All the Things She Said

"Lillian?" Landon stood in the door way of Lillian's room, a small look of remorse in his eyes. He sighed dramatically as he tried to piece together what he wanted to say. "I'm sorry," were the only two words that he could put together, but he wanted to say so much more. "I'm actually glad you're getting the hell out of here for a while. I didn't know how bad it was. I was pretty preoccupied helping Luke move out and spending time with Emily. You know that if I did know I would have--. Well, Alex wouldn't have been able to walk away from the fight I would have picked with him that's for sure."

"You're not allowed to do that." Lillian stopped packing her bags to look at Landon. She hated when he apologized to her like this. It never meant much. "You aren't allowed to pick and chose when you want to be my big brother. You need to either be a supportive brother or an abusive asshole, and you already made that choice years ago." She turned her back from him so she could finish packing. She knew nothing good come out of telling him off like that, but she really had nothing left to lose. "I'm glad I'm getting the hell out of here too. I'm tired of all of your bullshit."

Lillian put the last of her bags onto her shoulders and hesitated as she made her way towards her bedroom door. Landon watched his sister walk past him with a heavy heart, but he knew that it was his fault. All of his abusive tendencies were to prevent this from happening, but they drove Lillian to it. He was so worried that he would never be as close to her or be able to protect her like Lakota did. But, in that moment he realized that he had to let her go because that was the only way he could really protect her. She couldn't be around him and he knew that.

"You know what the worst part is," Lillian's tone was a lot softer than it was a moment before. The fact that she said anything at all is what startled Landon though, but he stayed quiet so she would finish. "I don't even hate you or Alex. I don't know if I can say this about Alex, but I actually love you despite the past couple of years." She smiled softly, but didn't wait for Landon to say anything. She quickly made her way out of the front door and out to Harry's car, leaving Landon with the worst taste in his mouth.

"I didn't hear any shouting, so I guess it's safe to assume that it went well?" Harry raised an eyebrow as he looked over to Lillian. Despite his calm aura, he had been so worried about this entire encounter. When he tried to convince Lillian that she would be okay, it was more for him than anything.

"It was... amicable, but still kind of sad." She paused because she couldn't quite put her finger on the feeling her departure left between Landon and her. It was very much unexpected. "I think he finally got it though. I could feel his sudden realization as I was leaving. It was so eerie." Harry took a moment to look at her and an involuntary smile appeared on his face. He couldn't express how joyous he was in that moment because Lillian was finally safe; the way it should have been all those years ago when they first met.

~~~

"Why don't you take a break, love? You're only going to have to pack all of your stuff back up in a few weeks anyways." Harry sat on the bed in the middle of the large guestroom Lillian would be staying in. He had been watching her unpack all afternoon and was dying to spend time with her.

"It's harder to find things when they're in suit cases," Lillian argued from the closet. She laughed as she popped her head out of the walkway to see Harry pouting.

"Well, you are in for a rude awakening once the tour starts up." He stood to walk over to her. He placed his hands on her hips and pulled her closer to him, his lips just barely grazing her neck as he nuzzled his face into her shoulder. "We have to get out of this bloody apartment." The vibrations of his voice tickled her skin causing her to push him away. "It will be fun, Lillybeth." Harry ignored her gesture and stepped closer to her once again. Lillian shied away from him and sat on the bed to think it over, already knowing what her answer would be.

"What exactly do you suppose we do," Lillian questioned him as she looked up at him. Her eyes sparkled just as his eyes met hers and she felt it. That scared her a bit. She couldn't love him, not just yet, not again. It scared her the most because she really wanted to, but her mind told her other wise. She watched as Harry walked over to the dresser to grab his keys from where he left them this morning. Harry threw them in Lillian's direction, catching her off gaurd. "What the hell is wrong with you," Lillian said with shock in her voice.

"You decide where we go." Harry smiled cheekily. Lillian stood, but shook her head as she attempted to give Harry his keys back. "What's wrong?"

"You didn't think that I knew how to drive," she asked with a laugh. "When in the world would I have had time to do that? Who in their right mind who let me learn?" She laughed a bit harder at the idea even though the actual idea made her heart drop. She hadn't wanted to be behind the wheel since Lakota died in a car accident. It made her nervous.

"Perfect," Harry's smile grew wider. "C'mon then. You've got a lot to learn." Harry grabbed her hand and pulled her along to the parking garage.

"Harry, you're insane! Besides, I'd really rather stay in."

~~~

"No Harry, wait." Lillian clutched onto Harry's arm as he attempted to move from behind her. For the past hour and a half she had been sitting on his lap in the drivers seat while he tried to teach her how to drive, but Harry had suggested that she try to drive on her own. "I'm not ready." She was terrified to say the least. Not only did she have no desire to be behind the wheel in the first place, she really never wanted to do it without Harry right behind her.

"You'll be fine, Lilly. I'll be right here," he patted the passengers seat. "I promise you'll be perfectly fine," he spoke in a calming lull in attempts to persuade Lillian. But, it wasn't working. Her eyes had already began to involuntarily fill with tears along with quiet hiccups of panic. "Lillian?" He rubbed her back and craned his neck so that he could see her face. Salty tears rolled from her eyes down to her chin as she tried to regain her composure.

"Harry, I just really don't want to." She felt pathetic for having a breakdown over something so small. A car ride shouldn't be something that sent her off the edge, but the longer she sat in the drivers seat the louder her thoughts got. She could only think of her brother Lakota. She kept thinking about what it was he felt before he took his last breath or what it was he saw. It was too surreal for her with all of the current events going on in her life.

"S'alright. It's fine. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you." Harry reached past Lillian and turned the key to shut off the car. He reached to rub her back again, but she had already moved out of his lap. Within seconds she was situated in the passengers seat. Her face was flushed and her eyes were puffed. Harry paused to look at her, but couldn't find the words to say what he wanted. He let a beat pass and then started the car, pulling out of the empty parking lot.

They sat in silence for most of the ride until they hit a bit of traffic and Harry felt as if Lillian had calmed down. "Want to stop somewhere?" Harry turned his head to glance at Lillian. Her gaze had been lost in what was outside her window, but she wasn't thinking about where she was. She was stuck in a mental trap. Her body was there and she was listening, but she wasn't mentally there.

"What?" Lillian didn't break her gaze with the road passing by her as she spoke.

"Do you want to stop anywhere before we go home," Harry asked again, waiting for her response.

"Yeah. Sure. Whatever," she said passively. "I just don't want to be out too late, Harry."

"I know the perfect place then. I promise it won''t be long." Harry maneuvered swiftly through traffic in order to turn in the other direction. He scaled the streets quickly until they were in a more remote part of town. Soon, a little hole in the wall shop came into view. Harry parked the car, but stopped before getting out. "Lillian?"

"Yeah?" Lillian turned her head to look at him this time. Harry looked back at her and took notice of the way her eyes seemed to be glossed over. She had this look to her that he had never really seen in person before. All those years when he was limited to looking at her through editorial print and runway show recaps it had been there, but never before when he really knew her. She looked absolutely angelic, but there was something about her that still looked so sad and vacant.

"I really really glad that you're here with me." Harry shook his head right after the words came out of his mouth, causing Lillian to laugh.

"I'm glad I'm here too." A smile curled at the corners of her mouth as she reached for his hand. The unexpected touch shocked harry, but he didn't voice it. "I just need a little time to recuperate and get used to everything, Harry."

"I know, babe. I know." Harry nodded and continued to unlock the doors. "Alright, lets get our sweets and get home then."

"Alright, H." Lillian found herself sheepishly laughing at the lanky boy as she did when they were younger and nothing had made her heart fill with pain and her stomach fill with butterflies as quickly as the look on Harry's face did in that very moment.