Fuel to the Fire

More weeks passed and things went back to normal. Starting off with myself; I left my room often, ate breakfast, lunch and dinner - Pat and Tim would probably force the food down my throat if I didn’t – and wore regular clothes. We all hung out a lot, especially with the boys, since I had nothing to do. Let’s say I was still recovering from my last outburst.

But what about Garrett, you ask. I saw him frequently, since he was always at home busy with the band, but we never exchanged any words. Lauren was always here, too. I freaked out and it was bad, so she was here to help me, or better, keep me sane – I am sure my parents asked her to, afraid that I would freak out again.

I knew exactly what I was going to do and I knew she was going to support me.

“It’s your decision” she said, taking my hand in hers.

“I know, I just… don’t know how to do it.”

“You have to talk to him one day, Leigh.”

“Here’s a funny story: every time Garrett and I fight, we don’t talk for days and somebody always say you’ll have to talk to him soon.”

“Because that’s the right thing to do.”

I bit my lip.

“You’re right.”

Lauren grinned.

“Aren’t I always?”

I rolled my eyes.

“I gotta go, promise you’re going to talk to him?”

“Yes, Lauren, yes.”

“Okay.”

I watched as she crossed the street and got in her car. John’s car stopped on the curb and got out.

“Was that Lauren?”

“Yup.”

I moved out of the way, so he could come in and he ruffled my hair like I was a little doggy.

“How are you feeling today, my dear?”

“Better, a way better.”

“So, what did you have for lunch?”

“Stop worrying about me, will you?”

Everybody was kinda worried about me, you know, I didn’t eat anything for a week. But come on, it’s not like I have an eating disorder! I was feeling bad, but now I’m okay - which means, my mom has to go for grocery shopping almost every day because I eat like a pig, yeah.

“Did you have lunch or not?”

I crossed my arms over my chest, sighing.

“Great! Starve yourself, then.”

With that, he walked away. I sighed again, hating myself.

“I’m sorry John, I know you guys worry about me.”

“It’s okay, kiddo… where’s Pat, by the way?”

“I dunno. He was with Lauren before, but he disappeared when she left.”

“Tell me he’s not locked in the bathroom” he said.

“Why would… Ew, John! That’s disgusting!”

He cracked up, laughing at his own stupid joke. Pat appeared by the stairs, checking on us.

“What’s so funny?”

“John’s joke is not funny.”

John snorted.

“Where are the guys?”

“I thought they were with you?” Pat replied confused.

“We’re right here” Jared said, coming from behind us, followed by Garrett and Kennedy. My fists clenched, grabbing fistfuls of my shirt.

“Just ignore me” Garrett mumbled sadly as they walked past me.

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you. No screams, I promise.”

They all stopped and Garrett turned to face me. His face was sad, something was used to already, but this time it showed a bit of hope.

“Does it have to be now? We’ve got a video chat now and the fans always complain I’m late.”

I giggled.

“Okay.”

I followed them upstairs, but instead, I went to my room. I would watch their video chat, I know how funny they are, but right I know, I felt so nervous that I couldn’t stay still in one place. I paced from side to side, tried to take a nap, watched tv, listened to music – bad choice, Taking Back Sunday always makes me angry – until I finally gave up.

I walked over to Pat’s room, peeking inside.

“Look who’s here” Jared said.

“Leigh!” Kennedy smiled.

“They’ve been asking about you” John said “come here and say hi.”

“Nah” I smiled “I’m not feeling well right now.”

Garrett’s head shot up, but looked away when he saw me looking straight at him.

“They can hear you.”

“Uh.. hey guys” I said and scratched the back of my head “are you guys done?”

“No, only a few more minutes.”

“Okay” I told them and headed back to my room.

I laid back on my bed and stared at the ceiling for a while. I still couldn’t stay still.

A door being closed and Kennedy’s laugh caught my attention, I watched as their shadows flew from under my door as they crossed the hallway. I couldn’t make it fast enough and when I reached them, they were already downstairs, almost in the kitchen, talking about senseless stuff.

“Can I talk to you now?” I asked Garrett quietly. He nodded eagerly.

“Uh… we’ll…” Jared trailed off, pointing to the living room with his thumb. He snatched the bowl full of popcorn from Kenny’s hand and walked away, followed by the boys and leaving Garrett and I alone. I breathed deeply, planning what to say and Garrett leaned against the kitchen island.

“Garrett, I love you” He was about to speak, but I lifted my hand to stop him. “but I don’t think we can do it anymore.”

Garrett froze, then crossed his arms on his chest and looked away. He knew exactly what was happening.

“Don’t do this to me. Not you” he muttered, his voice low and shaky like he was about to cry.

“Listen Gare, I love you; I really do. And you’re still my best friend, but this is not working anymore. We’re always hurting each other and..”

Garrett sniffed and rubbed his nose with the sleeve of his shirt. Tears streamed down his face and I could feel my own eyes watering.

“Do you really want to do this?”

“Yes, Garrett.”

He was hurt, it was obvious; it killed me to see him like this. He wiped the tears from under his eyes and I hugged him as strong as I could.

“If you think it is the best” he said, letting go of me. He ran a finger under my eyes, but my tears were unstoppable.

He hugged me once more and I buried my face into his shoulder, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt. I was going to miss Garrett; not only him, but everything about him. But hey, he was still my best friend right? Yup, great silver lining. I released him and he gave a humorless laugh.

“I feel stupid” he said, running a hand on his face.

“It’s cute.”

“Guys don’t cry.”

“Yes, they do.”

He sighed, but the tears didn’t stop falling.

“I guess I should go now.”

No Garrett, don’t go. In any other minute, I would say that, but not now. We needed sometime alone; If our love is strong as it seems, it would survive it all.

Without looking back, Garrett left me there crying silently in the kitchen. I heard the front door being slammed and after a minute, Garrett’s car speeding in the street. The house was quiet; all I could hear was my quiet sobs.

Breaking up with Garrett definitely was not the best decision I have ever made.