My First Boyfriend

I can’t remember the name of my first boyfriend. It’s not that there were so many in between then and now; I’m not sure he even told me. I was five, he was seven and my definition of a boyfriend back then was someone, anyone really, who would just hold my hand. And he did.
“You’re scared.” Ryan taunted me. He stood there, arms crossed and a haughty smirk on his face. I sighed and jutted my hip out, I did not like being sassed by a boy in a dirty Power Rangers pajama shirt, ripped jeans and smeared strawberry jelly on his face. But in the hood, the Brentwood Apartment complex, you didn’t back down from a dare. Especially from Ryan Templeton, who could make the bus ride to school a kindergarten hell.
“No I’m not.” I repeated for the thousandth time. Boys were so dumb. “I’m not allowed to go down in the hill.”
Brentwood Apartments stood at the top of a large hill overlooking the small, brown and tan town. Behind the complexes were open fields leading down to the river and beyond that the interstate. I had been regularly told not to go down the hill. I was to stay in the parking lot or the small patch of grass that held a swing set, in sight of the window of my apartment. Ryan, being six, a full year older than I was, boasted that he’d been down to the river a “whole bunch ‘a times.” If I wanted to ever play with him and his sister, Emily, I would have to go to the river all by myself.
“You’re sacred ‘a the hobos livin’ down there.” His squinty eyes narrowed at me. Yes, I was scared, my mom told me all the time they kidnapped kids who went down to the river who weren’t supposed to. I didn’t want to be kidnapped by hobos, why, I didn’t know. Mom just made it sounds scary.
“You’re a scaredy cat! You’re a scaredy cat!” Ryan sang in my face, his strawberry jam breath in my face.
I spun around and began walking down the hill, if I got far enough away and sat there for awhile, he’d never have to know I never made it down to the river. But before I could go much father a voice, not Ryan’s called to me
“Hey you! Come back here!” I turned around and saw another boy, someone I’d never seen before walking towards me. I stopped and waited for him to catch up to me.
“What?” I asked looking him over. He was taller than me, his brown hair pushed to the side I could see his long, thin nose covered in freckles and his brown eyes rimmed in dark eye lashes. I blushed when he looked at me; I’d never blushed in front of a boy before.
“You Jessica?” he asked importantly, his chest puffing out a little.
“Yeah.”
“That kid at the top of the hill went to get your dad.” The color drained from my face and my stomach dropped. My dad wasn’t mean, but when he got mad, his voice got loud and it scared me. I hated making him mad and he had already told me twice not to be down here.
“Come on.” He said taking my hand and leading me up the hill. I’d never held a boys’ hand who I wasn’t related to before.
When we reached the top of the hill, my dad was storming over the parking lot, Ryan tailing after him.
“What did I tell you young lady?” My dad’s voice shook the ground. I shied behind the boy who was holding my hand. I really didn’t like it when my dad yelled at me. My throat began to ache and my eyes welled up with tears, the boy holding my hand squeezed, just a little.
“She came to help me.” He lifted up his pant leg and there was a dirty scratch on his shin. “I fell and she came to help me.”
Dad looked from him to me and I nodded my head quickly. Dad sighed and held out his hand.
“Come on cutie. It’s time for dinner.”
I ran over and grabbed his hand. Dad was so much taller than me he had to bend his knees so I could walk with him. Half way across the parking lot, he scooped me up and carried me the rest of the way. The boy and Traitor Ryan stood at the curb opposite and watched us go. I stuck my tongue out at Ryan; he was going to get a Wet Willy on the bus next Monday.

The next day I was still in trouble. Even though I told Dad I was helping the boy who got hurt, I was still in trouble for not getting an adult and going down the hill by myself. I was sitting on my bedroom floor playing with my Barbie’s when I heard a knock at the front door. I could hear a small voice ask
“Is Jessica here?”
My Mom’s voice answered.
“She is in trouble for not getting an adult, but you can see her for a few minutes.”
I could see down the hall and Mom was escorting the boy from yesterday to my room. She stood at the doorway
“Does your mom know where you are?”
“Yeah, I told her.” He nodded.
“Are you sure?” Mom asked.
“Yeah, we live in the apartment across the parking lot.” He pointed across the hall.
“I’m going to go over and introduce myself.” Mom said looking at me. “I’ll be back in five minutes.” She took one more look at the boy and walked out.
“Hi.” I said, standing up, clutching my Barbie to my chest. I’d never had a boy in my room before. He looked around my room before pointing at the pool noodle I had in my closet.
“Can we play with those?”
“The pool isn’t open yet.” I said, rolling my eyes. “It’s not hot enough.”
“We don’t have to be in the pool stupid.” He said grabbing my pink noodle.
“Don’t call me stupid.” I put my hands on my hips and glared at him.
“How old are you?” he asked facing me, I had to stand on my tip toes to look him in the eyes.
“Five.”
“I’m seven. I’m older and smarter than you. And you’re a girl.” He snatched the pink noodle from my closet.
“You can’t!” I shouted, grabbing one end. “That’s my favorite one!”
“I got it first!” he hollered back. He took his end and hit me on the head with it. It stung for a second, and then I took my end and hit him back. He giggled and I grabbed the purple noodle in the back of my closet and hit him on the head again. We kept laughing and hitting each other, having a sword fight with the pool noodles. He took a swing at me; I ducked and heard glass breaking. I stood up and looked at a carousel horse figurine my grandma had just bought me in pieces on my floor. I turned to look at the boy, whose eyes were wide in fear.
“Jessica? What was that?” My dad’s voice came from the kitchen. We took another look at each other before running out of the apartment and down the flight of stairs to the parking lot. To the right of our building was the closed off pool and the small patch of grass people used to walk their dogs. A few scraggly pine trees lines the grass and we sat under those, hearts racing.
“You’re dad is scary when he’s mad.” The boy breathed.
“Yeah, I know.” I whispered.
“Are you going to be in trouble?” he looked at me with his brown eyes, rimmed in eye lashes. He had really pretty eyes; I never thought boys had pretty eyes.
“I dunno.” I shrugged.
He took my hand and squeezed it. My tummy felt funny, but I liked it.
“Sorry.” He said. I gave him a small, half smile. I really wasn’t worried about the horse statue. I wasn’t allowed to play with it anyways, it was a decoration. We sat there for a few minutes, holding hands, under the pine trees. It was cloudy and a little cold, the wind picked up and I could feel little cold drops of water on my face. From our spot, we could see my mom walking back up to our stairs. She stopped and called my name to come inside.
We got up and he handed me my pink pool noodle.
“Can you be my girl friend?” he cocked his head to the side and shoved his hands in his pockets.
“What do I have to do?” I asked as I tucked both of my noodles under my arms.
“I don’t know; hold my hand I guess. And we have to eat together on a date.”
“Okay, I guess.” I shrugged. “Can we eat together tomorrow?”
“Okay, I live at D 7. Ask your mom if you can come over.”
“Okay.”

The next day, I got to walk over to D 7 all by myself. Mom could see me walk across the parking lot from our front window, up the stairs and she could see me ask I knocked on D7’s door. I was supposed to wave to her when the door opened.
The little boy opened the door and stepped outside. It smelled like cigarettes inside. He looked at his bare feet, his hands behind his back.
“My mom says you can’t come over today. Sorry.”
“Oh, that’s okay. I guess.” I looked down too. I had worn a pretty dress for our date and I even let Mom brush my hair for me. My tummy felt funny again, but this time I didn’t like it. I turned to go down the stairs and on the landing he stopped me. He held my hand, squeezed just a little and gave me a peck on the cheek. I’d never been kissed by a boy before.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, girlfriend.” He called as he went back up the stairs.
Back home I could hear Mom and Dad talking in the kitchen. They didn’t know I had come back yet.
“She stays at home and smokes all day.”
“Is she depressed?”
“I don’t know. She said her husband drinks all the time and one night things got really bad and she got so scared she packed what she could and took the boy and left.”
“So, what’s she going to do?”
“I don’t know.” My mom sighed. She sounded sad. “She said she was thinking of moving back, try to work things out.”
“Where were they from?’ Dad asked.
“Nevada.”

I had school the next day, but on Friday after school I went back to D 7 to play with my boy friend. I told all of my friends about him and how he’d hold my hand. They didn’t believe me.
I waited at the door for someone to open. But no one did. I walked around to the balcony to see if I could look in the window. Maybe he was watching cartoons. The blinds were open, but the apartment was empty. No one was there. I walked back home confused.
“What’s wrong baby?” Mom asked as I walked in the door.
“No one was home.”
“Maybe they went to the store.” She picked me up and we sat on the couch.
“No, I mean no one lived there anymore.”
She sighed and kissed my head.
“Where’d they go?”
“Well,” she looked out the window to the apartment across the parking lot. “He and his mommy went back home, to his home in Nevada.”
“Can we go visit them?” I asked excitedly.
“No, we can’t honey. Why do you want to see him so much? You only played with him a few times; I didn’t think you were friends.”
“He was my boyfriend mom.” She smiled. “He was my best friend.”