Wonder Sleeps Here

Standing in the train station, ready to depart from Glasglow, really shouldn’t have been the last place I should have ever expected to see him at. I mean, Glasglow was his home, not mine. I was an intruder. I had been for several years. I was merely a visitor, not a permanent resident. Unlike Sam. This was his home. He had history here, family, friends, his own place. What did I have? A temporary job, and not much else. I had some friends here and there, because that’s what living somewhere for several years did to you, and I had my grandparents who lived out in the countryside, but that was all. I had Sam at one point too, but I ruined that as well.

He was sitting on one of the many rows of plastic chairs, his luggage in front of him. I noticed the familiar shape of one of his guitars, most likely his acoustic, sitting on the chair beside him. He had his Macbook sitting on his lap, his white headphones in his ears. I was trying not to stare, but ever since I had walked into the station and spotted him, I couldn’t look away.

I guess not much had changed in two years.

I tried to pull my eyes away from him, afraid that he’d catch me. Afraid that he’d feel me staring and would look up and we’d lock eyes and... I stopped myself from going down that road. It wasn’t worth it. Releasing a sigh, I finally tore my gaze away from him and buried myself in the book in my lap. My train was supposed to board in roughly thirty minutes. I could sit there for thirty more minutes without looking up and over several rows at the boy with the beanie and black Ray Bans, couldn’t I?

Of course I could.

But that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to think about him.

I could still remember the day we met, as if it was yesterday. It was one of those memories I visited in my mind often. I couldn’t help it. Living in the same country, the same city as Sam, made it almost impossible not to run across things that would spark memories of our past. I suppose it didn’t help that I was sitting in the same train station we had first met in. I looked up from my book and glanced around, the hustle and bustle of everyone going, going, going almost sucking you in.

I felt my mind wandering. As I looked around, I was suddenly back here, only two years ago. I had taken a plan from New York to London, but I needed to get to Glasglow, where I was studying abroad. I had a terrible fear of flying, but the only way I could get from New York to Glasglow was obviously a plane. The first place wasn’t bad, but it was what they wanted to stick me on from London to Glasglow: a small, ten-seater plane that didn’t even look sturdy enough to carry myself and my luggage, let alone myself, my luggage, and eight other people. I quickly said, “No fucking way,” before desperately searching for another mode of transportation.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have very much money, and the only people I knew were my grandparents, but they lived right in Glasglow, and so that was sort of out of the question. That was a six and a half hour drive, and not only did I not want to put my grandparents through that, I didn’t have a place to stay for the next six and a half hours.

I don’t know how, and honestly I’m not sure I even had the right amount of money, but after some tears from the desperate American girl just trying to get to her grandparent’s house, pity was taken upon me and I had a one-way ticket to Glasglow Central Station, leaving in the next ten minutes.

I remember rushing to my platform and just barely making it. I remember the women at the desk informing me that the train was almost full, but there was a two person cabin available, half full. Meaning I was going to be with a stranger for my ride. But I was desperate, and it was all they had, so I said yes and prayed I wasn’t going to regret it.

I remember walking like a timid little girl towards the cabin I was staying in. I remember the door being shut, so I stood outside for a few more minutes, trying to compose myself. Then finally, just as I was going to open it, the door slid open.

***

”Oh!” he spoke, taking a step back before glancing around. “Uh, this your sleeper?” he asked, gesturing his head to the space he was occupying.

I nodded, still timid, and gave him a shy smile. “I have a last minute ticket, and apparently this was the only spot available. I hope that’s okay?”

His smile was small, but reassuring. “Course it is.” He stepped to the side and let me walk in, situating myself before the train sounded and started it’s journey.

I took a seat across from him once I had my luggage stored and everything in its place. “Well, I’m Ainsley McElroy,” I smiled, sticking my hand out for him to shake.

He took it graciously, his hand noticeably calloused. “I’m Sam Mctrusty, and you are definitely not from here,” he grinned before sitting back, resting one of his arms on the back of the seat.

I laughed and shook my head. “That I am not. I’m from New York.”

“So what’s a lass like yourself doing all the way across the pond like this?”

I didn’t answer but instead leaned down and pulled out the Welcome! brochure that I had received in the mail a few days prior to my departure. I handed it to my new friend and said, “I’m studying abroad.”

“In Glasglow, of all places?” He questioned, a joking tone to his voice. His accented voice, I noticed. His Scottish accented voice.

I grinned as well and took the brochure when he handed it to me. “You’re from Scotland, aren’t you?”

He nodded. “Aye, that I am. Headed home, actually.”

My head tilted to the side. “This is going to be, like, a six hour ride. Why wouldn’t you just take a plane?”

He shrugged. “Why didn’t you?”

I opened my mouth to answer, but stopped and smirked. “You’re afraid of flying?”

He nodded while he pulled out his phone. “That I am,” he answered honestly. “Deathly afraid. I do it when I have no choice, but if given the choice then I’m the first to say no fucking way.” I watched as he typed away on his phone for just a moment before rolling his eyes, laughing lightly, and stuffing it back in his pocket.

We talked like that for awhile, sharing stories and discussing where we were headed and where we came from. For Sam, his band had just finished a European tour and he was now on a two week break. The rest of the band had flown home earlier that day, but Sam had opted to take a train, as he had told me before.

I informed him that I would be starting my last semester of college in just a few weeks, having chosen to study abroad in Scotland for my last semester because that was where my grandparents were, my dad’s parents. “I haven’t been to Scotland in years,” I told him with a small shrug as I glanced out the window. “I just thought this would be the perfect way to finish off my schooling and also see family.”

I hated talking about my boring life, so I tried to ask more about him and his band, what he liked to do, and if there was anything I absolutely had to check out while in Glasglow.

“I’d like to show you some places,” he said finally after a few moments of quiet. “There isn’t much in Glasglow, but there’s some interesting sights to see. And I figure what better way than a native Glaswegian?” He smiled again, his smile small but perfect, and I found myself saying that I would love it if he would be my tour guide.

That was where it started.

***

The sound of a voice coming over the speaker, calling that my train was boarding snapped me out of my trance and took me away from the memories. I stuffed my things into my purse and gathered my luggage before glancing in Sam’s direction once more. He must have had an earlier train, I thought to myself before I got up.

I headed towards my platform, handing my ticket to the appropriate person before walking on in the direction I was told my cart was in. I got placed in a two person cart, having waited until the absolute last minute to buy my ticket. In all honesty, I didn’t want to leave Scotland. I had studied abroad there for a semester, only to be offered a job after graduation. I had lived there for two and a half years, and it had been great. I got to spend time with my grandparents and other extended family, and I loved it.

But, now I was going home, and as much as I missed my family and friends at home, I had new friends, new family, and a new home that I didn’t want to leave. It was like an endless cycle.

When I reached my cart, the door was slid open. As I stepped inside, it was empty, but there were bags on one side so I knew my prayers had not been answered and I would in fact be sharing with a stranger for six or so hours. I started to arrange my things, stuffing my bag in the overhead compartment and getting out my laptop and phone and other various objects, when I noticed it.

I don’t know what made me see it out of the corner of my eye. I was trying my hardest to avoid the opposite side of the car because I didn’t want to feel like I was “snooping” or something like that. But for some reason, I saw the laptop bag, and for some reason I recognized it. I stopped, setting my things down, before I turned and faced the other side. The overhead compartment was open and his familiar silver suitcase was visible, along with his guitar case.

Just as the words, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” were slipping from my mouth, he appeared in the doorway.

“Ainsley McElroy, I can say with confidence that you were the last lass I thought I’d be spending my ride to London with.”

I whipped around almost instantly, smacking my hand over my jaw-dropped mouth. His smile was small, and his eyes were twinkling, but I couldn’t tell if that was from the beer in his hand or if he was genuinely happy to see me. I was having a hard time believing that, not after everything...

“What are you doing here?” he asked as he stepped inside, moving around me to sit on the bench.

“I’m, uh...” I couldn’t help my stuttering, so I turned away as the blush on my cheeks came out in full force and tried to pretend I was busy getting my things together. “I’m going home.”

“Thought you were home.” He spoke easily, not a speck of anger or accusation in his tone. But I knew what he was doing. He wanted me to say it, but we both knew he was going to have to pry it out of me.

I gave a short nod before setting my purse on the floor and finally, finally taking a seat. “I was. For all of two weeks, and then I got a job offer here. So I came back.” I looked up then, just barely seeing the flash in his eyes. Hurt? Anger? All of the above? Probably. Sam knew I left, but he didn’t know I came back. No one did. He also didn’t know I had been in Glasglow for two years.

“Why are you leaving now?”

“Time for a family visit. I haven’t been home for awhile, and I had the days at work so I could take the time off.”

He didn’t respond to this at first, but I saw that same familiar flash go through his eyes. We just stared at each for what felt like the longest time before he finally spoke up. “I’d ask you if you’re coming back or if this is permanent, but I think we both know I wouldn’t get an honest answer.”

Ouch. Okay, so that hurt, but I was pretty sure I deserved it. I nodded. “I deserved that.”

He scoffed. Sam actually scoffed at me. I wasn’t sure at first, because that’s how foreign the sound was coming from his mouth. Sam didn’t scoff. He could get angry, of course he could, but I don’t think I had ever heard him scoff. I guess a lot changes in two years, though. “You’re fucking right you deserve that, Ains. You just left! You didn’t even tell me you were leaving. You didn’t even leave when I was around, for Christ’s sake. You waited until we left for tour and then you left, too.” He leaned back further into his seat and shook his head. “That’s not even the worst part though. The worst part is that you came back. Two years, Ainsley? Really?”

I could feel my wall breaking down with each passing minute. “I was stupid, Sam. I heard you had someone, and I didn’t want to mess with your life. I didn’t even know if this job was going to work out! For all I knew, I was going to be leaving again. I didn’t want to put you through that, but I really didn’t want to put myself through it. Not again.”

He shook his head. “Selfish, Ainsley. I’m a big boy, I could handle myself. You should have left the decision for me to make. Believe it or not, I can decide who I want in my life and who I don’t.”

“I’m sorry Sam,” I said finally, just barely shrugging my shoulders. “I thought I was making the right choice at the time.”

We were both quiet. Sam staring out the window while I watched him. Maybe he was processing what I had said, or maybe he had just decided he didn’t want to talk to me. I let the silence go for a little while, but then I couldn’t take it anymore. I’d rather have him yell at me than just act like I didn’t exist. “Sam, talk to me. Please?”

“I just don’t get it, Ains. Those two weeks I was home, we spent almost every day together. We talked all the time. What happened that made you decide you could just leave, forget about me, without saying a word?”

I shook my head. “That’s not why I left, Sam. I never forgot about you. In the two years it’s been, I’ve thought about you and the guys more now than I did when you were right in front of me. But what could I do? Just call you up, say ‘hey, let’s talk’? You know as well as I do that that just wouldn’t have gone over well.”

“It would have worked two years ago,” he quipped.

“Alright, you know what?” I spoke, throwing my hands up in frustration. “The phone? It goes both ways, Sam. You could have called me when I left. Or anytime afterwards. I know it’s my fault I left, and I should have gotten in contact with you, but you could have done the same just as easily.”

“Do you even know how many girls I’ve been with since you left, Ainsley? Do you?”

I shrank back. I really didn’t want to hear the answer to this, so I stayed silent.

“None. Zero. Not a single girl in two years, Ainsley. Do you know why? Because you left me in a lurch. You left me when I was falling for you. I couldn’t think of anyone else. I tried! I just couldn’t do it.”

I softened at this. I knew how he felt, because I felt the same way. “I’ve missed you so much, Sam. I don’t know what else to say.”

He sighed and stood up from his seat. “Need some air,” he mumbled before ducking out of the cabin and sliding the door shut behind him.

I closed my eyes and lay my head against the seat, taking deep breaths and trying not to let my emotions get the best of me.

Trying, but failing.

***

I tried to fall asleep when Sam didn’t come back right away, but I had too much on my mind. I curled up in my seat with my book, turning my iPod on, and tried to forget the world. And it worked, for a little while. Until Sam came back.

I saw the door slide open out of the corner of my eye. When I looked up, Sam had his back to me. I heard the lock on the door and then he was facing me again. Before I could even say anything, he was in front of me.

His hand wrapped around my wrist and pulled me off the couch, into him, and then just like that his lips were on mine. It was frantic and rushed and maybe a little too rough, but after two years... I wasn’t going to complain.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into me, pulling the beanie off his head and tossing it to the side so I could rake my fingers through his hair. “I missed you, I missed you, I missed you,” I whispered into his ear as Sam’s lips traveled from my own down to my neck.

I quickly turned us around and put my hands on Sam’s shoulders, pushing so he was sitting on the seat, and then I sat on top of him, straddling his waist. I tried to be gentle, but two years was a long wait, especially when all I wanted to do was rip his clothes off.

He was wearing a denim button up shirt with a t-shirt underneath, so I slipped my hands under the denim fabric and pushed it off his shoulders. He quickly got the hint and started to pull at his t-shirt, but I stopped him. I leaned into his ear and let my tongue graze his lobe as I whispered, “Two years, babe. Let me do this.” I felt his body shake with a shiver of what I assumed was anticipation and then continued.

I captured his lips with my own again and then slipped my hands under his t-shirt, sliding it up while slowly reacquainting myself with the skin I hadn’t had the pleasure in touching in way too long.

When I got the shirt slipped off his head, his own hands went for my shirt, pushing it off my body as well. Soon we were both shirtless and basking in that glory. Sam wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into him while he buried his head in my neck. I tilted my head to the side to allow him better access, and he obliged, nipping at the skin and causing small whimpers to fall from my mouth.

I felt his fingers graze over the snap of my bra, but unlike most boys Sam was rather... talented in the bra removal area, so within seconds he was unsnapping it and the lacey material was falling from my body.

Our lips attached again, and with less clothing separating us we became more heated, rushed. We couldn’t--and wouldn’t--slow down, but that was fine by me.

Sam’s mouth trailed kisses down my jawline, down my neck and across my chest. I arched my back into him and he tightened his grip on my waist, pulling me even closer. I continued my chant from earlier, bringing my mouth down to his ear and trailing my tongue down his lobe, nipping at it ever so gently as I whispered, “I missed you, I missed you, I missed you.”

His mouth started to move further down my body, causing moans and whimpers to fall from my own mouth uncontrollably. Normally this wouldn’t have been a problem, but we were on a train. A public train. A train with lots of other people on it.

Just as Sam was burying his mouth in my chest and I was holding him close, there was a knock on our door. We instantly stopped what we were doing. I closed my eyes but didn’t move. “Please tell me this isn’t happening,” I whispered.

A small smile spread across Sam’s lips. “Aye?” he called out, but didn’t make a move to go towards the door.

“Just doing a ticket check!” the person on the other side called out. “Had a few people sneak on, apparently.”

“Uh...” Sam trailed off and my eyes went wide. “Can you come back?”

There was a hesitation, but the person on the other side agreed and then we heard the footsteps trailing away from our room.

We were quiet for a moment, just staring at the door that had previously been knocked on. Then I turned back to face Sam, still straddling him, shirtless and bra-less, and we both burst into laughter.

“That did not... just happen!” I all but shrieked, laughing so hard I had to wipe away tears.

Sam laughed with me, having a hard time speaking. When we finally calmed down, I leaned forward and rested my forehead on his and stared into his eyes. “How much do you want to bet the whole train heard us just now?” I asked with a smirk.

Sam just laughed in response.

We both got up and re-dressed, opening the door finally to show the man our tickets. He smiled and tipped his hat then headed off. We shut the door and locked it once again.

In the sleeping cabins, your seats pull out like beds. Or they can, at least, or you can choose to keep them like bench-style seating. After our little “reunion”, Sam and I decided to pull the bed out. We situated our things and then laid down on the make-shit “bed” together, my head resting partially on Sam’s chest with his arm wrapped around my shoulder while my other arm wrapped around his waist and held him close to me.

“You know,” I said finally after a long time of just silence, nothing but our breathing filling the cabin. “I thought you left.”

“When?” he spoke lazily.

“Earlier. When you needed ‘air’? I thought you left and weren’t coming back.”

He chuckled lightly and my head bounced just slightly as he did. “I wasn’t kidding when I said I haven’t thought of anyone but you in two years, Ainsley. And then suddenly you’re here, and I just didn’t know what to do. I wanted to kiss you the second I saw you standing here. You’re lucky I waited to kiss you as long as I did, aye?”

I laughed. I could relate. “I’m sorry, Sam,” I said again. “I didn’t mean to just leave. I just didn’t know what to do.”

I heard him sigh. “I know, Ains. I know. What are we going to do now though? I mean... you’re leaving again.”

I sighed as well. “I’ll be back though. I’m only going home for a week, two tops. I have my own place in Glasglow, so I have to come back,” I joked, trying to ease the tension I felt was building.

“Ainsley...” he trailed off.

I leaned my head up to look at him. “And I have you, Sam. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”