All the Things She Said

This is why I love him, because of the little things he did. The way he used to hug me and that made everything better. I adored how good of a listener he was, and how he made all of my problems seem like they mattered. I loved the way he would play guitar and the soft voice that followed. He never made me feel ashamed or bad about myself. He was the only person I could actually talk to. Now, it's a complete different story, people are lucky to get two words out of me.

It was rainy days that I almost hoped for, but now they are what make me miss him the most. Ever since he left, things just haven't been the same. They seem to have gotten worse. It's these kinds of days when I can't help but think about him and wonder how he is. I couldn't stop myself from remembering the day when my life had come to a hault.

~~~

The dark, rainy sky fell as an ominous sign for the end of Lillian's world. The way the lightening crashed and the thunder barked gave her a feeling of unwarranted sorrow. The large porch acted as her shield as she waited on the return of my eldest brother, Lakota. He had stayed out late the previous night, but there was not any worry from the small girl. Lakota had promised he would be back, so that was what she had assumed.

"Lillian," a shaky voice called from inside the house. Lillian turned to see her teary-eyed mother standing in the front doorway. The petite teenager stood from her seat to embrace her mother into a close hug. "Why don't you come on inside sweetheart? I need to speak with you." Her mother's voice grew weaker.

"Lakota should be home soon." Lillian spoke in a sheepish tone. She was uncomfortable with her voice being heard so clearly, instead of being drowned out by someone else.

"He's already home, sweetie," her mother said with a smile. Though she wore a smile on her face, you could still hear the sadness spilling out from her lips.

She grabbed Lillian's hand and gently pulled her inside. The house was uncomfortably silent, which very seldom happened. However, it felt different than a simple silence. It was the sound of sadness without actually making any noise at all.

The walk the two women took was one of the longest they have ever made. The house appeared to grow larger with every step they took. The rooms became spaced farther apart.

Lillian's heart dropped to the floor when they reached the living room. The sight that sat before her made her heart ache. Her father and her two older brothers, Landon and Lucas, all had tears streaming down their faces as they tried to soothe each other. Her mother walked over to her father, and they embraced into an emotional hug. Lillian stood in the middle of the room not quite understanding what was going on, but the immediate feeling of ultimate sadness poured over her.

"What's wrong," Lillian asked. The sound of her own quiet voice seemed harsher from the lack of background noise. Her lack of confidence without her eldest brother made speaking to her own family difficult.

"Lilly," Landon, her second eldest brother, started. His strong voice had cracked, and his confidence dwindled. In that moment his wall had fallen and began to crumble. He motioned Lillian over to him and looked her straight in the eyes. He couldn't bare the thought of hurting his only sister by telling her the worst news possible. He could not bring himself to do it.

"I am so lucky to have you as a daughter, and all of your brothers are so grateful to call you sister. Lilly, you are a brave girl, but I want you to know that it's okay to cry if you need to." Her father had decided to take over for the boy. He let out a shaky breath and started again. "I don't need you to be strong. We'll be strong for you."

Lucas, the youngest of her brothers, grabbed her hand gently and consoled her. Landon pulled her onto his lap, unprepared for the words that were about to slip from his father's lips for the second time today. "Lakota passed away earlier this morning in horrible a car crash. He was on his way home when a drunk driver hit him straight on."

Lillian suddenly felt as if she couldn't breathe. Her world smashed into a million pieces, and her heart dropped. She didn't want to believe the words that had been spoken by her father. She prayed that her ears had played a trick on her and it was all untrue. The tears began to burn her eyes and roll down her flushed cheeks.

"Everything will be okay Lilly because he's in a better place now. Don't worry, he's watching over us. He still loves us, hun," Landon whispered softly into Lillian's ear as he pulled her into a hug.