Father Figure
Four
"Put your plate on the counter and go clean up for bed," I told Kris. He nodded his head before leaving the table to carefully carry his plate to the sink.
I looked back at Gab and Beau. They were pouting in their chairs. "Are you two going to eat your dinner?" I asked.
They shook their heads fiercely.
"Then I guess you two can sit there," I told them. I got up from my chair and went to the sink to start doing dishes. The TV in the living room switched on and soon enough, the sounds of a hockey game filled our home.
Gab and Beau squirmed in their seats, dying to go join their brother for the rest of the game that was on. I began rinsing dishes and moving them to the dishwasher. Joe was nowhere to be found. He hadn't come home at the time he usually did, nor did he call. I figured he just got a case that was requiring some extra time and let it slide.
The boys were more than happy to have the house free of Joseph Williams. Just as I was finishing the last of the dishes, two more plates slid onto the counter. I looked down at my two songs, mouths stuffed with the remainder of their dinner. As soon as the plates were safely on the counter, they were with their brother and yelling at the TV.
I laughed to myself. They were one special group of little boys. Thinking back to how life had been at 18 when I was going through the pains of carrying them, I'd been miserable. I never thought I'd actually want to spend my nights washing dishes or cooking for those three boogers. They were messes, but they were my messes.
"Shoot! Do it! Shoot!" Gab yelled at the TV.
"No! Why did you do that?" Beau cried out.
"This is why you lose!" Kris added in.
I shook my head. They were definitely Canadians raised in America. As soon as i finished the dishes, I walked into the living room. "How long until your game is done?" I asked them.
They all looked to the corner of the TV where the time left was displayed. "Five minutes!" Kris answered. "Can we stay up? Please?" he begged.
I sighed dramatically. "If I get a hug," I bargained.
And just like that, three pairs of thin arms wrapped themselves around me. I laughed and hugged them all back. "Okay. You can stay up. As soon as it's done, it's off to bed, though," I warned.
They were already back into game watching mode, though. I sat patiently on the couch as the stood in front of the TV, eyes focused on the action on the ice. Kris and Beau were wearing their hockey helmets, I wasn't really sure why. Kris and Gab were also holding their miniature hockey sticks. Beau's hands were buried inside his hockey gloves.
They all seemed oblivious to their goofy attire, but were messes if they didn't have them. This was their tradition. They would get their gear on and stand in front of the TV for three hours while they watched the professionals play. If it was a team they liked and had T-shirts from, they'd be wearing their merchandise, as well.
As the clock ticked to show nine pm, I stood up. "Alright. Let's get to bed," I told them as they cheered when their favorite player on the team was chosen as the number one star.
They all groaned loudly. "Fine..." Gab mumbled. He let his head fall as he slouched. His brothers copied him and dragged their feet away from the TV.
"... and Sidney Crosby's seeming to improve quite a bit!"
My head shot up to the TV just as the hockey player's face was plastered all over it. My heart pounded in my chest. "That's right. He's been cleared to practice with his teammates with full contact now," another announcer continued.
My mind lulled as I stared at his face. He'd changed so much over the years, but he was still Sidney. He looked a lot more like a man. The screen switched to show a video of a few players skating around on an ice rink. One of them was definitely Sidney. He skated around, pushing the puck with an ease he had always possessed.
My knees grew weak, sending me back down onto the couch. All I could process was the word "concussion."
"Mommy?" Beau asked.
I blinked a few times, but still couldn't pull my eyes away from the TV. It had been a long, long time since I'd seen him. Joe usually watched the games with the boys or they watched them by themselves while I worked or cleaned. Seeing his face was like a hit to the stomach. It knocked me into a state of shock.
"Yeah?" I whispered.
"Why do you look sad?" Kris asked.
I finally tore my eyes away from the TV to look at my three sons that were now circling me. They looked so much like him. "What?" I asked.
The announcers had already gone through their whole segment on the captain, meaning I'd been staring for a few minutes at least. Gab wiggled himself up onto the couch beside me before brushing his hand against my cheek. He held it out to show me moisture on his hand.
I swallowed hard and quickly wiped at my face, surprised to feel the tears. "Oh, sorry. I didn't know they were there," I told them. "I'm fine. Mommy's fine," I quickly told them.
They didn't believe me, that much was obvious. In a matter of seconds, they were all hugging me. This was what I needed. I just wanted to give my old best friend one last hug like we used to share, but I knew I never would be able to. This was as close as I got.
Sidney and I no longer spoke. He probably didn't even remember my name. He would look at me like I was some crazed fan if I ever showed up at his doorstep and told him that he got me pregnant.
At the same time, I wished he would remember me. I wished he would swoop back into my life and take a part in our sons' lives. I wanted them to know their father as their dad rather than their biggest hockey hero. Joe would never fill that gap. We both knew it and so did my sons.
"Mama, why were you so upset about Sidney Crosby?" Kris asked me softly from his spot to my right.
I shook my head. "I wasn't, sweetie. But... How long has he been hurt?" I asked casually.
"The Winter Classic," Kris answered.
The term flew over my head. I didn't know what that was, let alone when it was. "When was that?" I asked.
"After Happy New Years," Gab answered.
My eyes went wide. "Since January?" I asked for clarrification.
They all nodded their heads. I wanted to faint. Sidney had been hurt since January? With just a concussion? It must have been a serious one, or something else in addition to that for it to have been so long. A shot of worry passed through me. I wanted to know if he was okay, what he was feeling like. If I'd had my phone in my hand and his number in front of me, I probably wouldn't have been able to stop myself from calling him.
So, instead I put my sons to bed. I tucked each of them in and kissed them good night before going back down stairs. I picked up my cellphone and dialed the only person I knew that might have an idea.
"Allo?"
I looked back at Gab and Beau. They were pouting in their chairs. "Are you two going to eat your dinner?" I asked.
They shook their heads fiercely.
"Then I guess you two can sit there," I told them. I got up from my chair and went to the sink to start doing dishes. The TV in the living room switched on and soon enough, the sounds of a hockey game filled our home.
Gab and Beau squirmed in their seats, dying to go join their brother for the rest of the game that was on. I began rinsing dishes and moving them to the dishwasher. Joe was nowhere to be found. He hadn't come home at the time he usually did, nor did he call. I figured he just got a case that was requiring some extra time and let it slide.
The boys were more than happy to have the house free of Joseph Williams. Just as I was finishing the last of the dishes, two more plates slid onto the counter. I looked down at my two songs, mouths stuffed with the remainder of their dinner. As soon as the plates were safely on the counter, they were with their brother and yelling at the TV.
I laughed to myself. They were one special group of little boys. Thinking back to how life had been at 18 when I was going through the pains of carrying them, I'd been miserable. I never thought I'd actually want to spend my nights washing dishes or cooking for those three boogers. They were messes, but they were my messes.
"Shoot! Do it! Shoot!" Gab yelled at the TV.
"No! Why did you do that?" Beau cried out.
"This is why you lose!" Kris added in.
I shook my head. They were definitely Canadians raised in America. As soon as i finished the dishes, I walked into the living room. "How long until your game is done?" I asked them.
They all looked to the corner of the TV where the time left was displayed. "Five minutes!" Kris answered. "Can we stay up? Please?" he begged.
I sighed dramatically. "If I get a hug," I bargained.
And just like that, three pairs of thin arms wrapped themselves around me. I laughed and hugged them all back. "Okay. You can stay up. As soon as it's done, it's off to bed, though," I warned.
They were already back into game watching mode, though. I sat patiently on the couch as the stood in front of the TV, eyes focused on the action on the ice. Kris and Beau were wearing their hockey helmets, I wasn't really sure why. Kris and Gab were also holding their miniature hockey sticks. Beau's hands were buried inside his hockey gloves.
They all seemed oblivious to their goofy attire, but were messes if they didn't have them. This was their tradition. They would get their gear on and stand in front of the TV for three hours while they watched the professionals play. If it was a team they liked and had T-shirts from, they'd be wearing their merchandise, as well.
As the clock ticked to show nine pm, I stood up. "Alright. Let's get to bed," I told them as they cheered when their favorite player on the team was chosen as the number one star.
They all groaned loudly. "Fine..." Gab mumbled. He let his head fall as he slouched. His brothers copied him and dragged their feet away from the TV.
"... and Sidney Crosby's seeming to improve quite a bit!"
My head shot up to the TV just as the hockey player's face was plastered all over it. My heart pounded in my chest. "That's right. He's been cleared to practice with his teammates with full contact now," another announcer continued.
My mind lulled as I stared at his face. He'd changed so much over the years, but he was still Sidney. He looked a lot more like a man. The screen switched to show a video of a few players skating around on an ice rink. One of them was definitely Sidney. He skated around, pushing the puck with an ease he had always possessed.
My knees grew weak, sending me back down onto the couch. All I could process was the word "concussion."
"Mommy?" Beau asked.
I blinked a few times, but still couldn't pull my eyes away from the TV. It had been a long, long time since I'd seen him. Joe usually watched the games with the boys or they watched them by themselves while I worked or cleaned. Seeing his face was like a hit to the stomach. It knocked me into a state of shock.
"Yeah?" I whispered.
"Why do you look sad?" Kris asked.
I finally tore my eyes away from the TV to look at my three sons that were now circling me. They looked so much like him. "What?" I asked.
The announcers had already gone through their whole segment on the captain, meaning I'd been staring for a few minutes at least. Gab wiggled himself up onto the couch beside me before brushing his hand against my cheek. He held it out to show me moisture on his hand.
I swallowed hard and quickly wiped at my face, surprised to feel the tears. "Oh, sorry. I didn't know they were there," I told them. "I'm fine. Mommy's fine," I quickly told them.
They didn't believe me, that much was obvious. In a matter of seconds, they were all hugging me. This was what I needed. I just wanted to give my old best friend one last hug like we used to share, but I knew I never would be able to. This was as close as I got.
Sidney and I no longer spoke. He probably didn't even remember my name. He would look at me like I was some crazed fan if I ever showed up at his doorstep and told him that he got me pregnant.
At the same time, I wished he would remember me. I wished he would swoop back into my life and take a part in our sons' lives. I wanted them to know their father as their dad rather than their biggest hockey hero. Joe would never fill that gap. We both knew it and so did my sons.
"Mama, why were you so upset about Sidney Crosby?" Kris asked me softly from his spot to my right.
I shook my head. "I wasn't, sweetie. But... How long has he been hurt?" I asked casually.
"The Winter Classic," Kris answered.
The term flew over my head. I didn't know what that was, let alone when it was. "When was that?" I asked.
"After Happy New Years," Gab answered.
My eyes went wide. "Since January?" I asked for clarrification.
They all nodded their heads. I wanted to faint. Sidney had been hurt since January? With just a concussion? It must have been a serious one, or something else in addition to that for it to have been so long. A shot of worry passed through me. I wanted to know if he was okay, what he was feeling like. If I'd had my phone in my hand and his number in front of me, I probably wouldn't have been able to stop myself from calling him.
So, instead I put my sons to bed. I tucked each of them in and kissed them good night before going back down stairs. I picked up my cellphone and dialed the only person I knew that might have an idea.
"Allo?"