Slow Spinning Redemption

Saturday, March 5, 2011
Barcelona, Spain
4:45pm
11 Weeks Pregnant

“How’d you know?”

Rosalind peeked over her sunglasses to look at Isolde, who was hovering at the table with a frown. “It’s nice to see you too!” she grinned. “Would you like to sit?”

Isolde narrowed her eyes before taking her seat at the table, dropping her bag at her feet. “How’d you know?” she repeated.

“Do you want some tea?” Rosalind asked.

Isolde sighed, having a feeling Rosalind wouldn’t quit until pleasantries were actually shared. “Sure, tea would be great.”

“Perfect! I’ll be right back, my treat.” Rosalind smiled, jumping from her seat and going inside to the counter of the small café Rosalind had asked to meet at. Isolde ran her fingers through her hair, wondering how the Spaniard had figured out she was pregnant in the two minutes they’d spoken to each other. The panic she’d felt after they’d hung up on the phone was still there; the matter that if Rosalind knew, did Jyrki? And if Jyrki knew, did Jussi?

“Here you are,” Rosalind said softly, setting the mug of warm tea in front of her. “And before you panic, Jussi and Jyrki don’t know. I went home after we spoke and did see them, but it’s not my place to tell Jussi. Unless you don’t plan on telling him….or if it’s not even his, then we have nothing to worry about.”

Isolde exhaled in amusement and looked up at Rosalind. “It is Jussi’s, and yes, I plan to tell him.”

“Just not now, right?” asked Rosalind.

Isolde nodded slowly. “Right.”

“Thus the panic of him being at the park,” said Rosalind slowly. “I understand.”

“Are you going to answer me now?” Isolde asked. “How did you know?”

Rosalind gave a smile that said, ‘I have a secret power and you don’t,’ which surprisingly didn’t annoy Isolde the way those things tended to. “Ok, so while I don’t remember much from Christmas, I remember enough to know that I loved your outfit that night.”

“What does my outfit prove?”

Rosalind raised an eyebrow. “This is my usual attire,” she said, motioning to her outfit. “Flowy but form fitting. I’ve got a great body and I like to show it off; it helps that Jyrki likes it when I do, too,” she teased. “You’re the same.”

“I don’t think our fashion sense really falls under the same category,” Isolde mocked.

“No,” Rosalind laughed, “But you like to show off that body of yours; that outfit at Christmas proved it.”

“Really?” asked Isolde.

“Please; the pictures Jussi has of you on his phone? Almost every outfit you have on is form fitting. This…isn’t.”

Isolde looked down at her loose black poncho shirt and the galaxy leggings. She’d went for comfort rather than fashion. “Right.”

“I was the same way when I was pregnant. Loose was just so much better on the belly, and it got so big, and I was just so warm that towards the end of my pregnancy, I just kept to my apartment and walked around in my bra.”

“So you figured it out by my clothes?”

“That, and you are in fact showing,” Rosalind laughed. “The boys don’t see what they don’t want to see. I see it.”

Isolde bit her lip. “And you’re psychic.”

“I am,” Rosalind nodded slowly. “But that really didn’t help me in that matter. If it makes you feel better for me to say that it did, we can say that.”

Isolde laughed, taking a sip of her tea. “Surprisingly I don’t know if it would.”

“So when’d you find out?” Rosalind asked.

Isolde chewed on her lip, trying to figure out why she felt the need to talk to Rosalind. She didn’t really know Isolde, and Isolde had a very vague memory of meeting her at Christmas. Really, if Isolde was going to share anything about her pregnancy it’d be with close friends; Josef, Alisha, Ben. Those were the people she should be confiding in.

Josef wanted to push, though. He liked having a plan and knowing the plan. The fact that Isolde hated them tended to rub him the wrong way. Alisha would sympathize and listen, but wouldn’t understand why Isolde felt the way she did. And Ben? Isolde inwardly grinned at Ben; he would lament at the loss of her as a model, then buy a fleece baby blanket and throw it at her.

Rosalind though, Isolde thought as she looked over at the bright woman lounging across from her, was obviously fine with Isolde’s silence as she looked out onto the street, following people with her eyes. She wasn’t judging, she wasn’t pushing. Rosalind just wanted to….listen; something that Isolde wasn’t sure people, let alone strangers, ever did. She was used to keeping her burdens to herself, not sharing them.

Taking a slow sip of her tea and letting it warm her bones, Isolde took a breath and jumped. “I think I had a feeling back in January when Jussi and I fought,” she admitted, causing Rosalind to look back over at her and move the sunglasses from her eyes to the top of her head. “I think that’s why the argument got heated so fast.”

“Already feeling the panic,” said Rosalind.

“The fight wasn’t even Jussi’s fault,” Isolde said with a shake of her head. “His gesture was so kind. I realize that, now that I’m not…”

“Freaking out?” Rosalind said with a small smile.

“Exactly. I just… It was a lot. I was still fighting it when Josef made me take the test on Valentine’s Day, and ever since then he’s been nagging me about my plans. It’s annoying.” muttered Isolde.

“I bet!” Rosalind humored. “My brothers were naggers…They still are, really,” she laughed.

“How did…?” Isolde shook her head. “Nevermind.”

Rosalind tilted her head in curiosity. “I’m an open book. I don’t mind talking about my pregnancy or my relationship. I know you won’t go bragging to the tabloids telling my sordid secrets, just like I wouldn’t tell yours.”

“Why are you being so nice? You should not like me right now. I’d actually prefer it if you hated me.”

“Why? Because you fought with Jussi?” Rosalind snorted. “Please, I feel like killing the guy at least once a day. I’d be surprised if you didn’t fight with him.” She smiled as she took a sip from her iced coffee. “Look, I’m not taking sides in this, and if I were, I’m taking sides with the knocked up one; kindred spirits and all those fun things.”

Isolde couldn’t help but laugh. “All right,” she breathed.

“I was scared too, you know.” Rosalind started, having a feeling Isolde wouldn’t ask what she wanted to unless Rosalind offered the information. “Nearly didn’t tell Jyrki.”

“Really?”

“God no! We weren’t serious at all when I got pregnant. I never even had a stray thought about becoming a mother, I never had that interest. But accidents happen, you know…mixing birth control and antibiotics…Rookie mistake but it happens. Sometimes the timing just…” Rosalind crashed her fists together and made a ‘boom’ sound, causing Isolde to laugh. “And getting that man out of leather pants…so much fun.”

Isolde snorted. “The leather is fun.”

Rosalind smirked, running her fingers down her glass and playing with the condensation gathering at the base. “When I found out I was pregnant, I was with Soya. I was visiting her in New York. She and Josef had just moved into their house there and I hid in her closet when I found out the test was positive. Just…bawled the entire day. Soya sat with me, let me cry, put me to bed and just…listened to me the entire week, going back and forth: ‘do I tell him, do I not, oh my god I’m going to be a mother, holy shit there is a person growing inside me’.”

“It’s never ending,” Isolde murmured.

“It is,” Rosalind agreed. “It was easy for my brother, he’s married; they planned each and every one of their kids. He didn’t understand how I was even freaking out about it, judging me for my ‘mistake’ and wanting to kill Jyrki for knocking me up.” She bit her lip as she looked at Isolde. “It also didn’t help that I wasn’t really sure if Jyrki was the father.”

Isolde blinked. “Really?”

“I don’t know if Jussi told you…”

“Ah…” Isolde blinked. “Oh!”

“Yeah,” Rosalind laughed softly. “Sleeping with your lover’s best friend? Big no no…Possibly getting knocked up by him? Big fuck up. I was a mess. I went to the doctor as soon as I calmed down and could think clearly and got the date of conception, which didn’t really do shit in clearing things up at all. So…I thought okay, I won’t tell him, but then he called and I just started bawling. Soya was there just rubbing my back while I cried on the phone telling him everything.”

“Was he mad?” asked Isolde.

“Not at me, surprisingly. I heard he and Jussi got into a bit of a scuffle that their friends had to separate, but he was waiting for me in my apartment when I got back home. We talked it out. We were both about ninety percent sure it was his, but Jussi said that if it was his, he’d support me and the baby, but would take a step back if I wanted him to. Jyrki stepped up as best he could.” Rosalind bit her lip, looking away from her glass to look at Isolde.

“Jyrki and Jussi… they’re two different guys, you know? Both are so kind and so thoughtful, but their priorities are different. Jyrki…he likes being busy. He’s not the homebody like I am now, and it’s why I was attracted to him in the first place. He always has to be doing something, whether it’s music or traveling or doing things in Helsinki. Inactivity kills him.”

“Jussi is the same way,” Isolde pointed out, thinking of all of Jussi’s projects that he was always talking about. Between the band, his radio show, and the bar, she wasn’t sure how the man got any sleep, let alone had time to Skype with her.

“Eh, to a point,” Rosalind admitted. “Jussi’s got excess energy and he uses music to get it out. He likes having projects to work on. I think he likes the idea of having things to fall back on when the music stops, if it ever stops,” Rosalind teased with a wink.

Isolde bit her lip before speaking quietly. “I’ve always feared that a man would come into my life and just ruin all the dreams I had for myself. And then this happens and the only thing that keeps running through my head is ‘what if this ruins things for Jussi?’ I don’t want to be the reason the music stops for him.”

Rosalind smiled kindly at her. “I think...” She shook her head. “No, I know Jussi is the type to get his priorities straight. This won’t stop or ruin things for him, and I hope you know this won’t stop or ruin things for you. They may slow down some, but it doesn’t mean that those dreams you have can’t come true. If anything, Jussi will encourage them, just like I feel you’d encourage him.”

“How do you and Jyrki do it?” asked Isolde.

Rosalind shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know. Our way just…works. Jyrki is a wonderful and attentive father. I will not say anything bad about his fathering. Impi is his number one priority. And damn if he doesn’t go through hell to get to every single one of her soccer games, even if it means being just the tiniest bit late to his own concert.”

“But-”

“But…” Rosalind laughed. “I like being a full time mother and a part time musician. I love that my family is at that point in all of our lives where we just don’t want to be on the road the entire year. Even Hugo, the perpetual bachelor, likes just being at home and producing music and writing for other people more than being on the road. Jyrki doesn’t really want that, not yet anyway.”

“Will he ever?”

Rosalind snorted. “Probably once he’s in a wheelchair and someone forces him to. And even then, he’d be bitching about it the entire time. I love him dearly, but our arrangement works. I like being here, at home, surrounded by family, as annoying as they may be. Providing my daughter a stable life with the advantages of having her travel, because daddy just happens to have a few days off in Paris, isn’t really a bad thing.”

Isolde sipped on her tea, letting it settle as she leaned back and placed a hand on her stomach, looking down at her belly.

“Jussi will respect whatever you want to do,” Rosalind said quietly.

Isolde smiled lightly at her. “I don’t know what I want to do. I have this loose plan and then Jyrki tells me Jussi’s here… it just blew my plans to hell.”

“He tends to do that,” said Rosalind. “I’ll talk to him about that.”

Isolde huffed out a laugh. “Josef kept pushing me to make a plan, to make decision. He threw Soya and Ville’s perfect relationship in my face and how I should talk to her since she’s going through the same thing…it was grating.”

Rosalind blinked. “I’m sorry, what?”

Isolde looked away from her hand. “What?”

“Soya’s going through the same thing?”

Isolde winced. “I was not supposed to share that.”

Rosalind groaned, rubbing her hand over her mouth before nodding. “Fine, fine. Pushing it out of my mind, just one more thing to keep secret. God, I hate secrets.” Rosalind looked at Isolde’s raised eyebrow. “I don’t mind keeping them; it’s that I love talking about them to the people that it’s about that’s the problem. Secrets, amazingly enough, are safe with me, though.”

“Well Josef knows, so you can talk to him about it,” Isolde said reassuringly.

“I will do that.” Rosalind laughed. “And even without knowing the circumstances, I know for a fact you and Soya are not going through the same thing. While getting pregnant wasn’t in Soya and Ville’s present plan, it was in the great big ‘this is our amazing future’ plan. They’re probably over the moon about it.”

Isolde nodded. “From what I heard, they are.”

“It’s not the same. Our situations,” Rosalind said, gesturing between herself and Isolde, “Aren’t the same. I mean the unplanned part is, but no one situation is going to be the same. I can empathize with you, I can listen, and even give you advice if you want, but I will not sit here and tell you that our situations are the same to make you feel better. I doubt that’s what you want from me anyway.”

Isolde smiled. “That is the last thing I want.”

“Do you mind if I ask what your plan was?” said Rosalind.

Isolde shrugged. “I was going to just wander around before going out to Helsinki to meet Jussi before his tour started, tell him, and then head out to my grandmother’s old house in Ireland and figure out the rest of the plan.”

“Have you seen a doctor?”

“No,” Isolde said with a shake of her head. “I have a friend that lives near my grandmother’s place a few miles down. She’s a doctor. I was going to see her, but I’m growing, so I’m guessing that’s good.”

“How far along are you?” Rosalind asked with a small laugh.

“Eleven weeks if I got pregnant when I think I did.” Isolde laughed. “Jussi and I have had a lot of sex.”

Rosalind snorted. “I don’t blame you, he’s amazing to look at.”

“Better to look at naked, really,” Isolde muttered under her breath, only to hear Rosalind snort of laughter.

“You look bigger than me at eleven weeks,” Rosalind shrugged. “Then again, Impi was a tiny baby. My sister-in-law was huge when she got pregnant with her second kid. It looked like she was having twins, but she ended up being a ten pound baby.”

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah, that happens,” Rosalind laughed.

“How big was Impi?”

“Impi was tiny. She was six pounds, but she was born on time and everything. The doctors worried, but she was a healthy little thing. Grew, like that,” Rosalind said with a snap of her fingers. “By the end of month one I had this chubby little baby that looked nothing like the six pound girl that came out of me.” Rosalind tilted her head as Isolde stared down at her hand that was placed on her stomach. “It’s okay to be scared.”

“I know,” said Isolde.

“And it’s okay to have doubts, especially when you’re not currently on good terms with the father.”

“This just…I’m starting to wonder if telling him now is such a good idea. I mean…Do I tell him before his tour or after, or do I just wait until it feels right? But then, if I wait I’ll be a bitch, because what if he does want to be a part of this? Like every step of the way part of this? Do I want to move to Helsinki or do I want to stay near my parents?” Isolde shook her head. “It’s just all there and it’s all so overwhelming. Just when I think I’ve made my final decision, another factor comes into play and it’s just…aggravating.”

“Jyrki wanted me in Helsinki,” Rosalind said.

“Yeah?”

Rosalind nodded. “I tried, for a few months, but,” she shrugged, “he was gone a lot and I really didn’t know anyone in Finland. I like being surrounded with people. I like the chatter, I like the comfort. So I moved back to my flat here and I was just so much more comfortable. I think it’s important, to feel comfortable.”

Isolde thought of Prague and winced. While she knew she’d have the support of Josef’s family, as they viewed her as a daughter, she was unsure of her parents, and she didn’t want to be in a position where running into Morgan or Richard was a constant worry or stress.

On the other hand, she loved her flat, adored it. It was the reason why she continued paying rent on the damn place, even though she was barely there. She liked knowing that her small, comfy flat on the edge of town sat there nice and quiet. It was close enough to the city for her to take her bike to town, but far enough away that she didn’t hear the city sounds of cars and people.

She thought of Jussi’s apartment. While it was spacious, it was right smack dab in the middle of the city, which she hated. She hated hearing the hustle and bustle of the city. But if Jussi did want to be an active part of the pregnancy, she wanted to be able to compromise.

“You won’t know until you talk to him,” Rosalind pointed out. “There’s a lot of different forks in the road; a lot of different outcomes. And that place you’re standing in right now, staring at all these different paths, they are mostly all unknown because you have yet to talk to Jussi. And if that isn’t the most frustrating thing in the world, then I don’t know what is.”

Isolde nodded solemnly. “I just...have a lot of thinking to do, but I’m so tired of thinking about things.”

“You’ll get there.” Rosalind turned to scrounge through her bag and pulled out her phone, making sure she had Isolde’s number saved. “You need to talk to someone, you can call me anytime, even if it is just to unload some of those constant thoughts.”

Isolde blew out a slow breath as she stared at Rosalind in amazement. “I ask again, why are you being so nice to me?”

Rosalind smiled kindly before grabbing Isolde’s hand and squeezing lightly. “Because I believe that everyone should have someone to talk to. Even if it is to bitch about the same thing over and over again.” She nudged her head towards the sidewalk. “Come on, I have to head home before the boys send out a search party. I’ll walk you back to your hotel.”

Isolde nodded, gathered her things, and followed Rosalind out of the coffee shop. She walked silently next to Rosalind, letting the Spaniard happily fill the silence with random little facts about her town. Isolde squeezed her fingers around the strap of her bag, only to find that Rosalind had stopped walking when were in front of her hotel.

“Your secret is safe with me,” Rosalind said with a smile.

Isolde nodded, chewing the inside of her cheek, before going outside of her comfort zone and throwing her arms around Rosalind. “Thank you.”

Rosalind hugged her back tightly before pulling away. She cupped Isoldes’ cheeks, wrinkling her nose at the blonde while wiping the stray tears the fell down Isolde’s cheeks. “You, my wonderful new friend, are going to be okay. Amazing in fact.”

“Are those your powers talking?” Isolde chuckled.

“Please,” Rosalind scoffed. “That’s just my damn good intuition.” She leaned forward and kissed Isolde’s forehead. “Call me if you need anything. From one mother to another.”

Isolde nodded. “Thank you.” She watched Rosalind walk away before making her way into the hotel, feeling just a bit lighter.

XxxxxxX

Rosalind walked into her apartment smiling to herself, happy to know that she had a new friend in Isolde.

“Hey.”

She locked the door and smiled at Jyrki, who was tilting his head back to look at her from the couch. “Hey, where’s Imp?” she asked, surprised that the apartment was so quiet.

“Jussi has her. He took her to a movie. Everything okay?”

She nodded, dropping her keys into the bowl that sat on the end table by the door. “I think so. Isolde’s sweet.”

“Is she?” said Jyrki with a smirk.

“Have you talked to her at all?” Rosalind asked, dropping on to the loveseat next to Jyrki.

“A bit.” Jyrki shrugged, muting the TV. “She and Jussi kept to themselves a lot. She’s entertaining, and Jussi seemed to like her.”

“Not anymore?” Rosalind asked, hoping she hadn’t giving Isolde bad advice.

“I think he’s trying to forget the train wreak that was that relationship.”

“I think she’s just lost,” Rosalind sadly said.

“She seems pretty put together to me,” Jyrki said skeptically.

“You’re only saying that because your best friend is hurting and she’s the one that caused it.” Rosalind snorted in amusement.

“Rosalind, you weren’t there for that fight.”

“I didn’t have to be to know that she’s hurting too,” Rosalind defended quietly.

“She caused it!” Jyrki groaned with a bitter laugh.

“Jussi told you that.”

“I heard it, Rose. We all did. Jussi offered her tickets to Sex Fest and she started going off on him.”

Rosalind bit her lip before shaking her head. “You don’t know everything. She knows she’s in the wrong, but you don’t know everything.”

“And you do?” Jyrki said with a scoff.

“Obviously, or I wouldn’t be arguing with you about this,” Rosalind retorted.

“Look, whatever you know, please don’t bring it up with Jussi,” said Jyrki. “He’s been a pain to be around ever since he and Isolde argued. You bring this up now, and it’s just going to push everything back.”

Rosalind shrugged. “Wasn’t planning on it.”

“Good.” Jyrki nodded.

“But…” Rosalind hedged.

“No.” Jyrki shook his head. “No, don’t play matchmaker. They need to work this out on their own, Rose, if there’s even anything left to work out. I know you’re dying to fix it, but don’t.” He rubbed his face with a hand before looking at his lover. “Jussi wants to be with her, but they both have shit to figure out on their own before they can even think about being together again. That relationship was toxic.”

“Do you really think that?” asked Rosalind softly.

“I think Isolde isn’t as put together as she comes across,” said Jyrki. “I think she has her own demons to battle before she’s able to let someone in.”

Rosalind nodded. “I got that too. She doesn’t need fixing, though.”

“Never said she did, and I don’t think Jussi thinks she’s needs fixing either. Isolde, on the other hand…”

“She thinks she needs to be fixed,” Rosalind finished.

“People are fractured,” Jyrki nodded. “Life hurts like a bitch and I think it’s just in our mindset that we need to fix ourselves before we hand ourselves over to people. We have this belief that we need to be whole in order to be loved. We all carry luggage, whether it be family, past relationships, emotional stuff… We all have it. We burden it and carry it from relationship to relationship, thinking, hoping, that if we don’t deal with it then things will be fine. Or if we try and fix it then things will be fine.

“Things sometimes don’t need to be dealt with in order for a relationship to work, but things can’t be ignored either.” Jyrki shrugged. “There needs to be a balance. I don’t think Isolde has found that.”

“I think she’s working on it,” said Rosalind with a smile.

Jyrki nodded slowly. “Well, I only wish her the best.”

“Bullshit.” Rosalind laughed.

“Okay, so I’m obviously not on her side.” Jyrki smirked. “She hurt my friend, Rose. The fact that you’re not livid about it scares me.”

Rosalind smiled before standing from her chair and leaning over Jyrki to kiss him softly, patting his cheek. “Things will work themselves out. They always do.”

“I don’t like that tone of voice,” Jyrki chuckled.

“What tone of voice?” she asked, straightening and staring down at him.

“That ‘I have a secret and you can’t know’ voice.”

“It’s because I do have a secret…A few of them actually, and you can’t know,” she teased, causing him to chuckle. He wouldn’t bother to even try to get it out of her. While Rosalind hated keeping secrets, she also never broke confidence.

They both turned to her purse as it chirped. “It’s probably Jussi asking if Impi can have a treat,” Jyrki said as Rosalind scrounged for her phone. Pulling it out of her purse, she smiled lightly at the text she received.

So favor: where will Jussi be on 3/23? I’m looking at the tour schedule and they’re between shows.

Rosalind looked at Jyrki. “Any plans on the 23rd?” Another beep came in and Rosalind looked down to read it.

My stalker vibes tell me that it’s right after their Finland show but right before they start UK.

Rosalind grinned and texted back. I can make sure they’re in the UK by then.

“Not that you’re listening to me now, but we have a small break,” Jyrki said, looking at his calendar on his phone. “But it’s either head home for a few days before heading to Manchester, or just pack and head to Manchester right after the show and spend a few days there.”

“What if I met you in Manchester?”

Jyrki raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Oh, so now I have a reason to want to spend time with you?” Rosalind teased.

“No…” Jyrki said slowly, amusement seeping into his voice. “But I’m guessing your wanting to meet us in Manchester has to do with those texts you just received. Are you seeing someone else?”

Rosalind laughed. “Oh yes, an amazing man. Actor, you know; invited me to a red carpet event. I just wanted to make sure both men I’m sleeping with happen to be in the same place at the same time.”

“It’s happened before.” Jyrki shrugged. “Turned out just fine.”

Rosalind smirked. “Jussi’s black eye said otherwise.”

Jyrki shrugged, though the smirk on his lips let her know the amusement was still there. She went over at sat on his lap. “Seriously though, Jyrki. Meet me in Manchester on the 20th.”

“I’ll ask the guys,” Jyrki said as the door opened. Impi’s squeal of delight rang throughout the apartment.

“Mami!”

“Ah! There’s my little terror!” Rosalind laughed, scooping up her daughter and nuzzling her cheek. “Oh, how I missed you!”

“Yes, I’m fine thank you,” Jussi grumbled, closing the door. “It’s not like I got thrashed in a movie theatre full of kids or had a bucket of popcorn tossed onto my head.”

“Not the worst thing that’s happened to you in a movie theatre.” Rosalind shrugged.

“Thanks,” Jussi said, falling onto the couch with a groan.

“Come on Impi, let’s get you into the bath,” Rosalind said, holding out her hand to her daughter.

Impi sighed. “Okay, but I won’t like it.”

Rosalind laughed as she picked up her purse and put her phone inside before winking at the boys and taking her daughter down the hall to start the grueling bathing process.

“Your child is tiring,” Jussi groaned.

“Yes, she is,” Jyrki laughed. “Thanks for taking her to a movie.”

Jussi grunted and leaned his head back on the couch, closing his eyes. “How did Rosalind’s meeting go?”

Jyrki nodded. “Good, I guess. I think she and Isolde are best friends now.”

“Why do you think that?” Jyrki scoffed.

Jyrki shrugged. “I don’t know, but she’s up to something.”

Jussi looked at Jyrki, before looking down the hall where Rosalind had disappeared. “I really hope she doesn’t meddle.”

“Meddling is in her nature.” Jyrki chuckled. “I think you’re out of luck there.”

Jussi’s groan of aggravation was the only response Jyrki got.

XxxxxxX

Thursday, March 24, 2011
Manchester, UK
Club Academy
8:25 pm
13 Weeks

Isolde took an unsteady breath as she stared at the door that was only five feet from her. She could hear the male laughter coming from behind the door, mixed in with the chattering of fans that had filled the club the guys were playing that night.

It was rare that when Isolde decided to do something, like tell the drummer of a popular rock band to expect a bundle of joy in 6 months, that she started to doubt herself enough to talk herself out of it. ‘This is definitely one of those rare times,’ Isolde thought with a tired sigh.

She’d spent the last few weeks hyping herself up; doing two more jobs in Spain for Ivan -behind the camera this time- before officially telling him she was on break until she decided otherwise. She’d arrived in Manchester the day before, but Rosalind hadn’t been able to separate Jussi from the group, as he’d been dead set on taking in sites and hanging with some friends before their tour started it’s more hectic schedule.

It wasn’t how Isolde was planning on telling him; she’d been planning on telling him before the tour started, but life had gotten in the way and…Isolde sighed inwardly. And she’d been scared. She was still internally debating with herself if telling him in person was the right thing to do.

Her mind was a constant litany of possibilities:

She could always take the asshole route and not tell him. Of course, with their mutual friends, he would end up finding out. Thus, she was an asshole. She could text him, ‘Hey Vuori, I’m preggers and you’re the daddy! TTYL!’ She’d even had a text drafted before deleting it with a disgusted groan. If they had been in a standard/normal relationship a text might be something to laugh over later, but they weren’t, and as their ‘casual dating’ thing had gone all to hell, the cute text would be met with resentment instead of laughter and possible excitement.

“Could always phone call it,” Isolde muttered, only to jump when a hand fell on her shoulder.

“Trust me, not the route you want to take.”

Isolde relaxed at the feminine Spanish lilt that had spoken, turning and smiling weakly at Rosalind, who smiled back.

“It’s hours and hours of ‘How did this happen?’ ‘What do you mean your birth control didn’t work?!’ and my all-time favorite, ‘Well, we’re just going to have to get married, don’t we?’”

Isolde laughed. “Did he really?”

“That was about an hour and a half of Jyrki planning some shotgun wedding while I painted my nails waiting for him to become rational again. He did have quite a wedding planned before I refused, and then that was a whole other hour of us arguing about traditions and how fucking archaic he was being. Trust me, with these boys, all you’re going to get is a sweaty ear from holding your phone to it for hours, a circle of a conversation, and a phone bill that would make even the Queen of England faint.”

Isolde gave a weak chuckle. “Right.”

“It’s okay to be nervous,” Rosalind assured. “I mean, you’re about to give life changing news.”

“I know and I keep telling myself that,” Isolde muttered. Her hand was on her stomach, where her nerves were fluttering and making her nauseous. Then again, there was a possibility that it was the morning sickness.

Rosalind squeezed Isolde’s arm in reassurance, before smiling lightly. “They’re about to go on stage. I was just grabbing Jyrki a water. Do you want me to send Jussi out?”

“No,” said Isolde. “I don’t want to ruin his concentration, I just-”

She was cut off by the door swinging open and Jyrki walked, out followed by, Bazie, Archzie and Timo-Timo, with Jussi bringing up the rear. Drumsticks were in Jussi’s hands as he beat at an imaginary drum set in front of him. She could practically see the way his body vibrated with all his naturally energy, the way his arms flexed with his air drumming to the way he bounced on the balls of his feet.

“Hey, look what I found!” Rosalind called, causing the guys to turn towards them. Bless Rosalind, Isolde thought with an inward laugh, for knowing how to get attention to something potentially awkward and make it seem as causal as possible.

She did note that four of them smiled kindly at her, though Jyrki’s looked a bit more tense then the other three, while Jussi froze, his hands dropping to his side as he stared. “Why don’t we let Iz and Jussi talk?” Rosalind said, walking forward, handing Jyrki his water as she ushered the guys towards the door that would lead them to the stage.

“Hey” Isolde said quietly, pulling the sleeves of her grey knit sweater over her hands, mentally patting herself on the back that she’d worn the baggy sweater over her leggings, effectively hiding her growing belly.

“Hey.” Jussi repeated, stuffing his sticks in his back pockets as he walked closer to her. He reached up and ran his knuckles down her cheek before tucking a piece of stray hair behind her ear; an intimate gesture that left Isolde shaken and ready to turn towards his palm. It was terrifying how comfortable she felt with him, even after months of not speaking or seeing each other. Even after their argument. It scared her to her core how much she wanted to wrap her arms around those narrow hips of his and just loose herself in his warmth, Oh god he was always so warm.

Instead his hand dropped, and she watched as he took a step back, most likely reminding himself that they were no longer lovers and touching wasn’t appropriate anymore. “What are you doing here?” Jussi asked. “Long way from Prague.”

Isolde nodded slowly. “I … Rosalind invited me; I needed to talk to you.”

“To me?” Jussi asked surprised. “You made it very clear in January-”

“I know what I said,” she cut off, a little more sharply than intended.

“All right then, talk.” Jussi shrugged. “You have five minutes.”

“It’s not exactly a five minute conversation, Jussi.”

She watched as Jussi blinked at the sound of his first name slipping from her lips. She knew he’d come to the conclusion that the conversation was serious if she was using his first name. She was pretty sure it was the first time he’d heard her say it out load in normal conversation, rather than in the midst of an orgasm.

“Are you okay?” he asked, resisting the urge to grab her and hold her to him.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” Isolde assured, surprised that it was the truth. For the most part, she was fine. She wasn’t panicking anymore, or waking up after a nightmare afraid she was stuck in the past. Morning sickness, however, had been and still was a bitch.

“All right.” He nodded, giving into temptation and taking her hand in his. “I have to go now, are you coming with?”

Though her stomach rolled at the thought of standing near the vibrating stage, she agreed, letting Jussi thread his fingers with hers and pull her towards and through the door the rest of the guys and Rosalind had gone through moments earlier.

He tugged her in the proper direction, reaching where Rosalind was standing a few feet away from the guys who were preparing to go on stage. He turned and placed a kiss on her cheek before grinning at her. “I know you’re not a fan, so when you get sick of listening to us just ask Rose or security to take you out to the bus. I’ll meet you out there right after.”

“You know me well,” Isolde said quietly, the teasing smile dropping from his lips as he heard the small tone in her voice. He dropped her hand and backed towards his friends.

“Not well enough,” Jussi muttered before turning and taking the sticks from his back pocket.

“I don’t think it’s going to go well,” Isolde admitted to Rosalind. Rosalind wrapped her arm around the blonde.

“It will,” Rosalind assured.

“You didn’t hear our last conversation.”

“No…but Jyrki and Jussi told me about it, as have you.”

Isolde nodded, slowly having taken solace in having a confidant in Rosalind. The poor Spaniard had been fielding her calls for the past couple of weeks, being a sympathetic ear or a fountain of wisdom when it came to random baby questions that Isolde had. She’d been a little surprised that she’d found such a quick friend in Rosalind, but it had been so easy to trust and confide in her, so much easier than it had been for Isolde to trust and confide in other people that she considered friends.

They watched as the men took the stage, hearing the cries of their fans before both Rosalind and Isolde moved closer to the stage to watch the show.

“You may not want to hear this,” Rosalind said after a while of watching the guys play. Isolde kept her eyes on Jussi as Rosalind spoke to her.

“Hear what?” she asked.

“Jussi… he cares a lot about you. It’s why I’m so sure that this is going to work out.”

It was different, Isolde thought, crossing her arms over her chest, thinking back to January when she’d caught the hurt in Jussi’s eyes before she’d left the hotel room.Thinking that the man she’s just hurt cared about her and hearing it now with Jussi on stage and a second party telling her.

“I think I’m going to go to the bus,” Isolde said loud enough for Rosalind to hear.

“I’ll come with you,” Rosalind responded.

“No, no! Stay! Enjoy your man on stage, I just…”

Rosalind nodded as she flagged down a member of security, letting the man know that Isolde was to be escorted to the guy’s bus.

“You’re right, you know,” Isolde said, watching Jussi as he performed. Though she wasn’t a fan of the band, she could appreciate the love he had for it and their music.

“About what?” Rosalind asked with a frown.

“I didn’t want to hear that he cares,” Isolde said, her voice cracking with emotion before turning and following the hulk of a security man towards the exit to the bus.

Rosalind watched her go before turning towards the stage again, turning her eyes to Jyrki, who was working the crowd in the way that made girls fall in love with him, before shifting to Jussi. The man in question spared her a glance, looking at the empty spot next to her before turning his attention back to his kit and slamming his sticks onto them.

“She go to the bus?” Jussi asked during their intermission as he chugged on his water.

Rosalind nodded as Jyrki stood next to her, resting his voice as she and Jussi talked. “She needed some fresh air so one of the guys escorted her to the bus.”

Timo-Timo snorted. “Not sure how much fresh air she’ll get with Jussi’s socks stinking up the bus.”

Jussi forced a laughed at the ribbing, looking over at a grinning Timo-Timo before looking back at Rosalind. “Is she okay?”

“Fine, probably just tired,” Rosalind said. “I don’t think she’s had much sleep.”

Jussi nodded looking at Rosalind carefully. “You know what she wants to tell me.”

“I may.”

Jussi nodded slowly. “She trusts you.”

It wasn’t an accusation, Rosalind thought. It was a simple statement of fact. Isolde trusted her, but not Jussi, and he’d come to terms with that.

“Jus,” Rosalind said softly, starting towards him, only for him to raise his hands to stop her as he shook his head.

“It’s not a big deal. Knowing Isolde, she’s come to apologize in her own fucked up way and we’ll be back to our just as fucked up arrangement.” He tossed the empty water bottle into the bin next to her before starting to walk away. “Thank God I’m good at fucking or else I’d doubt she’d be back.”

Rosalind’s heart broke for her friend as she watched him walk away. Bazie and Archzie followed Jussi.

“Rose?” Jyrki asked. “What’s going on?”

Rosalind shook her head. “I can’t tell.”

“If she’s here to mess with Jussi…” Timo-Timo started.

“She’s not.” Rosalind shook her head, cutting him off. “I swear she’s not.”

“Rose,” Jyrki sighed.

“Look, just give Isolde an hour to talk to Jussi alone after the show.”

Jyrki looked at Timo-Timo who shrugged, leaving the decision up to him. The bastard. “Fine,” Jyrki said slowly. “We’ll give them an hour.”

“Thank you.” Rosalind sighed in relief as the rest of the guys came back. Jussi was bouncing on the balls of his feet, trying to channel his mostly nervous excess energy, as his mind was turning over and over at what Isolde wanted to talk to him about. Thankfully, he saw Jyrki kiss Rosalind and start towards the stage again. He needed an outlet and his drums would be perfect.

XxxxxxX

Isolde’s head was killing her. Her nerves and stress and most likely the lack of sleep were starting to creep up on her. Hoping to ease the ache, she rested her head on the cool bus window, letting the cold seep into her pores. It really didn’t help but she closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around her knees as she brought them up to her chest.

She hoped he reacted well; better than she did, anyway. Then again, anyone would react better than she did. Closing her eyes Isolde took slow deep breaths, trying to calm her stomach, only for the flutters to multiply when she heard the whoosh of the bus doors open. She opened her eyes and looked over to see Jussi climbing on the bus, a towel in his hand as he rubbed the excess water out of his hair.

“Hi,” Isolde whispered, resting her chin on her knees and making herself as small as possible.

“Hey,” Jussi said, throwing the towel on the counter across from her. He leaned against it, his arms crossing over his chest.

“Are the others coming?” asked Isolde.

Jussi raised an eyebrow. “Do you need them too? Rosalind said you had something important to tell me, so the guys are waiting in the green room until we talk.”

“Oh.” She bit her lip as she looked down at the tip of her silver sparkle flats with a frown.

“So what did you want to talk about?” Jussi asked.

Isolde blew out a slow breath, letting her legs go to run both hands through her hair. “I’ve been trying to figure out a way to tell you. I just…it’s been a rough last few months.”

“Hmm.”

Isolde looked up at him, her shoulders dropping in resignation at the hard look he was giving her. She knew it wouldn’t be easy. She could already see his walls- the walls that she’d helped erect- climb higher. His shoulders tense, his jaw locked; it hurt to see what she’d caused with a few harsh words.

Like a band-aid, Isolde thought. Just say it. What’s the worst that could happen?

“I’m pregnant.”

A lot, Isolde thought after blurting out the words and seeing Jussi’s blank look. There was a lot of bad that could happen.