Lies

To say she was heartbroken would be an understatement. She was demolished. Destroyed. It wasn’t even possible to be put back together because there was nothing left of her. She could feel her heartbeat in her chest but it felt more habitual than life giving. Emi had never felt like this before, so lost. She felt numb and aching at the same time. They had been two bodies with one soul, two parts of one being. His heart must’ve also been destroyed for so much pain to consume her.

Her body was ridged as she sat, curled under a mound of blankets in the corner of the room. A picture of Jimmy and her sat on the dresser right across from her. She stared at it like it wasn’t causing her migraine. It had been two weeks since he’d ended it. Two weeks and she still didn’t understand. She felt like she was watching herself fall apart as it sunk in that he was no longer hers.

The knock on the door was quiet but in the dead silence of Emi’s room it sounded as loud as a firework. She would have said ‘come in’ had her mouth wanted to move, had it wanted to say anything but ‘Jimmy’. Theo opened the door slowly and peered around it, she could see in his eyes that he was waiting for her to chuck something at him like she had the last few times he had come to check on her. The evidence of her attacks could be seen broken and strewn across the dull blue carpet.

“Emi?” Theo said quietly, venturing a step over the threshold.

His shoes crunched over glass and wood and odd pieces of pillow stuffing she’d ripped out during one of her worst moments. Her hands were shaking even as they gripped the blankets in the tight curls of her fists. Emi couldn’t bear to look at anyone. They all knew and they all pitied her. They pitied her because she’d fallen for it, for him. She could have sworn he’d fallen for her too.

Emi shook her head and willed her voice to form the word, go. But it wouldn’t and she just sunk farther into her blankets. She watched Theo’s jaw tense, his teeth grind together. She imagined the way his chest was probably contracting under his t-shirt, bracing for impact.

“I’m going to kill him, honest to God Emi. I’ll do it right now.” He growled out.

She shook her head. “No.” Her voice had returned in the smallest of squeaks.

The muscles in Theo’s arms seemed to bulge out as his hands formed into fists. His eyes closed for a moment and then opened and he forcibly relaxed his posture before finding his way into a sitting position beside her. “He’s not worth it.”

Tears overflowed from her eyes and her mouth grew sticky with saliva. “But he’s all I want.”

He pulled Emi onto his shoulder and let her cry. Theo was never one to comfort. For as long as she’d known him he’d only comforted her twice. In fact, for a big brother, he sucked. But when she really needed him he was there for whatever.

“He’s here you know.” He said after a while. “In the living room. He wants to talk to you. I told him to get the hell out. He’s effin’ stubborn.”

Emi shook her head violently even while a part of her was thrilled that he wanted to talk to her. She couldn’t see him. It would be too much too soon. He would break her heart all over again, she knew it.

“I’ll go kick him out.”

Theo had always liked Jimmy. Until he had broken her heart that is. Now he just wanted to kill him. Emi couldn’t blame him; she wanted to kill Jimmy as well. She couldn’t understand why he would have ended it. Everything had been so perfect. They were so in love. He couldn’t have fallen out of love as he’d told her he had. She didn’t believe you could fall out of love. Love was more than a feeling.

With a grunt, Theo stood and managed to get around the broken items on the floor. He left and the room fell back into its deathly silence. In the hall she could hear the beginning of an argument. Threads of words could be heard through the door as the argument came closer. Then, the yelling was taking place right outside her door.

As she would have expected, it was Jimmy and Theo. They tossed curses at each other with every other word they said. Vile things came from their mouths for what seemed like hours before Jimmy burst into her room.

“Emi,” He breathed. “I missed you.”

Emi stared at him, her teeth grinding violently. It felt as if her heart had just pushed its way back into her chest and was now beating like the blades of a helicopter. Theo followed and stood in the doorway, torn. But Emi barely noticed him. All she could see was Jimmy. All she knew was Jimmy. His light hair and gray eyes, the way his top lip stuck out slightly over his bottom lip. He didn’t seem to notice that the floor was littered with junk or that she was sitting in the near dark in the corner of her bedroom.

Theo found his voice after a moment. “Get your ass out of here.” He growled. “She doesn’t wanna talk to you.”

Jimmy’s eyes hardened but he didn’t take them off her. “I won’t go until she tells me to.”

Now they both looked at her, waiting for her response. Emi opened her mouth, her mind telling her that she should tell Jimmy to go while everything else in her told her to let him stay. When no words came out, Jimmy spoke.

“I just wanna talk Em.” He said.

“Okay,” She found herself squeaking.

She never could say no to Jimmy. The corners of his mouth pulled up a little and he strode over to her, dropping down next to her. Theo continued to stand in the doorway, looking ever like a security guard with his arms crossed and his black t-shirt stretched across his chest. He wasn’t the fittest person, but when he wanted to he could make himself look like the most menacing and muscular person she knew.

“I miss you.” He said quietly, trying to shield their conversation from Theo.

“I… I can’t… I want… I miss you too.” Emi stammered.

A grin spread across his face. He leaned his head toward her, like he was looking for a kiss, but she leaned away from him and pulled her blankets tighter around her. Jimmy’s eyes were hurt and it made Emi’s chest ache ever more than it was. [He hurt you, broke you, lied to you. She was so confused, so hurt.

“Let’s just forget everything that happened. Start over.” He pleaded.

“You said you’d never let anything hurt me.”

“Yeah?”

“You hurt me.”

From the doorway, Theo looked pleased at this statement. He didn’t want to see her like this again, sad and hurt.

“I know.”

“So you lied.”

“Yeah, I lied. So what?”

“I can’t just pretend like that didn’t happen.”

“Let’s work through it then. Come on, I love you.”

Her heart skipped. What an idiotic organ. Completely altering the way it worked for a person. “I… can’t. I just can’t do this again. My heart won’t let me.” She lied. Her heart ached for him. For every part of him. It wanted him to put his arms around her and kiss her and say that he loved her again and again. But her brain won out.

“Emi…”

“Jimmy, just go. I can’t deal with this.”

His eyes went hard again, hard and cold, like steel. “I won’t stop trying. I’ll get you to forgive me.”

“Like I said before,” Theo butted in. “Get your ass out of here.”

Emi heard rather than saw Jimmy leave. She couldn’t watch him go again. Theo came over to her as she started to cry again and she leaned into him. “You did good kid.” He murmured. “You did good.”