All the Things She Said

Lillian had woke up in Harry's room, but something was different. It seemed somehow colder. Harry was no long laying beside her, and it was terribly quiet. She stood from the bed and carefully walked over to the bathroom door, but no one was there. She breathed a sigh and stood in thought.

She moved slowly out of his bedroom and throughout his home, but not a soul was to be be found. Everyone had left. She got a strange feeling from it all. She thought it strange that they would leave her unattended. She quickly went back into Harry's room.

Just as she was about to lay back down on his bed, something on his night stand had caught her eye. A note that she hadn't noticed before laid neatly with her name on it.

Dear Lillybeth,

I got up early to go clean the bakery. I would have asked you to come with me but I didn't want to wake you. Please don't wait for me, love there's no telling when I'll get back. I think it would be best if you just went home, and forget about me for a while. You'll see me soon enough, so please don't worry. I'm really sorry Lillian, but remember you promised you would never hate me no matter what. I really hope you keep your promise, but I wouldn't blame you if you don't. Just know that I really do care about you, and I didn't do this to hurt you but because of you. I love you.

-Hazza

She read the words, but it was as if they were written in a different language. She hadn't understood their meaning then, but now she knew exactly what they meant. They meant that all of those countless hours they had spent together meant nothing. They meant that he was full of shit, and he hadn't truly cared about her. They meant their friendship was over; their relationship was over. It was almost like she had lost Lakota all over again.

♠ ♠ ♠

Three Years Passed

The London rain pounded against the windows. Lightening filled the dark skies. Bottles upon bottles filled with brown and clear liquid covered the counter top. Harry was drunk out of his mind, but he couldn't stop himself. It was one of those nights were he couldn't seem to get her out of his head. He tried to drown his thoughts with liquor. He needed to numb his heart with alcohol. Harry stumbled over to the counter and poured himself another drink.

The liquid sparkled slightly in the glass cup in a way that made him smile, but he wasn't happy. The alcohol made him seem calm, but he wasn't at peace. He was mentally fucked up and he couldn't show it. He was physically drained and no one really knew what was going on. Harry was only falling faster down his downward spiral and he could only really blame himself.

Harry had started to think about Lillian more and more lately. He thought about her so often that it was turning him into someone he wasn't. Everything seemed to be normal and under control on the surface, but that was far from the truth.

Harry slumped down on the leather couch and put his head back. He lifted his hand to his neck and touched the silver pendant hanging from one of his necklaces. The small silver paper airplane, that was his favorite. He remembered the day he had found it in her room and how Lillian insisted that he keep it. He remembered how she smelled of warm vanilla as she leaned over to put the necklace around his neck. The corners of his mouth pulled into a soft smile as he thought about how Lillian swore it was good luck.

"Fuck!" Harry ripped the necklace from his neck and threw it across the room. He leaned forward and put his head in his hands. He missed her. He missed her a lot, but there was nothing he could do.

He tried calling, but all he would get was voicemail and pretty soon a 'sorry the number you're trying to reach has been disconnected'. He tried to get in touch with the apartment building, but they said they had moved. He even tried to get in touch with Landon, Lucas, their manager, anyone that could be connected to her. Whatever he did, it just wasn't good enough. She graced magazine covers, television adverts, and high end runways, but Harry could never really see or touch her. Lillian was right there, but she was just slightly out of his reach.

"Hey Haz," Louis said to the younger boy as he walked into their flat. "I tired calling you, but it went straight to voicemail. Are you alright," Louis asked as he came into Harry's sight.

"Do I look alright," Harry asked. He looked up at Louis with a hopeless look.

"Oh god Harry," Louis said. He came across his mate's favorite necklace laying on the ground. He bent down to pick it up. Louis walked slowly over to his mate and took a seat beside him, putting the necklace in his hand.

He looked around the flat and sighed. The lights were dimmed and Louis could smell the alcohol on Harry's breath. There were several empty beer bottles on the ground and even more liquor bottles on the kitchen counter.

"I know Lou," Harry whispered weakly. "It's just-- it's has been really hard lately." Harry couldn't hold it in any longer. His eyes turned red with a burning sensation. The tears escaped his eyes and rolled down his flushed cheeks. Louis wrapped his arms around his best friend and pulled him into a comforting hug. He wanted to help his friend so badly, but he just didn't know how. He could only hold him there and let Harry cry on his shoulder.

"What's going on Harry," Louis asked as Harry ended the hug. "This isn't like you. You're drinking has gotten out of control, you won't talk to anyone, and you're moody all of the time. And it's not like it just happened all of a sudden either. Whatever it is has been slowly eating at you for a while now. You're scaring us Haz. The boys and I are really worried about you." Louis looked at the boy with sympathetic eyes. Harry looked back at him, but he didn't know what to say.

"I miss her, Louis," Harry said. He stood from his spot on the couch and stumbled into the kitchen. He grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and leisurely walked back to couch. "I shouldn't even be allowed to miss her though, yeah? Honestly, I was the one that left her and cut her completely out of my life. So can you tell me why I'm such a mess?" Harry sunk back into his spot on the couch.

"What are you even talking about Harry? How drunk are you," Louis asked. He laughed a little to ease the tension in the room.

"You don't get it Louis! I fucked up. I fucked up pretty badly and there is no way I can get myself out of this hole. I can only dig myself deeper." Harry continued to rambled on and on in incomplete thoughts about his past. Louis listened though. He didn't want to interrupt him, even though Louis had no clue what Harry was talking about.

"Uh-- Harry," Louis asked as Harry finished.

"Louis," Harry asked in response. Harry stood and began to walk toward his bedroom. Louis sighed and followed him. Louis stood in the door frame looking at the frantic boy searching his room for something.

"Harry," Louis asked again. Louis raised his hand to his temple and began to rub it, closing his eyes. He yawned and stretched his arms. He was tired, but didn't want to leave Harry alone while he was like this. He didn't want him to do anything drastic. But he was also getting impatient with Harry.

"See," Harry finally said. He shoved a photo of a picture he had taken of Lillian into Louis' face. "S-she's the one I would talk about nonstop, remember?"

"How could I forget those endless nights when you would keep me up with stories of your 'best' friend," Louis laughed, grabbing the picture. "I've seen her around before. She's pretty," Louis said, looking down at the picture.

"Yeah, she's beautiful right," Harry asked, laying on his bed. Louis nodded in agreement. "She's more than beautiful. She's drop dead gorgeous. Damn Lou, she was perfect."

"Whatever happened to her? I mean if she was so perfect, why aren't you with her?" Louis placed the picture on Harry's dresser. He situated himself on the edge of Harry's bed.

"I left her," Harry said plainly. "I left, went on X Factor, and realized how big of a mistake that was. To tell you the truth I'm not even sure why I left her like that. Maybe I was scared? Too immature? Whatever made me do it, I now realize it wasn't even worth it." Harry paused so he could sit up. He leaned his head against the headboard. "You know I've tried to push her out of my mind for so long but it just hasn't worked. I just keep thinking about how broken she was when I was with her, but it breaks my heart to imagine how broken she was after I left."

"Well maybe it just isn't your job to pick up the pieces. She certainly seems all grown up and happy now," Louis said with one last yawn. "I'm going to bed. Will you be alright mate?" Louis stood from Harry's bed and walked toward the door.

"Yeah, I guess," Harry said, turning the light out. "But Louis," he called after his friend.

"Yeah?"

"I want it to be my job."