Father Figure

I hung my head in shame. I let the door swing open for him to come inside. He did so and turned to face me. I knew we were going to have to talk about everything now. I gestured to the table so we could at least sit while we talked. 

We both took seats opposite of each other. "So?" he pushed. 

I ran a hand over my face. My eyes focused on the table for fear of seeing the hurt in his eyes. "I was trying to let you live your life the way you wanted," I whispered. 

"And you don't think I would have wanted to know about my sons?" he asked with a snort. 

I cringed. "You didn't want to settle down at 18. You didn't want to have to be a parent," I pointed out. 

He shook his head. "Neither did you, but you did it because you had to. If I had known, I would have given up the freedom and stayed home every night to watch three little boys make a mess of my house and then pass out. I would have given up every party to take my sons out to do something."

I closed my eyes. "But you didn't want to. I wanted you to have the chance to live a normal life," I continued. "I didn't want to hold you back."

He simply stared at me. "I want to be in their life. I want to get to know them and take care of them and everything else that comes with being a parent," he decided out loud. There was no wavering in his voice or question in his eyes. His mind was set on it. 

I stared at him in silence. The pressure between us was suffocating me. "If I introduce you to them and tell them that you are their father, you better be in this for sure. You can't back out on them if we tell them," I stated. 

He nodded his head quickly. "Absolutely. One hundred percent," he agreed.

I watched him carefully for a few moments before letting out a sigh. I looked out the window into the night. "So, you really want to know them?" I asked. "You really want to take on being their dad?"

He smiled. "Absolutely."

I nodded my head. If he decided later on that he didn't want to be around them, it would tear them all apart. But knowing Sid, he never started something he couldn't finish. He worked his hardest to make things work. 

"Can... Can I see them?" he asked softly. 

I gave him a small smile. "Just be quiet. They-"

"Mama?" Both Sidney and I looked to the door of the bedroom. Kris stood there rubbing his eyes. 

"Yeah, sweetie? What's wrong?" I asked. 

"I can't sleep. I had a nightmare," he whimpered. I quickly held out my arms. 

"Come here, honey," I told him. He quickly padded across the kitchen and into my arms. He curled up in my lap and rested his head on my chest. 

Sidney's eyes were glued to the five year old. He looked like he was holding his breath. But the emotion in his eyes assured me just how serious he was about being in their lives. 

"Why is Sidney Crosby here?" he mumbled, his arms resting around my waist. 

I looked up at Sid. "We can talk about it tomorrow, okay?" I suggested. 

He nodded his head and closed his eyes. I rubbed his back as he tried to fall back asleep. "This is Kris," I whispered to Sid. "He was born last. He's the thinker and more reserved one of them."

He nodded his head and smiled a little. "He... He looks a lot like me," he mumbled. 

I smiled. "They all look almost exactly like you," I told him. 

The door creaked open a second time. "Mama, I can't sleep," Beau announced miserably. 

I bit my lip as I thought about what to do. Finally I looked at Sidney. "Hold Kris?" I asked. 

His eyes went wide, but he nodded his head. I carefully picked up my son and transferred him to Sid's lap. He was tense at first, but slowly relaxed once Kris cuddled closer to him. 

I looked up at Beau, who had been joined by Gab now. I gave them smiles. "Come here," I told them. They both repeated what their brother had done and padded over to me. "Why don't we all move to the couch?" I suggested. I held their hands as we walked to the couch. Once I sat down, they climbed up and curled into my sides. "You can move him. He won't wake up," I assured Sidney. 

He nodded his head before gradually lifting the sleeping boy. He moved and sat down next to me on the couch. "Looks like a sleepless night," I mumbled as I stroked the curls on Gab's head. 

Sidney stayed quiet as he looked at the other two. "What are their names?" he questioned. 

I motioned to Gab. "Gabriel. He's the rebellious one. He was born second." I nodded to Beau. "Beau. He was born first and he's the most out going. He's usually the one to speak up first and make his opinion known."

We sat in silence as he took them in. He was careful with them, never moving abruptly or speaking above a whisper. My heart swelled at the sight of my sons curled up next to their dad. Kris had a death grip on Sid's suit while Beau had turned around and snuggled himself up under Sidney's arm. In his mostly sleeping daze, he had no idea who he was sleeping next to. 

"Kris decided that he wanted Vero to be his girlfriend," I stated. "He asked her in the car after the game today."

Sidney's eyes met mine and he smiled. "You all came to the game?" he asked. 

I laughed at the excitement he got from that fact. "Yeah. I got the tickets a week ago for a birthday present. They were so excited. They love the Penguins," I told him.

He chewed on his lip. I could see the question forming in his head, but it got lost on his tongue. "You're their favorite player. They picked you out all on their own. When... When my ex took them to a game awhile ago, he bought them the jerseys. They rarely want to take them off."

His eyes lit up as he studied the three sleeping children all wearing his name and number on their backs. "They'll be thrilled when they find out," I added on. "Just... Please be sure before we say anything. I can't crush them like that."

He gave me a sad look. "I'm not backing out of this. Not now not ever."

And with that promise, I knew a lot of things were about to change again.