All the Things She Said

Harry's eyes slowly opened as he woke from his not-so-deep sleep. He let out a few yawns, as a natural instinct, and checked the time. The electric clock read 3:34 am in bright red numbers. Yawning once more, a faint smile began to tug at the corners of his mouth, realizing the petite girl beside him. The two had fallen asleep on the sofa while watching one of Harry's favorite movies. The title screen was now playing in the background, the only thing keeping the room from being silent.

I miss this he thought to himself. He missed everything about this. He missed the way she smelled from the way her face looked like an angel when she slept. He missed the way she cuddled him; the way she hugged him like a large teddy bear to the way she nuzzled her head into his chest lightly like a newborn kitten, and even the way one of her legs had always found itself entangled around his. His heart ached at the way the blanket, Louis had put over them sometime ago, was draped over them because it reminded him of the way his mother had done the same exact thing that long while ago. Most importantly he missed her, but just as that thought crept into his mind a frown started to pull him mouth downward.

He knew that this wouldn't last and that she had a boyfriend back on her side of town. He also knew that she still wasn't too happy with him. A thought from the night before came into play as well. He had tried and tried numerous times just to make things like they were before with his cheeky jokes and hands-on attitude, but she just wasn't having it. Sure she would let a smile or even a giggle or two escape, but he could see it in her eyes that not all was forgiven; she still felt hurt. It had felt like those times when she would come to see him, but not to talk or have a laugh, but to let it all out. Those were one of the days that were worse than just a bad day; they were when all the pain from her bad days had built up. Those were the days Lillian found herself in Harry's bed and Harry found himself holding her close so that she had a shoulder to cry on. Those days she didn't really talk; it was almost as if it were more of a couldn't than a wouldn't.

He sighed and tried to push those thoughts as far away from his mind as possible, wanting to be able to enjoy the time he had with her. He sighed again, but this time gently standing from the couch to try not to wake her. He leaned down, placing his arms underneath her, and lifted her into the air bridal style. She sleepily mumbled something and wrapped her arms around his neck. He smiled and took her back to his bedroom, kicking the door open and laying her on his bed. Once he tucked her in, he couldn't help but to take step back and look at her. She looked so peaceful, angelic, seeming so tiny compared to his large bed. He took one last look at her, laughing a little, before turning back toward the door. He planned on sleeping on the couch, not wanting to overstep Lillian's boundaries.

"Where are you going," Lillian's soft voice called after him. Her eyes were now open, though she still felt groggy.

"To the living room," Harry said, turning toward her now. He shook his hair out and then placed it back toward the right side of his head.

"Please don't go," she begged as she sat up. "I'm cold." She pulled her slender legs to her chest, shivering a little. Harry looked at her and laughed at her poor choice of clothing for the chilled London weather. After a while, he went into his closet and pulled out the comforter he had shed from his bed sometime ago when it had been unusually warm outside. He placed it over the shaking girl and ruffled her hair a bit.

"Better," he ask, stepping back. Lillian pouted a little and shook her head with disapproval. She didn't want another blanket she wanted Harry's warmth surrounding her in the most comforting way; she missed that. He had been the only one that could really do that for her, even when her and Alex cuddled it still didn't fell quite right.

"Come," she said. She crawled down the bed and grabbed his hand, pulling him until he gave into her.

He knew that it was wrong, but he also didn't want to let her down again. "It doesn't mean anything," he thought as he laid down beside her. He closed his eyes and turned on his side so that they were facing in opposite directions.

"Harry," Lillian asked. She turned so that she was now facing his back.

"Yes," Harry responded. He still had his eyes closed, but not exactly ready to fall asleep.

"C-could we um like uh," Lillian began as she stumbled over her words.

"Go on, out with i." Harry laughed under his breath. He then turned so that now they were face to face.

Lillian laughed as well, feeling silly about the whole situation. "Cuddle. Could we cuddle," she finally asked. She could barely make out his expression in the dark room, but she could tell he had nodded. She smiled with delight and scooted closer to him. She wrapped her leg on top of his and placed her arms around him. He pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her as well. They both felt, comfortable. They stayed like this for a few minutes without either of them saying a word. Harry was slowly nodding off into sleep while Lillian couldn't bring herself to do so.

"Harry," she asked again, feeling more awake.

"Hmh," the sleepy boy questioned.

"This doesn't really change anything," she said truthfully. "I still kind of hate you."

"I know."

"And it's going to take quite a bit for us to get back to where we were," she continued. She began to speak more than she had all night. "Our friendship had taken a real turn, and I'm not sure if we really even have a friendship anymore. I just want to get back to a place where you're okay and I'm okay. I want to be your friend again Harry it's just that I was really hurt you know? It was just really hard for me to get over you leaving. I got so bad, and I wanted to just k-."

Harry stopped her words with a soft kiss, without thinking. She was so shocked that she didn't know what to say or do but to kiss him back. "Shut up," Harry said as he pulled away. He wanted to listen to everything she was saying, but he was tired and needed sleep. "We'll talk about it in the morning." With that he began to slip into deep sleep and this time Lillian had too. She was so tired that she hadn't even realized that the kiss that they had just shared shouldn't have happened.

♠ ♠ ♠

Harry had woke to an empty bed that next morning. He sighed and sat up to find Lillian sitting in the leather chair in the far right corner of his bed room. She sat with her knees to her chest and her face in her hands. She had traded her pair of jean shorts for Harry's pair of grey tracksuit bottoms that hung loosely to her thin frame. It was clear to Harry that something was wrong so he pushed himself from his bed and walked towards Lillian. He placed a hand on her back, trying to comfort her. "What's wrong," he asked.

"You, me, us, we," Lillian said. She looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. Once she had woken up she realized that what happened last night wasn't okay. She wasn't supposed to stay so late, she wasn't supposed to sleepover, and she really wasn't supposed to kiss Harry.

"What are you talking about?" Harry was confused. He had no clue what she was talking about, forgetting the kiss even happened.

"Alex was right, I shouldn't have came over," she shook her head through her tears. "This was such a mistake. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry if I led you on, but I have a boyfriend. It's not even really your fault. It was me that instead that we sleep in the same bed, me that wanted to cuddle, me that wanted to talk. Gosh, I'm not even upset with you, I'm upset with myself." She raised her hands and put them both through her hair, pulling it in frustration, without realizing she had exposed her freshly cut wrists.

"Oh my god, Lillian," Harry almost shouted. He was mortified at what he saw. A frightened chill ran straight up his back. He looked at her with sad eyes as she tried to cover her arms, but it was too late. "Lillian." He sighed.

"Don't. I know," she said. She had already felt like shit for last night and for slipping back into her old habits. She didn't want to hear it from Harry. She didn't want to disappoint him.

"Fine," Harry said and without warning picked Lillian up. She protested and demanded that he put her down, but he ignored her. He only stopped to set her on the kitchen counter, but then he quickly disappeared into a different room.

"Good morning, love," Louis said from the island. He was once again eating a few grapes, but this time they were accompanied by sweet smelling waffles. "Are you hungry? I made extra." The older boy gestured toward the oven, where he placed the food to keep it warm. Lillian shook her head, looking down at her hands.

"Are you sure? It's good," he sang. He could feel that something wasn't right with her. He watched as Lillian hopped off the counter and over to the oven. She put a waffle onto a plate before resuming her place on the counter top.

"Thanks," Lillian said bashfully, looking back over to Louis.

"No problem," he said smiling. He paused a moment before he began to speak again. "So what's wrong with our mate Harry?" Lillian put a hand through her hand and shrugged. "Liar," Louis teased just as Harry came back into sight.

"Let me see," Harry demanded, not paying Louis any attention. Lillian shook her head no, feeling embarrassed. "God Lillian, if I don't clean them their going to get infected." Harry yelled at her with frustration.

"Fine." Lillian flung her wrist towards him, rolling her eyes. "Be quick."

"Are you two alright," Louis asked. "It's a very different vibe than what I saw last night when you two were snuggled up on the couch. You two looked pretty smitten."

"A little too smitten," Lillian said with disgust.

"Too smitten?" Louis raised an eyebrow at the two of them, though Lillian was the only one that could see.

"Apparently," Harry said. He still didn't understand why she was so upset with him. From what he could remember, last night had gone well. "I don't understand why you're getting so damn moody with me. You did this to yourself, not me," Harry said with a bit more attitude than expected. He had now finished cleaning her cuts and was securing them with a bandage.

"You really don't remember do you," Lillian asked, hoping off of the counter once more. She took her plate and sat beside Louis at the island.

"What the hell are you talking about," Harry shouted. He was getting impatient with her.

"You kissed me!" She could only feel herself getting more and more upset with herself. She had spoken with Alex just a little while before Harry woke up. She had told him to come pick her up, trying to escape without Harry noticing. He was on his way and she knew he was already upset that she had spent the night with Harry, but she also knew that it would only get worse when she told him everything.

"What?" Harry had barely remembered the kiss for it was something that felt so natural to him. He racked his brain piecing it all together.

"And that's my cue to leave," Louis said before he excused himself. "Oh and Lillian," he asked. He leaned down so that he was close to her ear. "Don't do this again," he said addressing her wrists. He had seen them the moment Harry brought her into the kitchen, but didn't want to cause a scene or make Lillian feel worse. "Please? For me, yeah?"

"I'll try," Lillian said, feeling shameful. Louis nodded, giving her a closed mouth smile, and then left the room.

"I'm sorry," Harry said running a hand through his hair, once Louis was gone. He had now slightly remembered the forbidden reunion of their lips. He had messed up big time and he knew it. That was the exact thing he wanted to avoid. "I hadn't meant for anything like that to happen."

"It's a little too late for that," Lillian said. "I have a boyfriend Harry. You aren't allowed to kiss me. You aren't allowed to give me those kinds of feelings anymore." She placed her plate in the sink and disappeared into the hallway herself. "You're really not allowed to make me fall for you again. You absolutely aren't allowed to do that." Her voice seemed to echo throughout the flat, leaving Harry alone with his thoughts.