to tell him but I couldn’t, I was too scared.
“Izzye I won’t let him do anything else to you, I promise!” Ryan said, sitting up and pulling me into his lap. I was still shaking.
“It’s okay, you’re safe now.” Ryan whispered, running his hand through my hair.
And then, I told him everything. All about Jimmy, the ecstasy, and the beating.
“I’m going to kill him, I swear to God I’m going to kill him!” Ryan growled. I shook my head.
“Don’t kill him! The drugs, they’re messing with his mind!” I said. Ryan stared down at me.
“Don’t make excuses for him! From the sounds of it he wasn’t high when he beat you! He doesn’t deserve for you to stand up for him!” He said. I didn’t answer.
“I won’t kill him, but he’s sure going to get a piece of my mind!” Ryan said. I still didn’t say anything. Instead I closed my eyes and rested my head on his chest.
“Izzye?” Ryan asked a few minutes later.
“Mmhm?” I said. I just wanted to go to sleep.
“Please don’t ever, ever do that again!” He said. I thought for a moment.
“Okay.”
“What are you doing?” I asked with a yawn. I could just barely see the person jump.
“Go back to sleep Izzye!” The person growled. It was Jimmy.
“Jimmy? Where are Devin, and Rae?” I asked.
“At one of the other motor homes, now go back to sleep.” Jimmy ordered. He didn’t sound like himself.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, getting to my feet. I searched the wall with my hand, trying to find the light switch.
“Izzye go back to bed!” Jimmy said angrily. Why was he being like this?
“Jimmy, seriously, what’s wrong?” I asked. There, I’d finally found the light switch. I flipped it on and immediately regretted it. Jimmy was holding a bag, a bag filled with pills. But not just any pills.
Ecstasy.
“What the fuck Jimmy!” I cried. Jimmy glared at me, and quickly tried to hide the bag.
“I saw it Jimmy, why the hell, what-“I started to say but I couldn’t finish. I didn’t know what to say. My best friend in the whole world, the guy who was like a brother, was doing drugs. And not just any kind of drugs, ecstasy.
“Why did you have to turn on the fucking lights Izzye? Why couldn’t you just listen?” Jimmy yelled. He was really scaring me, I’d never seen him like this before.
“J-Jimmy, stop it!” I said, backing towards the door. Jimmy noticed and lunged at me. I ducked but he still hit my head, hard.
“You always have to get into other people’s business!” Jimmy was yelling. I was backed up against the door now, and very slowly, without letting Jimmy noticed, I was trying to open the door.
“I won’t tell anyone, I promise!” I insisted, tears rolling down my cheeks. I didn’t know what to do, I was afraid he was going to kill me.
“Like hell you won’t! You’ll tell everyone, you always do!” Jimmy yelled. I slowly turned the door knob and got ready to run but Jimmy saw. He grabbed my arm, pulling me forward at the same time he slammed the door shut.
“J-Jimmy, p-please don’t!” I begged. Jimmy ignored me and then he hit me. He actually hit me. Jimmy, the one person who was never, ever supposed to hit me. But he didn’t stop at just hitting me once, now, he continued hitting me. I dropped down to the floor, covering my head.
“I didn’t want to do this to you Izzye, but you gave me no choice!” Jimmy said once he finally stopped, leaning down close to me so he could whisper. I didn’t look at him, I couldn’t.
“Now don’t tell anyone Izzye, don’t you dare tell a soul!” He whispered viciously. I didn’t answer. Every muscle in my body ached and I already knew I was going to have some wicked bruises.
“Do you understand?” Jimmy asked, his voice getting louder. Quickly I nodded; terrified that he was going to hit me again.
“That’s a good girl.” Jimmy soothed. I stared at the floor, fresh tears filling my eyes. I couldn’t believe it, I had to be dreaming. This was just some nightmare that I would wake up from at any minute.
Jimmy left and I’m not sure how long I stayed there, curled up on the floor. Finally, after what seemed like forever, I forced myself to get up. I winced, every movement was agony.
“I got to get out of here.” I whispered to myself. What if Jimmy came back? I knew that ecstasy was supposed to make you happy and all, but what if he was still angry? He could kill me next time!
I grabbed a pair of keys off the counter (we’d rented a car, easier than taking a motor home everywhere around the city) and went out to the car. As far as I know no one saw me, as no one came after me.
I didn’t know where I was driving to, I just had to get away from Jimmy and think. I turned the radio up really loud and just drove.
I could have been driving for hours, I’m not sure. I never bothered to look at the clock. But it must have been a while, because the sun was starting to rise.
Finally I pulled over. I was out of the city now in what looked like the middle of nowhere.
Unsure of what else to do I pulled out my phone. It was off so I turned it on. When it finally turned on, (it takes a while) it said that I had five new text messages and three new voice mails. Wow, I was popular, as Ryan would say.
I checked the text messages first.
Izzye, where the hell are you? – Devin
Izzye where are you, are you okay? – Patrick
Izzye, please call me as soon as you get this! – Pete
Hey, where are you, everyone’s really worried! – Rae
Don’t you dare tell! – Jimmy
Next I checked the voice mails.
“Hey, where are you? Oh, it’s Patrick by the way. Seriously though Izzye, we’re really worried about you. You gone, the car gone, no note, your cell phone turned off! Please call me back!”
“Are you okay? Devin’s freaking out, where are you? What happened, why’d you take off? Please call me back!” That one was from Rae.
“Izzye, don’t tell anyone!” Do I even need to say who that one was from?
After listening to them all, I started crying, honestly. I didn’t know what to do. My twin was dead, my boyfriend was gone and refused to tell my where he was, my best friend did drugs and had just beat me!
After crying for fifteen minutes straight I looked up out the windshield. There was a cliff, right above the road. And then I knew that I could do.
It didn’t take me very long to get from the car to the top of the cliff. The sun wasn’t up all the way yet and I realized that I still had no clue what time it was.
There, I was at the edge of the cliff. All I had to do was walk and it would all be over. It wouldn’t matter that Skylar was dead because I’d be with him. I wouldn’t have to worry about Ryan and Jimmy. I’d miss them, Ryan at least, but I didn’t even know if there was a heaven or a hell. For all I knew it could just be some crappy story the church makes up so people aren’t freaking out about dying.
I dangled one foot off the cliff, readying myself to do it. Then, just as I was ready, my phone rang. Instinctively I answered it.
“Hello?” I said. Damnit, I hadn’t wanted to answer it.
“Izzye where are you?” A familiar voice asked.
“Ryan?”
“Yes, it’s me, now where are you?” He asked, sounding desperate. Nice, he decides to call now. Well it was a little bit too late for that.
“I-I can’t talk right now.” I said. The sun was getting higher; it was starting to hurt my eyes.
“Don’t you dare hang up on me Izzye, where are you?” Ryan said. I didn’t answer. Instead I looked down. Amazingly I wasn’t scared, and I was terrified of heights.
“Izzye, please tell me!” Ryan begged. I took a deep breath.
“In the woods.” I said slowly. I heard Ryan say something to someone else.
“Why are you there?” Ryan asked, sounding confused.
“I’m on a cliff.” I said.
“Why are you- oh my God Izzye don’t you dare!” Ryan said. I glanced over my shoulder. I’m not really sure why.
“I have to go.” I said, getting ready to hang up.
“Izzye don’t hang up! Please don’t do this!” Ryan begged. I closed my eyes and breathed out deeply.
“You don’t understand!” I said, tears starting to form. Great, I was crying again.
“Izzye please don’t do this, just talk to me, talk to me!” Ryan said.
“I have to go!” I repeated.
“Izzye don’t! Where are you, do you know what road you’re on?” Ryan asked. I could hear more muffled talking in the background.
“I don’t know.” I said.
“Look around, do you see any signs?” Ryan asked. Automatically I opened my eyes and did what he said.
“The 761.” I said finally.
“Izzye please don’t do anything, I’ll be right there!” Ryan pleaded. I shook my head.
“No, I have to go!” I said.
“Izzye don’t, you don’t want this, you do not want to this!” Ryan insisted.
“How do you know that? You don’t know anything!” I snapped.
“Tell me what’s wrong; tell me why you’re there!” Ryan said. I closed my eyes again.
“Because I have to go!” I whispered.
“No you don’t Izzye! You have to stay here, please Izzye! I love you, we all love you, don’t do this!” Ryan begged.
“I have to!” I insisted.
“No you don’t, please don’t do this! I see your car, don’t do anything!” Ryan said. I considered dropping the phone. I opened my eyes and dangled one foot off the cliff again.
“You don’t want to do this Izzye, you don’t!” Ryan said.
“You don’t know what I want!” I snapped.
“I know you don’t want to die!” Ryan said.
“What if I do?” I whispered.
“You don’t Izzye, trust me, you want to be happy, you want to be alive!” Ryan insisted.
“I want to go!” I said, tears rolling down my cheeks.
Suddenly, someone grabbed me around the waist, pulling me backwards, away from the cliff. The person backed away from the cliff so fast they tripped and fell over, taking me with them.
“No you don’t, you don’t! You want to be happy!” The person whispered. It was Ryan.
“Let go!” I said, trying to kick him. Ryan shook his head and tightened his arms around me.
“You don’t want to die, you could’ve killed yourself before I got here but you didn’t!” Ryan said. I was still trying to get away from him.
“You don’t know what I want!” I said. Ryan didn’t answer; instead he pulled me closer to him, hugging me.
“Why, why were you going to, to…?” Ryan asked, letting his voice trail off. I was shaking worse than ever before now.
“Is it because of Skylar?” Ryan whispered. I shook my head.
“No, it’s not because of Skylar! Skylar is gone and there’s nothing I can do about it!” I snapped. You’d think I would’ve been overjoyed to see Ryan but all I wanted was to get away from him.
“Is it because of me?” He whispered. I shook my head.
“Then why?” He asked. I didn’t answer. Ryan cupped my chin in his hand, forcing me to look at him.
“Izzye why, wait, why do you have a bruise?” He asked, letting go of my chin and gently ran his finger over my cheek. I winced and realized that I must have a bruise there, from Jimmy.
“I-I” I stuttered, unable to get the words out. If I told Ryan he would tell everyone else! What would Jimmy do to me then?
“Izzye what happened?” Ryan asked me seriously, looking into my eyes. I couldn’t help it, fresh tears formed.
“Izzye it’s okay, but please tell me.” Ryan said, hugging me again.
“J-Jimmy.” I managed to get out. Immediately Ryan tensed up.
“Jimmy? What did he do?” He asked, sounding alarmed. I tried to tell him but I couldn’t, I was too scared.
“Izzye I won’t let him do anything else to you, I promise!” Ryan said, sitting up and pulling me into his lap. I was still shaking.
“It’s okay, you’re safe now.” Ryan whispered, running his hand through my hair.
And then, I told him everything. All about Jimmy, the ecstasy, and the beating.
“I’m going to kill him, I swear to God I’m going to kill him!” Ryan growled. I shook my head.
“Don’t kill him! The drugs, they’re messing with his mind!” I said. Ryan stared down at me.
“Don’t make excuses for him! From the sounds of it he wasn’t high when he beat you! He doesn’t deserve for you to stand up for him!” He said. I didn’t answer.
“I won’t kill him, but he’s sure going to get a piece of my mind!” Ryan said. I still didn’t say anything. Instead I closed my eyes and rested my head on his chest.
“Izzye?” Ryan asked a few minutes later.
“Mmhm?” I said. I just wanted to go to sleep.
“Please don’t ever, ever do that again!” He said. I thought for a moment.
“Okay.”