Amor Vincit Omnia

After 10 minutes under the shower,
my mood hadn't changed at all so I decided to give it up.
I dried myself off and then put my clothes on, not bothering
about my unbrushed hair.

I walked downstairs and found Matt on a chair in
his backyard, with his head in his hands.

"Hey."
I said, sitting down on a chair next to him.

"Hi."
he said, smiling half-heartedly.
"Did the shower help?"

"Not at all."
I said, biting my lip.
"Are you okay?"

He sighed and sat up straight.
"I'm not sure. I mean.. My thoughts are all over
the place."

"I'm sorry."
I replied, feeling guilty about him feelling that way.

"No, it's a good thing you told me. I'm just not
sure what to say. Or do, or.. whatever."
he said, looking at me apologetically.

"You don't have to say or do anything, Matt. You're
happy with your girlfriend and that's that. I'm not
gonna be a baby about it, I'll be fine."
I said, feeling a stab in my heart.

"I can't just go on with my life or Mia, knowing
how you feel."
he said, wiping his temples.

"Of course you can. I told you, I'll be fine.
And I mean it. I can see how happy you've been
lately and that's all I want for you. And if that means
dealing with a girlfriend you are completely
in love with, fine. I'll do that. I want to see
you happy, Matt."
I said, my heart starting to ache more.
I mentally told it to stop but it didn't really
work.

"But won't you be unhappy?"
Matt asked, worried.

"Do you want me to tell you want you want to hear
or the truth?"
I asked, smiling a bit.

"The truth."
Matt said, looking guillty.

"In that case, I'll probably be miserable for a while
but it's nothing I haven't gone through yet. I can take
it, Matthew."
I replied, smiling at him.

"I feel really guilty about this, you know."
he said, shaking his head.

"Don't. It's not like you can help the way you feel
about Mia. Just like I can't help the way I feel
about you. It happens. No worries."
I responded.

He sighed and then sat himself infront of me on his knees.
Placing his head in my lap and his arms around my waist,
he sighed again.

"I'm sorry, Liv."
he said, kissing my leg.

I laughed a bit and kissed his head before massaging his temple.
"If you say sorry one more time, I'll kick your ass."

He laughed a bit before looking up.

"You'll be around to hang out with us, right?"
He asked, with a smile.

"Of course. I'll miss you and your dimples too much if
I wouldn't."
I said, smiling and kissing his cheek.
"I'm gonna go now. I'll see you soon, okay?"

He nodded while standing up and hugging me close.
"I do love you, you know."
he said, and I nodded with the tears finding a way to my eyes.

"I love you, too."
I said, before releasing myself from his embrace and
walking away.

All the way home, I kept my composure,
afraid I would run into someone.

But when I got home, I closed the door and
I let the pain in.

And slowly but surely, it was crushing me from the inside.
It felt like I couldn't breathe for hours before I made my
way up to my bed to cry some more.

It was going to take me a long, long time to get over Matt
but I knew I had to.

---

After a while, the pain had numbed a bit but it still
hurt to see Matt and Mia together.
I was normal towards them, trying to keep my feelings to
myself when I was around the guys.

Of course, that didn't fool Brian.

"You know for a guy, you're way to observant."
I said, sitting down on a couch in his livingroom.

"Get used to it. I know you're not okay, I can see it
in your eyes."
he said, sitting down on a chair opposite me.

"So what if I'm not?"
I asked, crossing my arms.

"It bugs me."
he replied, taking a sip of his coke.

"You bug me."
I responded, what made him smile.

"Liz, just tell me how you feel?"
Brian asked, tilting his head a little.

"I don't want to."
I said, looking at my hands.

"Why not?"
he wanted to know.

"Because I might start and not stop for ages."
I said, looking up and staring into his brown eyes.

"I've got time. You know you can talk to me, so why
don't you?"
he asked, frowning.

I sighed and sat up straight.

"I feel.. Mad. Sad. Angry. Lonely. Miserable. Alone.
I feel all negative emotions flowing around and it's like
I feel every single one of them every hour on repeat.
But the worst part is, that I feel weak, too. I thought
I could handle it but I'm doing a horrible job.
And Matt doesn't even seem to think about me twice
anymore, lately it's all about Mia. And I really like her, I do.
But I hate the fact she's his girlfriend and I'm fucking not."
I said, angry tears finding their way down my cheek.

"There you go! Anything.."
he wanted to ask but I interrupted him, ranting again.

"And do you know what else is ridiculous? I actually feel
like he broke my heart when we weren't even together.
I mean, how fucked up am I, thinking about a guy I haven't
even had a relationship with? It's fucking stupid and it
sucks and I just want it all to be over. I'm done with this crap."
I said, standing up and grabbing my coat.

"Where are you going?"
Brian asked confused.

"Away. I just need to be alone for a while, Bri. I know
I can talk to you, I really do. But I love you to bits and
pieces and I don't want to be angry with you because of all this.
I'll call you later."
I said as I kissed his cheek and then walked out the door.

I knew where my feet would take me so I didn't bother stopping
them or my tears.

When I arrived at the beach, I stared at the ocean.
There was a strong wind, what made the waves
look angry and turbulent.
Kind of how my life was at the moment and I thanked
the ocean for always sticking with me.

I couldn't see far because the sky had turned pretty
dark, allowing the stars to appear.

"I thought I'd find you here."
I heard someone say.

It was the someone I didn't want to see at the moment.

I sighed and wiped my eyes, not wanting
to talk to him.

"Headache?"
he asked, standing next to me.

"Nope."
I replied, looking at the stars now.

"Then what is it?"
he wanted to know.

"Nothing. I came here to be alone, so.."
I said, hoping he'd understand.

"You want me to leave."
he stated.

"Well, that's up to you, of course. I can't
force you to do anything you don't want.
But it would be appreciated."
I said.

"I'm sorry but.. I can't."
Matt said, looking at me.

I saw it in the corner of my eye but I kept on
staring forward.

"Then I'll go. See you later, Matt."
I said, turning around and walking away.

"Liz, wait!"
Matt yelled after me, and grabbing my shoulder.

"Matt, let me go. I want to be alone."
I said, turning around and pushing his hand off of
me.

"You can be alone after you've talked to me."
he replied, staring into my eyes.

"Talk to you about what?"
I wanted to know, crossing my arms.

"The past few days. Weeks even. What the hell is
going on here? I haven't seen you at all."
he said, looking sad.

"Yes, you have."
I said, frowning.

"I meant alone. You've been with the guys non-stop."
he said, now looking a little hurt.

"They make me happy, Matt. Of course I want to
spend time with them. Besides, all you do lately is hang
out with Mia. I haven't seen you alone since you started
dating her."
I replied, trying to make him feel guilty.

"So this is about Mia?"
he asked, sighing.

"No. It's about you being a stupid, ignorant boy
who doesn't see the hurt girl in front of him.
You said you couldn't go on with your life or Mia,
knowing how I felt. But you did and I understand that.
You just forgot that I'm around, too. You've forgotten
all about me."
I said, the tears finding their way again.

"Of course I haven't."
Matt said.
He looked like he was in some sort of pain.

"Yes, you have. It feels that way, at least."
I admitted.
"Out of everyone, I was always closest to you.
But lately, Brian seems alot closer than you
have been."

"I know I've been a little wrapped up in Mia.."
Matt started but I shook my head.

"I don't want your apologies or whatever it is you
think you need to say. I know it's mostly me because I
can't get over my feelings for you. So don't, okay?
Just.. Don't."
I said, taking a step back.

"She broke up with me."
he said, looking me dead in the eyes.

I just stared at him, not really hearing what he
was saying.

"Huh?"
I asked, not able to speak full sentences.

"She broke up with me because she thought
I was distant and I was too.. I don't even remember,
there was a whole lot of shit wrong with me, apparently.
So she dumped me."
He said, shrugging and putting his hands in his jacket.

I couldn't help but feel a little happy about that.
That meant he would have time to hang out with
everyone again, including me.

"Does everyone know?"
I asked, feeling sad for him.

"Nah, I haven't talked to them, yet."
he answered, wiping his eyes.

"I'm sorry it didn't work out."
I said and I meant it.

"Of course you are."
he said, smiling.

"Hey, I always wanted you to be happy, I told you
that, didn't I? I meant that. I really, honestly did."
I replied, trying to get it through to him.

"I know."
he nodded.

I sighed, walked up to him and wrapped my arms around
his neck.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and I smiled.

"I've missed you."
I said, feeling safe in his arms again.

"I've missed you, too. Wanna go to my place
and play some Guitar Hero?"
he asked, half releasing me.

"You mean, you want your ass kicked?"
I asked, smiling.

He laughed and shrugged.
"Whatever happens, happens. If I get my
ass kicked, I'll take it like a man."

"Good. Start man-ing up!"
I replied, showing off my non-existent muscles.
"And don't even try and show me yours, because I know
I'll lose."

He smiled as we started walking to his house.

"So.. Are we okay?"
Matt asked, looking my way.

I sighed and shrugged.
"We'll see how it goes. If I can make you cry during
Guitar Hero, maybe."

He smiled, knowing we would be fine again.
Wrapping his arm around my shoulders, he kissed
my head. He used to do that all the time.

Walking inside his house with just Matt
felt like the old times. I loved the feeling it
gave me.

"Anything to drink?"
he asked, walking over to the kitchen
after he hung up his jacket.

"Sure. Mind if I start Guitar Hero already?"
I asked, knowing the answer.

"Why do you even ask, Livy?"
Matt said from the kitchen.

I smiled and grabbed a guitar.
I placed the game in the PS3 and then
picked out a song, just as a warm up.

When the song ended, another one started and
I decided to play this one as well.
When I was at song 3, I decided to pause the game to
see where Matt was.

I turned around and saw him standing in the doorway
of the kitchen, watching me.

"Why are you standing there, come join the game!"
I said, pointing at the paused screen.

He walked over to me and I got a little nervous at the
way he was looking at me.

"What are you doing?"
I asked, not understanding where he left our
drinks.

"I just realised something."
he said, looking at me with an intense stare.

"And that would be?"
I asked, my heart pounding in my chest.

"You're beautiful."
he said, before gently grabbing my face in his hands
and pressing his lips softly against mine.

My breath got caught in my throat and it felt like
my heart missed a beat.

When his lips left mine, I breathed in and
felt like I was on a natural high.

"Holy shit."
I said, touching my lips.

When my mind caught up with me, I stepped back.

"I'm not going to be your rebound girl, Matt.
I refuse to be someone like that."
I said, shaking my head.

"It's not my intention to make you feel like that
and you won't be a rebound girl. I just felt a sudden
urge to kiss you."
he explained, stepping closer again.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want.
Let's go slow, let me figure out how I feel and we
will see what happens."
Matt said, wiping a strand of hair out of my eye.

"Really?"
I asked, a little shocked about the situation.

"If you want to, of course. When I saw you playing
just now, I thought about the time we've known each
other and.. All the other girls that came and went in my life,
they always meant something to me. But they didn't compare to
you, at all. I just never saw it that way."
Matt said, kissing my forehead.

I thought about it for a while and then smiled.
"Okay. Let's take things slow. You figure out how
you feel and while doing so, let me kick your
ass at Guitar Hero now, please."

He laughed and shook his head.
"Fine. But after you kicked my ass, we're watching a
movie, my choice."

"Why? I should get to pick because I won."
I said, smiling like mad.

"I get to pick because that's just how it works."
Matt said, grabbing a guitar.

"Oh. Fine."
I said, trying my best to kick his ass when the game started.

"Oh yeah!!"
I yelled, jumping on a chair and doing a weird dance.
"Go pick out your movie, loser."

"What. Ever."
Matt said, shaking his head.

I sat down on the couch after putting away the guitar
I'd used and grabbed the blanket he always kept around
for me.

Matt soon joined me after putting in a movie.

"Got some room for me?"
he asked and I nodded, pulling up the blanket
and allowing him to crawl under it.

"The Godfather! Dude, it's like you read my mind."
I said, crawling against him and enjoying the time with
him.

"I'm just that good."
he said, laughing a bit.

"Yes, you are."
I agreed, leaning my head against his shoulder.

While watching the movie, we just enjoyed each others'
company, not feeling the need to speak anymore.

When the movie ended, I stood up to go home and Matt
stretched himself out.

At the door, Matt pulled me in for one of his hugs
and I happily wrapped my arms around him, too.

"I'll see you tomorrow?"
Matt asked.

"If you want me to."
I said, releasing myself from his grip.

"Then I'll see you tomorrow."
he said, smiling.

"Tomorrow it is."
I replied and I wanted to walk away but his hand
grabbed mine and I turned around again.

Before I could ask what he was doing, his lips were on mine
again but more forcefully.
When his tongue touched my upper lip, I parted my lips to
start a battle for dominance.

Matt won but the way he kissed me was sensational and it
took every ounce of willpower to stop.

"I thought you wanted to take things slow?"
I asked, a little out of breath.

"Sure I do. But that doesn't mean I don't want to
kiss you."
Matt said, ginning.

"Right, of course."
I said, shaking my head.
"See you tomorrow."

"Bye."
Matt said before I walked off.

I liked taking things slow. I really meant it when I said
to Matt that I didn't want to be the rebound girl.
I just hoped everything would work out.
But after that kiss he gave me, I was pretty sure that everything
would work out just fine.