Nothing to Lose

FRIDAY

What am I even doing here; I'm a Stanley Cup winner! I could get in any club in Boston but instead I'm standing in the driveway of some shitty college party trying to figure out a way to tell the girl he was hooking up with that I didn't want to be with her.

“Jane…Janie...You’re amazing and I am so glad to have met a girl like you…but this isn’t working out… we’re just so different…“ I sighed pulling on my hair. "Shit shit shit fuck shit. You're awesome... it's that you.. we ar-"

"Who are you talking to?" Someone said from behind me.

"Jesus Christ, you scared the crap out of me" I said running a hand over my face.

"Sorry..." She said with an arched brow.

"It's okay... I thought I was alone..."

"So you were talking to no one..." She said slowly taking a step away from me.

"No! I mean yes..." She held her hand on top of her lips to hide her laughter.

"Right...Do you go to BU?" I said changing the lamely burying my hand in my jean pockets.

"Naaah, I go to Northeastern." She said pushing her blazer sleeves up. "Do you know whose party this is?"

"No clue, what about you?"

"Nope" She replied popping the 'p'. "I got brought by some friends. Not friends really, my sister and her whore friends... not really whores but definitely whorish."

I chuckled at her bluntness, " I see." She was quirky was wearing this bright orange blazer over a white shirt and black skirt. It was early March but still she wore black tights. On her feet she had shoes that reminded me of bowling or tap shoes. She was over dressed by kegger standards but it made me like her more.

"What about you?" She asked making me break concentration.

"What about me?"

"Why are you here at some kegger? Shouldn't you be at some awesome club?"

I brought my shoulders up and let them fall, " My um.. girlfriend? Girlfriend. Uh..girl that I hook up with? Brought me here?"

She laughed openly, "You mean your fuck buddy."

I chuckled, again with the bluntness, "Yeah I guess you could say that. So why did you come out tonight?"

" I don't know "She replied leaning against my car. " A laugh? Maybe. But I'm not looking for a boyfriend, I've got someone... kinda. I've got a dude."

"Who?"

"Why?" She asked suspiciously.

I shrugged, " Maybe I know him."

She chucked, " You don't, he's normal." She replied with a smirk. "So why aren't you inside putting the moves on some waifish sophomore with low self esteem, Mr. Boston Bruin?"

"My... um.. uh...one girl" I trailed off looking for the appropriate word for what this was.

"Right... your fuck buddy. What's her name?" She asked looking down at her phone, her thumbs typing furiously. "This your car?"

"Um yeah, and Jane" I said rubbing the back of my neck. "What's your name?"

"Kitty"

"Lily." I recited back.

"No no, Kitty. Like the animal." Kitty said with a chuckle.

"Tyler" I introduced myself holding my hand out to her.

Kitty looked up from her phone at my hand, "I know." My neck burned red as I put my hand down. "So this girl Jane, she doesn't like you back?"

I shook my head, "No she likes me... I just... like her platonically... just as a friend"

"I'm a college student, not a moron. I know what platonic means." She didn't even look up at me as she tossed her phone in her purse.

I could feel my neck turn three times redder than before. " Uh... sorry."

" So this girl Jane.. do you wanna break up with her?" She asked looking straight into my eyes.

"Well yeah, I just don't know how to do it without hurting her."

"Just be honest with her. " Kitty shrugged

I looked at her in disbelief, " And say what exactly? 'Hey Jane, the sex is awesome but I don't want to be your boyfriend.' "

"Exactly! Trust me if y'all are just fucking, she doesn't give a shit about how amazing or beautiful you think she is. She just wants to know if window is still open for you two to fuck in the future."

The nonchalant way she spoke made me smile. "You should probably go back inside so your friends don't leave without you..." What the fuck, Seguin? Why would you say that?

"You asked for my opinion..." She said with a furrowed brow.

"I was just going to say you could catch a ride with me...if they left you..." Nice recovery Seguin, dumbass.

Kitty smirked, " Those whores won't leave without me. They're all probably all hooking up with somebody and I would have to go around and unhook them. And I don't feel like doing that."

My smirk matched hers, "Wanna get out of here?"

"What about Jane?"

I laughed, " What about her?"

Kitty rolled her eyes, "Well open the car door for me like a gentleman, Seguin. Let's get this show on the road."

"I KNEW YOU WERE TROUBLE WHEN YOU WALKED IN!" Kitty sang at the top of her lungs.

"Stop this song is horrible." I said laughing and turning down the volume of the radio.

Kitty laughed, "You're just mad because she made more off this song than you did during the entirety of last season."

I rolled my eyes, "Shut up. So you go to Northeastern... What are you studying?"

"I'm studying biology... I think I want to be a doctor...." She said unsure.

"You think?" I asked confused.

"Well I keep going in between science and the arts." She said vaguely.

"Does it make you happy?"

"Does what make me happy?"

"Biology, does biology make you happy?" I clarified.

Kitty stayed quiet for a bit before answering, " It makes me happy enough. How about you? Are you happy -go-lucky? To be fair if you say yes I may have to slap you."

"Of course I'm happy, I've only wanted to play hockey. I'm happy right now...which is surprising."

Kitty snorted, " You know I'm dating someone..."

"I wasn't trying to come on to you, Princess. You make me laugh." I said flicking her ear.

She shoved my hand away, "I'm right here. Blue house on the corner"

I pulled into the driveway of a big house, "Do you live with your parents?"

She shook her head, "No, I live with my sister and her best friend, along with three of my best friends."

"That's cool... do you want to hang out sometime..." I asked lamely. The amount of times I turned into an awkward thirteen year old was actually appalling.

"What we were just doing..."

"I mean on another d-"

"Are you trying to ask me for my number?" She asked brazenly.

My neck to the tip of my ears turned red, "I was easing into it."

She rolled her eyes, pulling out a pen and a small scrap of paper from her bag. "Hey, do you want to come inside for a minute."

"What about your boyfriend?" I asked watching her scribble some numbers on the scrap.

"What about Jane?"

"Your roommates?"

"Well I guess you're just going to have to be quiet." She stated opening the door and starting towards her house.

As we entered her house, I noticed it had more furniture than I expected a house full of college kids to have. Kitty picked up a small black kitten before starting up the stairs. When we reached the top she opened the door off to the right of the landing.

Her entire space above her bed was draped in fabric and round lanterns. Her bed was plush with down comforters and pillows. It was girly and reminded me of Tinkerbell with all the Christmas lights hung in place of real lights. Kitty dropped the kitten on the soft surface before looking at me.

"I'm going to have some wine... do you want a beer?" Kitty asked hanging her orange blazer on the back of a desk chair.

"Sure." When she left the room, I began looking around. Every surface was covered with framed photos. With her friends and family. I smirked when I came across childhood figure skating photos and hockey team photos.

"Checking out my photos I see." Kitty said re-entering the room.

"How come you didn't tell me you played hockey?" I asked taking the beer from her.

She shrugged taking a sip from her glass, "You never asked."

"When did you start playing?"

"Around age eleven, when I realized that figure skating wasn't going to get me a scholarship to college." She stated lying on the carpeted floor. "Sometimes when everything gets to be too much I just lie in the middle of the floor and listen to music. I don't know why I started doing this but it has always made me feel better. " And with that she just stood up and sat on the edge of her bed, patting the space next to her.

"What do you do when it all becomes too much?" She asked pulling her shoes off.

"I hang out with my dog Marshall, I know it sounds lame but it relaxes me." I replied with a shrug.

Kitty just nodded pulling her hair from the messy bun on top of her head. Her hair fell like waves down past her breast. As she ran her hands through it the faint smell of lavender filled the air. In one motion, she drained the last of her wine and lied back among the pillows. I sat there for a few minutes in silence debating whether I should join her or leave. I emptied the beer bottle before deciding that maybe I should leave. As I turned to leave, Kitty pulled me by my arm.

"Where do you think you're going? You can't drive, you've been drinking." She mumbled.

"I'll be fine. No worries." I said removing her arm from my hand.

" No No " Kitty replied patting the pillows next to her. I cautiously lay beside her, careful not to crush the kitten that made its home between us. "Let's just talk. I'll even get you another beer."

I chuckled, " No thanks, I'm good."

"Trust me we have enough. My sister's best friend is a w.a.s.p. White anglo-saxen protestant to a tee. Booze is like water so a wasp. My sister's best friend can drink for days." She spoke with her eyes closed.

I smiled but stayed silent, watching her lay there with her eyes closed. I lay there for a few minutes before my eyes began to fall closed.

"You know, I've never been able to sleep with anyone in the same room. I think it is because every time I went to sleep away camp some mouth breather slept in the bed next to mine. "

I chuckled sleepily, falling victim to the soothing natures of the scent of lavender.