Father Figure

"You do not throw forks at people!" I scolded Gab sternly. 

He crossed his arms and continued pouting. Seconds later, his spoon smacked Kris in the face. I looked up for a moment. "Gab, time out. Now," I instructed. 
He slid off his chair and dragged himself to the time out corner. 

"Ha ha! Gab is in trouble!" Beau taunted loudly. 

"Beau, you keep your own attitude up and you will be joining him," I warned. 

He glared at me as I tried my hardest to scrape all the left over dinner into the containers. I set the dish in the sink before taking the containers to the fridge. A cold draft suddenly picked up. 

I whirled around to find Kris yanking the door open. "Kristopher! Stop it! That is the last time I am telling you that before you're in time out," I snapped. 

The last hour had been hell. The boys were all cranky and missed their father while I was trying to hold enough sanity together to eat my dinner. I'd given up quickly and just put my plate up. They needed to get to bed soon or there would be another World War. 

"Hey, Gab! Wanna play trains?" Beau asked loudly. Gan glared at him from his spot in the corner. "Oh wait, you can't. Cause you're in trouble!"

"Beau, you go sit in the corner over there. Five minutes," I finally declared. 

Beau looked shocked that I'd kept to my word. I gave him an expectant look. In return, he dragged his feet to the opposite corner. 

I let out a deep breath. My head was pounding from the yelling and scoldings. When the cold air brushed across my skin, I almost melted. 

Until I realized why there was cold air in the house. "Kris, you go to your own corner," I told him. He dropped his head, closed the door, and walked to his own spot. I looked over the house. It was completely wrecked. "You can all expect to go to bed early. This is unacceptable," I said quietly. 

I finished up cleaning up from dinner while they served their time out sentences. I wiped down the counters and glanced at the clock. "You guys can go now. Go brush your teeth and get ready for bed," I told them. 

They all ran to the bathroom, silent as mice. They knew when they went too far. They knew perfectly well that it was not okay to treat each other that way and disrespect me. I heard the water turn on briefly. 

I quickly finished up the dishes before going to the bathroom to help them. The boys all looked up at me and kept brushing. 

After putting the cap on their tooth paste, I moved to their room. I laid out their pajamas on top of their beds. I picked up a few of their toys as I waited for them to all come into the room. 

Gab walked in first with toothpaste covering his chin. I sighed to myself. He quickly pulled off his clothes and dropped them into the hamper. I caught his shirt and used it to wipe off the tooth paste. The process continued as Kris and Beau entered the room. 

I tucked them all in, one by one. I placed a kiss on their foreheads and gave them smiles. "Je t'aime," I repeated each time. 

"Mama?" Beau called out just as I was almost out of the room. 

"Yeah?" I asked as I turned back. 

"I'm sorry I was bad," he whispered.  

"I'm sorry I was bad, too."

"Yeah, me, too."

I sucked on my lip. Moments like these always brought a tear to my eye. "It's okay, boys. I love you all." With that, I closed their door and went back to the living room. 

--

A soft knock sounded on the front door. I groaned and look at my clock; 11:04 pm on December seventh. 

I trudged my way through the living room and flicked on the porch light. I pulled the door open a little just to get a glimpse of who it was. 

"Sidney?" I questioned groggily. 

It took me a moment to take in his appearance. His clothes were slightly disheveled. His hair stood up at every angle and his eyes... I gasped. "What's wrong? What happened?" I asked him as I pulled him inside. 

He simply followed when I tugged on his arm. I closed the door again and turned to face him. "Did something happen?" I whispered. My heart pounded as I started thinking of several possible events that could lead to Sidney looking ready to cry. 

His eyes flickered around, trying not to focus on me. "Did you guys watch the game yesterday?" he asked. His voice was rough and shaky. 

I shook my head. "No. Why, what happened?" I asked again. 

He drew in a shaky breath and ran his hands through his hair. "I got hit again. And... Fuck..." He quickly sat down on the couch. I followed him over and sat beside him. My stomach dropped. "Dan's announcing tomorrow that I won't be playing. The symptoms all came back..."

My heart shattered. "Sid..." I whispered. His face was covered by his hands. I quickly wrapped my arms around his shoulders. For him to be out again must be tearing him apart. I could only imagine how it felt to be back for eight games and then having to stop again. It was like some mean trick. 

He wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face in my shoulder. "It will be okay," I promised softly. "You'll play again..."

"This is killing me, Nat... I hate not being able to play... This is me. Hockey is me. It's where I belong, out on the ice. What am I supposed to do? Just sit around and twiddle my thumbs?" he asked. 

I shivered as his hot breath his the skin on my neck and shoulder. "No. You let yourself heal. You don't do anything to make it worse. Focus on other parts of your life. Have you visited Taylor in awhile?" I questioned. 

He was quiet. His arms slowly got tighter around me. I felt like I was his old Teddy bear from when he was little. "I'm scared..." he whispered after a moment. 

My heart was breaking. I couldn't stand to see him this way. "Don't be scared. Stop that. Right now," I told him as I pulled away. I looked him straight in the eye. "Your body just needs a break so it can heal. It will get better. You have no reason to be scared at all," I told him. 

He stared at my eyes like he was desperately searching for some kind of answer in them. "Sidney, you will play again. Don't ever think differently. Don't let anyone make you feel down about this. Look at the positive side. You want to be a hundred percent, don't you?" He nodded his head. "Then let your body work up to it."

He finally nodded his head. His eyes were much calmer now and his shoulders were no longer as tense. "Thank you," he whispered. 

I smiled. "Any time. I'm still always going to be here for you," I told him as I playfully messed his hair up even more. 

He let out a laugh and pinned my arms down before doing the same to me. I let out a giggle as I tried to pull away. But he only followed, his fingers digging into my sides. I tried to hold in my laughter as I did my best to fight him off. 

He chuckled as he continued tickling me. I could feel tears in my eyes from trying not to laugh out loud. 

"Mama?" a sleepy voice asked. Both Sidney and I froze. 

"Yeah, sweetie?" I asked calmly. 

My heart was pounding in my chest. I felt like he had just walked in on us going at it when we'd only been messing around. 

"Who's here?" Kris asked. 

I looked over at Sidney, questioning if he wanted me to tell him it was their father. I was laying on my back while Sid was bent over towards me, effectively hiding us from Kris's sight. He simply shrugged his shoulders. 

"It's, um... Your dad," I finally answered. 

"Why is Daddy here so late?" he continued. 

I let out a sigh. "He just needed to talk to me about something," I told him. 

"Oh. Night Daddy. Night Mama," he mumbled. We stayed still until we heard his door close again. 

We both let out deep breaths. "I feel like we just got caught doing something super wrong," I admitted as I ran my hands over my face. 

He laughed. "Wrong? We weren't making another baby. I was tickling you," he pointed out. 

I smiled under my hands and tried to keep it cool. The mention of doing it again brought a blush to my cheeks for some reason. I was begging for him to not notice that. 

"Wait a second... Do I see..." Sidney began in a teasing voice. I felt his fingers slip under my hands and lift my hands up. I glared at him and gave him my best angry face. He smirked. "Aw, little Nathalie is blushing. Is she embarrassed that I brought up us having-"

I quickly swatted his arm. "No!" I paused. "I'm not..." I added for lack of a better argument. 

His smirk grew. "Uh huh. Highly believable," he said sarcastically. 

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up. I'll get one of your sons to teach you the lesson that it isn't nice to taunt people," I told him. 

His eyebrows raised. "Oh really? It isn't nice to tease? Says who?" he challenged. 

My hands fell to my stomach as we spoke. His shirt was lightly brushing against them. One arm was propping him up on my side while the other rested on my hip. Yet the close proximity didn't matter. 

"Says their mother," I challenged. My lips were slightly tugging up at the sides as I spoke. 

"Well, maybe their father doesn't think so," he responded. 

I snorted. "You better keep to the morals I have been working on or you are in for a world of pain," I warned. 

He laughed. "I don't think you're strong enough to hurt me," he challenged. 

I stared at him for a moment before surrendering. "Okay, maybe I'm not. But I will try," I pointed out. 

He chuckled. "I don't doubt it," he mumbled. We stared at each other for a long time. 

I'd missed him. A lot. I had never realized the friend I gave up when I pushed him away. Now with him back, I questioned how I had survived every crazy night like tonight. I question how I kept my sanity amidst all the crying when they were babies. Most of all, I questioned why I ever thought losing him for good was a bright idea.