All the Things She Said

Somehow, Lillian had found herself at Harry's front door. She didn't quite remember how she got there or even why she wanted to be there; she just was. She didn't knock or call Harry; she just stood. Lillian stood and stared. No thoughts passed through her mind because all she could do was stare blankly. She was still trying to process what had happened last night and that passed morning. Lillian's brain was so far behind it hadn't quite caught up with the current events.

Her slow blinks were perfectly in sync with her hasty breaths. It was almost as if she was severely brain dead or paralyzed by her own state of mind. Lillian wanted to shout or knock on the door, but it wasn't being processed correctly by her brain. "Sorry that action has been restricted," seemed to play over and over again every time she tried to move. She had suddenly began to feel trapped in her own body. Lillian became helpless and defenseless by her own self.

The moments she stood there felt like an eternity. Lillian felt as if every second passed like days and every minute passed like years. The long wait soon ended when he emerged from the apartment door. His lush, pink lips spoke soft words and his eyes gave warm stares.

"Lillian, my god! What are you doing out here," Harry asked out of shock. He grabbed her hand and pulled her into his flat. "I was just leaving, but-- are you alright?" He tried to get a good glimpse of her face from behind her hood, but she only turned away.

"Harry," Lillian asked quietly. Her voice broke in a way that Harry had never heard before. The way she was acting truly scared him.

"Are you alright, Lillian," Harry asked again. He could feel that something was very wrong. He hadn't seen her this way in such a long time. She was so calm that it was terrifying.

"Harry, I heard you the first time! Can you please let me ask my question first," she said with a harsh attitude. Harry had grown quiet now, wanting to hear her out. He nodded thoughtfully as he took her hand. He guided her toward the sofa in the living room, and sat down in front of her. He nodded again and waited for Lillian to start speaking.

"Harry, would you ever hit me," Lillian asked. She was careful to keep her head down, looking at her palms.

"What the hell are you talking about Lillian? Why would you even ask me a question like that?" Harry looked at Lillian in complete shock, not connecting with what she was trying to say.

"Harry, please just answer the question. Say we've been dating for a while and we are madly in love, would you ever hit me? Would you ever do that to someone who you really love? Could you be able to do that, look me in the eyes, and then tell me it was all my fault? Would you say it's all my fault and then carry on to have sex with me?" She laughed to herself at how sad that sounded. She couldn't think of how she let her life get so unbelievable. "Would you cheat on me after accusing me of doing so?" A stream of tears began to stain her flushed cheeks, but hadn't bothered to wipe them. The scene just kept playing in her head over and over again and it had finally caught up to her.

"No of course not," Harry said shaking his head. He slowly began to catch on, his heart breaking just that much more. "If I ever hit you, that would mean that I was never in love with you. If I blamed you for it, I wouldn't be a man. If I let you give your body to me afterward, I wouldn't be worthy. I'm just going to keep assuming we're speaking hypothetically and say that this guy of yours sounds like he doesn't care about you at all. I'm also going to say that he doesn't truly deserve you."

"Yeah, that's what I figured," she laughed again. "Too bad it isn't as hypothetical as you think. Matter of fact, it isn't very hypothetical at all. It's 100 percent real in every which way." Lillian lifted her head and put her hood down, revealing her large bruise. Harry quickly hitched in a sharp breath at the sight of it. "It's pretty cute right? My god, how will I be able to do my next shoot." She spoke in a nonchalant tone that made Harry sick. He hated the way she could pretend things weren't as serious as they were.

"How could you be so calm about something like this?" Harry could feel himself getting angrier by the second. The look of her bruise was so sickening on it's own that it made it worse that she acted like she didn't even care.

"Am I fool? Am I absolutely nutty because I still have the thought that he loves me the way I need him to? Is it wild that I still want his approval and to love him?" Lillian asked him, ignoring his question. Harry quickly moved so that he was sitting beside her. He pulled her close and rubbed her back, unsure what to say next. "That's what makes all this so hard. They always make it seem like they love you especially when they know that's all you've wanted for so long."

"Lillian, you might love him and he might say he loves you, but it's not real. True love doesn't work like that, babe. Love shouldn't leave you feeling like this. Sure, love can be painful, but not like this." Harry felt almost at a loss for words. He didn't know what else to say. How could he possibly begin to fix a girl that has been completely destroyed?

"But, is that crazy? Should I feel this horrible about it? Should I feel like it was I that had been in the wrong?"

"No. No. You should never feel that way because you have nothing to feel sorry for. Don't you ever feel remorse for something like that. You did absolutely nothing wrong." He had turned her so she was now looking at him.

"I know, but it's hard not to when it's all you've heard for so long. First it comes from my own brother, and now it has come out of my own boyfriend's mouth. It's just really hard to believe people that should love you could turn on you like this, you know? It's truly heartbreaking when you don't even feel safe in your own home anymore, but there isn't anything you can do about it." The daunting truth had finally caught up to her. Somehow, she had been blinded for the past few years of her life, but now everything was quite clear. The reason she clung so hard was because all she wanted was to feel loved the way that she deserved. She was just looking in the wrong places.

"Why not just leave?" Harry hadn't really pondered the idea until he said it out loud. He was actually surprised that he hadn't thought of it sooner. He knew that where Lillian was she wasn't safe, but he never really had a thought on how to change that.

"Are you insane? Where exactly would I go? My brother would have a mental break down. Lucas is practically out of the house. He would lose his mind if I just left." Lillian shook her head at him. "I could never do that."

"Well, then what is your plan? Continue to be antagonized by him, by Alex? Listen Lilly," Harry took a breath, forcing Lillian to look at him, "You aren't okay. Whether Landon likes it or not, you can't stay here with this constant fear." Lillian looked at him with doubt in her eyes. She would have never dared to do something so radical. It was uncharted territory to her and that scared her the most. "Please, Lillian just say yes. I promise I won't let anything happen to you. The boys and I are going on tour in a few weeks and I can't leave without you, not again."

Lillian stayed quiet for a while, thinking it over. She thought about all of the horribly wrong things that could happen, but somehow she could still find the good in the courageous thought. She hadn't had any better options. However, why in the world would she even consider staying with the boy that shattered her heart? Then again, why would she want to stay with her boyfriend or her brother that shattered her life?

"Fine," she said, letting out a breath. A smile played on her lips as she said it again, "Fine. Yes, I will stay with you. I will go." The words sounded foreign to her, but they felt right. She hadn't known what she had gotten herself into, but she hoped that it was worth it.

"Great," Harry said. "That's absolutely great."