Status: Active
A Smile So Genuine
Broken.
I snapped my eyes open to the sound of my phone blaring music into my ear. I groaned and reached for it, fumbling with the buttons until the sound ceased to ring. I stared at the empty spot were Josh's body was suppose to lay. He must have gone back to the party last night. But it was six in the morning, why wasn't he sleeping by now?
I pulled myself out of bed, feeling the coldness creep up on my bare skin. I sat on the bed for a second so I could convince myself to wake up. I peered around the room, taking in the soft shadows that were across his walls. The sun was still coming up, light just barely peeking through his curtains. My eyes settled on his dresser across the room, a particular picture sticking out from the rest of the junk on the counter.
It was a picture of Josh and I on the set of Catching Fire. Josh's back was against a tree, my body positioned between his legs. My hands were at his chest, gripping his tee shirt between my fingers. Our eyes were locked together, his eye brows raised up. We looked so happy, his lips pulled back into the crooked smile I fell so hard for.
A noise cracked through the silence of the room snapping me out of my thoughts. I heard muffled voices through his bedroom's thin walls. It must be Josh downstairs with Andre probably cleaning up or getting the remaining guests out of the house.
I slipped out of his bedroom and peered down the stairs into his living room. No one was there but I could still hear the voices, louder this time. I walked quietly to the kitchen, careful not to wake up Josh's friends who were crashing on his couch. The room was littered with beer cans, red cups, and empty bottles of vodka. The smell of alcohol and smoke stinged my nose.
The voices had grown quiet now, barely above a whisper. I crept past the sofa, glancing at Andre who was passed out with his arms strung across his body. I laughed lightly, knowing that I could pick fun at him for getting so drunk. I glanced around the room again, making sure Josh wasn't just sleeping on his floor. I noticed his baseball cap he was wearing near the entrance to the kitchen.
I heard the voices whisper again before growing quiet. I knew one of them was Josh's but I couldn't quite make out the other voice. I picked up his hat and walked across the carpet, peering into the kitchen.
For a moment, I couldn't breath. It was like every cell of my lung decided to stop working the moment I saw them together, his lips against hers. And all at once, my body began to shake. It felt like someone had reached in my chest and punched my heart out. A feeling of nausea overtook my stomach and I thought I was going to throw up. I dropped his hat out of my hands, the sound of it hitting the floor echoing through the room. His eyes snapped up and connected with mine the moment tears began to swell and trickle down my cheeks.
Without thinking, without commanding them to, my legs began to move away from Josh and Vanessa. I could hear him running after me, his voice calling out my name. I couldn't think straight, the image of his hands against her hips burned into my mind. I was gasping for breath, my lungs straining to find air.
I gathered my clothes as quickly as I could, throwing them into my purse. He was screaming my name, he was right next to me, but I couldn't look at him. Tears blurred my vision and it felt like my chest was collapsing into my ribs.
I turned to run out the door, afraid my body would collapse if I didn't. But Josh caught me in his arms, holding me against him. I pushed and shoved him away, the feeling of his hands on my skin sending a new wave of nausea over my body.
"Charlie, please. Please don't go.I'm so sorry." I felt a hot, wet tear fall down on my hand. I back away from him, refusing to look him in the eyes. My mind was a tangle of thoughts, rushing through my brain before I could organize them.
I whispered through my tears, attempting to push my voice out. "You promised me Josh." It sounded crackled, broken, and new tears formed on my cheeks. I heard him let out a soft sob, unable to speak.
"How could you?" I tried harder this time, trying to get out the words I knew needed to be said. My body was growing numb, each new wave of pain weakening it. "You said you loved me. You promised you'd stay with me." My voice gave out, my throat clenching together in pain.
"Charlie, I do love you. Please just listen." I couldn't stay there any longer. The pain running through my body was unbearable. I glanced down at my fingers which were starch white from gripping my bag so tightly. Josh's ring was still on my finger, the heart straining against my knuckle.
My hands shook as I pried it off, a new feeling of agony stretching through my limbs. I heard Josh sob louder, falling to his knees as he watched me drop the ring to the floor. I looked up and met Josh's hazel eyes with mine. His face was scrunched together, his cheeks bright red and wet.
"Please. Please Charlie. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." His voice was broken and soft, barely audible, begging me to stay with him. I glanced over at the picture of us, our smiles bright against our faces. It was sickening.
I found the strength to move my legs across the room and down the stairs. Josh was screaming my name, the pain in his voice bringing new tears to my eyes. It echoed through the house, vibrating against my skin.
As soon as I drove away, I let the pain take me, covering every inch of my body. It hurt. It hurt so bad I could barely move. I pulled the car to the side of the street and began sobbing, tears stinging my skin.
I knew he ruined me. I knew I'd never be the same.
I pulled myself out of bed, feeling the coldness creep up on my bare skin. I sat on the bed for a second so I could convince myself to wake up. I peered around the room, taking in the soft shadows that were across his walls. The sun was still coming up, light just barely peeking through his curtains. My eyes settled on his dresser across the room, a particular picture sticking out from the rest of the junk on the counter.
It was a picture of Josh and I on the set of Catching Fire. Josh's back was against a tree, my body positioned between his legs. My hands were at his chest, gripping his tee shirt between my fingers. Our eyes were locked together, his eye brows raised up. We looked so happy, his lips pulled back into the crooked smile I fell so hard for.
A noise cracked through the silence of the room snapping me out of my thoughts. I heard muffled voices through his bedroom's thin walls. It must be Josh downstairs with Andre probably cleaning up or getting the remaining guests out of the house.
I slipped out of his bedroom and peered down the stairs into his living room. No one was there but I could still hear the voices, louder this time. I walked quietly to the kitchen, careful not to wake up Josh's friends who were crashing on his couch. The room was littered with beer cans, red cups, and empty bottles of vodka. The smell of alcohol and smoke stinged my nose.
The voices had grown quiet now, barely above a whisper. I crept past the sofa, glancing at Andre who was passed out with his arms strung across his body. I laughed lightly, knowing that I could pick fun at him for getting so drunk. I glanced around the room again, making sure Josh wasn't just sleeping on his floor. I noticed his baseball cap he was wearing near the entrance to the kitchen.
I heard the voices whisper again before growing quiet. I knew one of them was Josh's but I couldn't quite make out the other voice. I picked up his hat and walked across the carpet, peering into the kitchen.
For a moment, I couldn't breath. It was like every cell of my lung decided to stop working the moment I saw them together, his lips against hers. And all at once, my body began to shake. It felt like someone had reached in my chest and punched my heart out. A feeling of nausea overtook my stomach and I thought I was going to throw up. I dropped his hat out of my hands, the sound of it hitting the floor echoing through the room. His eyes snapped up and connected with mine the moment tears began to swell and trickle down my cheeks.
Without thinking, without commanding them to, my legs began to move away from Josh and Vanessa. I could hear him running after me, his voice calling out my name. I couldn't think straight, the image of his hands against her hips burned into my mind. I was gasping for breath, my lungs straining to find air.
I gathered my clothes as quickly as I could, throwing them into my purse. He was screaming my name, he was right next to me, but I couldn't look at him. Tears blurred my vision and it felt like my chest was collapsing into my ribs.
I turned to run out the door, afraid my body would collapse if I didn't. But Josh caught me in his arms, holding me against him. I pushed and shoved him away, the feeling of his hands on my skin sending a new wave of nausea over my body.
"Charlie, please. Please don't go.I'm so sorry." I felt a hot, wet tear fall down on my hand. I back away from him, refusing to look him in the eyes. My mind was a tangle of thoughts, rushing through my brain before I could organize them.
I whispered through my tears, attempting to push my voice out. "You promised me Josh." It sounded crackled, broken, and new tears formed on my cheeks. I heard him let out a soft sob, unable to speak.
"How could you?" I tried harder this time, trying to get out the words I knew needed to be said. My body was growing numb, each new wave of pain weakening it. "You said you loved me. You promised you'd stay with me." My voice gave out, my throat clenching together in pain.
"Charlie, I do love you. Please just listen." I couldn't stay there any longer. The pain running through my body was unbearable. I glanced down at my fingers which were starch white from gripping my bag so tightly. Josh's ring was still on my finger, the heart straining against my knuckle.
My hands shook as I pried it off, a new feeling of agony stretching through my limbs. I heard Josh sob louder, falling to his knees as he watched me drop the ring to the floor. I looked up and met Josh's hazel eyes with mine. His face was scrunched together, his cheeks bright red and wet.
"Please. Please Charlie. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." His voice was broken and soft, barely audible, begging me to stay with him. I glanced over at the picture of us, our smiles bright against our faces. It was sickening.
I found the strength to move my legs across the room and down the stairs. Josh was screaming my name, the pain in his voice bringing new tears to my eyes. It echoed through the house, vibrating against my skin.
As soon as I drove away, I let the pain take me, covering every inch of my body. It hurt. It hurt so bad I could barely move. I pulled the car to the side of the street and began sobbing, tears stinging my skin.
I knew he ruined me. I knew I'd never be the same.