Status: Completed

The Diary of My Dear Jane

one

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My eyes softly landed on her miniscule frame, the teacher’s blabbing voice in the background. Her flowing brunette hair curled at the ends that dropped to her mid-back. The playful faded red streaks highlighted her hair in just the perfect way, her bangs drooping slightly above her eyes. And her eyes, her gorgeous grey eyes. They eyed the notebook in front of her. The edges of her lips formed into a slight smirk as she gracefully moved her hand over the paper, apparently doodling. I stared at her and her beautifulness. She was perfect. The bell rang and she got up, grabbing her things and walked through the door. Slipping out of my trance, I quickly snatched and stuffed everything into my backpack, rushing out, trying to find her. My shoulders slumped as my eyes searched frantically for her, yet my angel was nowhere to be found.

I walked through the doors of my next class just as the late bell rang. On the board, the old man’s scribbles formed the words “Sit anywhere. Detention will be given to whoever talks this period without permission. You have been warned.” My eyes skimmed the heads in the class. I haven’t attended this one yet in a while, so being familiar with the students wasn’t the best. My spirits were lifted as I saw an empty desk behind her. She was in this class. My heart started to pound against my rib cage as I slid into the desk. She barely made a move, still doodling in her notebook. Now I could stare at her the whole class as the teacher went on and on. Another period passed like the last. Another period more boring than the last since she wasn’t in it. Another period just admiring everything about her. It was the way she does the things she does that makes me fall into a deep trance. Just like that, the whole day went by as the bell rang and everyone dashed out of the room. I stayed behind, watching her pack up her stuff and leave.

Weeks passed. It was the same routine every day, and I never got tired of it. It was like, how could I ever get tired of her? She was beautiful and perfect in every way possible for me. Then one Thursday she wasn’t here. On Friday, her seat was left unoccupied by anyone again. On Monday she returned like nothing happened. It started to occur frequently. Every Thursday and Friday, she’d be gone and my heart would go into a frantic mess, yet on Mondays, I dashed into the classroom, yet always finding her in that seat of hers doodling in her notebook or scribbling down something.

One lucky Monday, she bumped into me, dropping her books. I stretched down to grab her science book and as I reached for her notebook, she snatched it and held it close to her chest. That was probably the first time I had a good glimpse at her as she shyly looked up, her cheeks turning a deep rosy color that went well with her pale skin and matched marks on the side of her face. I chuckled, and her blush only got deeper. Handing her the science book, she nodded a thanks, eyes down, and hustled away, her black Vans scraping against the hall’s floors. I turned around and watched her go, brushing off her white skinnies. Her outfit today was too cute, with her black striped tank top and a jacket. That was when I realized: there were strange red marks on the side of her face and cheek. I was pretty sure they weren’t there before, I would have realized. Had this something to do with her regularly disappearances? I contemplated about following her home to see if everything was alright as the late bell rang. After standing like an idiot for a few seconds, I made up my mind and dashed after her. Hiding behind corners and peeking out, my eyes followed and memorized the road she went. After a safe distance was between us, I casually stuck my hands in my jeans and walked the way she went. Down the street, around the bushes, cross the bridge, over the hills, through the trees, and finally, to a stunning lake. I hid behind a tree as my eyes sank softly onto her figure. A voice of a pure angel drifted out onto the lake. My mouth dropped open as I closed my eyes and fell sway to the beautiful voice of her.

“There's a fine line between love and hate. And I don't mind.”


She stopped singing and sat there staring at the calm waters for few minutes, and then picked up her bag, starting to walk where I guessed was her home. I followed again, until we reached a neighborhood, and then I chickened out and ran back home. Today was a Wednesday. Tomorrow, she would be absent again. I probably stayed up for hours thinking about her, but it didn’t matter. If I went to sleep, I would still dream about her. The sun shrank beneath the horizon as the moon stood up in place, as my eyes drooped and I drifted into sleep.

I dreamt of a dream. Of course she was in it, but there was a reason why this dream woke me up at fuckin’ 3 in the morning. Screw that, it was a nightmare. I quickly sat up, with beads of sweat sliding down the side of my face. She was in danger, and I could save her.

The moonlight seeped in through my window and as the light’s shadow hit my wall, it formed the shape of a heart. But one second later, the heart crumbled and collapsed into pieces. I turned my head around towards the window, scared out of my wits. There was no one there. After calming down for a few minutes, I made the decision and got dressed, throwing on anything. Jumping down the stairs, I grabbed keys and ran out, following the path that I had just stalked the day before. I looked at my watch as it read: 3:46. My brain recalled the dream I had, and as I tried my hardest to remember the details, a clock appeared in front of my eyes, with the hands on 4 and 16. My heart beat faster as I quickened my pace. The Vans I had on brushed against the grass and sticks that were stuck to the ground by the lake where she had sung with that beautiful voice of hers. I wasted a few more minutes reminiscing the time I had looked deep into her brown eyes. Snapping out of it and back to reality, I started running, seeing as it was already 4:10.

Shit… I thought to myself as I picked up the pace and just started to full out sprint. I was so close to her house, just one turn…

I made the turn into her neighborhood, but I realized I didn’t know which house it was. Like an instinct, I headed toward the old broken down shack-like house at the very end. I don’t know why, but I just somehow felt that my love was in there. Making my way to the front door, the steps creaked. And loudly, might I add. Standing still, I watched as the hands showed me 4:14. Something was gonna happen in two minutes. Cautiously, I entered the house, standing right at the entrance, glancing around me. Startled, I jumped as the clock on the wall struck 4:16, my heart pounding. That was when I heard it.

A scream. From a beautiful girl. It could not be mistaken: ‘twas my precious. I raced around the house, trying to find where the sound was from. In that process, I seemed to have caught a pair of pale, icy blue eyes, but pushed that to the back of my head, seeing as my darling was the number one in my mind right now. I rushed out the back door, and saw that it led to a forest. Drops on the floor, on the ground. Red. I panicked. I rushed through the woods, and stopped when I hit something, a cement paved something. On that cold slab of concrete caked with dust and dirt, sat a neat diary, a red rose stuck in between a page and stains of red which I didn’t want to think about. I took a look at the first cover, and my eyes widened. It was hers. Reaching my hand out to it, I opened the cover to reveal the first page. It was filled with her lovely cursive-like handwriting and pictures. I flipped through it, but stopped when something caught my eye.

The blue eyes. Those cruel, icy blue eyes were drawn from a different perspective in her diary. I could tell that whoever drew it viewed this person with passion. Under and around the eyes were little hearts that just melted my own. The rest of the face had been rubbed or smeared off, seeming like it was done on purpose. I fanned through it until I reached the last page and entry, and started to read.

Desperate, I will crawl
Waiting for so long
No love, there is no love.
Die for anyone
What have I become?


And underneath and beside that, she had commented. Love found its way at last, yet would I die merely for anyone? Maybe only him <3 There was something scribbled below that in messy handwriting that was unfamiliar to me: die for me, my love

The sound of a man laughing echoed through the forest. It was a laugh of evil, yet filled with emotion. I flipped back a couple of pages, and saw something that caught my eye.

Today, I accidentally bumped into someone. He was tall, and chuckled at me when he was handing me my books that I dropped. Was he cute? Did I know him? I noticed he constantly stares at me. Creepy much or not?

On the last page, there was room for one more entry. I picked up a pen beside the book and started writing.

Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
As I burn another page,
As I look the other way.
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane.


My heart, once whole, shattered and collapsed as the moonlight shone into my eyes and on the grave. The light reflected off the teardrop that fell from my unemotional face as I stalked away. My love has become none. Do I care about life now? Where was my beautiful treasure now?

Desperate, I will crawl
Waiting for so long
No love, there is no love.
Die for anyone
What have I become?


The wind brushed the pages and closed the book, sweeping some grime and dirt off of it. Golden words formed: Jane Rose. April 16, 1918-April 16, 1934.

The numbers after that.

4:16.

It all made sense now. But my heart would never. For it had already died along with her.

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