Hurts Like Heaven

I had a dream but I didn't remember it. I woke up with Dan's arms still around me. The sun was up and I remembered what day it was. “I'm supposed to be at work.” I said, but made no move to get out of bed.

“You're not going. I talked to your supervisor. I told him not to expect you for a few more days. He said take all the time you needed.”

I was slightly relieved, and slightly annoyed. When had he called him? I needed to be doing something, not cooped up here for another day. “He's being far to kind. I'm going back on Wednesday.”

Dan said nothing to that, just stroked my back. I didn't want to move. His skin was cool and comfortable. I ran a finger along his ribcage.

“Is it wrong that I want to make love to you.” I said out of the blue.

That made him take pause. “No.”

“Well, I do.”

He made no move, and waited to see what I would or wouldn't do. I moved so I could kiss him. But that was all. What I wanted to do, versus what I should be doing, were two different things. I don't think having sex with Dan right now was wise. And neither did he apparently. Dan held me to him, but didn't do anything more than kiss me back, rather passionately, too.

“I wish this were easier.”

“It'll get better.” He was trying to be positive, but I knew this would be an uphill battle. “C'mon, lets get something to eat.”

“I'm not hungry.”

“Food is fuel, you know.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

I pulled myself up and together we went downstairs. So we ate breakfast and while I was getting dressed Daniel returned a few calls downstairs. Foolishly I tried to use my semi-vamp hearing to eavesdrop, but heard nothing. Dan could talk really low when he needed to, and if he was speaking with another vampire he needed speak loud at all.

Once dressed, Dan returned, his face a mask. “What happened? Or is it a secret?”

He came over and kissed my forehead. “Darling-”

“You have to go, I know. Hopefully by the time you return you'll bring me that bastards head back with you.”

He chuckled lightly and without humor.

“Hey, when you stake a vampire do you turn into a pile of ash? Or a big mushy bloody heaping mess?”

I was honestly curious. I had been wondering for a while. Television and films portrayed vampires in so many ways I wasn't sure what a staking looked like. But I had been avoiding asking just that because honestly I didn't want to know the details. I got the feeling it wasn't pretty.

“I'll tell you about it someday.”

“Well, I have that new crossbow thingy, I really don't want to be surprised at what I find when and if I ever stake a vampire.” I explained.

Dan kissed my forehead again as he held me. “Well, it can be messy. No ash or dust. Bloody. A blood mess.” and that was all I got, thank heavens. “I think you should be safe. I'll be back in a few hours. The vamps are outside.”

Then he left and my day was spent in semi paranoia. I was waiting on something to happen. Bren returned at noon. She was beaming when she and Phil came through the door.

“I had forgot you were on your way.” I said when I greeted them at the door. I had my crossbow ready, along with two knives. God, I felt like a vampire hunter. When I realized it was only them I hid the crossbow, and all but one knife. That one was tucked in my waistband. I really hoped I wouldn't cut myself. “How was the trip?” I asked, making my voice sound as normal as possible.

“Amazing.” She and Phil looked lovingly at one another. Then Bren stuck out her left hand.

“Oh my god!” I exclaimed. On her ring finger was a lovely ruby and gold engagement ring. I hit Phil in the arm. “Why didn't you tell me?”

He laughed. “I was going to but then everything happened last week, and I didn't want to bother you.”

“You could have.” I hugged my aunt and future uncle in law, “Congratulations. This is great.” I was so happy for them. Their five year anniversary was in December, and they really were great together.

We all went into the kitchen and they told me about how it had all happened. Both were brimming with excitement.

“You're the first person we've told.” Bren informed me after finishing the story.

“Really? Well, I'm honored.”

They told me some more about their weekend. Phil had to leave, but kissed his bride-to-be sweetly before he left. She was practically swooning. “Well, enough about us. How was everything? Are you okay? What did we miss? ”

“I was fine.” I knew she had been worried about me. Rightfully so, but I wouldn't admit that out loud. “Nothing much. Me and Dan stayed in all weekend.”

“That was sweet.”

“Yeah, he was pampering me, waiting on me hand and foot.” I laughed softly to hid the lie.

She chuckled, “Good. You looked better. I'm glad he was here with you.”

“Yeah, He'll be back in a few hours. He had some stuff to do.”

We made lunch, although I wasn't hungry, and talked. She unpacked and I was glad she was home, but fearful at the same time. Anything could have happened when they were away, to me, to them, and anything could happen now. I was not a safe person to be around. What if Alexander told me to- I cut off that thought right there.

“When do you think you'll tie the knot?” I asked to get my mind off of the horrible thoughts in my head.

“Well, since your dad and Susan are getting married soon, we'll wait a while. Maybe next year some time.”

Since I was the first person they had shared their good news with, Bren had a lot of calls to make and emails to send. She was happy as she talked to her parents, (they lived in Canada now) and they were happy that she had finally settled down. Bren was a wild child when she was my age, she had matured, slightly. A great job, a good man, and stable home life. Even though my grandparents have grandchildren, they were still waiting on her to give them at least one. Aunt Bren was still on the fence about that. She had raised me a little, so in a way I was like her child, but if you ask her were more like sisters. But she had let me stay when my parents divorced and moved away. The house was in her name now and it got me thinking.

Her and Phil were getting married, most likely they would keep the house, and I would have to move. I had never lived on my own before, and that sort of frightened me. I'd have time to worry about that later. If I lived long enough to, that is.

Around four Dan returned, sans Alexander's head, so I guess the hunt was still on. When I gave him a look to ask him and he shook his head. He hugged Bren and congratulated her on her engagement. She and Dan had always gotten along, and he really was happy for her. I think, even though he had never said so, he, too, was worried about her being away. He might have even had a vampire keeping an eye on them at the Bed and Breakfast. Or watching Cass and Aaron, too. I would be very thankful if that were so, but I wouldn't ask.

That night was pretty normal. We had dinner, something we had done so often, the three of us, that we could feel relatively comfortable. But I knew Dan was as tense as I was on the inside, and my aunt oblivious to the danger she might be in.

As I lied in bed that night with Dan, I began thinking that maybe I should draw up a will or tell someone my wishes should I die soon. I voiced this out loud to Daniel who wasn't having any of this.

“You're not going to die.”

“You don't know that.”

“Still. I don't-”

“I need to write this down.” I said, “Tell someone how I want my body to be handled. If there is a body. And I need you to tell Bren, or my parents, to my friends, if I go missing.”

“Tell them a vampire has captured you?” he laughed humorlessly. “You can't be serious.”

“I am. Tell them something so they won't go looking for me.”

I sat up and cut on the lamp. Dan propped himself on an elbow and watched me from where he laid. “I'm scared, and I really think I might die.” I felt my eyes begin to burn and my throat tightened. “Even when Jayson was threatening my life I hadn't felt this way. Given I didn't have must time to think that night, still. Alexander is a whole other ballgame. And I know you'll do all you can to protect me, but you can't always be here, and I can't stay cooped up in this house. I'll have to leave, I'll have to go to work. And like you said, vampire's are patient. Maybe he's biding his time, waiting till we least expect it to strike. And you can't be everywhere, you don't know whom he's working with, and there's this magic shit now.” I let out a frustrated sigh, really just to keep from crying. “I'm just saying that should anything happen, let the people in my life know something.”

He reached up and wiped the tears that had managed to escape from my eyes.

“I don't want a funeral. Even if they have my body, I don't want a funeral. I want to be buried, nothing fancy, in my favorite dress. With a white rose.”

“You'll have a funeral. You forget that before I died I was good at honoring the dead.” Dan and his dad had a funeral home of sorts before funeral homes were even a thing. They had lost the most important people in their lives then, and wanted to help others in their grief by giving them a proper burial. “I would honor you the most. And I would make sure your death would not be in vain.” He sat up and I was in his arms, crying against his neck. “But you will not die. Not as long as I'm existing.” he said fiercely. “That won't happen.”

“I know you can't tell me what's been going on, but tell me you're close to some kind of resolution.”

I felt him nod and that made me feel slightly better. “If I have a nightmare, please try and wake me.”

“I will.”

“Do everything you can. I can't have a nightmare.”

“I will, darling. I promise.”

~

Tuesday I went back to work. My bite marks were gone from my lip, and I hadn't had any incidents since Sunday so I felt like I could handle a day of cleaning. I had called James when I woke up this morning, and even Daniel agreed that my being in the house helped no one. He loosened some of the compulsion he had on me, and took me to work, with a promise of lunch and picking me up. James only wanted me to work a half shift, but I assured him that my work would not be effected by my injuries, plus I had bills to pay. And if I was going to be moving out on my own I needed to start saving up. Dan kissed me and watched me as I walked inside. He said he had a vampire do a sweep (his word) of the building before I got there.

I had been working at the hotel since before I got out of high school so most people knew me, if not by name by face. And today I got a lot of looks. Ranging from concern, to worry to pity and even fear. Some sad smiles, and polite words, but I knew they were all wondering the same things. Why is she here? She doesn't look that bad. Why was she attacked?

I clocked in. I tried not to let my emotions show on my face, no need to let them know they were making me uncomfortable.

Cassie was by her locker changing when entered the locker room. “Hey.” I said with a tiny wave.

“Hey. How's my favorite person doing?” she asked brightly. I had already let her to let her know I would be here today.

I grunted out something noncommittal.

“What's wrong, Tor?”

“I'm just tired, didn't sleep well.” Which was true enough. “I'll be fine.”

“How's your neck?” she asked quietly as one of the other workers went to her locker nearby. The girl gave me a sympathetic look.

“Fine.” I said, subconsciously touching it.

“You look great. I mean, the other day you looked worse for wear. But today, whatever you've done is...” she stopped when we realized several others seemed very interested in what we were talking about. The all turned away, and went back to getting ready, feigning disinterest.

“Is everyone going to do that today?” I whispered, gesturing to the others. I didn't care if they knew I was speaking about them. I'm sure I was the subject of gossip for the past week.

“Yeah, afraid so.”

“Ugh, great.” I grunted, accidentally slamming my locker shut. I took a deep breath and tried to remain cool, calm and collected. I slipped on my work uniform as the others started drifting out. “Are we on the same floors today?” I asked her as we headed out, but on the way we were interrupted when my supervisor, James, who waited by the door.

“Hey, Tourie, can I have a word?”

Cassie gave me a stiff smile. “Sure.” I answered.

We went to his office. He shut the door and told me to take a seat. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine.” I said with a small smile.

“Are you sure. You can take a few more day off if you need to.”

“No sir. I need to work. Sitting at home helps no one, most of all myself.”

“Have the police found out anything else?”

“Not as far as I know.”

“Do you remember anything else? I'm sorry I know this is hard.” he added after I made a face. I didn't really want to think about it.

“It's okay. And no, I told them all I could remembered.”

He gave me a small smile and nodded. He asked me a few more things, I could tell he really was concerned for me. James was a good man.

“If you have any problems, any at all, feel free to come to me. And if you need to leave...”

“I won't, sir.” he nodded then told me I could go. I stood. “Thank you, sir...for the other day.”

“No problem.” he said, a bit uncomfortable. I would have hugged him, if it hadn't seem so weird.

I left out and headed with Cass to the supply closet. I thought to myself, you can handle this. But being here again, remembering that I had heard Alexander's voice the last time gave me chills. I looked down at where my blood had been spilled, where I nearly had died.

“I could do that for you.” Cassie told me, watching me with steady eyes.

I shook my head. “Nah.” I needed to confront this myself.

We grabbed our supplies, and as we walked down the hall in the same direction in which I had walked last week, remembering how I felt him watching me before I had actually seen him. I looked behind me. I saw him for a hint of a second but in reality he wasn't there. A thick my mind was playing on me. I hadn't realized how much in that second I had reacted, but Cass was holding me.

“Go home, Tourie.”

“I'm fine.”

“You're not.”

I pulled out of her reach. “I'm fine. Let's go.”

The rest of the day was normal, I told Cass about Bren's engagement, I had lunch with Dan at restaurant down the street, and the rest of my shift went by fast. I didn't lose my cool, and made sure to appear calm in front of Cassie who watched me like hawk.

She told me about her weekend hanging out with Aaron, and how much fun they had. “You should have come. But I know you and Dan needed your alone time. And you needed to recover. By the way, you'll have to tell me how come you look so much better than you had the other day.”

“Trade secret.”

She laughed. “The same secret that saved you from that gunshot a few months before.”

I stopped in my making the bed in the room were now in. I had almost forgotten how I told about being shot by Jayson but surviving. She knew Dan had saved my life, just not how.

“Don't worry, your secret, whatever it is, is safe with me.” she said a bit snidely. I knew she didn't like my keeping secrets from her.

“Cass.” I said, trying to appease her, “Don't take it that way.”

She narrowed her eyes. “How can I not? You know something about why you were attacked. Aaron does too. I can just tell. You guys are keeping things from me and I don't know why either.”

“Cass. I'm not keeping you in the dark because I like it.”

“What happened to Jayson?”

“He's gone.” I had told her this so many times before, she knew, even if she didn't want to admit it, just what I meant by this.

“How many secrets are there now? I'm losing track.”

“You're making it seem like all I do is lie.”

“No, you just avoid the truth.”

I threw my hands up. “What do you want me to do? Some of these secrets are not mine to tell, alright. And it's better this way.” You wouldn't believe the truth anyway, I thought but didn't say. “Cass, I don't like fighting with you, you're my best friend. And it's not like you haven't kept things from me before.”

She was about to defend herself, but her face gave away her guilt. I had know my friend was keeping things from me, but I never called her on any of it. Some things I knew about, and just this Spring there was something she had been keeping hidden, although I still didn't know what.

“You're right.” he relented, “I'm sorry. Truce.”

“Truce.”

We went back to our work but spoke very little. At the end of our shift Cass gently snatched the supply cart out of my hands and told me to go change. She wasn't mad anymore which good, but she still wanted some answers to thing I couldn't possibly answer.

Dan was outside waiting for me when Cass and I walked outside. “Hey, honey bun.” he said sweetly.

“Hi, sugar lips.” I said back.

Cass rolled her eyes. “You guys are weird.” I smiled and hoped inside his car.

“Bye, Daniel. See ya tomorrow, Tor.”

“Yeah. See ya.”

She walked to her car and Daniel waited until she drove away before we drove off ourselves. “Did I sense a little tension?” Dan asked.

“A tad.”

“What's her problem?”

“She thinks I'm keeping too much from her.”

“Everyone thinks they want to know the truth until they get it. She wouldn't know how to wrap her head around half of it. This kind of truth might hurt her.”

“Yeah, but she's my friend and she wants to know what's going on.” He glanced at me. “Don't worry, I told her nothing. But she suspects we know why I was attacked. She knows Aaron knows something. You, too, and she's the only one out of the loop.”

“Well, too fucking bad.”