You're a Regular Decorated Emergency

Jon and Ryan were sprawled out on Brendon's couch watching TV when we walked out of his room.

"And what were you two doing in there?" Ryan asked, directing his question at me. I blushed profusely, spluttering. Ryan wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, a huge grin on his face.
Brendon shrugged, answering nonchalantly, "Just showed Lexie a song I wrote. When you'd get here?"

"Uhh, like two seconds ago." Jon muttered, eyes fixed on the TV. Brendon sat on the couch next to Jon, taking out his sidekick.

"You guys want something to drink?" I called over my shoulder as I made my way into the kitchen.
"Get me a Bull!" Brendon cried excitedly. I heard scuffling, followed by footsteps, and next thing you know, Ryan's standing in front of me grinning like a fool.

"So, how did you like the 'song'?" he made air quotes around the last words. Ryan was always the gossiper of our little group, me being second.

"I liked it a lot, it was different, but great lyrics." I admitted, opening the fridge.

"Oh, so it really was a song? I thought maybe you'd seduced him..." he trailed off, looking disappointed. I gasped, smacking him on the arm.

"Not so loud! And no I did not seduce him!"

We made our way back into the other two, I threw Brendon his Red Bull from across the room. Ryan hurried to take the spot next to Jon, leaving one opening on the couch. Right next to Brendon. I sighed, walking over.

The hem of my jeans twisted around my rising foot, stopping my walk and propelling me forward. I threw my arms out to the side, letting out a small gasp from the unexpected trip.

I knew my body was going to fall toward the couch, but I was at a weird angle. My head rammed into Brendon's crotch hard as I landed half on the couch half-off.
He squealed, jumping to his feet. I was pushed over in the movement, bouncing to the floor.
Brendon was leaning against the wall, doubled over in pain.

"Shit! Fuck! Holy Mother Fucking Cock!" he squealed in a high voice, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"Bren! Oh my god I'm sorry I...I-I." What do you say in this situation?!

"Brendon just got head balled!" Jon screamed, tears streaming down his face from laughter. I couldn't even see Ryan any more, he had fallen to the floor, cackling away.

"Fuck Bren, I'm s-sorry. What can I do?" He just kept screaming profanities, his face screwed up in pain.

"Get him an icepack!" Jon gasped in between sobs of laughter. An icepack? Really?
I ran into the kitchen, throwing open the freezer and finding the only ice pack in there. I had never actually heard of this, but I felt so goddamn bad I just needed to help.

I ran back into the room, Brendon looked close to tears, still doubled over and gasping. I tried handing him the pack, but he wasn't looking. Desperate to make him feel less pain, I shoved the pack onto his crotch, the icy coldness burning my skin.

He yelped, jumping backwards and staring at me as if I had three heads. My face was flushed and blotchy red and I was almost shaking from the embarrassment.

"H-Holy shit! You just grabbed his crotch!"

"Jon! Shut the fuck up I d-didn't just grab his c-c-crotch!" I spluttered, my eyes spinning around the room wildly. Jon was a mess on the couch, Ryan still hunched on the floor. Brendon was pressed flat against the wall, still staring at me, all color drained from his face.

"First you head ball him to the point where its probably broken, then you go and grab his crotch!"

"N-no! I d-didn't mean to! I sw-swear!" I'm almost in tears now, the ice pack fell from my hands.
I turned to Brendon, a pleading look on my face, "I'm s-sorry Bren!" He didn't do anything, his face was still a pasty white color as if he was restraining something in.

"How'd it feel, Lex? Nice crotch? Here, come over here and com-compare." Jon was gasping, clutching his stomach.

"Of course it felt amazing, I have a beautiful crotch. Bigger than yours. Right Lexie?" Brendon grinned, wiggling his eyebrows.

My stomach churned inside of me as my hands flew to cover my ears. Man, I need to get out of here. I spun on my heel and fled the room, crying "I fucking hate you all!" over my shoulder. I slammed the door behind me, my chest falling and rising rapidly. Blindly, I made my way to my waiting car and sped off.
I don't think that blush will ever leave my face after tonight.

Once safe in my locked room, I speed-dialed Ryan's cell phone. He picked up after the first ring.

"Crotch Woman!"
I groaned, putting my head in my hands. "Are you still at Bren's?"
"No I just left." I could literally hear the smile in his voice.
"Good. Cause you have to promise me something."
"Anything, oh holy crotch God."
"Never, ever, let me embarrass myself like that again."