Broken Hearted

A group of us are together, laughing. One with adorable glasses and longer brown hair that he hides under a hat is Mikey. One more with a cool faux hawk and a million pictures that we’ve colored on his arm is Frankie. There is another boy with a big, fluffy afro is Ray. Then there is the one that I call mine, with dyed black hair and amazing hazel eyes is Gerard. I stand beside him, our hands entwined. My long brown hair fell past my shoulders it doesn’t do anything funny when I lean my head against Gerard. Every one is smiling and laughing. There is happiness and joy. “I love you guys,” I say, and we come together in a group hug that nearly smothers me.
The scene changes. We are outside in the rain. No one is smiling. Rain mixes with tears. There is sadness and pain. I’m saying goodbye to the boys, giving a hug to each. I reach Gerard and we wrap our arms around each other. I sob into his shoulder and he tries to comfort me. I do not want to go, but I have no choice. I’m going to live with my father, some place very far away. We mumble ‘I love you’ s and ‘goodbye’s and we promise to find each other again. My father honks the car horn impatiently. I get into the car and we drive away. I stare out the window until I cant see my boys anymore. I cry myself to sleep during the long car ride….

I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes with a groan. Not again. I walked into the bathroom and pulled out some pills and popped them into my mouth. I’d forgotten to take one last night. They were meant to keep the painful flashbacks away. I walked into the living room. Bob, my roommate was making coffee.
“Good morning beautiful,” he said happily. He was just teasing. We had more of a bother/little sister relationship. He noticed my mood and became serious. “Flashbacks?” he asked. I nodded my head. They were serious. They made me suicidal. Thank god for Bob. Everyone else gave up on me.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Bob asked. “It was about them again. God Bob, I just… I have to find them. It’ll kill me if I don’t.” Bob nodded and said, “So where do we look now? Your moms got some big friends in some big places.” “You mean she’s fucked some guys in some really high places,” I grumbled. He gave me a look so I quickly said, “Sorry.”
My abusive mother and my father fought over me in court. My dad fought so he wouldn’t have to pay child support. My mom fought just to fight something. Angry words popped into my head at the thought of her. She claimed that I hit her and all of my injuries she did in self defense, so I got a restraining order put on me. I wasn’t even allowed into the city anymore. She kept my phone, which had all of my contacts. She even hooked up with the mail man so I couldn’t mail anything. I spent days waiting by the phone hoping that one of the guys would find my new number somehow.
“I don’t know what to do,” I finally said. “We’ll think of something that we haven’t thought of yet,” Bob assured me. He checked his watch. “Oh shit, we’ve gotta go to work.” I finished getting ready and Bob drove me to work.
My manager came up to me and said, “Renee is something wrong?” Did I look as crappy as I felt? “Huh? No, everything is fine,” I said. “Well, you don’t seem so fine. You need a vacation,” he told me. I needed a life, not just a vacation. I managed to pull through the working day until Bob came to rescue me.
We went back home. Bob started to play some music that hi hadn’t heard before while he checked his email. “What band is this?” I asked. “My Chemical Romance, the best band ever! Are you telling me that you’ve never heard of them before?” He said. “Um, no. It sounds familiar, maybe I’ve heard them on the radio,” I said. “You know, your education in music is sadly lacking,” he told me. “I apologize,” I laughed.
“Fuck Yes!!” Bob cheered. “What?” I asked. “I just got two tickets to a My Chem concert from an old buddy of mine. Will you come with me?” “I don’t know Bob.” “ Please, don’t make me take Tyler.” He was Bob’s super annoying cousin. “That would be really cruel of me,” I said. Bob nodded in agreement. “and my manager did say that I needed a vacation,” I continued. “Exactly! So will you come? PLEASE?” he begged. “I suppose I could go,” I said.
“Yay!” Bob cheered, “Ren, you’re the best!” “I know,” I laughed, “when do we leave?” “The concert only in two days, that’s why my friend couldn’t make it.” “Okay, I’ll call and see if I can get off work,” I said.
After I called and got the time off work, I went to my room. I began to pack everything that I would need. I liked to draw a lot so I went to the bottom drawer of my dresser. It held all of my sketch books. I dug though them. Some of them were really old.
My heart squeezed when I picked up one with a leather cover. I opened up the front cover and there written with a black pen was: I know how much you love to draw. I hope you like this. Love forever, Gerard. Memories of my 17th birthday flooded my mind.
There was laughter. Then an image of the crescent moon pendant from Gerard that I never took off. The memory of unwrapping the sketch book and other great gifts came next. They were followed of images of my friends’ faces.
I realized that I was crying and wiped my eyes with my sleeve as I put the sketch book and a few others into my suitcase. For a while I sat on my bed with my head in my hands, covering my eyes as if it would keep the painful memories away.
I went to the bathroom and popped a few more pills into my mouth and swallowed. “You shouldn’t do that,” Bob said, making me jump. “Don’t do that!” I said, “You scared the crap outta me!” He held out his hand and said, “Give me the bottle.” “No!” I said, sounding like a stubborn child. “Renee.” “Bob,” I mimicked him. He came after me.
He tackled me to the ground, making me laugh. We play fought all the time. “Gimme!” he said in a childish voice. “No! Mine!” We struggled, but he finally got the pill bottle from me. He jumped up and ran out of the room. When I finally caught my breath from laughing, I ran out to the living room.
Bob was at the computer, acting as if he’d been there the whole time. “Where are they?” I asked. “I dunno,” Bob said, “but you’ll never find them.” “Booooooob,” I whined. “Sorry.” “No you’re not,” I said. “You’re right, I’m not sorry.” I sighed, knowing that I probably would never find them.
“I think that we’ll leave tomorrow morning,” Bob said. “My morning or your morning?” I asked. Bob always got up early. I liked to sleep in. “I haven’t decided yet.” I looked at the clock. It was getting late. I crawled into bed and let the drugs take over. I passed out into a dreamless sleep.