All the Things She Said

Lillan had awaken from her deep trance and was dumped back into the reality of the world. She was against opening her eyes, afraid she would wake up in her own home. She was unable to come to terms with the fact that her reality is simply a nightmare she will never wake up from.

She could feel the heat leaving her body as a cold chill ran up her spine. The open window had allowed the cool, crisp air to fill her bedroom. She wrapped her freezing body tighter in her comforter and sat up in her bed. A long, uneasy breath escaped her pouted lips, with her eyes still closed. She played with the hairs that had fallen from her ponytail and subtly framed her face. Today was going to be hell, and she knew it.

Today was the day her brother, Landon, got back from filming in London. Lillian had been dreading the day ever since he left. Her once caring brother, had become a true terror. In the public eye he was the newest heart throb actor with a charming personality, but in reality he was anything but. Around all of his fans and friends he was his old self, but toward Lillian he was disgusting.

Landon had started to resent his own sister. After Lakota's death he tried to bring the family together, but Lillian wasn't ready. Then with their parents divorce and the passing of their mother, Lillian only pushed farther away. Landon had never truly understood his sister, and that's really all he had wanted. However, when Lillian distanced herself, Landon couldn't comprehend that she simply needed time. Instead of giving it to her, he gave her the cold shoulder. He turned to mental and physical abuse instead of actual communication.

Lillian felt the weight of her bed shift underneath her, but she wasn't alarmed. She already knew it was her brother, Lucas, coming to pull her from her bed. She just hoped that today would be the day he would finally let her stay home from school.

"Staying in bed all day won't make the rest of the world go away." Lucas sat comfotably next to his sister, hoping to get a few words out of her. He nudged her shoulder, atempting to get her to cheer up.

"Come on Lillian. Could you please make some kind of sound so I know you're okay," Lucas tried again.

But that's the thing, she wasn't okay. Lillian opened her eyes and looked at her older brother with blank eyes. She wanted to say something, but her lips stayed sealed. She wanted to tell him about how she really felt, but couldn't. It was almost as if her brain couldn't make the connection to her mouth.

It was like she was always having a fight with herself, Lilly VS Lillian Madison. Lilly is the girl she used to be, the one who was closest to normal; people liked her. Lilly was always quiet, but could talk, had amazing friends and family, and the best brothers in the world. She isn't damaged. Lillian Madison is this person she feels she doesn't know too well. She's the freak who doesn't talk, has no friends, and isn't liked very much, not even by her own brother. She is almost like an orphan that no one wants.

Either way, Lilly and Lillian Madison were always fighting over dominace in her head, but Lillian Madison usually won; Lilly hates confutation. Lillian Madison is who she was slowly becoming. Lilly was slipping away, and she was becoming harder to reach. Then again, her birth certificate does, in fact, say Lillian Madison McFeirce.

"Lillian, I promise getting up and facing the world won't be as bad as you think it will be." Lucas knew that wasn't the reason she didn't want to leave her bed, but he felt keeping it general helped. Nevertheless, he could tell that he wasn't being specific enough.

"Are you at least doing better than before?" Lucas gently lifted his sister's arm and pulled her sleeve downward. Flipping her wrist over, he checked for any fresh marks. Lillian quickly pulled away, suddenly feeling ashamed.

"Lillian, I'm just trying to help you. I don't want you to do anything foolish. Personally, I thought you were finished with all of this." Lucas had paused once again, waiting for Lillian to reply. Not a word dared to pass through her lips, and silence had filled the room. Lucas bit his lip and shook his head, unsure of how to help.

"Well, Emily and Alex should be around soon to take you to school. I suggest that you get ready." Lucas stood from her bed, kissing the top of her head. "Try not to worry about it too much, mate. God doesn't give you anything you can't handle," he said walking towards the door. He gave Lillian one last look before walking out and leaving her to get dressed.

After a few more moments of stalling, Lillian reluctantly stood from her bed and walked into her closet. She stood in the middle of all of the clothes she owned and looked them all over, as if she had a choice in what she could wear. Eventually, she pulled out her boring school uniform and her boring school shoes from one of her racks. She quickly began to dress without giving it a second thought, but was interrupted by a foreign noise coming from outside.

Lillian rushed to open her balcony doors and stepped outside. The sounds were coming from the neighbor's house. A large tree stood in between both houses, but if two people stood just right, they could see the other. This had been the case that early morning.

A tall, lanky boy stood out on his own balcony, sipping a cup of tea, singing with his eyes closed. His brown curls bounced as he moved his head along with the notes he sang. Lillian soon realized that she had heard that sound many times before. In fact, that very voice had, unknowingly, sang her to sleep on her worse nights. However, she had never heard that song. This was also the first time she was able to put a voice with a face.

Lillian had seen the boy's face several times before, but had never noticed he was her own neighbor. They shared a few classes at school and probably passed each other a few times on the street, but they had never spoken a word to each other.

Lillian had only moved in a little under seven months ago. It was her mother's decision to move them back to their homeland. Her mother had inherited the house years ago, but never thought they would need it. Lakota had passed and her parents split, so they really had no need to stay in America. After her mother's passing, it only felt right to stay in the lavish, Cheshire home.

"Good morning. Lovely day isn't it," the boy asked. His eyes were no longer closed and his soft tones had seized. He had noticed the way Lillian was looking at him and decided to try to make conversation. He had noticed her at school before as well, but never knew what to say to the, almost mute, girl. He had only heard her speak a few times, but it was never much.

Lillian froze, afraid he might think she had been staring for a lot longer than she had. She could only nod her head in agreement.

"You go to Holmes Chapel Comprehensive School as well," the boy asked, gesturing toward Lillian's uniform. "I knew you had seemed familiar. I'm sorry I can't invite you over for a proper introduction, but I'm Harry. It's nice to formally meet you."

"Lilly." Her accent came as a shock to the boy, though he had heard her speak before, because of how unique it was. It had held the twang of a true American, but the class of a posh, English bird. Her soft voice had broken the sound barrier between the two teenagers. The awkward sense of a connection caused them to both shiver in the autumn atmosphere.

"Strange to think that we've been neighbors all of this time, and we barely took notice." Harry had finished his cuppa and had set it down on the ledge of his balcony. He moved closer and leaned against the railing.

"Yeah. It's crazy," Lillian said, avoiding eyecontact. Ninteen words, she thought to herself as she began a mental countdown of how many words she had left before the end of the conversation. Lillian had started the habit, of only speaking 23 words per conversation, soon after Lakota died. No one was quiet sure why the habit had occured, but that was as many words she could get out before shutting down.

The two stood out in the brisk England weather, exchanging nothing but awkward glances, trying to figure out the correct way to continue their chat. However, neither one spoke. They simply watched one another from the opposite terrace, occasionally looking up at the ominous, grey sky. Eventually, loud honking came from main street that both of their houses resigned on, and broke their idle stares.

"That's my ride." Lillian spoke in a way that made her seem egar to leave the boy's warm gaze. She rushed over to the doors that lead to her bedroom.

"Right. I better get going myself. I'm sorry to have kept you so long, but I'll see you at school right? Next time, we ought to have a proper chat yeah?" Harry leaned farther out from the railing, so he could keep eye contact with Lillian.

"Yes. That sounds lovely, but I really must go." Lillian gave him a small wave before walking inside to grab her things.

"Bye." Harry's vioce had travled through the glass doors and into Lillian's bedroom. She wanted to say something back, but she couldn't manage to get the words out. She wouldn't have been able to be heard from such a far distance in any manner.

"Emily and Alex are waiting outside for you, Lillian. Please hurry, or you will be late." Lucas' loud voice shook the walls and encoraged Lillian to moved a bit faster.

Lillian quickly grabbed her school things, headed down the steps, and into the kitchen. She made her way toward the pantry to grab breakfast, but not before she took in Lucas' appearance. It was something she did every day, afraid she may never see him again. After the tragic events of the last year and a half, Lillian learned that living another day was not a guarentee.

Lucas sat at the granite island, fully focused on something other than the world around him. He held a cuppa in one hand while the other was occupied by a school book. He was stydying for his first university exam. His face was hard and concentrated, seemingly oblivious to Lillian's presense. He wore a grey, wool jumper, dark wash jeans, and a pair of trainers.

Once Lillian had taken note of all of her observations, she quickly picked something out of the cupboard and began to head towards the door. She was stopped before she could make it outside by Lucas' hand coming in contact with her shoulder. He wore a facial expression that was once happy, but now showed sadness.

"Don't forget to take the bus with Alex to Lymm, so we can all meet up for dinner with Landon. I know he isn't your favorite person, but he's been gone for a while. He expects everyone to be there, and you are his sister after all." A half smile appeared on Lucas' lips, unsure of how he felt about it. "He still loves you." He spoke in a way that sounded like he didn't believe in the words he said. He still gave Lillian a quick hug and kissed her forehead.

"Goodbye, Lucas." Lillian escaped his grasp and headed out the front door. The fresh air had caught her by surprise, feeling less muggy than the air upstairs.

"Lillian, hurry," Emily shouted from her car. "You guys can't be late."

Lillian quickly pulled her head from the clouds and rushed towards Emily's car. She slid into the backseat and shut the door behind her. Their bright faces had given her a soothing sense, calming her down a bit. While sitting behind the brother-sister duo, Lillian came to the quick conclusion that they were truly the only friends she had left. She had never thought of it in such a way before. Though growing up with them on and off during her frequent visits in England, she had always thought of them more as her own brother and sister.

Emily was a beaut. She had long brown hair with natural highlights, full lips, tanned skin, and a keen fashion sense. She is Landon's best friend, and they've been that way for longer than anyone can remember. Their moms had met at a nursery school meeting and soon became good friends. That was how the Emily and Landon saga began. First it was subtle, yet forced, play dates, but it soon blossomed into a long term friendship. Since the age of four they have been inseparable, and no matter how much they don't want to admit it, they are in love.

Alexander, or Alex, had a different quality. He wasn't quite finished with puberty so his complection held a few spots and was uneven. He was tall and skinny, but had a certain charm about him. He wasn't what most would qualify as a babe, but you could tell that in the near future, he would be. Alex and Lillian had also become good friends, but they have began to drift. It had nothing to do with a lack of interest or other friends getting in the way. It was simply because of the distance Lillian had put between herself and the rest of the world. However, the two still maintain a strong bond. The two are practically twins, being born two hours apart and within the same hospital, and it would be impossible to break a friendship as unique as theirs.

"Good morning! Alright, love," Alex asked from the passenger's seat. Alex had noticed the look on Lillian's face, and was slightly worried. He had taken it upon himself to look after her, and made it a goal to keep her spirits up.

"I'm well." A fake smile followed her gracious speech and temporarily fooled her friends. A simple two words had been turned into a large lie. Two flimsy syllables masked the true pain that filled her soul.

"Well, you must be excited that Landon is coming back, yeah? I imagine that you've been counting down the days for his return." Emily spoke from the driver's seat as they pulled out of the long driveway. She had seen Landon nearly everyday, due to the fact that she is a highly ranked stylist, but she still lit up every time she said Landon's name.

"Emily, London isn't really all too far from here. She could have taken the tube or caught a ride with you if she really wanted to see him that badly," Alex responded in a snide tone.

Alex, himself, was not a big fan of Landon, unlike his sister. Soon after the tragic events that have filled Lillian's family, he began to notice Landon's change in character. Not only that, he had noticed the occasional bruise that would appear on Lillian's body. Lillian hadn't directly told Alex that it was Landon who had left the bruises, but they disappeared once Landon did.

"That's also very true, but it's her brother. She must have missed her brother." Emily shook her head at Alex's nonsense rebuttal. The two continued to argue like this, leaving Lillian to her own thoughts.

As they turned the corner of Lillian's street, Lillian noticed a familiar figure walking alongside the road. It was no other than the boy she had met this morning from her own balcony, Harry. She thought it strange to see the boy walking alone to school, especially so close to the start of first hour. She hadn't realized until now that she had imagined him to travel so differently. She imagined the boy behind the wheel of a pricey car with leather interior and other posh add-ons. She wanted to offer the boy a ride, afraid he would be terribly late, but figured he must know what he was doing. She quickly brushed the thought from her head and placed her worry elsewhere.

[c] ~~~ [/c]

It was last hour, and Lillian had taken her usual spot at the back of the class. The other kids around her swarmed and flocked to their friends, excluding her. The past six hours of her life had been complete hell. She let out a small sigh, wishing things were different. She hadn't spoken to a soul all day, so she a little too much time to think, as always. Not only was her horrid brother coming back into town, but she was quickly loosing her will to live.

Her professor, Mrs. Reed, then began to take attendance. Lillian waited until she heard her named called and raised her hand. She had soon drowned out the rest of the world and slipped back into her own world.

"Harry," Mrs. Reed had called into the classroom, but there was no answer. Lillian had never taken interest in the boy's name before, but she couldn't help but to turn her attention toward the front of the class. He had always sat in the middle seat that was three rows back, but his chair was empty. Lillian quickly scanned the room for the boy, but he was nowhere to be found.

"Harry Styles," Mrs. Reed repeated. She waited a few minutes, but she eventually moved on down the list. Lillian had grown strangely concerned about Harry, afraid he hadn't made it to school that day. Though they had only met hours ago, she felt responsible if he were to go missing.

"My talented pupils, today we are going to let our emotions speak for themselves." Mrs. Reed stood from her desk and had placed herself in front of it. She began to pace to the length of the room, smiling brightly. "Please take out your journals and write a few poems. I don't care what kind they are, but I want you to really connect with yourself. Also, for a challenge, I want them to all to be different emotions."

While the rest of the class groaned, not wanting to end their juicy conversations, Lillian smiled shamelessly to herself. Writing was always her favorite class, and it seemed to be one of the last things that was keeping her going. The task was less of a challenge, but a chance to get away.

"Mr. Styles you are late," Mrs. Reed said from the front of the room. Lillian quickly snapped her head up and gave her undivided attention towards the commotion.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I had to run home because my mum called for my help." Harry looked down at his feet. "I'm truly sorry." He looked back up at Mrs. Reed with apologetic eyes and a half smile.

"Well, that's alright. Don't let it happen again, alright? Please get an excuse note next time, Harry." Mrs. Reed's eyes had filled with sympathy, but her stature still held a strict characteristic.

"Yes, Mrs. Reed," Harry said, turning to sit down. Harry had caught Lillian gawking at him and let out a little laugh. Harry smiled at her, surprised, but managed to keep it kind. Lillian, feeling embarrassed, looked away from him and back down at her work. Harry's smile fell in disappointment as he took his seat.

"Oh and Harry, ask one of your classmates what today's work is alright?" Mrs. Reed sat back down at her desk and turned her attention elsewhere.

"Yes, Mrs. Reed," Harry repeated. He bit his lip and glanced back at Lillian. He was hoping she would be looking at him, but her head was facing down. She was focused on her poems, trying to not draw attention toward herself.

Harry couldn't draw his gaze from her. They hadn't known each other long at all, and they barely exchanged words. However, Harry found Lillian interesting and wanted to know more about her. Like a bat out of hell, he rose from his seat and took the lonely spot next to Lillian.

"Hey," Harry whispered, breaking Lillian's concentration. "What are we supposed to be doing?" Lillian looked at him strangely before answering him, unsure of his motives.

"Write three poems about three different emotions," her whisper almost inaudible. Her mental countdown had started again. She only could spare sixteen more words before the conversation would end.

"Thank you," Harry said, giving her a nod. Lillian smiled at him in return. She began to focus once again, hoping that would end the discussion.

"So," Harry drug the word out longer than nessasry, "would you like to come over later so we could become properly aquainted?" Harry timidly looked up at Lillian who was barely giving him the time of day. Harry nudged her, hoping to aquire eyecontact, but Lillian simply shook her head "no".

"Are you sure? I mean, what harm could from of it? I promise you don't have any fun I won't bother you about it again." Harry smiled at his attempt, but it went unseen. Lillian ignored his begging offer, not wanting to become atatched to something that would soon not exist to her. She already was going to be letting so many people down.

She continued to ignore Harry until she had finished her work. She roughly ripped a few pages from her journal and stood. However, she hesitated. It wasn't the fact that she didn't want to, but she had a prior engagment. She turned back to Harry to give him a proper response.

"I can't. I'm busy, but next time." She nodded and a timid smile played upon her lips, but she had lied. She never expected there to be a next time, at least not for her. With that, she turned on her heels and proceeded towards the professor's desk, leaving Harry to himself. He watched her with plain intrest, waiting for her return, but she didn't. Instead, she sat in his usual seat, giving him an, almost, flirtacious smile.