Sequel: Wrists Intact ›
Hearts Intact
My Words Are My Faith
It was the next day and I was hiding from Jimmy again. Last night he had proceeded to throw me in the lake yet again, and then I pushed him in it again. Now, he was trying to find me to throw me back in the stupid lake. I had a feeling that this was going to be happening the entire time we were at the resort.
I was hiding in the woods, I knew that Jimmy would never be able to find me in here. He wasn’t very good at tracking people, trust me, we used to play a game where you’d have to track down a person and Jimmy always lost.
It was a nice day out so I walked pretty far into the woods. I wouldn’t get lost, this wasn’t my first time in the woods. I took note of every little thing that I could, a twisted tree trunk, a weird shaped rock.
I had just come to the edge of a meadow when I stopped. Something was walking through the woods. It wasn’t a person, it was too heavy to be a person, and it wasn’t making enough noise. Whatever it was taking careful steps. I decided to wait and see if whatever it was decided to walk out into the meadow.
I didn’t have to wait long, only five minutes later a Whitetail Deer doe walked out into the meadow. I didn’t move, I didn’t even breath. For several long minutes the doe stood still, surveying the meadow. I was hidden by a tree and down wind from her so she never noticed me.
After nearly ten minutes the doe looked behind her and made a noise, kind of like a bleat. Seconds later, a tiny fawn walked out of the woods and ran over to her mother. They touched noses and the doe licked the fawn’s head. I held my breath, not wanting to ruin the moment.
I’m not sure how long I stood there watching the deer. After what felt like forever a twig snapped in the trees off to my left and the deer ran. I was disappointed to see them go, but at the same time I was happy just to have seen them. It was amazing, but at the same time it made me sad.
Moments like that always made me sad. It always made me remember the reason why I wrote Butterflies Are Only Pretty To Look At.
Walking away from the meadow, I found a huge tree and sat down in front of it, leaning on the trunk. Closing my eyes, I started to sing.
“I’ll wait until morning comes and pray you come home
Write a letter and send it to no one who will care
I’ll beg God once more to send you back
Cry myself to sleep though no one will hear
See your empty room and scream
Wish you’d return from who knows where
Laugh one more time and never know
How a broken heart never seems to disappear”
Suddenly, I felt like I was being watched and I opened my eyes. Sure enough, Ryan was standing ten feet away from me. I cursed myself silently for not hearing him approach.
“That’s a beautiful song, is it yours?” He asked. I hesitated, looking away from him and staring down at my feet.
“Yes.” I said, fighting to keep the tears from falling. I could stand singing Butterflies Are Only Pretty To Look At today, but I wasn’t sure if I could talk about it.
“Are you okay?” Ryan asked. I nodded, not sure that I could trust my voice from giving me away. No, I wasn’t fine! I was never fine when I sang that song!
Ryan sat beside me, and to my surprise, he put his arm around my shoulders. I didn’t know what to do. He was cold, just like Pete was.
“Is it the song?” Ryan asked. I nodded but decided quickly that if he asked me anything else about it I wouldn’t answer. Ryan was smart though, he didn’t say anything else. He just let me cry.
“I’m sorry!” I said finally. He looked surprised.
“You don’t have to be sorry.” He said, smiling at me. Weakly, I smiled back. I couldn’t believe that I had just cried in front of him! I try not to cry in front of anyone but Skylar, Jimmy and Devin!
“You’re having a bad few days, aren’t you?” Ryan asked, running his fingers through my hair. I nodded. First the letter and now this! Though today was my own fault, I shouldn’t have sung the song, I know that it always makes me depressed.
“You can sing well.” Ryan said. I shrugged.
“Maybe, Skylar’s better though.” I said. Ryan smiled, still running his fingers through my hair. It felt nice.
“Maybe, I’ve never heard him sing.” He said. After that, neither of us spoke for a while. Strangely though, it was nice, it wasn’t uncomfortable at all.
“Come on, walk with me.” Ryan said finally. Slowly I nodded, I wasn’t about to say no, after all, the guy had just sat with me while I cried!
Taking my hand, he stood up, pulling me with him. He didn’t speak as he led me through the trees so neither did I.
“You’re pretty trusting.” He said finally. I’d been admiring some flowers so it took me several seconds to realize that he was talking.
“I figure that you just don’t look like the killing type.” I said. Ryan smiled.
“Ah, but maybe that’s all part of my plan. Look all nice and innocent to get my victims!” He said. I smiled.
“Well you’re so small I figure that I can take you on if you turn out to be a killer!” I said. Ryan laughed.
“But you’re even smaller than me!” He said. I grinned.
“Maybe but that doesn’t mean I’m not strong!” I said. He quickly looked me over.
“You’re not that strong, are you?” He asked. I shook my head and he laughed.
“Nice, admit that to the crazy killer!” He teased. I shrugged.
“Well if I’m this far out with you I’m going to die anyway so admitting that won’t change anything.” I said.
“True.” Ryan said.
“So, where are you taking me you psychotic killer?” I asked. Ryan grinned and shook his head.
“Oh no, you’ll just have to wait and see!” He said. I rolled my eyes good-naturedly.
“Oh come on, don’t be like that now!” Ryan said with a smile. I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at him. Hmm, I seem to have that urge a lot, maybe I really am a child at heart!
“It’s just around this tree!” Ryan said, ten minutes later. He was still holding my hand, (which by the way, was freezing now! What was with him and Pete and being so cold to the touch?) He led me around the tree he was talking about and I gasped.
It was beautiful! There was a river and a waterfall, not a very big waterfall but a waterfall none the less. There was stone banks and huge rocks surrounding the river edge. Like I said, it was beautiful!
“This is amazing!” I said. Ryan grinned and let go of my hand as I stepped forward. I turned back to look at him.
“How did you know about this?” I asked. He grinned again and walked over to my side.
“I’ve been here before, with my parents. I found this place when I was fifteen. Beautiful isn’t it?” He said. I nodded.
“It reminds me of home.” I said. He looked at me curiously.
“You miss your home?” He asked. I nodded.
“A little bit. Not home as in my house and my so-called family, but home as in Alberta.” I said. He nodded in understanding.
“I see what you mean.” He said. Again, a comfortable silence fell over us. It was weird, I’m usually never comfortable when it’s silent, but it just seemed normal with Ryan.
I’m not sure how long we stayed there, beside the river. Probably for at least an hour. We talked a little bit, about insignificant things, but mostly we were silent. By the time Ryan finally stood up, the sun was setting.
“Come on, we better go back before everyone thinks that we’re dead.” He said. I nodded and stood up. With one last look at the river, I followed him into the trees.
We didn’t really talk as we walked back to the resort. It was hard to when you were trying to hike. By the time we got back it was dark.
“Where were you guys?” Pete’s voice made me jump. I hadn’t noticed him, sitting on one of the picnic tables.
“Just walking in the woods.” Ryan said, glancing up at the moon. It was nearly full.
“Well you better let everyone know you’re alive, Skylar’s getting ready to send out a search and rescue team.” Pete said. I rolled my eyes, I couldn’t help it, Skylar really needed to learn how to relax.
“Oh, Ryan, think we can talk later?” Pete asked, following us into the lodge. Ryan nodded. I didn’t have much time to think about that though, I was barely though the door when suddenly Skylar, Devin and Jimmy were all over me.
“Where were you?”
“Were you lost?”
“Why would you do that to us?”
“You nearly gave us a heart attack!”
“That’s it, you’re getting thrown in the lake again for this!”
“You guys relax! I’m fine!” I said, not bothering to hide my frustration. They all stared at me, surprised. Skylar was the first to recover.
“Skyla Conner, don’t you ever do that again!” He said. I just stared at him, I couldn’t believe he just said that to me.
“Excuse me? Since when did you become my father?” I said angrily. Everyone else was quiet, just staring at Skylar and I.
“You have to tell us where you go!” Skylar said, sounding just as angry as I felt.
“No, actually I don’t! I’m seventeen Skylar, I can go where I want!” I said. Skylar glared at me.
“Only if you tell us first!” He said. This time I glared at him.
“No, I don’t have to tell you anything!” I said.
“Yes you do, I’m older, you have to tell me!” Skylar insisted. It was everything I could do not to slap him.
“By seven freaking minutes!” I said. I didn’t wait for him to answer. I turned and walked right out of the lodge.
I was hiding in the woods, I knew that Jimmy would never be able to find me in here. He wasn’t very good at tracking people, trust me, we used to play a game where you’d have to track down a person and Jimmy always lost.
It was a nice day out so I walked pretty far into the woods. I wouldn’t get lost, this wasn’t my first time in the woods. I took note of every little thing that I could, a twisted tree trunk, a weird shaped rock.
I had just come to the edge of a meadow when I stopped. Something was walking through the woods. It wasn’t a person, it was too heavy to be a person, and it wasn’t making enough noise. Whatever it was taking careful steps. I decided to wait and see if whatever it was decided to walk out into the meadow.
I didn’t have to wait long, only five minutes later a Whitetail Deer doe walked out into the meadow. I didn’t move, I didn’t even breath. For several long minutes the doe stood still, surveying the meadow. I was hidden by a tree and down wind from her so she never noticed me.
After nearly ten minutes the doe looked behind her and made a noise, kind of like a bleat. Seconds later, a tiny fawn walked out of the woods and ran over to her mother. They touched noses and the doe licked the fawn’s head. I held my breath, not wanting to ruin the moment.
I’m not sure how long I stood there watching the deer. After what felt like forever a twig snapped in the trees off to my left and the deer ran. I was disappointed to see them go, but at the same time I was happy just to have seen them. It was amazing, but at the same time it made me sad.
Moments like that always made me sad. It always made me remember the reason why I wrote Butterflies Are Only Pretty To Look At.
Walking away from the meadow, I found a huge tree and sat down in front of it, leaning on the trunk. Closing my eyes, I started to sing.
“I’ll wait until morning comes and pray you come home
Write a letter and send it to no one who will care
I’ll beg God once more to send you back
Cry myself to sleep though no one will hear
See your empty room and scream
Wish you’d return from who knows where
Laugh one more time and never know
How a broken heart never seems to disappear”
Suddenly, I felt like I was being watched and I opened my eyes. Sure enough, Ryan was standing ten feet away from me. I cursed myself silently for not hearing him approach.
“That’s a beautiful song, is it yours?” He asked. I hesitated, looking away from him and staring down at my feet.
“Yes.” I said, fighting to keep the tears from falling. I could stand singing Butterflies Are Only Pretty To Look At today, but I wasn’t sure if I could talk about it.
“Are you okay?” Ryan asked. I nodded, not sure that I could trust my voice from giving me away. No, I wasn’t fine! I was never fine when I sang that song!
Ryan sat beside me, and to my surprise, he put his arm around my shoulders. I didn’t know what to do. He was cold, just like Pete was.
“Is it the song?” Ryan asked. I nodded but decided quickly that if he asked me anything else about it I wouldn’t answer. Ryan was smart though, he didn’t say anything else. He just let me cry.
“I’m sorry!” I said finally. He looked surprised.
“You don’t have to be sorry.” He said, smiling at me. Weakly, I smiled back. I couldn’t believe that I had just cried in front of him! I try not to cry in front of anyone but Skylar, Jimmy and Devin!
“You’re having a bad few days, aren’t you?” Ryan asked, running his fingers through my hair. I nodded. First the letter and now this! Though today was my own fault, I shouldn’t have sung the song, I know that it always makes me depressed.
“You can sing well.” Ryan said. I shrugged.
“Maybe, Skylar’s better though.” I said. Ryan smiled, still running his fingers through my hair. It felt nice.
“Maybe, I’ve never heard him sing.” He said. After that, neither of us spoke for a while. Strangely though, it was nice, it wasn’t uncomfortable at all.
“Come on, walk with me.” Ryan said finally. Slowly I nodded, I wasn’t about to say no, after all, the guy had just sat with me while I cried!
Taking my hand, he stood up, pulling me with him. He didn’t speak as he led me through the trees so neither did I.
“You’re pretty trusting.” He said finally. I’d been admiring some flowers so it took me several seconds to realize that he was talking.
“I figure that you just don’t look like the killing type.” I said. Ryan smiled.
“Ah, but maybe that’s all part of my plan. Look all nice and innocent to get my victims!” He said. I smiled.
“Well you’re so small I figure that I can take you on if you turn out to be a killer!” I said. Ryan laughed.
“But you’re even smaller than me!” He said. I grinned.
“Maybe but that doesn’t mean I’m not strong!” I said. He quickly looked me over.
“You’re not that strong, are you?” He asked. I shook my head and he laughed.
“Nice, admit that to the crazy killer!” He teased. I shrugged.
“Well if I’m this far out with you I’m going to die anyway so admitting that won’t change anything.” I said.
“True.” Ryan said.
“So, where are you taking me you psychotic killer?” I asked. Ryan grinned and shook his head.
“Oh no, you’ll just have to wait and see!” He said. I rolled my eyes good-naturedly.
“Oh come on, don’t be like that now!” Ryan said with a smile. I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at him. Hmm, I seem to have that urge a lot, maybe I really am a child at heart!
“It’s just around this tree!” Ryan said, ten minutes later. He was still holding my hand, (which by the way, was freezing now! What was with him and Pete and being so cold to the touch?) He led me around the tree he was talking about and I gasped.
It was beautiful! There was a river and a waterfall, not a very big waterfall but a waterfall none the less. There was stone banks and huge rocks surrounding the river edge. Like I said, it was beautiful!
“This is amazing!” I said. Ryan grinned and let go of my hand as I stepped forward. I turned back to look at him.
“How did you know about this?” I asked. He grinned again and walked over to my side.
“I’ve been here before, with my parents. I found this place when I was fifteen. Beautiful isn’t it?” He said. I nodded.
“It reminds me of home.” I said. He looked at me curiously.
“You miss your home?” He asked. I nodded.
“A little bit. Not home as in my house and my so-called family, but home as in Alberta.” I said. He nodded in understanding.
“I see what you mean.” He said. Again, a comfortable silence fell over us. It was weird, I’m usually never comfortable when it’s silent, but it just seemed normal with Ryan.
I’m not sure how long we stayed there, beside the river. Probably for at least an hour. We talked a little bit, about insignificant things, but mostly we were silent. By the time Ryan finally stood up, the sun was setting.
“Come on, we better go back before everyone thinks that we’re dead.” He said. I nodded and stood up. With one last look at the river, I followed him into the trees.
We didn’t really talk as we walked back to the resort. It was hard to when you were trying to hike. By the time we got back it was dark.
“Where were you guys?” Pete’s voice made me jump. I hadn’t noticed him, sitting on one of the picnic tables.
“Just walking in the woods.” Ryan said, glancing up at the moon. It was nearly full.
“Well you better let everyone know you’re alive, Skylar’s getting ready to send out a search and rescue team.” Pete said. I rolled my eyes, I couldn’t help it, Skylar really needed to learn how to relax.
“Oh, Ryan, think we can talk later?” Pete asked, following us into the lodge. Ryan nodded. I didn’t have much time to think about that though, I was barely though the door when suddenly Skylar, Devin and Jimmy were all over me.
“Where were you?”
“Were you lost?”
“Why would you do that to us?”
“You nearly gave us a heart attack!”
“That’s it, you’re getting thrown in the lake again for this!”
“You guys relax! I’m fine!” I said, not bothering to hide my frustration. They all stared at me, surprised. Skylar was the first to recover.
“Skyla Conner, don’t you ever do that again!” He said. I just stared at him, I couldn’t believe he just said that to me.
“Excuse me? Since when did you become my father?” I said angrily. Everyone else was quiet, just staring at Skylar and I.
“You have to tell us where you go!” Skylar said, sounding just as angry as I felt.
“No, actually I don’t! I’m seventeen Skylar, I can go where I want!” I said. Skylar glared at me.
“Only if you tell us first!” He said. This time I glared at him.
“No, I don’t have to tell you anything!” I said.
“Yes you do, I’m older, you have to tell me!” Skylar insisted. It was everything I could do not to slap him.
“By seven freaking minutes!” I said. I didn’t wait for him to answer. I turned and walked right out of the lodge.